Oh for crying out loud I did not mean for it to be five months between updates I am so sorry I am a horrible person blame the media here's the chapter don't kill me. If it makes up for it, though, I'm adding a new character who was sort of requested but not really… Anyways, you'll enjoy it, I'm sure. Hopefully it'll make up for the short chapter, too…

OMG WHO IS THIS NEW CHARACTER OMG

They arrived back in Indy's hometown three days later. All the schools were on some break, so once again, Ed found himself with nothing to do but sit around and watch Indy do stuff. He wasn't a huge fan of this, mostly because he would occasionally see some lady come walking up the steps, which was often followed by Indy giving him some cash and kicking him out of the house. He'd hang out with Jeff on occasion, but it was tiresome to walk all the way up to his house, and Ed never had time to call up for a ride beforehand, even though Jim had made it clear that he was welcome to anytime. And so, he usually ended up wandering around town.

He also went to the museum a bunch. There were a lot of interesting things there, and it was good to learn more about this world in which he was stuck, and that one guy that ran the place was pretty interesting, but it was still not what he wanted to be doing. At the very least, his hair was back to normal.

Life was boring until almost two weeks after arriving, when the two of them went out for drinks at a local diner. Ed was poking at his milkshake, partially because he was worried about his brother, and partially because he was curious as to whether Indy would make a remark about his dislike for milk.

"It doesn't taste like milk, you know," Indy said after a while.

Ed retaliated by stealing Indy's hat.

"I'm getting sick of this," he said after a while.

"Sick of what?"

Ed shot a dark glare in Indy's direction before taking a sip of strawberry goodness. "Why is it that I've gotten stuck in this world twice now?"

"I wouldn't know," Indy replied. "Maybe you should go find Charlotte again."

"She's too crazy," Ed muttered. "I'm just wondering whether this has happened to anyone else from my world. Or at least, to anyone who isn't related to me." As he said this, Ed turned a bit on his stool and looked out at the street.

"It could be, but– hey, what are you doing?"

Ed had slid off his stool and walked over to the window, but he returned and shook his head. "Nothing. I thought I saw someone I know, but I doubt it was hi–"

"Fullmetal?"

The surprise of hearing Mustang's voice made Ed fall off his stool, and he stared up in shock as he saw Roy standing just behind him. Indy seemed surprised, too, but he was staring at Ed instead of Mustang.

"What are you doing here?" Ed asked finally, shaking off his initial shock as he pulled himself off the ground.

"Probably the same thing you're doing," Roy replied, glancing at Indy as he spoke. "But this probably isn't the best time to talk about it."

Ed blinked. He had almost forgotten that they were in a public space, seeing as the diner was practically empty. "Right."

"Come on, we might as well go back to my place now," Indy said, paying for their drinks and leading the way outside. Ed followed, and Roy walked behind him, but Ed didn't think the older alchemist was nearly as concerned about the situation as he should have been. As they turned and walked down the street, Indy stopped and turned to Roy.

"You're from the same place he is, right? I'm Indiana Jones."

"Oh, I heard about you from a friend of mine," Roy said, shaking the archaeologist's hand. "You teach at the college, right?"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Wait a minute," Ed interrupted. "Why are you acting like you live here?"

"Oh, right," Roy said, looking back at Ed. "This is actually a pretty common occurrence among alchemists. I've been here at least ten times, and never shorter than a week or two. There are some people in town who've made it their hobby to look out for alchemists and help them in exchange for learning about alchemy. I guess you didn't find them, though."

"Wait, so… can we get back?"

"Yeah, it's easy if you know how," Roy answered.

It was at that moment that Ed decided. He hadn't thought he would ever do this, but the current circumstances practically demanded it. He fell on his knees and thanked his commanding officer.

"You have no idea how much I want to get away from this place," he said as a solitary dramatic tear slid down his cheek. "This guy's insane!"

"Hey! I could have just ditched you in the desert," Indy snapped as Ed got back to his feet.

"Well, that would have been better than having people beat the crap out of me every week!" Ed retorted.

"Why, you ungrateful little–"

"I'm not little!"

"I hate to break it to you, but you are, Fullmetal," Roy interjected.

Ed scowled at him. "And you couldn't have warned me about this place? Do you know how miserable it's been here?"

"I didn't think you'd come here on your own," Roy confessed. "It's fairly common for an alchemist to be with someone else when they arrive here, and that other person has been here before."

"Well, I was just with Al," Ed said. "We got home once, but then I think he stayed home when I got dragged here with this idiot."

Roy looked up at Indy with sympathy. "I'm sorry you've had to deal with him for so long. He tends to be quite a handful."

Ed scowled. Any gratitude he'd felt at Roy appearing and talking about getting back had quickly vanished, and now he just thought about how much he couldn't stand either man.

Thankfully, Ed didn't have to endure too many insults before they turned and headed down the road. He walked a few feet behind as the adults talked, occasionally looking back at Ed as they did so. Each time it happened, Ed glared and shoved his hands further into his pockets. It was then that he realized something very important.

"My watch!"

Both men turned and looked at him. Ed felt rather embarrassed as he explained. "I have no idea where it is."

Roy frowned. "When was the last time you had it?"

"I dunno. Germany, maybe?"

"No, I could have sworn I saw it when we were in India," Indy disagreed. "What exactly have you been doing with it lately?"

"I hid it so that people wouldn't find it as easily," Ed explained. "And I didn't really think about it because of everything that was going on."

Roy groaned. "You're supposed to keep track of it, Fullmetal. Who do you think will believe you without it?"

"Are you calling me short?" Ed snapped.

"Yes, I'm calling you a little kid who couldn't possibly be an accomplished alchemist at his young age," Roy retorted. "In case you didn't realize it, there are plenty of people who would think that about you."

"And I'm sure there are plenty of people who think you're a useless playboy!"

"At least I can stand up and be eye level with them!"

"I'm sure your height will come in handy when they dump water on your gloves!"

"Hey, shouldn't you check to see if it's hidden somewhere in your stuff first?" Indy asked, though Ed had the feeling that he'd asked that several times before Ed had heard it. Ed paused and looked up at him.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"You'll probably have plenty of time to find it before we can go back," Roy said.

"What do you mean by that?" Ed asked.

"It's not like we can just go whenever we feel like it. There are only certain times when it can be done," Roy explained. "And it doesn't look like that time will come for another few weeks."

Ed didn't think his hopes could possibly be crushed this badly, but they were. Both he and Indy stared blankly at Roy for a moment, though if Ed hadn't been so utterly horrified at the idea of being stuck here for so long, he would have called Indy out on his obvious 'I'm stuck with this kid for HOW long?' attitude.

"Sorry, Fullmetal, but that's just how it goes. If it's any consolation to you, though, it seems that less time passes back home, so a few weeks will only be a few days at most."

"So wait, if we go home and come back again like a month or two later, a year will have passed here?" Ed asked.

"No. For some reason, time only seems to slow down in Amestris when we're in this world."

"That makes no sense at all!"

"No, but neither do half the things that have happened lately. Sometimes you just have to ignore these kinds of details, Fullmetal."

Ed groaned. A certain college student was going to pay dearly for this…

'MTHECOLLEGESTUDENTLOL

The evening was eerily silent. There was nobody walking, driving, or skipping merrily outside, and none of the animals were making their usual noises. There was no apparent reason for this, but nobody within the Jones household noticed, because there was something much more important going on.

"It's not here," Ed muttered for about the fifth time. Of course, he wasn't too dumbfounded by that fact, but it seemed as if Roy was having a harder time accepting that fact.

"You just love to make my life difficult, don't you?" Roy groaned as he finally gave up and sat on Ed's bed.

Ed rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because I lost it just to make you suffer. In fact, the only reason I'm still around here is to get revenge for all those times you blackmailed me into doing your dirty work."

"When we get back, I'm going to have you court-martialed," Roy growled.

"For what? Disobeying orders on a different planet?" Ed shot back.

"I have plenty I could use against you."

"Yeah? Like what?" Ed asked.

"The incident at the ford."

Ed snorted. "I could just counter that with the blackboard incident."

"The toothpaste incident."

"The quill incident."

"The dumbwaiter incident."

"The aquarium incident."

"Aqueduct incident."

"Tower incident."

"Radio incident."

"Magnet incident."

"Toaster."

"Goldfish."

"My bathroom."

"My suitcase."

"Black Hayate."

"Den."

"Havoc's cigarettes."

"Hawkeye's gun."

"My foot!"

"My butt!"

Of course, it was after Ed had screamed this while pointing at his rear end that Indy entered the room. And of course, he gave Ed his 'what the hell are you smoking' look.

"H-he set my butt on fire!" Ed spluttered, pointing at Roy.

"That was a complete accident!" Roy snapped.

Ed paused. "It was? Then what was with all the laughing I heard at the hospital?"

"What laughing?" Roy asked, looking concerned.

"Oh… Well, we didn't find it," Ed said, turning to Indy.

"Where do you think it is, then?" Indy asked.

Ed shrugged. "I could have lost it in Egypt."

"I hope not. I don't think going back there would be a good idea right now."

Ed sighed. "Well, I guess we'll just have to figure something out."

Just then the phone rang. Indy left the room to go answer it, and Ed collapsed on the bed.

"Oh well, I guess things could be worse," he said after a while, sitting up as he spoke.

Roy sighed and sat next to him. "I suppose you're right."

They sat there in silence for a while before Indy returned to the room, looking rather upset. "Guess who just called."

Ed and Roy exchanged glances, though Roy looked more confused than anything.

"Patterson?" Ed asked.

Indy nodded.

Ed groaned and fell back on the bed. "It's worse."

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Evidently Ed and Roy have had quite a few unpleasant experiences together. And is Ed going crazy if he's hearing laughter after his butt got scorched? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW.

Now I'm going to bed, and I'll try to update one or two other stories this week. Hopefully one of the ones that hasn't been updated in a year. I may have to take a couple off and rewrite them, because it seems that might be the only way I'll actually update them. Oh well, I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.