|YUKI SOHMA : Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
Author: starry night blue PM
[ONESHOT] You have bought the YUKI SOHMA unit, and still have no idea how to handle your Juunishi rat. So, we provide you with an owner's guide! An idea inspired by Theresa Green.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Yuki S. - Words: 3,479 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12-09-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3280437
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
D/C: I don't own Fruits Basket, and I certainly don't own the idea of this story; it belongs to the wonderful authoress Theresa Green, and is written with her full permission!
Hello! Thank you all for the reviews you've sent me on the Kyo Sohma version of this story; they were really so nice!! Well, anyway, enough of my babbling, I'll just leave you to read the story, okay? Enjoy!!
YUKI SOHMA: The User Guide and Instruction Manual
Congratulations!! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated YUKI SOHMA unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your Zodiac Mouse, please pay close attention to the following instructions.
Name: Yuki Sohma (a.k.a. Prince Charming, Yun-chan, Kuso Nezumi)
Date of Manufacture: The year 1985.
Place of Manufacture: Japan.
Weight: Relatively light.
Your YUKI SOHMA unit will come with the following accessories:
One pair dark green pants.
One pair white coat.
One pair black coat.
Three white shirts.
One school uniform.
One school bag.
One pair blue pants.
One pair garden gloves.
One blue shirt.
One pair white pants.
One pink dress.
One set of gym clothes.
One green shirt.
When you first open the box containing your YUKI SOHMA unit, he may appear cold and suspicious, and rather ill-nourished, considering that all his meals have consisted of burnt meals and fast food up till now. However, a good meal will be more than enough to make your YUKI SOHMA unit healthy again. As for his attitude, don't throw yourself all over him and he'll be sure to respect you and treat you nicely.
Your YUKI SOHMA unit is a very social character who will blend into any group, although he doesn't really feel like he can make true friends that easily. However, he will gladly perform any job as you provide to him. The YUKI SOHMA unit functions as a:
Gardener: Your YUKI SOHMA is an excellent gardener, and possesses a garden of himself. He mostly specializes in leeks and strawberries, but will also grow any vegetable or fruit of your own choice. You don't have to worry about the field getting damaged on rainy either, because your YUKI SOHMA unit will be sure to protect the plants from getting damaged.
Tutor: Having trouble keeping up with your studies? The YUKI SOHMA unit will be more than happy to help you study, provided that a certain SHIGURE SOHMA unit isn't hanging around and annoying him. We guarantee that you will get excellent grades having the YUKI SOHMA unit as your tutor...unless, of course, you're hopelessly stupid.
Social Events Organizer: Are you holding a party and you just have no idea how to plan it? Well, your YUKI SOHMA unit is an excellent event organizer, and will easily whip up the most important event of the season for you. And while you're at it, why don't you open an office for your unit and have him work as a Party planner or something? Indulge and rake in your fortune!
Prom Date: If you don't have a date for your high school prom, you can easily go ahead and ask your YUKI SOHMA unit to be your date, and we all know that there is no better date than this unit, right? Although, we have to warn you that you may have to spend your entire evening warding off loser girls like yourself away from your date...unless, of course, he happens to see a certain TOHRU HONDA unit, and then he'll be sure to dump you himself.
Grocery Carrier: Going grocery shopping and need someone to carry your bags? Your YUKI SOHMA unit will be willing to accompany you in order to carry all your purchases. Just make sure that he doesn't bump into any unsuspecting females because that would mean that you'll have to carry him along with your groceries.
Escort: If you're working late at night and need someone to escort you back home and protect you from all the perverts lurking around, then the YUKI SOHMA unit is your man. He will wait for you dutifully each day to pick you up from work. A real gentleman, isn't he?
Cross Dresser: If for some perverted reason you want a cross-dresser, your YUKI SOHMA unit will (unwillingly) act the part. Just get him to wear the pink dress that comes along with the accessories, and get the party started.
Your YUKI SOHMA unit comes with six different modes:
Happy (Level three lock)
Please note that the Friendly setting and Happy setting are entirely different, however similar they may appear to you. While in the Friendly setting the YUKI SOHMA unit may smile at you and laugh with you, he could be really just telling you to leave him the hell alone. The Happy setting is rather difficult to activate, since the YUKI SOHMA unit is rather sullen. You will definitely know that your YUKI SOHMA unit is happy when you see him smiling in a really REALLY cute manner, and that could only be achieved while the TOHRU HONDA unit is around.
The Depressed setting is activated after encounters with the AKITO SOHMA unit, and that will usually leave your YUKI SOHMA unit frightened as well. To get your YUKI SOHMA unit out of his state of misery, get a TOHRU HONDA unit to shove away the AKITO SOHMA unit and take your YUKI SOHMA unit to a game of badminton. That will also enable you to witness the benefits of the Happy setting; a very rare sight.
Ever feel that your YUKI SOHMA unit is hiding something from you or talking in riddles? Yes? Well, that's the Mysterious setting for you. It really doesn't have any consequences; just leave your YUKI SOHMA units alone for a while and he'll eventually return to his default setting. Nothing to worry about.
The Angry unit is usually triggered whenever a KYO SOHMA unit is around, and usually result in a hand-to-hand combat between the two. You needn't worry about your unit, though, because after the brawl is over, he won't have a single scratch on him. However, we would recommend you get a HATORI SOHMA unit to patch the KYO SOHMA unit up.
Caution: The Angry setting will usually lead to some property damage. Call the construction workers before-hand.
Relations with other Units:
TOHRU HONDA: The TOHRU HONDA unit is probably the person your YUKI SOHMA unit likes the most. She helps him with the gardening, with his problems, with the cleaning and also takes care of him while he's sick. Your YUKI SOHMA unit will do almost anything for the TOHRU HONDA unit, so if there's any job you want to get done, just tell him that it's for TOHRU HONDA and he'll take care of it in a instance. You must know that THE PRINCE YUKI FANCLUB units will try to exterminate her, so keep her away from them if your don't want to activate the Depressed setting in your YUKI SOHMA unit.
KYO SOHMA: Your YUKI SOHMA unit absolutely hates the KYO SOHMA unit, and vice versa. Those two never get along unless the TOHRU HONDA unit is involved. But when they meet, those two are sure to fight. Be careful to keep your KYO SOHMA unit away from YUKI SOHMA while he is in cat form and the latter in mouse form, just in case the later decides to scratch him to death. And don't worry about the KYO SOHMA units attacking your YUKI SOHMA units while he's asleep, because he happens to be much stronger then.
SHIGURE SOHMA: The guy whom your YUKI SOHMA unit lives with. Your YUKI SOHMA unit relies on the SHIGURE SOHMA unit, however unreliable he may seem, to keep him away from the AKITO SOHMA unit and that's why he stays in his house. Of course, that doesn't prevent your YUKI SOHMA unit from hitting the SHIGURE SOHMA unit whenever he makes a perverted remark about the TOHRU HONDA unit.
AYAME SOHMA: The YUKI SOHMA unit's older brother. Please note that your YUKI SOHMA unit hates the AYAME SOHMA unit, and tends to pummel him whenever the latter slithers up inside the TOHRU HONDA unit's clothes. The AYAME SOHMA unit is a great friend of the SHIGURE SOHMA unit, and happens to be more perverted that he is. He also runs a cosplay club...which is really nothing to be proud of. The AYAME SOHMA unit turns into a snake when he is hugged by a member of the opposite sex, or when he gets too cold.
AKITO SOHMA: The head of the SOHMA FAMILY collection. The AKITO SOHMA unit is an object of terror to the YUKI SOHMA unit and will tend to torment him and torture him mentally every time he sees him, which activates the Depressed setting in your YUKI SOHMA unit. Since your YUKI SOHMA unit can't do anything against the will of the AKITO SOHMA unit, you'd best try to avoid him at all times.
HATSUHARU SOHMA: The HATSUHARU SOHMA unit happens to be a good friend of the YUKI SOHMA unit, and he also happens to love the YUKI SOHMA unit as well; but it's a one-sided love, so you needn't worry about the YUKI SOHMA unit being gay. The HATSUHARU SOHMA unit will do almost anything to help out your YUKI SOHMA unit, even perhaps, say turn into the Zodiac ox and provide a free ride for you and your YUKI SOHMA unit. Please note that the HATSUHARU SOHMA unit used to loathe the YUKI SOHMA unit when they were kids, but it's over now so you don't have to worry about it.
Other Units Interactions:
HATORI SOHMA: He is the doctor of the SOHMA FAMILY collection. Expect a monthly call from the HATORI SOHMA unit because he will want to perform a check up on the health of your YUKI SOHMA unit. Please note that there's a kind of sore spot between those two units because the HATORI SOHMA unit erased the memories of the YUKI SOHMA unit's friends when he was a kid. The HATORI SOHMA unit is also a friend of the AYAME SOHMA unit and the SHIGURE SOHMA unit, but he isn't anything close to perverted.
ARISA UOTANI and SAKI HANAJIMA: The YUKI SOHMA unit doesn't interact much with those two units, but he once did prove an entertainer to them when they visited the house of the SHIGURE SOHMA unit, which was, needless to say, a total disaster.
SOHMA: She is the Zodiac tiger who doesn't talk much. Your YUKI
SOHMA helps her to get out of her silence by telling her about the
time when he couldn't talk, which is, of course, the time when the
AKITO SOHMA unit used to torment him. PRINCE YUKI FANCLUB:
PRINCE YUKI FANCLUB:The PRINCE YUKI FANCLUB consists of the third-year representative MOTOKO MINAGAWA, second-year representative MINAMI KINOSHITA, first-year representative MIO YAMAGISHI along with more than half of the female student body at the Kaibara High School. Their club mission statement is, "Let us all extol, love and protect the Prince who has graced our school with his presence". But, of course, what they really mean is, "Don't steal him, bitch!!". The PRINCE YUKI FANCLUB will try to exterminate the TOHRU HONDA unit because they think she is trying to steal your YUKI SOHMA unit.
MAKOTO TAKEI: The Student Body President. The MAKOTO TAKEI unit will usually try and talk your YUKI SOHMA unit into becoming his successor. Please note that your unit dislikes him, and it'd be better if you just avoided him at all times.
Your YUKI SOHMA unit is fully capable of cleaning himself and is aware of how to use the marvels of the modern day plumbing. However, if he refuses to take a bath you're required not to push him because he'll be having a cold which will trigger an attack in his bronchial tubes. Just give him a cold medicine and send him to bed. And if he tells you he has to run a marathon the next day, just give him a straight "NO".
The YUKI SOHMA unit is also aware of how to dry himself. However, there should be any programming failure, you're required to rub the YUKI SOHMA unit dry with a towel. Do not dry-clean unit. Do not machine-dry unit. Do not hang on clothes' line to dry. (It will be filled with laundry done by the TOHRU HONDA unit, anyway!)
The YUKI SOHMA unit is not able to produce meals for himself, and if he tries he'll just make burnt food. You are asked to provide him with three healthy meals everyday to keep him healthy. Of course, the YUKI SOHMA unit will really love it if you prepare meals for him using the things he grows in the garden. Bon appetite!
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: Um...I'm a 40-year-old female, and I was just wondering...well, would it be legal if me and my YUKI SOHMA unit...erm...got together?
A: ...of course it's not legal, considering that the YUKI SOHMA unit is 15 years old and thereby still a minor, for God's sake! We would also request that you send us back the YUKI SOHMA unit to prevent him from experiencing any traumas and suggest that you get a unit who is much closer unit to your age. How about a unit from the MABUDACHI TRIO collection? The AYAME SOHMA unit is our best-selling unit so far!
Q: I sent my YUKI SOHMA unit to the Main House for his monthly check-up with the HATORI SOHMA unit since he was busy and couldn't come over himself. But now, a week has passed and my YUKI SOHMA unit still hasn't returned! What's going on?
A: That's an easy answer. Your YUKI SOHMA has simply been locked up by the AKITO SOHMA unit in a dark room in the Main House...so, in other words, he's not coming back. If you would like a replacement, just fill out an order and we'll ship you a new unit right away!
Q: When I opened the box containing the YUKI SOHMA unit I ordered, all I found was this tall guy with long silver hair, freaky yellow eyes and wears a silver hoop in his ears. He also has an ego the size of the universe and keeps groping my sisters! What the hell?
A: Well, you've obviously received the AYAME SOHMA unit instead of the YUKI SOHMA unit. They're brothers, see? If you wish to receive your YUKI SOHMA unit, please send the AYAME SOHMA unit back to us and we'll ship you the YUKI SOHMA unit - free of charge! However, if you still wish to keep the AYAME SOHMA unit, we would suggest that you start putting security measures for you sisters.
Q: There's this white-haired boy who just keeps hanging around my YUKI SOHMA unit...erm, is my YUKI SOHMA unit gay or something?
A: No, your YUKI SOHMA unit is not gay, and neither is HATSUHARU SOHMA (the white-haired boy). Honestly, don't you people read the manual properly? "One-sided love"! That's what it says!! Sheesh!!
Q: I got my YUKI SOHMA unit to prepare a huge bash for me, but it sucked; no one showed up! Didn't you promise a perfect event? I demand a refund!!
A: All the events planned by the YUKI SOHMA unit have received full grades; all our customers are extremely satisfied. Please don't blame your YUKI SOHMA unit for your poor social life; it'll only activate the Depressed setting in him.
Q: Um...is it okay if I got my YUKI SOHMA unit to kiss me? I mean, I'm 15, too...so, it wouldn't count as sexual harassment...would it?
A: No, it wouldn't. If your YUKI SOHMA unit is willing to kiss you, then why not? I say go for it!! I mean, you can't get a more hot kisser than that, could you?
Problem: Your house, for some reason, has become infested with rats.
Solution: That's perfectly normal, considering your YUKI SOHMA unit is a rat himself. Your house has become infested because all the rats are being attracted to your units. A few mousetraps set up around the house should do the trick. If the problem persists, you may want to order the KYO SOHMA unit; he's a cat and will definitely keep the mice off your property. Of course, then, you will have to get the TOHRU HONDA unit as well to keep those two from fighting.
Problem: Your YUKI SOHMA unit is constantly being accused of being a girl, which is activating the Angry setting in your unit.
Solution: Have you been cross-dressing your YUKI SOHMA unit very often lately? If so, then we suggest you stop. If that doesn't help, we can do nothing for you; no one told you to order the most handsome one in the set.
Problem: Your YUKI SOHMA unit has been found in the Angry setting most of the time these days.
Solution: Obviously, your YUKI SOHMA unit is feeling jealous of the KYO SOHMA unit's ability to interact easily with others. To resolve this problem, we would suggest that you get a TOHRU HONDA unit to talk to your YUKI SOHMA unit, and we assure you that he'll be back to his older self in no time!
Problem: Valentine's Day has arrived, and you're counting on your YUKI SOHMA unit to bring you back lots of chocolate from school, but he doesn't.
Solution: You could just follow the explanation of the SAKI HANAJIMA unit on the matter, when she says that the YUKI SOHMA fan throws out the chocolate that was there before hers, so that her chocolate would stand out; just like what happens with the cuckoo chick! However, if you're really pathetic and really want chocolate, you can retrieve all the thrown-out chocolate by checking the school's garbage bins.
Problem: Your YUKI SOHMA unit is completely obsessed with the TOHRU HONDA unit and won't do any of the things you ask him to.
Solution: When you ask your YUKI SOHMA unit to do something for you, tell him that it's actually for the TOHRU HONDA unit, and he'll do it in no time. But if you're cruel, just press the Reset button on your YUKI SOHMA and make sure that he never sets eyes on a TOHRU HONDA unit again; that ought to cure the obsession.
Problem: Your YUKI SOHMA unit has been depressed for a while now.
Solution: Easy. Your YUKI SOHMA has been obviously exposed to the AKITO SOHMA unit...again (Don't we keep telling you to try and avoid him?). To cheer your YUKI SOHMA up, get your TOHRU HONDA unit to talk to him. But if she's completely sick of sorting out his problems, you could go ahead and seek mental therapy.
With proper care and maintenance, your YUKI SOHMA unit will lead a full and happy life while living under your roof. His warranty is for many years yet to come, unless he gets a really bad attack and dies, at which point you should contact your local Shinto shrine to discuss burial procedures. If you cant stand, for any reason, having certain Prince living in your household, just tell him that the AKITO SOHMA unit is coming to stay with you and he'll be out of there in a flash. Although I really don't understand why you would want to get rid of him in the first place, as the YUKI SOHMA unit is one of our most charming units.
A/N: Soooo? Don't keep me in suspense; tell me, how was it? Did you like it? Was it funny? Huh? Huh? Was it? I'm being such a pain, ain't I? Well, anyway, if you did like it, then could you please review? I'm thinking about making one about Tohru next time, what do you think? Thanks for reading!!
- S. N. B.