memoria somnium

“remembrance day”

I dream of remembrance. I dream of the past.

In my life, there is black and white. There is no grey.

When people talk about love and hate, I know that there is only love and hate.

There is no in-between.

There are no shades of grey.

Others disagree, but I beg to differ.

I love or hate.

And I’ve only loved once in my life.

There is respect.

That is not love.

There is not like.

&&

I hear them in my head.

Voices.

People think I’m insane.

I probably am.

That’s what happens to a wizard who has killed.

They are now haunted by their victims, their enemies.

For me, the count is some to high.

Even if I didn’t mutter the curse, I assisted in many demises.

And some were my classmates.

I was naïve.

I thought that getting rid of them would make me powerful.

It only made me weak.

I thought it would rid me of my worse enemies forever.

They now haunt me every day.

Why did I hate them?

He was arrogant. A snobbish idiot who happened to remarkably good at everything he tried.

She was too kind for her own good.

He strutted around as if he owned the place, forever tormenting me and hurting my soul.

She defended me, but in turn, I got jeered on by my own house because of her.

He was pureblood.

I was not.

She was a mudblood.

I was taught to despise her.

I was smart, but they were brilliant.

The teachers loved them.

I was jealous.

When the chance came for me to get revenge, I did the obvious thing and jumped.

Then they were gone.

And now, they haunt me.

I hear their voices.

“Hullo Snivellus! Levicorpus!”

“Leave him alone, you bigheaded prat!”

Then they did the worst thing, right after Graduation.

They grew up.

And he apologized, she forgave.

And I was left behind.

&&

So you see, nothing is in shades of grey.

I hated them.

But they grew up.

And died—cut short.

I haven’t grown up, and I still live in body and mind—but not emotionally.

I am dead to love.

Dead to respect and joy.

I am alive in anger and hate.

And I despise it.

I reach for my wand.

I’ve lived long enough…though I haven’t really lived.

&&

Please review and let me know what you think.

This is my first story told by Severus Snape

Cheers

Charlotte Donahue