Gateways

Chapter Three

Beyond Repair

I had first met Winry Rockbell on a Central-bound train only a week after the otherworldly attack on Amestris. I had been heading there to attend the funerals of a few companions that had been killed during the assault and I had assumed she was here for the same. Central wasn’t attracting many visitors as of late, which explained why the train was practically vacant. It was for this reason that I sat across from her – sitting alone on an empty train was too unnerving for me – and somehow started up a conversation with her. We were, at first, having difficulties talking at all since we were strangers and she did seem depressed. After a few minutes, we ended up talking as if we were old acquaintances.

I found out that she was an automail mechanic out of Resembool looking to buy a shop in Central to further her career. She told me about her grandmother, Pinako, and how it was she that had taken her in when her parents had died. She told me about her dog, Den, who had been with her since he was a puppy and was making the trip with her. She told me any odd story that popped into her head, smiling at some of the memories though she often did so in a sad manner. In return I told her about my life. I told her about how I had grown up in Central and that my parents and my older brother had been in the military. I had told her how their careers had taken their lives and how I had come to work for the military. It was then that I proudly announced that I was a State Alchemist and, currently, the only female State Alchemist.

When I had told her that fact, there seemed to be an immediate change within her demeanor. She suddenly began asking questions about the ‘Fullmetal Alchemist’ and if I had heard anything about what he and his younger brother had done while in service to the military. It was an odd request, but I told her everything I knew – which was plenty considering how well known the Elric brothers were in the military. I told her how they had captured Barry the Chopper, how they exposed the corruption in the Eastern branch of the military up to the time when they uncovered the secret goings-on at lab five. I then told her any odd stories or rumors that I heard in between, including the time he had sparred against Brigadier General Mustang to renew his state certification.

After nearly an hour of this I knew I had to be repeating myself, though Winry didn’t seem to mind at all. Once I had told her all there was to tell I finally realized why she had asked me about the Elric brothers. I asked Winry if she had known them only moments before we pulled into Central station and she quickly got off, thanking me as she did. I paused a moment, briefly forgetting that this was my stop as well, before I leapt to my feet and attempted to catch up with her. Unfortunately, I paused a moment too long and the mobs of people boarding the train nearly carried me back inside. When I had finally pushed my way outside, she was nowhere to be found.

Only hours after attending my friend’s funeral, I was summoned to Central HQ. Apparently, a few of the armored soldiers that had assaulted Central managed to escape and had been spotted in the eastern region of Amestris. I, along with a group of similar ranking officers, had been ordered to round up the fugitives for questioning. As we expected, they did not come peacefully and put up more of a fight than we anticipated. On the first day of the four day battle that followed the initial strike, a bullet had grazed my arm. There were no medics with our group and I had nothing but a dirty, sweat soaked shirt to bind the wound with. After four days of an uncleansed wound and dirty bandages, the minor gash had become gangrenous. When I was finally able to seek proper medical attention, there was no option but amputation.

It was at this point in time that I started thinking about Winry – now that I needed an artificial arm – and I decided to visit her automail shop. It wasn’t hard to find. After only about a month she had already become the most sought after mechanic outside of Rush Valley and she had already needed to relocate to a larger building. When we met again inside her automail shop, she recognized me almost immediately. After the extremely painful process of attaching a port to what was left of my left arm and the slightly less painful process of inserting my new arm into the port, she immediately set to work on helping me get used to my new arm with pressure tests and special exercises. Throughout the entire process we talked more about our pasts and I found out that Winry had, in fact, been a childhood friend of the Elric brothers. It was rather amusing to hear about certain things they had done in their childhoods because it contrasted so sharply to the image that I had of them in my head.

The next time we had a chance to talk, I had asked Winry where the Elrics were now. According to the military records they had simply vanished without a trace and were presumed dead. I figured if anyone would know for certain, it would be her. I regretted the question almost as soon as I had asked it once I saw the look on her face. She didn’t answer, and I didn’t press the subject any further. Instead, I told her of the friends that I had recently lost as an informal way of telling her that I understood how she felt and that I would listen any time that she needed to talk. Somehow, we moved onto a happier topic though Winry didn’t look quite the same after that. In fact, she almost always seemed to look troubled, though I didn’t pay too much heed until the day that Sig showed up.

Sig was an extremely large man whose bulging muscles I had initially mistaken for fat. He seemed to know Winry fairly well though I didn’t remember her ever mentioning him. He had shown up at Winry’s shop with a crate full of alchemical texts and research documents that nearly floored Winry when Sig had dropped it into her arms. She had thanked him for bringing the books that apparently belonged to a ‘her’. After she promised to return them to the man as soon as possible, he shook his head heavily, stating that he had no use for them. She had then asked if he wanted to come in but he told her he had to get back to his shop in Dublith, though he made no move to leave.

Throughout the entire time he had stood at the door speaking to Winry – I was, I’m ashamed to admit, eavesdropping – he had looked worn out and sad, yet his gaze suddenly turned piercing and his tone became accusing. He asked her what it was that she had been planning. Her reply was to tell him how sick she was of waiting and doing nothing. Their next words were ones that I would never forget.

“I’ve lost a child and my wife, Winry, and there was nothing I could do to prevent it. Nothing can change that, not even alchemy.” Sig’s intimidating, angry demeanor faded back into his depressed, worn out one.

“That’s different, Sig. Ed and Al aren’t dead.” Winry then thanked the man again before shutting the door and carrying the books up to her room. I asked her a little while later who it was at the door – trying my best to pretend I hadn’t been listening in on them – which lead up to another story about Winry’s past. He had been the husband of Ed and Al’s alchemy teacher, Izumi. She told me that Izumi had died a few months ago and a long while before that, they had both lost a child before it was even born. When I asked about the books, she told me that they had belonged to Izumi and she thought they would be useful for learning alchemy.

As the weeks passed, I became more familiar with my automail arm and I was dropping fewer and fewer things. I realized it wouldn’t be long until I would be able to make it function properly and then I would be leaving Winry’s shop. It was saddening to me because Winry had become one of the best friends I had ever had, but I could think of no excuse outside of injuring myself to be able to stay. That is, until I caught her nearly nodding off to sleep while she was sitting at the front desk on a slow day, waiting for customers to come in. It had taken me quite a while to even notice that Winry ran the entire business by herself. She had so many patients and so many jobs that needed to be done, yet she insisted on doing it all alone. Winry refused to take on any apprentices and turned away anyone looking for work. I could tell, however, that all the work was starting to catch up with her.

I asked her one day why she wouldn’t accept apprenticeships or help. She told me that the name of the shop was ‘Rockbell Automail’ and that she didn’t want anyone outside of her family trying to continue her business when she was gone. I understood her thinking to an extent, though it raised another question: If she wanted her family to continue the business, then why did she seclude herself from everyone? It wasn’t as though there weren’t any prospective dates – there had been many rejected offers – out there for her. She didn’t answer the question, though I managed to figure it out for myself.

“Which one of them did you love?” I had asked, and she nearly dropped her wrench. “Was it Edward or Alphonse?” I clarified, though I doubt she hadn’t known who I meant.

A sudden smile crossed her face. “I loved them both like brothers, but I’ve been wondering…” she trailed off, finishing the sentence in her mind. After a few moments of silence, she added, “If I don’t wait…I don’t want to have any regrets. Besides, automail is my only passion in life. I never have room for anything else.”

I remembered her conversation with Sig and how she had told him that the Elrics weren’t dead, but it still made no sense to me. If they weren’t dead, then where were they? Why wasn’t Winry with them? Where did they go? I knew the only person I could possibly ask about this was Winry, but the last time I did she had clammed up and retreated into her shell. I couldn’t ask her that kind of question, not yet. Instead, I volunteered to help her learn alchemy which seemed to lift her spirits significantly. It was then that I also offered to help her run her shop and I immediately promised that the day she left was the day that I would close the shop for her. Getting her to agree was a lot easier than I imagined it would be. I, of course, had to quit the military.

Only a few days later, I learned why Winry had refused to hire anyone: She had no money to pay them. Apparently, she had used some of Edward’s funds to start up the shop and was bound determined to pay back into in until she had replaced every cen that she had borrowed. The rest of her money went into buying materials, food, and medicines. Since I still had an account with a generous amount of money on it, I paid for most of my own things and pitched in for the food. Winry and I now shared her room, and I was in awe the first time I had seen it.

At first glance, you would expect her to be a fairly tidy person, until you saw the disaster that was her room. Mechanical odds and ends were strewn about the floor and her workbench, and books were crammed haphazardly on a rickety metal shelf. On the night stand next to her bed was an old wrench with minor nicks and dents along with two metal figurines – one of a horse and a slightly sloppy metal pig – and a doll. Hanging on the wall was a large corkboard with pictures pasted all over it, all of the people in Winry’s stories. She had told me of these people so often that I could put a name to many of the faces – though I already knew others because they were in the military. Most of the pictures consisted of Winry, Edward, and Alphonse when they were children.

That first night in Winry’s room was the first true glimpse I received of the inner pain that she hid so well. I had been awoken several times in the night when she began talking and crying in her sleep, then I had awoken because of the absence of her muttering. Winry was no longer in her bed and I immediately set out to look for her. I made my way downstairs and saw that the light in her workroom was on and her dog Den was guarding the door. I found her standing over her workbench, making height adjustments to a right arm and left leg that had a design unique to the others I had seen her make. She didn’t even notice me as I stood in the doorway, watching her work and mumble incoherent words under her breath.

The longer that Winry worked on the automail, the louder her mutterings became and the more furiously she worked. She suddenly stopped and laid her tools down, sniffling and wiping away tears that I hadn’t even noticed had formed. For a moment, I was certain that she was going to collapse from either exhaustion or despair. Winry did neither. She packed the limbs away into a burgundy case and slid it under the bench. When she turned to leave and saw me standing there, I could tell she felt like she had been caught doing something that she shouldn’t have. I knew she would feel the need to explain, and I didn’t want to put that pressure on her, so I tried to take it off.

“So this is why you’re so tired all the time,” I teased her lightly. “Some people actually do this crazy thing called ‘sleep’ when it’s dark.” She smiled lightly and apologized for waking me up. We both went back to bed, but neither of us went to sleep. I wanted to ask whose automail would be important enough to work on in the middle of the night when she was already dead tired, but I knew better than to ask. As it turned out, I didn’t need to ask anyway.

“It’s Edward’s,” she said tiredly and I pushed myself up into a sitting position. “I always keep it ready…for when he comes back,” she added, punctuating it with a yawn and a small laugh. “When he came back the first time, his leg was broken and that arm…cheap…” another small laugh, though I could’ve mistaken it for a cry. I heard no more from Winry and I realized that she hadn’t been talking for my benefit; she had been mumbling the thoughts in her head due to her state of sleepiness. She slept peacefully for the rest of the night, while more and more questions began to pile up in my head.

The next few months went by without incident. Winry still talked in her sleep and I still caught her down in her workroom at least once every week working on that same arm and leg until she was almost in tears. Other than these occurrences, she seemed to be healing. Winry smiled more often and conversed with her customers more cheerfully, though she still absolutely refused any apprentices or date offers. At least she was until the phone call. She had answered it in her usual manner, her face brightening when she realized who was at the other end of the line. Her happiness didn’t last long.

Slowly, her smile lowered into a frown as the voice on the other line carried on, delivering some sort of upsetting news. “Thank you, Rose,” she muttered into the receiver before hanging up. She turned and headed into the back room, starting to drag out the burgundy case. As though she had suddenly given up on pulling it out, Winry let go of the case and dropped to the floor, tears beginning to cloud her eyes. I had stayed in the doorway, feeling that stepping in any further would be an intrusion. Den seemed to have felt the same way. I had asked Winry what had happened and the calm bubble that she had hidden herself away in burst.

“She’s dead!” She had cried out, tears spilling from her eyes. “My…my grandma…she’s dead!” I felt a pang of guilt as I realized that the last of Winry’s family was suddenly gone. “Why does everyone have to leave me? Why do I always have to wait?” She sobbed into her hands, shaking violently with each cry. “Now…I can’t even do that anymore.” She took a deep shaky breath, letting all of her pain, her anger, and her grief out in one ear-splitting scream. “IT’S NOT FAIR! Why couldn’t you let me wait!? I couldn’t…I can’t do anything…they’re never coming back…I…I can’t.” She fell forward onto her hands, uncontrollable sobs wracking her body and I felt my own tears streaming down my face. I should have gone to her, I should have done something. All I could do was stand and watch as the best friend I’d probably ever had shatter emotionally.

When Winry left for Resembool to attend the funeral, I decided to go with her. We closed down the shop for the week and took the first train out to Resembool, Winry bringing nothing but that burgundy case with her. I took the liberty of packing a few of her things into my bag in case she wanted them later, though I wasn’t sure if there was anything left of hers at Pinako’s house. When we arrived, I met Rose and her three year old son, Cain, who had been living with Pinako and taking care of the house when she had passed away. Surprisingly, Winry only stayed long enough to attend the burial and to pay a few respects to those she had lost a long time ago. After that, she gave Rose permission to take up permanent residence in her old house and we took the next train back to Central.

Once we were on our way, I asked Winry if she really didn’t want to stay any longer. She simply replied that she had a shop to take care of and slipped back into her mask of indifference, tightly clutching the automail case. I could only wonder if Winry Rockbell would ever truly be okay again. When we returned to the shop, there was a surprise awaiting us. Standing outside of ‘Rockbell Automail’ was Brigadier General Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist. I nearly snapped into a salute when I saw him, momentarily forgetting that I was no longer in the military, though I couldn’t stop myself from straightening.

What was most surprising was that once he had spotted Winry, he had turned and actually saluted her. The Brigadier General, a renowned war hero that had skillfully aided in the overthrow of a corrupt government and helped thwart the otherworldly attack on Central was saluting an automail mechanic with messy hair and dirty, wrinkled clothes. Winry remained silent and simply stepped into her shop, motioning for him to enter which he did.

Winry had asked if he had found anything, and he told her of a flying machine that Ed had left behind and his men had managed to salvage it. The only machines that fit the description were the flying mechanisms that had assaulted Central at least – by this point it time – a half of a year ago. He told her it had been stored in one of the military warehouses and she was free to access it anytime that she wished and her mood brightened, if only a little. Just when it seemed he had done something right, his next words ruined everything.

“I figure if anyone could get the thing running again, it’d be you.” Winry suddenly didn’t look quite so cheerful anymore and promptly reminded Roy that she was not a part of the military and had no intention of helping it make weapons. The sharpness of her tone caused Roy to wince and insist that he hadn’t meant to imply any such thing. His shoulders slumped slightly as his voice took on a more informal tone. “I’m not entirely sure what you’re planning, Winry, but I have a pretty good idea and it’s not a healthy endeavor. How do you think they would feel if they knew you were rotting away and wasting your life because of them? They aren’t coming back and you know it just as well as I do.”

Throughout the course of his brief speech, Mustang’s voice had hardened and a slow scowl formed on his face. Winry’s face had also darkened significantly. “It’s my life and I choose what I want to do with it.” Her shoulders had begun shaking, though I couldn’t tell whether it was from fury or pent up sobs. “I’m sick of wondering, and I’m sick of waiting around, and I’m sick of everyone trying to tell me what life I should have! It’s my fucking life and I don’t need your fucking opinion!”

I had rarely ever heard Winry curse before and I had never seen her nearly as angry as she was right then. Apparently Mustang had never seen her this way either because he looked as shocked as I did. He quietly told her that he wouldn’t attempt to stop her, but reminded her to make sure she was making the right decision. After formally bidding her farewell and snapping another quick salute, the Brigadier General left the shop and I was left completely in the dark, as usual. That night, however, I did manage to piece some semblance of an answer together.

Winry had told me that Edward and Alphonse were not dead, yet Mustang had told her they were never coming back. He had also mentioned something about Edward ‘leaving’ a flying machine behind and whatever it was that Winry was apparently planning had something to do with alchemy. I had seen the same picture in practically every newspaper that had an article about the otherworldly attack. It was a picture of a giant flying machine entering a large portal of some sort. Had Edward and Alphonse gone through that portal? If so, where did it lead and why did they go? I wanted a straight answer, and I knew just the way to get it.

The next day, I promptly told Winry to either explain what this ‘plan’ of hers was, or I would teach her no more alchemy. She was a lot less angry than I expected her to be and her answer was a long one. She had said that for me to fully understand, she would have to explain everything from the beginning, so she did. She told me how Ed and Al tried to resurrect their mother, nearly ended up dying, and how Ed became a State Alchemist in order to search for a method to restore their bodies. She told me of the homunculi, how they were created, and how Ed and Al had become caught up in their vicious plot. She then told me that one day Al came home in the flesh with no memories of the past four years and no idea where Edward had gone. She then told me that two years later, Edward had managed to return from beyond the Gate – as it was called – but he only stayed for a very brief period of time.

Edward had ended up crossing back through the Gate in order to shut it and make sure that no one else attempted to pass through. She had later found out from the Brigadier General that Alphonse had gone with him. She then proceeded to tell me her plan, though I could already guess what it was. She wanted to learn alchemy in order to open the Gate and bring Ed and Al back to Amestris. “All I ever really wanted,” she admitted to me, her eyes glistening with unformed tears, “was for the three of us to be together again, like a family. It was why I always waited…so that they knew they would have someone to come home to.” She sniffled before tacking the word ‘jerks’ on the end of an otherwise heartfelt speech.

Again, I asked which of the two she was actually waiting for and she let a small laugh escape her throat before she sniffed again and wiped the tears from her eyes. After a brief moment of silence, I immediately began our alchemy lessons. I could easily tell that Winry had no keen interest in alchemy itself, yet she learned at an extraordinarily fast pace. Now that I knew what it was that Winry had in mind, I began to search through Izumi’s books myself for anything that would help.

It was nearly six months before we had started drawing up various versions of the kind of transmutation circle we would need. It then took nearly a month to perfect it. We finally found ourselves standing in the basement of the shop – which we had cleared out completely, drawing a large, elaborate transmutation circle that took dozens of sticks of chalk and a few hours to create. Once everything was in place we stood back and examined our handiwork, double and triple checking for any errors we might have missed. Finding none, there was nothing left to do but activate the circle. As we both kneeled on the floor, Winry asked me if I was absolutely certain that I wanted to help her do this. She had already explained several times that there was no guarantee we would succeed, or even survive.

I reminded her that I had nothing left to lose and that if I died I could at least rejoin my family. My answer brought a smile to her face and we both slammed our hands into the circle. Nothing could have prepared me for what we saw when we summoned the Gate. The Gate had been just that: A pair of mammoth doors completely surrounded by an endless sea of gold light. When those doors creaked open and I saw those countless violet eyes staring out at us, I could practically feel my heart stop. I suddenly saw a flaw in our plan: How were we supposed to bring Ed and Al through if they didn’t even know we had opened the Gate for them? Winry answered my question when she whispered a short farewell and ran straight into the abyss.

Winry never intended to bring them back; she had planned on either joining them, or dying. I suddenly felt a pang of emptiness in my heart and felt completely and utterly alone. Before I even knew what I was doing, I rushed forward with every intention of entering the Gate as well. I had acted too late, and bounced painfully off of the already closed doors. When I landed on the ground I suddenly found myself staring up at the ceiling of Winry’s basement, and everything (except for my left arm) hurt. I don’t know how long I laid there in my daze, realizing with bitter irony that I had lost something to the Gate because I had been too slow, but I somehow managed to drag myself to my feet and up to my room to sleep. I had promised Winry that the day she was gone was the day I would close her shop, but I think she would forgive me for taking a short nap first.

I didn’t close Winry’s shop. I couldn’t do it, not after the dreams I had. I dreamt that I was working in a flower shop with Gracia – a woman I had only seen in pictures – and Winry had shown up one day, asking about Edward and Alphonse Elric. Surprisingly, it was I that told her they had left to find and destroy a uranium bomb that had come through the Gate at an earlier point in time and that Winry was welcome to wait there for them. Despite how much Winry disliked waiting, she agreed. It was then that I asked if she was the Winry that Ed kept talking about in his sleep and I woke up. My dreams from then on were very similar in nature, all of Winry, Gracia, and I working in a flower shop.

After those dreams, I held on to some small hope that Winry would come back some day, and I was guessing that she would want her shop back when that day came. I suppose I didn’t completely break my promise to Winry, because even though I had kept her shop open, I had changed the name and nature of the business. It was no longer a shop for making and repairing automail, but a maintenance shop in which I used my alchemy to repair pretty much anything people brought in. By night, the dream me was slowly becoming friends with Winry all over again.

A month later, to the day, I dreamt that I was helping out a customer when two blonde-haired men entered the shop, announcing their return. I myself had a hard time recognizing them at first, but the dream me seemed to know them instantly. I had smiled at the Elrics and told them that there was someone here to see them and my smile grew wider at the looks of confusion on their faces. I told them that she was in the back room and watched them slyly as they headed further into the shop to see who their visitor was.

I woke up before I was allowed to see the results and have never dreamed of that place since.

A/N: This one shot actually started out as a multi-chapter story that was going to be something like 50 pages long. Then, I came to my senses.