Merry Christmas Jamsey!

“NORRINGTON!” A voice said at a volume of 6,379,448,933,783,742. “SIR! WAKE UP!” James Norrington peered groggily at his attackers. His eyes widened. It was Bitten by a cow and GryphonSentinal! He looked out the window. It appeared to be the middle of the night.

“Oh dear,” He sat up quickly, gulping. “Why are you here?” He looked around. “And where is Rabid Rabbit’s Rampage?” He asked nervously, almost afraid of the unknown answer. The two insane authoresses grinned maniacally at each other.

“She’s just the reason we came without her.” Bitten said. Gryphon nodded.

“Yep! I dropped a few sleeping pills in her drink earlier to keep her asleep while we get her Christmas present.” She said, giggling.

“So what does getting her Christmas present have to do with me?” James asked. The other two stared at him. “What?” He looked back and forth at them. “No, oh no!” He started getting out of bed, but fell in a humongo box covered in brightly patterned paper. The teenage girls giggled like the maniacs they were as they sealed the box with Krazy Seal™

“For all your gift-wrapping-a-Commodore needs!” A Random Salesman with a big chin said, springing from a black hole.

Ignoring the salesman, Bitten and Gryphon struggled to lift the box with Norry in it.

“This dude needs to cut down on the nachos, man!” Bitten said.

“Ungh! He’s so heavy!” Gryphon agreed. Meanwhile…

“Let me out! Let me out this instant!” Norry said, pounding on the surprisingly strong cardboard. It wouldn' bend a single milimeter.

“That’s because it’s Duraboard™!” The Random Big-Chinned Salesman said, appearing next to Norry inside the box. “For all your Commodore-packaging needs!” There was a ding as he gave his thumbs-up again. Norrington blinked.

“Ok, that was completely stupid…” He muttered, wondering how the heck the both he and the salesman could fit in the box. Now, back to the girls.

“So, how are we going to get him to the tree?” Bitten wondered aloud. Gryphon shrugged.

“I dunno, Rabid has always been the brains of our operations,” She said. (Ha! Just kidding!) After many hours of thinking as deep as…uh…um...hmm…something deep, a lightbulb came on over Bitten by a cow’s head.

“Ah!” She said, putting a finger in the air. “I have it!” She exclaimed. Gryphon dropped her sugarcubes on the floor.

“Ya do? What? What? What is it? Huh? Huh?” She asked, bouncing up and down. Bitten whispered some hyper gibbering that only people as psychotically damaged as they could understand. Gryphon smiled. “Ah! A good idea!”

5 minutes later…

“Ugh!”

“Huh?”

“Ugh!”

“Huh?”

“Ugh!”

“Huhhuh,” The two stopped pushing the wheel barrow and sat on the ground, gasping for breath.

“Well (pant pant) it seemed like (pant gasp) a good idea (pant) at the time,” Bitten said. Gryphon nodded.

“Yeah…I don’t think that’ll get him under the tree in time.” She said when she’d caught her breath. “How far did we get?” She asked. Bitten looked behind them, then looked at the steep hill leading to the governor’s mansion where they were staying. They were right outside Norrington’s front door.

“Well, I guess we’ll just have to transport him the old-fashioned way: we’ll have to carry him.” Bitten said glumly.

“…Unless…!” Gryphon said, perking up.

“Unless what?” Bitten asked.

“Unless we got someone to transport him for us!”

“Gryphon, I don’t think FedEx will come way out here, and they probably charge extra to travel through time to get here.” Bitten said. Gryphon shook her head.

“No, no! Not FedEx!” She said. “I mean I know someone who can bamf it there,”

“Really? Who?”

“My Blue-Furry-Cutie-Pie, of course!” Gryphon exclaimed. As if on cue, there was a “bamf” sound as a blue, furry, German-accented dude (with a tail, too!) appeared.

“You called?” Blue-Furry-Cutie-Pie (to Gryphon, his normal name is Nightcrawler) asked. Gryphon squealed and jumped on him, knocking him to the ground.

“Yay!” She exclaimed, hugging him. Bitten looked on, a bit baffluddled, as Nightcrawler struggled to rise with a teenage girl still hanging from his neck. “So Crawly-poo, I’d like you to do me a favor,” Gryphon said.

“Sure,” He replied.

“Could you bamf this box here to under the Christmas tree in that big house on that hill over there?” She asked, fluttering her eyelashes flirtatiously. He agreed and bamfed away, taking Gryphon with him (only because she was still hanging from his neck) and leaving Bitten standing there in the deserted street as some tumbleweed tumbled by. She watched it.

“Hold on! Tumbleweed isn’t supposed to appear on an island!” She told the tumbleweed. It shrugged its branches.

“So? The authoress just felt like putting me here, so I have no choice but to be here and talk even though tumbleweed doesn’t actually talk.” It said matter-of-factly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s Christmas Eve and I can’t miss my tea and crumpets with Mrs. Tumbleweed. Good day,” And it tumbled away. Bitten shrugged and started up the humongo hill leading to the governor’s mansion.

The following morning (Christmas morning)…

Rabid Rabbit’s Rampage yawned loudly and scratched her stomach as she walked into the drawing room with her friends. She shook herself a little to rid the morning grogginess.

“There we go, now,” She drew in a big breath, and before anyone could stop her… “MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THE WORLD!! YAY!” She cried, clapping loudly. Gryphon pounced on her, covering her mouth with her hand.

“Ssssh! You’ll get sued if you say that out loud!” She snorted. “It’s offensive, apparently.”

“Oh,” Rabid said. She leaned close. “Merry Christmas to the world! Yay!” She whispered, tapping her fingertips together.

“TIME FOR PRESENTS, EVERYONE!” Bitten declared, dancing around the room. She stopped suddenly and looked at her hair. “Your hair looks like golden straw!” She told herself.

‘I agree. We must…jump in a pool!’ She replied to herself (rather like Gollum/Smeagol, but in this case one is insane and the other is…also insane). She nodded.

“A lovely idea. And after that we shall have tea and crumpets!” She said in a disturbifying Keira Knightly impersonation, pretending to sip tea. She looked at the ceiling.

“Yay!” She cheered for herself.

“Come on, Rabid, see the lovely gift we got you!” Gryphon said excitedly. Rabid skipped over to the box and saw it move a bit.

“A PUPPY!” She squealed, flinging off the lid and peering inside. She squealed as Norry flew out of the box (rather like a jack-in-the-box, but he didn’t have a happy look on his face), reaching for his sword. Not finding it there, he growled and started for Gryphon and Bitten, fists raised. “Now, now, Norry-kins,” Rabid said, patting his head. She clapped her hands and pranced around him. “This is the best Christmas gift I’ve ever gotten!”

“Oh! Norry! Sir! I can’t forget the present I got you!” Gryphon said, reaching in her pocket and producing a small, horridly wrapped package and handing it to him. He discarded the paper to reveal a lovely…

“Lint. This is a piece of lint.” Norry said, looking at the lint.

“Yup!” Gryphon nodded. So, as I end this account of the capture and discovery of Rabid’s gift, I say this little thing: one that gives the gift of lint will get a place in the dark part of dear Norry-poo’s heart.

Ok! So there’s my second humor fic! Not as good as the first, I think, but I was in a hurry. What do you think? Eh? Well, press the lovely button that says “go”. Sound good? Good. Latah! ;D