He would have liked to see her happy, that night. He would have liked to know where she was and what she was doing, see her smile, but, wherever she was, Ryan knew Calleigh wasn’t smiling.

He was aware the row they had had the day before had completely killed her festivity mood.

By the look on her face when she had left the locker room, he could figure she’d be mad at him for the next week or so, and that meant her Christmas was ruined.

Sprawled on his couch, he cast a look around the living room, and his expression darkened even more. It was Christmas night and the only evidence of it was the small red-wrapped package glistening on the coffee table before him. And of course the card that accompanied it.

25th December 2006, To Calleigh. Just a small present to wish you a merry Christmas. With love, Ryan.

Next to it, two other cards lay miserably, carrying the same date, but two different years. Three cards and a gift he had never had the courage to give her. He would have found it funny, hadn’t it been so sadly humiliating.

Every year he would take it out of the drawer and wrap it up anew, then he would stare at it for hours, thinking of a million ways to give it to her. Today, for the third time, he had come to no conclusion.

Time was mercilessly flowing away, leaving him immersed in his indecision. It was just a present, he had made presents before… Then why had that small glossy cube been on that table every Christmas Eve in the last three years, lying there as though it was impossible to lift? And why did his hands tremble whenever he’d try to move it from its spot?

He looked at the picture on the shelf on the wall across the room. It had been taken the day he and Calleigh had attended that conference in New Orleans. He would never forget her enthusiasm when she had set her foot on her former home soil, the contagious excitement she had showed when he had suggested to take a picture with the Mississippi in the background.

Her smile was still there, made immortal by a flash. On her side was himself, bearing, if possible, an even bigger smile. He had admired that picture innumerable times, always absorbing from it a little of the residue of happiness it never seemed to lose.

He wondered if in that moment, alone in her house, Calleigh was looking at the same picture and thinking the same things.

But of course she wasn’t.

As far as he knew, she might have been anywhere with anyone, doing anything.

He brushed off himself the creepy thought of her with another man and stood on his feet. He walked slowly around the table, his eyes fixed on the little red object. In real life, he would have never admitted a ridiculously small box had won over him for such a long time, but he was really starting to get frustrated about that silly thing.

He groaned to himself, making to take the gift into his hand, but as soon as his fingers skimmed the shiny paper, the doorbell rang.

Given the hour, he didn’t need to check to know who it was. His neighbour, Gloria, had come to him with an invitation to join her and her friends for a drink every late Christmas night, which now he really didn’t feel like accepting.

He went to the door and abruptly opened it, already anticipating the following dialogue.

What he couldn’t have anticipated was that it wasn’t Gloria at all.

“Calleigh.” He breathed, slightly bewildered by the unexpected twist.

He gazed at her. She wore an odd expression, angry and vaguely sad, but nonetheless cute, in its own way. It was like she wasn’t sure herself of how to act.

“Hi Ryan.”

Her half smile looked rather nervous. Ryan couldn’t help asking himself if that was a good or bad sign. Calleigh’s smile, however, usually meant good news, so he opted to return it as warmly as he could, not really making any real effort in the attempt.

He didn’t waste any time in wondering what she was doing there at that time. Knowing her, he was going to find out.

“Come in.” he offered, standing aside and gesturing to the inside.

Calleigh glanced at him uncertainly and spent a thought about it before walking in. He observed her look around the living room with that bright sparkle of curiosity in her eyes, lingering on the flawless bookshelf, then on the coffee table, then again to the bookshelf, where she stopped, focusing on their picture.

“Great time, wasn’t it?” he began, going by her side and admiring the image with her, arms folded on his chest.

Calleigh nodded her head, letting a grin spread over her lips. She was a little pale and her hair not as tidy as ever. Besides she wasn’t exactly dressed up, though he couldn’t deny he liked her in that simple white shirt and jeans, though he still couldn’t find a reasonable explanation to her visit.

Not that he didn’t like to have her there, but she was supposed to be mad at him, and not to do as nothing had happened. When she took the frame into her hands and sighed nostalgically at it, Ryan told himself he would give up understanding women. They were far too complicated.

“It seems like a thousand years have past.” She said, placing it back on the shelf, then turned to him. “How can two years pass so quickly, and yet feel so long?”

“Actually, it was in June, so that makes it one year and a half.” He précised.

She addressed him a quick grin, immediately moving her attention back to the furniture. Unluckily, Ryan realized too late she was heading directly to the coffee table.

“Wait, don’t-” he tried to intervene, but nothing could beat a woman’s curiosity. Especially Calleigh’s.

“What is it?” she asked candidly. Ryan tried his best to bring up a valid lie, but she had already picked up the three cards.

Ryan distinctly felt his stomach twitch.

How could he have been so stupid?

“Someone loves you.” she quipped brightly studying the three different front pictures. Ryan felt his cheeks burning as she opened the first card, scowling.

No, Cal… Someone loves you.

He had the impression his heart was pounding so fast that it would crumble his ribs down in no longer than a couple of seconds. An unpleasant chill ran down his spine as her eyes moved up and down the card, reading the text over and over again, as though she couldn’t fully comprehend what was written in it.

When her eyes darted up in evident astonishment, her lips ajar, Ryan’s heart skipped a beat.

“I can explain.” He stuttered, embarrassed, stealing the cards from her hands. He looked down, nibbling at his lip, praying he’d manage to hide the gift before she would notice it. suddenly, the idea of the present wasn’t that cool anymore, though he had been sure it was something she would appreciate when he had bought it, three years back.

Unluckily, Calleigh decided to glance down at the table again in the same moment Ryan was reaching out for the small box, leaving him with no alternative than confronting his bête noir and finally put an end to his recently found Christmas tradition to sit down and fight his yearly little battle against it. Besides he was really tired of losing.

“These cards are for me.” She remarked, confused but smiling, her thickened accent melting his heart, then her eyes moved to what he was holding.

She didn’t dare ask, but Ryan knew she was wondering if it was for her as well.

“Well, uh… Merry Christmas, Cal.” He handed her the present and watched as she grabbed it with a touched tiny smile.

“Oh, Ryan.” Her fingers lingered for a moment and caressed the silver ribbon on the top of the cube, then her nails carefully removed the star that sealed the paper and unwrapped it, revealing a black velvety box.

She raised her eyes on his, her expression suddenly mutated into blankness.

Ryan swallowed, assaulted by doubts. It hadn’t been a good idea. She wasn’t going to like it. He shouldn’t even have thought about getting her a present.

Unaware of his inner turmoil, Calleigh slowly opened the box. Her face lit up at once when a beautiful aquamarine pendant appeared to her sight. It was only a gem drop hanging to a thin silver chain, but the look in her eyes gave away a delight her frozen features couldn’t seem to mirror.

“It was meant to be given to you three years ago, but I…” he licked his lips, shrugging uneasily. “I don’t know, I guess I thought it was too soon, maybe… It has become some sort of recurrence to try to decide whether to give it or not to you.”

Calleigh, apparently with a little effort, lifted her gaze from the jewel and addressed Ryan the faintest and yet sweetest smile he had ever seen.

“It’s beautiful.” She sighed, handling the object as if it could break any moment.

“It matches your eyes.” He said timidly, facing away, absentmindedly browsing the cards, sorting it by date again.

She slid the necklace out of the box and opened it, glancing at Ryan.

“Hey, would you mind…?”

Without a word Ryan gave her the cards and took the necklace. A weird sensation tickled him around his heart as she brought her hair up to let him fasten the chain around her neck.

He saw her skin crawl when his fingers brushed it. The tickle in his chest became stronger.

Some white blond strands had escaped from her hands and lay softly along the sinuous curve of the nape of her neck.

“Done.” He said, shivering at the inappropriate thoughts rising inside his mind.

Calleigh turned around beaming, the pendant twinkling on her décolleté in the dim light of the living room. Her own eyes were nonetheless shiny.

“You look beautiful.” He commented, trying to fix in his mind every single detail of that delicious view.

“Thanks.” She faced downward with a flattered grin. “I wish I got you something, too.”

A low laugh escaped from him. He shook his head and reassured her.

“You did.”

Calleigh raised a brow questioningly and tilted her head.

“You’re smiling.” He said. “That’s all I wanted, this Christmas.”

“Is it about the discussion we had yesterday?” She placed her hand on his shoulder, rubbing it friendly.

He thought his silence was eloquent enough to spare him a obvious lie.

“Ryan, that was just a… A breezy talk.” She said, giggling quietly. “I wanna hope you didn’t lose your sleep over that.”

He cleared his throat, hoping she wouldn’t notice he had assumed a guilty expression. It wasn’t exactly like he had lost his sleep. He just had preferred to have a couple of drinks and watch a movie or two.

“Is this why you came?” a shade of surprise was in his voice. “To tell me it was no big deal?”

“Maybe.” She said distractedly, fidgeting with her brand new pendant. Ryan arched his eyebrows.

“What does maybe mean?”

Calleigh shrugged, pursuing her lips.

“I might not know exactly why I came by…” she admitted. “I just… Felt like doing it.”

Silence fell in the room. It wasn’t a very clear explanation to Ryan, but he knew he wouldn’t get anything more from her.

“So, what can I offer you?” he asked in the end, gesturing towards the couch, but Calleigh didn’t sit down.

“Am I not keeping you from something else?” she questioned tentatively. “I figure you have better plans for tonight, and-”

“No plans.” He interjected. “And even if I had any, trust me, it could never be better than spending the rest of my Christmas with you.”

Calleigh’s smile widened. Ryan could hardly believe only ten minutes ago he had been struck on his couch, fighting with a peach sized present, tormented by his guilty feelings, and now all his worries were gone in a blink.

“Have you already eaten?” he inquired, though aware it was a quite silly question, since it was twenty past eleven.

“Actually I wasn’t very hungry… I had an apple and some tea.” She answered, taking off the black jacket she was wearing. “But if you promise you won’t poison me…”

Ryan laughed and winked at her.

“You’ll have to make sure yourself. I’ve run out of safe food, which means you’ll have to be so brave to taste some Ryan-made dish.”

She chuckled, pushing up the sleeves of her shirt.

“If that is a dare, I’m in.” She went to face him with a mischievous attitude. “But I have to warn you the only talent I have in the kitchen is to put lasagne in the microwave and take it out when it’s warm. And I can cut an apple, obviously.”

“I may not want to find out what you can to with a knife in your hand.” He quipped, and Calleigh pushed him backwards with a playful glare.

“Shut up and let’s go make something.” She said, seizing him by the shirt and dragging him with her in the kitchen, but they stumbled and nearly fell to the ground in the attempt, ending up laughing out loud, pressed onto each other against the counter in unstable balance.

It took a couple of minutes for the laughter to cease, but eventually they regained their control, and only then realized they were tangled together, their faces so close he could discern the nearly invisible golden spangles in her eyes.

He felt Calleigh’s heartbeat speed up against his chest, almost synchronized with his. Could she feel it too?

“Maybe…” Her voice was weak and lightly shaky. “I- I think we should…”

“Yeah, we’d really better… Move…”

He met her eyes. He barely had the time to catch a glimpse of desire before she faced away. But neither of them moved.

He could feel her arms wrapped around his waist, and her back under his palms. All of a sudden he remembered of something. He looked up and, as expected, found the branch of mistletoe Alexx had given him the evening before, right after Calleigh had left, after their argument.

He looked back down. Calleigh was staring at him, an intense expression on her face. He knew that Duquesne look. It meant a conflict was going on between her mind and her heart.

“We don’t have to.” He whispered, not at all convincingly. “It’s just a silly tradition…”

Calleigh smiled.

“We’ve already broken one, today.” She touched the aquamarine gem. “I can’t ask you to make another sacrifice.” She raised on her tiptoes, shifting her hands to his chest, a half smirk on her face. “Not that I want to, anyways.”

Ryan put a finger under her chin and made her lift her head, looking closely into her pupils.

“Weird.” He said seriously. “You don’t look drunk…”

Calleigh punched him, jokingly furrowing her brows, not dropping her smile.

“Ryan!”

He snickered, holding her tighter against the counter. She had a light sweet scent, but he couldn’t tell if it was her hair or her skin, or simply her.

She was beautiful, completely and willingly at his mercy, hugged to him under a mistletoe he was glad he had casually left there.

“So, what is it supposed to be?” he said, hinting at the two of them. “Some kind of belated Christmas gift or… I don’t know, maybe I’ll wake up in a moment.”

Calleigh giggled, stretching toward him.

“Or maybe you’re going to turn into a toad.”

The next thing he knew was that they were kissing, and somehow she had ended up sitting on the counter, her hands on his cheeks. His dizzy senses could only perceive the pleasing warmth of her body against his, and the shivers her touch was causing him.

He didn’t know how he could feel drunk when he hadn’t even touched a drop of alcohol, but she was more inebriant than pure vodka.

When her tongue slid between his lips and started playing with his own, he wondered how far it was going to go, and, above all, if he would be strong enough to say stop, for the sake of them both.

She moved her hands on his neck, deepening the kiss until they pulled apart, breathless.

Ryan knew he shouldn’t have let that happen, he knew now it had started, he would never get enough. It was amazing how powerful a kiss could be.

He swallowed and took her face into his hands, brushing his lips on hers one more time, then pulled away again.

“And now what?”

Calleigh kissed him softly, blindly grabbing a pan lying behind her and setting it into his arms.

“Now you’re making dinner.”

She jumped off the counter and walked to the fridge, intentionally swinging her hips, leaving him speechless.

“C’mon!” she exclaimed urgently. “We have only two minutes left before Christmas ends!”

Ryan grinned amusedly at her childish excitement and reached her, lying his hands on her hips.

“Shall we let it be Christmas forever?” he asked, his tone low and imperceptibly husky.

Calleigh put on an ironic thoughtful face.

“You’ll have to leave the mistletoe where it is, and buy me a necklace like this every day…”

“Sounds reasonable to me.” He said, and with a hand brushed her curls back.

She whimpered at his touch, her left hand still holding the fridge handle.

“Deal?”

Ryan glanced at the jewel lying right between her collarbones. All in all, three years of waiting hadn’t been a complete waste of time.

He cherished the moment he had made that insensitive comment about her shoes at Alexx’s party, last night. Unbelievable as it was, it had led to what probably was the best Christmas in his life.

He smiled widely and leant his forehead on hers.

“Deal.”

--

So here it is, merry Christmas
Everybody's having fun
Look to the future now
It's only just begun.

(Oasis, Merry Christmas)