Chapter 8: Of Plants and Potions

Possibly enlightened by their lead in the Quidditch standings, the Gryffindor 5th years' spirits took a definite up turn on Monday. Harry had been looking forward to Charms especially, for they were due to start the Patronus Charm.
Harry's thoughts of the Patronus were interrupted in Defence Against the Dark Arts- Snape was teaching. He could see that Ron was having trouble holding back the urge to hit himself in the head repeatedly with The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self Protection.

"You all know why I am here," Snape said curtly to start the lesson.

The class looked around at each other uneasily.

"I believe you were covering the Unforgivable Curses?" Snape continued. His tone suggested a question, but the look of pure venom he gave the class told Harry quite plainly to stop Hermione from correcting him. Harry and Ron both grabbed Hermione's arm as it shot up and wrenched it back down.

"Don't provoke him, he almost looks happy," Harry murmured out of the corner of his mouth. Hermione looked awfully put out.

Snape, quite surprised that no one tried to defy him, smiled almost genuinely.

"I see all that remains is to witness the curses," he said. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes that Harry thought looked similar to the picture in his photo album. He, Ron and Hermione glanced over at Neville, who'd had drastic side effects the last time he'd seen the Curses demonstrated. Hermione's arm was twitching from the reflex to shoot up and inform Snape.

"Sit on your hands if you have to," advised Ron in a whisper.

Snape took out a jam jar full of beetles. Hermione's arm finally stopped twitching and a smirk flickered across her face.

"Wouldn't it be perfect if one of them is Skeeter?" she mumbled. Harry bit his lip to keep from smiling.
Now, someone, tell me the Curses," said Snape suddenly.

Hermione couldn't resist and shot her hand into the air so quickly that Harry and Ron got mild whiplash. Snape smiled bitterly and ignored Hermione's quivering hand.

"Well, perhaps a demonstration to refresh your memories," he said. He pulled out a large fat beetle and put it on the desk. He pulled his wand out and pointed it at the class for a split second before he brought it down on the beetle and said, "Crucio!"

The beetle's legs curled up and it rolled around the desk. Harry closed his eyes and tried to block the memories flooding back that he'd spent the summer trying to forget. He could hear the taunts of the Death Eaters… feel the white hot knives piercing his flesh… hear the high… cold… evil laugh…

A kick in the shins from Ron brought him back to the present. Snape jerked his wand up and the bug stopped twitching. Snape glanced at Neville quickly with something that looked remarkably like (it couldn't be!) pity.

Snape's face was hard to read; he looked like a person who had just performed a thrilling stunt and –while feeling the satisfaction of a perfect execution- realized the dangerous of forbidden natures of the feat.

"Let's move on," he said in a stunned voice. He tipped the unconscious beetle back into the jar and took out a fresh one. Snape hesitated a moment- probably deciding what to make the spider do- before saying, "Imperio!"

The beetle flew up and flopped on the teacher's desk and then on the desks in the front row. It did some strange gymnastics before…

Harry lost track of what the beetle was doing. He didn't have a voice echoing in his head, but he was getting a headache and more memories flooding back. He jerked himself back to the classroom only to see Snape looking quite insane. His eyes were getting big and a crazy smile was visible on his face. Harry tried to slide his chair back silently, but made just a loud enough noise on the floor to distract Snape, who jerked his wand up.

"Is there a problem, Potter?" he said softly and icily.

"No, sir!" said Harry in a voice quite unlike his own. Snape looked suspiciously at him for a moment while he shoved the beetle onto the floor (he'd been aiming for the jam jar). He grabbed the jar with the remaining beetles and took out one, which seemed to not want to stay put (Snape still hadn't noticed the beetle on the floor). The class collectively held breath as Snape breathed deep… and then-

"Avada Kedarva."

A flash of green and the beetle was dead. The entire glass backed their chairs out to the point of leaning on the desk behind. Snape didn't seem bothered by that, though. He was staring at his wand with a stranger look than ever. He looked almost like he'd enjoyed what he'd just done…

"That qualifies as the creepiest lesson we've ever had," said Ron as they left for Charms. "He didn't torment Neville, didn't insult Lupin's teaching, didn't insult our work-"

"Didn't give us any work," added Harry.

"You know, I could get used to this," said Hermione, taking both Harry and Ron by surprise.

"Come on, I want to get to Charms," said Harry as he pushed through the crowd.

"Why are you suddenly so interested in Charms?" Hermione called over some first years that had emerged from History of Magic.

"Patronus!" Harry called back. He heard an indistinct groan somewhere behind him.

Fifteen minutes later in Charms, Professor Flitwick had finished explaining what they were to do and was clearing the desks away with a sweep of his want. None of the students seemed to have the force of mind that Professor Lupin had discussed with Harry years before. Only Hermione had Managed even and indistinct cloud for a Patronus. A few were rather upset; Harry spent most of the class trying not to smile.

"All right, Potter, let's see what you can do," said an exhausted Professor Flitwick near the end of class.

Harry fought back the snort of laughter that was fighting hard to escape him. He paused a moment to select a happy memory, settling on winning the Quidditch memory, setting on winning the Quidditch Cup from 3rd year. The crowd's cheering was already echoing in his head.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" he shouted. The class gasped and Professor Flitwick toppled out of sight off the pile of books as a silvery stag erupted from Harry's wand. It ran a few circles around Harry before dissolving into the air.

"Excellent, Potter!" said Professor Flitwick from somewhere behind his desk just before the bell. He asked Harry to wait after.

"That was some Patronus, Potter. I've never seen anyone produce such a distinct Patronus their first try- I know many fully trained wizards that can't produce a Patronus like that!" he said.

"Well, it wasn't my first one," said Harry guiltily.

"Oh, practising in the common room?" Professor Flitwick asked happily.

"Erm, no. You see, Professor Lupin taught me in 3rd year- just in case the Dementors showed up at another Quidditch match," Harry explained.

"Oh," said Professor Flitwick flatly. "Well, run along, Potter, you don't want to be late."

Far from the push over Charms had been, Divination was an entirely different scenario. After hearing about his soon coming death for two consecutive years, Harry was looking forward to Divination Class about as much as one looks forward to a sleep over in the Forbidden Forest. They were due to start something new that day and Harry, Ron, Dean and Seamus speculated as to what it might be.

"I'm just glad we're done with Bibliomancy," said Harry. "I was getting tired of her telling me how opening a book to a flock of sheep was an omen of death, too."

"Maybe we get to observe animals," Ron said hopefully. "That could get us outside at least."

"Nah, she'd never let us out of that room," said Seamus. "It's probably something stupid like, I dunno… mutilated aracnimancy."

"What?"

"Smash a spider with a hammer and see which legs break off."

Ron gave an involuntary shiver while the other three laughed. They started up the silver stepladder.

"I've been looking through Unfogging the Future," started Harry, "and I think we'll be fine as long as it's not-"

Harry stopped on the ladder as soon as he saw the classroom.

"It is," he groaned."

"What?"

"Ceromancy."

"What?"

"You'll see."

Harry, out of boredom, had indeed looked up the many ways in which Professor Trelawny could predict his death. Ceromancy was a particularly nasty form of Divination that involved not wax and cold water. Harry and Ron took their usual seats in the large armchairs nearest the back of the room, farthest from the perfumed fire and nearest the window. Slightly to their disappointment, Neville took the third chair at their table.

"Good day, my dears," said the mystical voice of Professor Trelawny from behind Parvati and Lavender.

"Oh, just kill me now," Harry groaned under his breath. Ron strained his face to keep from sniggering. Professor Trelawny apparently didn't notice, although Parvati and Lavender shot Harry and Ron dirty looks.

"Today, we shall start Ceromancy," said Professor Trelawny. "The procedure is rather complicated, but perhaps some of you" –she smiled warmly at Parvati and Lavender- "shall See before the end of this class. In a few minutes, I shall distribute the hot wax and cold water. Pour the wax slowly from the brass bowl into the cold water. You shall interpret the shapes it forms. You must be careful, though; if the wax is poured too quickly it may…"

Harry didn't catch much more; he and Ron had blocked out Trelawny's mystical drone and started playing the dot game in Harry's book. Ron flipped to the Ceromancy section when Professor Trelawny brought the wax. She looked sorrowfully at Harry once more.

"My dear!" she gasped suddenly, tossing the wax up in the air. Harry lunged across the table and just barely deflecting the bowl of boiling wax. It landed between some tables on the other side of the room.

"I'm sorry, my dears," said Professor Trelawny, now sitting cross-legged on the floor apparently meditating. "The danger I foresaw was just so horribly dreadful… I'm sorry, Potter; I can't let you participate in today's Divination."

Harry raised an eyebrow. He was pretty glad that he didn't have to mess with boiling wax, but rather flustered that his teacher thought he wasn't capable.

"What exactly did you see, Professor?" gasped Parvati and Lavender, almost in unison.

Harry -now back in his seat- put his head in his hand and mumbled to Ron, "You'd almost think they planned this."
Ron rolled his eyes in response as Professor Trelawny started her over dramatization like in a police movie.

"I stepped toward the table to routinely distribute the wax, and was struck by a most disturbing vision- boiling wax, airborne, and flying at a small figure- at Potter!" she said, pointing at Harry.

Ron sniggered slightly at the term "small figure" referring to Harry, who groaned.

"But that is not al, my dears," she continued. "The wax hardened in the air, and it was the shape of a Grim!"

"Professor," said Harry, trying to keep frustration out of his voice, "I think you saw yourself throwing the wax and my catching it just now."

"All the same, dear, please step over to my desk, Potter."

Professor Trelawny got up with the assistance of Parvati and Lavender. She breathed deeply with her eyes closed as Parvati picked up the wax bowl on the other side of the room. She was about to hand it to Trelawny when Lavender slipped on the spilled wax, tripping Parvati; Parvati tossed the bowl of wax, which spilled on Ron's book inches away from Neville, who was about the same height as Harry.

"I think we shall leave it here for today," said Professor Trelawny.

Potions class the next day was just as eventful. Hermione, for the first and probably last time in her life was five minutes late.

"Sorry, prefect meeting in the Great Hall ran late," she said when she came in and gave Snape a piece of paper explaining her position. She went to her seat by Ron and Harry and they explained to the best of their ability the recipe for the day's potion. Hermione seemed extremely distracted.

"Is there something bothering you today?" Ron asked.

"Just the stupidity of some of the prefects. Dumbledore spent five whole minutes explaining that You-Know-Who was against us too; he actually had to explain that it's not just us holding a grudge. Some of them thought that You-Know-Who was a victim who hadn't been loved enough as a child. I almost hit them." She sighed in an annoyed yet amused way.

Malfoy sauntered in just then. He had no written excuse about the Prefect meeting, but Snape let it go, infuriating the whole of the Gryffindors. Malfoy shot an evil look at Harry, Ron and Hermione that they gladly returned, sort of.

"Oh shoot!" said Harry, as he realized that when Malfoy distracted them, he, Harry, had poured all the unmeasured contents of a beaker he'd been holding into his potion. "Hermione, how much of that did I just pour in and how much did we need?"

"You only need 2 drops of that green stuff, and you just poured at least 5."

"Screwed up again, I see," Malfoy leaned over the cauldron. "Maybe that Disturbed and Dangerous article wasn't that far from the- …AAAAAARRRGGHHH! PROFESSOR!"

The potion had exploded in Malfoy's face. His eyes sprouted stalks and there were antlers growing from behind his ears. The Slytherins were rushing to his assistance, thought the only two in the room that would know the antidote were Snape and possibly Hermione. The Gryffindors were running over to get a good laugh. Snape took one look at Malfoy's face and turned beet-red in anger.

"POTTER! WEASLEY! GRANGER! DETENTION AND 50 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" he shouted.

"Professor, he distracted me and put his face over it, why is that my fault?" Harry dared to ask.

"10 MORE POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR, AND BE SILENT OR I'LL MAKE IT 100!" Snape rushed Malfoy from the room, most likely to the hospital wing.

The Slytherins went back to their cauldrons, every one of them glaring at Harry as they passed. The Gryffindors also returned to their cauldrons but each one congratulating Harry in some way.

"Good one, Harry! Never saw it coming!" Dean said between laughs.

"He had it coming, sooner or later. I'm just glad I got to see it," Seamus said in amusement.

"What'd you do? Fred and George will be wanting it," Ron said with a grin.

Harry, unfortunately, didn't see things so optimistically. He'd just gotten 60 points from Gryffindor, was one step closer to failing Potions, and had another strike against him with Snape.

"Harry, snap out of it! You just turned Malfoy into an alien deer!" Hermione said, shaking him out of his trance.

"Any one else want to try some of it? Taste like Bertie Bott's!"