DISCLAIMER: DON'T OWN NATURTO. DON'T OWN THE SONG. OWN THE PLOT.

Song: Counting Stars

Artist: Sugarcult

Nothing but Attention

-butIdoLOVEyoU-

000000000000

!!!!...Maybe?...!!!!

April 9, 2009: Minor Edit.

Hey, I wanna crawl out of my skin

His world seemed bitter now. Had Sasuke known his world would turn upside down he would have analyzed life closely. He was on a routine again, back on the never ending cycle of burring himself with work by day and loneliness by night.

The sun didn’t shine his way anymore and the moon didn’t illuminate his being. Life had cast him aside, at least the life he used to privilege in. A dark cloud loomed above him, never seizing its down poor of sorrow, pain and regret. A river shielded his gaze, only allowing him to see the occasional bleakness of life.

But the wind, the wind had left a devastating turmoil.

Apologize for all my sins

As he stared at the reflection across the mirror he assured him self that his eyes perceived the wrong image. The man staring back at him was not the Sasuke Uchiha that greeted him on other occasions. The man whose dull eyes bore into him seemed much older, at least one or two years older. The man looked shabby, in need of shave. His eyes wore bags, as if he had taken up to drinking and hadn’t had an ounce of sleep. His complexion was a pastel white, a sickly white.

The man wasn’t him...at least it wasn’t the cheery Sasuke that greeted him in the mornings.

‘But why should the man be cheery any more? His life was taken away from him; it had neglected to see him, three long weeks and still...’

“Who am I kidding?” Sasuke turned his back to the mirror and sat at the edge the counter he leaned on before. “I guess that’s what Naruto meant with ‘pulling together’.” He rubbed a hand under his chin, feeling the growing hair that formed his face. ‘Since when have I been going around looking like this?’

The answer was there, imprinted into him. “Alas, Friday morning.” Sasuke mumbled in a tired voice. “Another day...”

With out her.

Dejectedly he sighed. “I need a shower; a shave should do too...maybe some breakfast.” He told him self patting his stomach when he heard its grumble.

-

How long ago had it been since he entered his kitchen? It seemed like ages. He was accustomed to going without breakfast, or any sort of meal. ‘Well ever since Sakura hasn’t been around.’ He would only stop by a fast food place when he was in dire hunger, if not he could do. But now, as he stood in the kitchen it all seemed out of sort for him, to grand for a single person.

‘I wasn’t before.’

He wasn’t sure where the coffee pots were kept, or any of the items used to prepare a decent coffee. ‘Sakura knows...but she’s not here...is she?’

Shaking his head Sasuke excited the kitchen. Best leave everything were it was. Besides, he wouldn’t be late if he stopped by a coffee shop.

-

His office was quiet. It seemed quieter than at home. Last night had been the official day where he got a full eight hours of sleep. Naruto’s suggestion of retiring early for today’s meeting had been helpful. However, for the past three weeks Sasuke had only managed to spend a few hours in his apartment. He only returned when he was urged to leave the office or to head back for a change of clothes. Other than that he remained coped in his office. He wasn’t welcomed at the hospital anymore, so there was no point in going back.

In the meantime he occupied himself with work, or at least whatever he could accomplish.

The same stack of folders still sat at his desk and for two days he was reviewing the same documents. The numbers seemed to blind him.

“Sakura...” Sasuke sighed in his seat. She was the reason why he barely went home, why he couldn’t accomplish any work and why he constantly called the hospital.

All the things I should have said to you

“Things wouldn’t be like this...would they?”

He knew the answer to that and he cursed himself a million times for causing her any pain, for ruining anything they had, everything they had. It was his fault and he was damn sure of it.

He shouldn’t have gotten drunk that night; he shouldn’t have been desperate for Sakura that night. And when there was a knock at the door he should have let the person bang the door down. But it was his twisted idea while drunk that Sakura would come back knocking at his door, not being able to open it with the luggage she brought back.

How he was wrong, and how he regretted it now. He should have closed the door in Ino’s face, yes, it wouldn’t have brought about the complications it did. It wouldn’t have ruined his life, taken what he cherished the most. He wouldn’t have woken up in bed with her stark naked the next day.

“How I hate myself Sakura. How I wish I can change everything that happened.”

Hey, I can’t make it go away

Over and over in my brain again

But then he brought this upon himself.

Sasuke would never quit blaming himself for the incident that could have been easily avoided.

All the things I should have said to you

“Perhaps I should have told you what happened. I’m sure you would have understood...maybe forgiven me. At least you wouldn’t be in the hospital anymore.”

Counting stars wishing I was okay

Crashing down was my biggest mistake

I never ever ever meant to hurt you

I only did what I had to

Counting stars again

All he waited now was for Sakura to be released from the hospital. Once she was released he knew he had a chance of speaking to her without any impediments. At the hospital she had strict orders of keeping isolated from her friends, but out in the open he knew he had a chance.

‘But things wouldn’t be as so if I hadn’t let my guard down around your stupid friend.’

He really hated him self, and down to his core he knew that even if Sakura managed to forgive him he wouldn’t forgive himself. It was a sick betrayal, hurtful too, deceiving in all possible ways.

And if Sakura chose to send him to hell he was alright with that, just as long as she knew he never meant any harm to her.

Hey, I’ll take this day by day by day

Under the covers I’m okay I guess

Lost assure that I feel small

Counting stars again

‘I pray forgiveness will be my sanity...’