The why series

Why….

Why in a place I see happiness

Is death hovering

To take those I love

To a place that can be only described

As happiness

Why… why did it hurt so much that I would cry but at the time feel so right and good that I wanted to laugh.

It hurt the most when I watched Wash, Book and Mr. Universe being buried… and Simon held my hand. The warmth butted with the coldness swirling around my stomach.

Watching him look at me with utter love and happiness I wish to soar but my feet stay planted fast to the ground. Even within my girl while she's doing what she does best flying through the black, do I feel my wings are now clipped.

I love him but I want to cry because it can't be right to find so much happiness among so much death.

Zoë the ever calm warrior woman has sadness around her…. in the chair Wash was sat at and it broke my heart because I feel the happiness and love she used to feel sitting beside me holding my hand.

But looking at her and everyone else I understand now I guess.

Why did it hurt so much… because it was life, where love and happiness gives meaning to death.

It didn't hurt so much after that.