Xian Lien
By Hikaru

Ship(s): Zutara-ish

Summary: Zuko's dependency on the necklace.

Foreword: This will hopefully be my only Avatar fanfiction. Spoilers up to and including "Bato of the Water Tribe."

When I saw the necklace I instantly knew who it belonged to. Dozens of times I had seen it hanging from your neck, the shell reflecting the sunlight. Secretly, I hid the necklace in my robe, hoping that my uncle didn't see it, as he would also know who it belonged to. The necklace was a clue that we were on the right track. The fact that the damage of the prison looked fresh was encouraging. I grasped the necklace tightly in my hand.

I knew exactly what the necklace meant. The customs of your tribe are something I had to learn about from a very young age-- to help get the edge over your people in battle. I remember seeing you that first time, and me wondering why a girl so young was already betrothed. But considering your beauty, maybe it was not so out of the question. But when you left with the Avatar to seek out the Northern Water Tribe, I realized that you belonged to no one, because no man in his right mind would have let you out of his sights. For a fleeting moment, it occurred to me that the Avatar might be the one you were betrothed to, but he is far less mature than you, so I knew that could not be true.

I put the necklace away when we returned to the ship. At first I had just placed it in my nigh table drawer, finding it a suitable hiding place for it. But as the night wore on, I couldn't sleep. Something was bothering me in the back of my mind. I took it out of the drawer and placed it where I could see it. Only then did I fall asleep, watching the carvings glow in the warm firelight.

The next morning when we set off on the Avatar's trail, my mind kept returning to the necklace that I had returned to the nightstand drawer. When I came back that night, I ignored Uncle's invitation for song night, as I always had, and quickly made way to my quarters. I had to hold the necklace in my hands. To shift the silk fabric through my fingers. Only then would I know it was safe.

I realized it was becoming slowly an obsession. At first, I tried to fight it. I kept the necklace in the drawer for the next two days and tried to distract myself with other tasks. But it proved worthless. Before I knew it, I was carrying the necklace with me everywhere I went in my pouch. Cunningly, I had hidden it inside my rice rations. But I quickly had to find a new home for it when Uncle one night decided to make rice porridge from my bag. He never said anything about seeing the necklace, but he advised me to not hide things in my rations because someone might eat it by accident. So instead I kept the necklace tucked in my robe, near my heart to prevent further discovery.

You must realize how much it hurt me to keep it there, don't you? After all, I am a Prince of the Fire Nation. To have some peasant's trinket so close to my body, and of the Water Tribe, no less. I was dreading that someone would discover it. What if I were to be struck down during a battle? The jig would be up. Even now, I still don't have a logical explanation why I kept it close to me. The necklace comforted me in ways I can't describe. When my fingers touched the soft fabric a calm would wash over me. When I held it close to my face the smell of juniper berries filled my nostrils, and I could feel the stress of the day fade. I suppose it could be compared to Uncle's attachment to his tea. But it still frightened me.

Then there was the incident with the pirates. When I caught you, my first instinct was to hurt you. It was your fault for loosing this necklace in the first place, and now it was taking over my thoughts. But I found that I couldn't. My honor wouldn't allow it. The look of disgust in your eyes made taunting you so much easier. How dare you look at me like that. But as I leaned in close to you, showing you the necklace, the scent of juniper berries once again took over my senses, and now I knew it wasn't the necklace. It was you. I faltered, if only for a moment. But even as I offered a deal to trade, my heart began to ache, as I didn't want to separate myself from the necklace. I even waved it in the air to taunt you, but then safely put it back against my heart.

Of course you got away. You and the Avatar always did. The one relief I had was that the necklace was still in my possession. But I continued the chase with worries beginning to appear in my thinking.

Why was this mere clue overtaking my thoughts?

But it was more than that.

When I held the necklace in my hands, I began to think of you. And not in the way I wanted to--the way I was expected to. No, the image was something completely different, and very frightening in itself. The necklace is a lot like you, you know. The carvings are like the current of your emotions, but it's the beauty and strength of the silk that keep the carvings in place. The blue reminded me of your remarkable eyes.

I took to wrapping the necklace around my wrist, hiding it under my arm guards. That way, had I been injured, there would be less of a chance of the necklace being discovered. At least, that's what I told myself. But as I unconsciously began to take it out and rub the carving against my palm, I knew I was lying to myself. This was now more than an obsession.

It was a dependency.

Deliberately, I let the Avatar escape from me more than once, hoping it would guide my attention to what truly was the task on hand, and perhaps break this dependency. But it made it worse. Because every time I let him escape, somehow I saw a glance of you- looking back at me. I could just see the same look of disgust on your face, which made things worse. Because every time I saw you- I fell for you just a little bit more. But the only thing I could turn to was the necklace, rubbing over the shell over and over again with my thumb.

During the Blue Spirit debacle, I silently thanked the spirits that I had moved the necklace; because I was sure the Avatar would have seen it and taken it away from me.

Dependency indeed.

Even handing the necklace over to June to have her beast sniff you out uneased me. What if the monster harmed it in some way? Added yet another chip to the shell carving. I had run my fingers against it enough times to know if there was any change. And there would be the flames of hell to pay. As we traveled, June again teased me about the owner of the necklace being my girlfriend, which I denied indignantly. But she caught me holding the necklace in my palm, rubbing my thumb over it. Even I didn't realize I was doing it. She smirked at me, which only made me glare at her. You were not my girlfriend, or never will be my girlfriend. But the necklace was special to me, probably just as special to you, but for other reasons. When we found you, my heart once again began to pang at the sight of you. You looked so frightened of me, of what I was.

I couldn't blame you.

After the major battle, we lost the Avatar again. As the paralysis from June's beast wore off, I began to realize that the weight around my wrist was gone. When I could move again, I frantically searched the monastery for it, threatening the priestesses with a fiery death when they tried to come near me. I looked for an hour before my uncle drug me away. Just five more minutes, I told him. I knew I could find it. But he shook his head and told me to let it go.

When I saw the necklace again, it was hanging from your neck. The sight of it made my heart pang. After so many sleepless nights, after returning to the monastery twice more as the Blue Spirit, trying desperately to locate it, it returned to you. Clearly, I cared about it even more so than you, because I continued to look for it. You left it at the prison and never went back for it.

I needed it more than you did.

If I could never have you, then at least I wanted to keep a part of you. I at least deserved that.

Fin

Notes:
Errr. I don't know WHAT this is. I've always loved the concept of Katara's necklace, and Zuko having it. Long before I entered "the fandom" I could foresee something was going on between them, as there was no real reason for Zuko to keep the necklace... unless he had other intentions . This, I suppose, also tries to relieve the pain I experienced at the end of the season 2 finale. Oh, so much rage.

Xian Lien is "necklace" in Chinese.

Disclaimer:
This fiction was written for entertainment purposes only. Characters of Avatar: TLA belong to Michael Dante DiMartino, Bryan Konietzko and Nick. Standard disclaimers apply.