Carpe Diem

Summary- Harry is scarred and fading after the war. As he battles himself and works to make the world better, he faces corruption from those he fought to protect. No HBP minor slash.

Warnings- Drug use and later on slash and heavy gore

Note- I’m not sure exactly how many chapters this is going to be but I figure right now around 30. I’m update as regularly as I can. Reviews help me write faster. Enjoy.

Disclaimer- I own nothing you recognize but most things you don’t.

Chapter One: Fire-Starter

Odd that the thing that struck him the most was the smell. It was a god-awful rancid meat smell. It grated against his nose and stayed there. He could taste it when he swallowed. It made his skin feel oily.

It was dark.

But he’d been deprived of his glasses for so long that it didn’t really matter. Because he could not see, his sense of sound was amplified many times. He could hear the echoes of voices down the hall. He could hear the scrape of his skin on the ground when he moved. But the sounds that he heard the most the sound of his own breathing and the harsh beating of his heart…

Harry sat up with a gasp. His hand flew to his chest and he coughed once before managing to control his breathing. His free hand reached toward his nightstand and he fumbled for his glasses. After knocking over his alarm clock and an empty cup he found them and onto shoved them onto his face. He brought his hand up to his face and coughed again. He didn’t have to look to know what the color of the liquid that just hit the palm of his hand was. He reached over to the night stand again and grabbed a large hand-towel. He wiped his hand off, and threw the bloodied hand-towel back onto the nightstand. Then he turned and looked at the window and watched the sun come up.

0o0o0

A few hours later found Harry sitting in his small kitchen, sipping tea out of a large coffee mug. He glanced at the clock and stood up, gulping down the rest of his tea. He slipped on his coat and made his way to the door. He paused long enough to scratch behind his cats ears before he reached for his wand and snatched up quickly, stuffing it in his pocket. He crossed to the door and looked over his small bare flat like he did every morning before he left and then he closed the door behind him. He locked it and stared at it in silence for a moment before turning to walk down the stairs to the street. He walked to the alley around the block and apparated.

Hermione was standing to meet him when he arrived just like she was every morning. He offered her the same smile and she smiled back even as she fussed over him like every morning. She took his coat from him and threw it onto her desk before turning back to him so that she could try to rearrange his hair correctly. She fingered the white strands sadly even as she tucked a tuff behind his ear.

“You haven’t found a way to restore it yet?” she asked even though Harry was sure she was aware that he had stopped bothering a while ago.

“I like it,” he said with a grin. “I think it makes me look manly.”

“You look like a girl,” Hermione demolished.

Harry made a face, but he supposed he did look a bit like a girl. He had grown his hair out a bit. The very edges brushed against the nape of his neck. It was still wild looking but the weight had made it tamer than it had been when he was younger. He hadn’t grown much in the eight years since he’d graduated. He stood at 5’6” and he was all lean muscle. He liked to compare himself to Bill. But he couldn’t draw up the nerve to get his ear pierced.

He moved away from Hermione and settled down at his own desk. He glared balefully at the paperwork that had piled up and gave Hermione’s empty desk an angry look. She laughed at him.

“You dawdle at home all morning. Of course you’re going to have a lot of work on your desk.”

Harry grumbled but picked up a thick packet full of messy writing. He cocked his head to the side but still could not make sense of most of it.

“Pathring has bad handwriting,” he announced to Hermione as she came back from hanging his coat up.

Hermione did not look amused and did not comment.

“He works under you. If he’s going to turn something in to me for review than he should at least make sure it’s legible.”

“And your handwriting is?” Hermione snapped as she sat down and glared at him.

Harry looked at her over his glasses and wangled his eyebrows. “My handwriting doesn’t need to be legible. I have underlings to take all of my notes.” Hermione huffed at him. “Any change in the lilies?”

Hermione sighed and rested her head in her palm. She rubbed her eyes for a moment and when she looked up at him her expression was not a happy one. Harry raised an eyebrow at her and stood, leaving the paperwork on his desk. He gestured Hermione to do the same and held out his arm to her. She took it hesitantly and heaved another sigh when Harry began to lead her from the offices to the greenhouses.

“I suppose that means that there is no change in the lilies?”

“I don’t understand it!” Hermione explained and made a violent hand gesture. Harry stopped outside in the hallway leading to the greenhouse and plucked a lab coat off of the pegs there. He helped Hermione into it even as she exclaimed angrily. “All of our research said they would react with the nettle roots. But they haven’t done anything!”

“We held off the watering,” Harry pondered as he slipped his own lab coat on. “Medium sunlight right? And we’ve isolated them?”

“Yes. By all accounts the HMC should come to the forefront, but that isn’t happening. They’ve turned some interesting colors but there’s no detectable current.”

Harry held the door open for her and guided her into the lab. At once he was assaulted with greetings from all his students. He paused to flash them a uniform polite smile before turning back to Hermione.

“Have you tried Rosemartia on them? That’s always worked before.”

“No one can work that spell but you.”

“Ah.”

Hermione led him to a corner of the lab and pointed to a tray of blue lilies. Harry looked over the light they were getting. The lamp was not too bright which could have led to physical growth instead of magical growth. The running water had been diverted from this tray three days ago and had supposedly remained that way. Harry reached forward and touched one of the dry petals. The flowers were on the point of withering, but Hermione was correct. He could sense no current electrical nor magical current.

Hmm…electricity…

“Relocate all running reactions to Greenhouse 4 or Lab 1,” he said over his shoulder.

All the sounds of work halted behind him and he turned to stare at all of his students.

“I’m going to create a running current in this room using the sentient plants. All running reactions and active ingredients are to be moved into storage, Greenhouse 4 or Lab 1.” No one moved. Harry sighed. “I mean right now. Moved right now. Get to work.”

Hermione made a funny noise behind him but Harry ignored her. The faces of his students lit up as they understood and they all began packing up their experiments.

“Rena, you stay,” he called.

A young woman with dark blond hair and dark brown eyes squeaked and rushed forward from where she had been standing in the corner. This was her project and Harry was proud of the work she had put into it. Her theory was sound and she had well researched her thesis. He was excited about this. If they managed to cultivate a running current through these lilies, than they would be able to cultivate magic from other plants. Magic could literally be grown and harvested on trees.

Rena ran forward and stood next to Hermione, looking very excited. Harry walked around the tray a few times as the lab was cleaned out. But now he had to teach.

“Why do you think the lilies are unresponsive, Rena?”

The young woman sighed sadly. “At first I thought I hadn’t gotten the conditions right. But I tested the rate of photosynthesis through the spell you taught us and it had decreased.” She paused and looked uncertain. “It was supposed to do that right?”

Harry paused in his circling to give her a reassuring look. “Correct Miss. Garthen. Continue.”

“The surfacing of the HMC is in a negative relationship with the heath of the plant. So I set about killing them slowly enough that I should have enough time to gather the HMC. I planned on putting the plants into stasis and that should work shouldn’t it? Because the 5th law that states that when magic is lost, magic is gathered from the surrounding atmosphere to replace it.”

“Rephrase that last bit will you?”

Rena’s face flushed and she stammered for a moment. Hermione shook her head at Harry from behind Rena’s back, but Harry kept his attention on the young witch as she struggled to put into words what Harry was sure she understood.

“Magic is matter and matter takes up space so when magic is taken away something needs to fill in the space that it left.”

Harry smiled. “Very good. Why aren’t your plants responding the way they’re supposed to?”

Rena looked miserable. “I don’t know.”

Harry grin at her and touched the flowers again. “I’ve just now figured it out myself. We’re very interested in your lilies. You are aware of that aren’t you?” Rena nodded and managed to look prideful and humble at the same time which shouldn’t have been possible. Harry scanned the room and saw that his orders had been followed completely and that a crowd had gathered. Hermione was beaming at all of their students. Harry blanched.

“Uh…okay.” He looked back to the lilies. “What Rena’s experiment is based off on is a simple chemical reaction but instead of two physical reactants we have the flowers life force. While setting up this long running we have all forgotten basic muggle chemistry. What starts a reaction?”

There was a pause as the young men and women looked around at each other. Harry saw Hermione slap her forehead with the palm of her hand out of the corner and began to laugh at them.

“Come on you guys. What starts a reaction?”

Without waiting for an answer Harry placed his hand flat on a nearby countertop. A great pulse of energy expanded outward, rustling loose clothing and stray strands of hair. Another pulse followed it and another. Everyone was so focused on Harry’s display of power that they missed the reaction in the lilies, everyone except for Hermione who was watching closely. When the lilies began to glow softly and give off wispy strands of pale light, Hermione drew her wand and made a complicated wand motion. The incantation was long but with a sharp “Stasis” she put her wand away and beamed. The students were shocked for a moment before they finally realized what had happened and then they all began speaking at once. A group of educated adults had been reduced to toddler like behavior has they all crowded around the lilies, touching them, and staring in awe. Rena was standing by the tray proudly, a wide smile on her face. Harry quickly fought his way out of the crowd and stopped next to Hermione.

He coughed a few times and she watched him worriedly, one hand gripping his elbow. When the tightness in his chest was gone he straightened and accepted the handkerchief Hermione pressed into his hand. He coughed a few more times into it and was thankful for the din their students were creating. He held the handkerchief to his mouth for a few moments before pulling it away. He did not look into it. Instead he folded it and held it in the palm of his hand. He pulled his wand from his pocket and set the handkerchief on fire. Hermione watched him do this but said nothing the whole time. When nothing remained in Harry’s palm but ash she sighed. It sounded both sad and happy.

“We’ve done it,” she announced softly.

“Yes. After three years we’ve done it.”

Hermione gave his arm a gentle pat. “Now that his theory has been given physical proof what will Mr. Potter do next?” Hermione asked teasingly.

“Recreation, and fine tuning the method for gathering HMC.”

“I think a few days of rest would do you very good Harry,” Hermione said seriously. “Have you looked over your own garden lately?”

“I have to. It’s a very small apartment.”

Hermione did not look amused. Harry laughed at her.

0o0o0

Two Weeks Later

Harry was not amused and he made no effort to hide it. Hermione was jogging by his side and trying to talk him into calming down before he met with the Minister of Magic but Harry was too not amused by the situation to listen. All the offices that he had passed could testify to that. Some of there cubicles had been set aflame.

Harry was that unamused.

He’d awakened that morning after the usually nightmare. He’d had his usual cup of tea and had apparated to his labs like he did every morning. But this morning Hermione had not been in his office to meet him. Instead she was watching Ministry officials go through months of delicate experiments. All of their paper work had been seized and they and their students were banned from the lab until further notice.

A section of wall exploded as he passed it causing Hermione to yelp and duck flying bits of plaster. Harry stepped out into the long hallway leading to Fudge’s office and began to make his way to the door, ignoring the squad of Aurors standing in front of him.

Ron Weasley watched the approach of his best friend wearily and tightened the grip on his wand. If he’d turned around or if he could have seen out of the back of his head he would have noticed the way his squad reacted with this gesture. They all took a step back and raised their own wands. Harry took that in and his eyes narrowed sharply. Ron swallowed.

“H-harry,” he stammered. “What brings you to the Ministry in such a foul mood?”

“Get out of the way Ron,” Harry said and tried to step around him.

Ron threw out his arm and barred the way. Harry glared at him darkly and the stone floor began to warm as scorch marks began to creep along the walls towards Fudge’s office. Even if Harry couldn’t get there, his out of control magic would. Ron noted that with another audible swallow.

“Get out of the way,” Harry snapped softly.

After a moment where Ron’s eyes widened, he did. The squad of Aurors couldn’t stand up against his glare. If his best friend couldn’t what hope did they have? They tripped over themselves trying to get out of his way. Harry pushed open the door and stepped inside, closing it firmly behind him. He lowered his head and bared his teeth. He could shamelessly admit that the locks of hair that had once been black, but were now bone white, that fell into his face was his way of getting the Minister’s attention. And he was sure he had it because Cornelius had turned a very interesting shade of green.

“Fudge,” he hissed in greeting and was cheered a little by the way the color the man’s face turned.

0o0o0

Ron found himself stepping out of the way before he could stop himself. He was well versed in the different levels of Harry’s anger. Loudness was in no way good but he preferred it over what happened when Harry lowered his voice. When there was shouting Ron was sure Harry’s ire would wear out eventually but it was when he got quite that Ron knew that he had said something wrong or that he’d over stepped himself. He likened it to a creeping ice. Ron would always get out the way when Harry began to speak that way.

He watched his squad scramble out of the way with a sigh as Hermione stepped up next to him. They both flinched when the door closed sharply behind Harry. Silence reigned for a moment before Ron turned to Hermione who looked up at him with a wide eyed frightened look.

“What happened?” he asked softly and threw a look at the closed door as if afraid that Harry would stomp out any moment.

“They raided the lab!” Hermione hissed angrily. “All of our notes were taken and our samples and most of our running experiments were contaminated.”

0o0o0

“Harry, dear boy. It’s good to see you.”

Harry gave Dumbledore a single nasty look before turning back to Fudge.

“So you called him as soon as you heard me coming. How brave of you Minister.”

Fudge sputtered for a moment before regaining his voice and when he did it was an octave higher than it should have been. “Potter experimenting like yours needs to be contained. The public--,”

“The public,” Harry breathed and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them he scowling fiercely and breathing deliberately. “Do you think that I care what the public thinks of my research as of now? You’ve set us months, maybe years back, because you’re nervous about what your voters think!?”

Harry turned away and began to pace in front of Fudge’s large desk. The Minister opened his mouth to protest.

“Stop talking.”

Fudge huffed importantly. “Know your place boy. I gave you the permission to set up that lab and so I should be privy to any and all results you find.”

Harry’s hands shook so he clenched them into fists. “I understand that Fudge. But you raided my lab before I had exhausted all findings. I could learn so much more and I will share all findings with you before I publish them.” Harry’s face twisted and he made no effort to hide it.

Fudge sat and stared at Harry wordlessly. An awkward silence stretched on for a few moments before Fudge overcame his fear in order to fill it. Harry mourned the silence. Dumbledore was amused by the whole situation and was questioning why he was here in the first place.

“I would be far more informed of these things if you would be a little more forth coming with the information Harry,” Fudge said and managed to pull off the disappointing grandfather voice rather well. Harry just stared at him. “You’ve all but cut ties with all the important social circles. You’re hardly seen in public anymore.”

Harry had frowned as soon as Fudge began to speak. He glanced at Dumbledore who only raised a pair of shaggy white eyebrows at him.

“You’ve practically been living as a hermit and I don’t think it’s doing you any good.”

Fudge broke off abruptly as Harry walked forward and gripped the back of the empty chair in front of his desk. He stared up at Fudge with narrow eyes. The Minister swallowed once before continuing.

“Everyone else may have forgotten what state you were in after the Walpurgis Massacre but I do remember and--,”

Harry got to his feet suddenly and stomped over to the door. “If I cannot collect my things today I will send someone for them tomorrow,” he said over his shoulder and left the office, the smell of smoke lingering behind him.

Fudge looked to Dumbledore and spread his hands out on the desk in front of him. “Do you agree with me now old man? He’s out of control!”

“I would hardly call him out of control Cornelius. I agree that being alone may not be the best thing for him now but considering you endangered his life’s work and the Ministry did not burst into flame, I would say that Mr. Potter has an abnormal amount of control. Given his age and the amount of power he wields I don’t think you should wish for anything better.”

“I worry about him Dumbledore.”

The headmasters eyebrows rose and he gave Fudge a funny look.

“Do you?”

Fudge flushed a deep red. “My past actions may have shown otherwise but it’s true. I do care for the boy.”

“I’m sure you do Cornelius,” Dumbledore said patiently as he began to pat himself down, searching his robes for the pocket he had left his lemon drops in.

Fudge huffed collapsed back into his chair, giving up for the moment.

0o0o0

Harry was no simpleton. He might not have been the fastest learner in school or the fastest thinker or the cleverest, but he trusted his instincts. Fudge was up to something and Harry had not solved a mystery in a long time. When he closed the Minster’s door and stepped out into the hallway he had not expected Hermione and Ron to be waiting for him. They were sitting against the wall further down the hallway but stood as soon as they saw him. Harry approached quickly and only nodded to the two of them. He knew he was not being the most courteous he could be, he was still very angry and had no intention of leaving his notes in this place over night. The plants were valuable and if he could find a way to retrieve them he would but he could always grow more. Those notes however, were invaluable.

Hermione quickened her step so that she could keep up with him.

“Are we about to do something illegal?” she asked.

Behind them Ron made a choking noise and his hands flew up to cover his ears. He began to chant ‘I like my job; I’m gonna keep my job; I don’t know what you’re saying;’ over and over again.

“Yes, we’re going to do something illegal. I told Fudge I’d be back tomorrow to pick everything up. Dumbledore’s with him so that ought to distract him. We’re going three levels down to level four.”

Harry cleared the way to the lift with a sharp glare. The trio found themselves alone as they waited for the lift to reach level 4. At Level 3 someone halted the lift and tried to enter. Harry snarled and the carpet began to smoke. The young man, who looked like he’d just graduated, yelped and dropped the stack of books he was carrying. With a harsh poke Harry got the lift moving again. Before the gate had finished opening Harry was walking quickly down the hallway. Hermione traded an incredulous look with Ron and squeezed through the gap, breaking into a jog to keep up. Harry passed the Auror offices without glancing at them. Ron did his best to look as if he was escorting him and Hermione but the image was done in by the fact that he was walking as fast as he could to keep up with Harry and Hermione. He passed the Auror offices and began to walk down the hallway leading to the room were all things seized from raids were kept. He paused for the first time outside and turned to give Ron a funny look.

“Are you sure you should be here?” he asked.

Ron gave him a dirty look. “And if I leave now you won’t ever let me live it down. The next time we fight you’ll say ‘Well what about that time at the Ministry?’ Do you think I’m just gonna give you ammo. Nuh uh.”

Harry really didn’t want to loose the anger that was pulsing through him but he couldn’t help at smile at Ron, who even in the face of his best friend’s destructive anger--

Or flashes of green light and blood and screams and the smell of burning flesh, rotting flesh, dying flesh…

Harry coughed into his hand a few times but had straightened and cleaned off his palm with a stray bit of wild magic that was orbiting around by the time Hermione was at his side. Ron’s smile had slipped away but Harry’s was still there but it had metamorphosed into a tiger like grin. All teeth.

“Go away Ron. You like your job. You want to keep your job. You have no idea what we’re doing.” Harry made shooing gestures. “I promise I won’t hold it against you.”

Ron hesitated. He looked a Hermione who wasn’t looking pleased at all and stared at him questionably. Harry pretened not to notice and turned his attention to the door on the other side of the hall. Soon he heard Ron’s departing footsteps and looked over at Hermione with a raised eyebrow. He nodded to the door.

“I have a friend.”

“I’m sure.”

Harry ignored her quip and knocked on the door with the back of his knuckles. There was the sound of a muffled thump and then a curse. Harry waited. The door flew open and a short gray haired man stood in front of them. He barely crested 5’2”. He was thin and raffish looking in a pair of blue jeans and an over sized T-shirt. His dark brown hair was peppered heavily with white and gray streaks. But his face was unnaturally youthful looking.

“’ello ‘arry,” the man said in a heavy cockney accent. “Wot can ah do fo’ you?”

Harry wrinkled his nose. “Drop the accent Simon. It sounds weird.”

Simon’s expression twisted but he sighed and nodded. “I’m auditioning for a new show. West Side Story is very accent heavy you know. I’m not sure if there’s a cockney accent in there but it doesn’t hurt to practice, you know?”

“Yes Simon, lovely. I need entrance to the storage room.”

Simon tutted and finally moved out of the threshold so that Harry and Hermione could walk in. Hermione’s eyes widened at the state of the office and she visibly did her best to prevent her nose from turning up at the smell. Harry poked her hard in the side to let her know that she had failed. Simon was staring at her, a proud look on his face.

“You’re not first one lass, and you won’t be the last,” He sighed happily. He snapped his gaze back to Harry who was scowling fiercely. “Whoa mate, what put you in this state?”

“A lot of things Simon. But right now I really want my stuff so could you--” Harry made a go-to- it gesture and made an unintelligible noise even as he rubbed his eyes under his glasses. “Hermione, can you go with him? I’ll wait here.”

Harry sat down without looking and was very glad that there was something behind him. He felt Hermione scratch his back lightly as she passed him and then he was alone. Harry pulled a large dark colored handkerchief from his pocket and gave one large wet sounding cough. It hurt but he knew that it could be worse. He preferred the quick painful ones to the times when he started and couldn’t stop and his chest felt on fire and bright spots were dancing behind his eyelids and when he felt so out of control.

He sighed and tipped his head back. He stared at the stone ceiling as if it held all the answers he’d ever need. And wouldn’t it be nice if it did. Wouldn’t it be nice?

He didn’t know how long he sat there but he felt that Hermione found what they needed far too quickly. She was at his side and her hand was on his shoulder, kneading firmly.

“I found everything and some of the plants were salvageable.”

“Were they duplicated?” Harry asked without looked away from the ceiling.

“Not by any spell I know.”

“So they weren’t.” Harry grinned and tipped his head down to smile at Hermione. “But they were read and then planted for us to get.”

Harry glanced at Simon who was sitting at his desk, a magical replacement for headphones over his ears and what appeared to be a walkman on the desk in front of him. He saw Harry was looking and shook his head, mouthing I can’ hear you even as he reached down and turned the music up. Harry snorted and looked back to Hermione, who was smiling in amusement even though she was breathing through her mouth and not her nose. When she looked down at Harry however, she frowned at him.

“I think I should get you home.”

Harry gave her a sharp looked and stood up. Hermione reached for his elbow but he slipped away from her like water. She sighed and her face twisted. Harry knew she hated it when he did that. But sometimes he protested to being touched and he was very well learned at avoiding that when he wished to.

“It’s a Friday so I don’t expect you at the labs tomorrow.”

Harry sighed mournfully.

“If you do come in I will tell Molly and Ginny.”

Harry turned to give Hermione a dirty look. But he didn’t protest. Instead he turned to give Simon a flippant solute to which he received a reply in kind. They left the office with the notes hidden securely on Hermione’s person. They passed all the Auror offices without incident and Ron only looked up at them and grinned when they walked by him. They made it to the lifts without incident. Harry had no need to glare at anyone because no one bothered to try and join them. They made it to the first level and the atrium and walked forward to claim their wands. The man at the desk just grunted and handed them over. Hermione wrinkled her nose at him but Harry was feeling a bit better about this whole mess. They had their notes and they weren’t being impeded by anyone. When they reached the lift leading to the dingy alley of Muggle London Harry couldn’t keep his smile off his face.

“I feel much better now,” he said truthfully as they left the alley behind and began the short walk to the Apparition Point.

Hermione gave him a look that he could not decipher, but it seemed harmless so Harry continued to relax.

“Stress is not good for you,” she said firmly after a moment.

Harry grunted in response but said nothing else. They turned down an abandoned alley and continued until they were out of the sight of the street. Hermione pulled the thick folder from her robes and leaved through it briefly. The amount of paper that the folder held should have been impossible and not for the first time Harry mused on how cool magic was.

“I’ll take this home with me,” she said and when she looked up at him irritation was in her eyes. “It was easy to get them this time but I doubt it will be this easy again.” She gazed at him closely. “Get some rest Harry.”

He knew that there was no way he was going to be able to talk her out of barring him from his laboratory, so he saluted flippantly before he apparated away. He landed outside his front door and stared at the dark wood for a moment before pulling out his key ring and unlocking it.

The same bare flat greeted him and he stared around in silence before walking into the kitchen and bracing himself on the counter. Ive, his cat, wandered through his legs and purred. Harry nudged her affectionately with his foot before turning and opening the icebox. He stared at the empty insides for a moment before closing it and walking away.