To those of you who may of noticed the 'complete' status, you may be wondering what happened to the Yuuko Fai chapter. I suppose that there is no nice way of saying that it just wasn't working.

XX

"Mokona has been talking to the other Mokona and we think that it's time," Mokona said as it led Fai by the arm, as far away from Kurogane as possible, and across yet another open field.

Fortunately, the rain had stopped a while ago and so Fai had no objection to being dragged to about this most uninteresting landscape.

"It's time? Time for tea?" Fai guessed. He was having a craving for tea. And Maryland cookies. He needed his sugar.

"No."

"Lemon tea?"

"No."

"Citrus tea?"

"No!" it cried. "Mokona thinks it's time to reveal the true purpose of this journey."

"You mean, our true purpose wasn't to see how many times we could get laid in each world?"

Mokona shook its head sadly.

"Crap, and I was winning as well!"

"The true purpose of your journey was to train you in the ways of the bishounen until you could join Yuuko's harem!"

"Why does every woman here have a harem?" Fai cried. He had only just managed to escape becoming part of Sakura's harem…though Yue was a tempting proposition.

Ignoring Fai's exasperated question, Mokona continued. "It was for this reason that we had you dress up in different clothes. It was to see which style fit you best," it explained, "Fai looks hot in knee-high boots!"

"Well, they are rather sexy," he admitted.

"We also had you angst at every possible convenient time. It adds to your appeal," Mokona nodded, leading him along to where a little black thing stood against the green grass.

As Fai neared the black lump, it turned itself into the black Mokona. He opened his mouth to ask just why and how the other Mokona was here when it clicked its…paws…and cried impatiently, "It's time, yo!"

At a second click, a large dimensional fortress sprung from the ground

"W - Wait," Fai hesitated. Perhaps it was just his imagination, but he was starting to get suspicious of this.

"Don't worry, Mokona is allowed to use the harem. Mokona will be your first customer," the white Mokona reassured him just as the second one dive kicked his head, forcing forward, closer and closer towards the portal.

"Wait! I don't think my mother approves of mixed-species relationships!"

"Hurry up foo', before I pop a cap in yo' ass!"

With surprising strength, the black Mokona pushed him forward, shoving him into the portal. Fai yelped and grabbed onto the sides, resisting being sucked in with all of his magical, rainbow strength.

"You tricked me Mokona! I thought that we were going to McDonalds!" Fai yelled as he vainly struggled and writhed. "You said that we were going to a happy place, didn't you? A happy place!"

Yet he was spared from his untimely fate by what could only be described as divine intervention. He knew that there had to be a reason that Kurogane always made him steal food from altars, even if he did wear a lot or rubber around him after Fai had performed the act.

A loud gong echoed down from the hills, seeming to have been struck from somewhere high above the clouds. At the sound of this gong, both Mokona stopped shoving Fai into the portal and paused to stare at the sky.

"Wait! It's an interval!" Mokona cried.

Fai pulled himself out of the portal that he had already been halfway engulfed by, looking around tentatively for his escape. "Am I saved?"

"It's the commercial break. You have three minutes to angst as much as you can before we resume our story! Ready? Go!"

"Um…I'm going to be the first character ever to be raped by a bunny rabbit, Ashura liked to dress me up in short shorts, which was mentally crippling to my character, I am stuck travelling with a vegetable, a zombie and a sexually frustrated ninja…"

"Hurry!" Mokona urged to which Fai obligingly sped up the pace.

"I've been assigned the weepy uke role since birth, my mother gave me a girl's name because she knew I'd end up gay, my father does not exist, I am doomed to be tortured because my eyes are big, I was locked in a prison without gummi bears, I was raised on the Spice girls, I am second to Subaru only because the Ashura plot has not been revealed yet, random people like to molest me, I will most probably die in a horrible but romantically tragic way and…and…"

A loud gong sounded somewhere in the distant heavens and the very flow of time resumed.

"Time's up!"

"Okay, back into the portal!" Mokona cried with obscene cheerfulness and a crushing gung-ho attitude. "Mokona Madoki can't wait!"

Fai yelped and tried to duck out of the way but the white Mokona latched onto his leg and held fast. "No, wait!" he cried as the black one piled on top of him too. "Gang rape! Gang rape!"

Even though he always tried to remain optimistic, he could not deny that he was about to be most royally screwed, in the literal as well as the figurative sense of the word. He promised that he would continue stealing from altars if someone saved him now and, surprisingly, his prayers were answered, though not in the way he wished.

Someone up there just did not like him.

Black Mokona suddenly released Fai from the strangle hold it had had on him. Its ears twitched and the blue gem on its forehead began to shine brilliantly.

"It's from the boss woman, yo!" the black Mokona announced an incoming call.

From its head, a channel was opened up, projecting onto a wall of thin air. From the circular projection, Yuuko,sloppily dressed in a half-undone kimono, stared at the three of them with a lazy smile.

How she could possibly contact them with both Mokona away was anyone's guess, but that was a plot hole left unexplored for the sake of everyone's sanity.

"Ah, there you are!" Yuuko's smile sent shivers up his spine. "My, Fai, you're looking sexy!"

"Please, no!" he groaned.

The experience of being chased by his DIY servant and his shampoo-obsessed king, molested any next cherry tree hugger, confessed to by his son, given an offer of marriage from his daughter, fought with an in-the-closet ninja, and almost raped by genderless, magical mascots proved to be too much for even him. Fai fell to his knees, totally and utterly defeated.

The way things were looking, it seemed his only prospect now was to hold a mass orgy.

XX