|A Poem Read by Eppy the House Elf
Author: Fangalla Marie and Eppy the House Elf PM
Eppy the House Elf from Harry Potter & the Azkaban Parody recites a poem written by the late, great Doris Wishman.Rated: Fiction M - English - Parody/Humor - Words: 493 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 12 - Published: 01-03-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3323708
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A Poem Read by Eppy
In the auditorium, which was filled with the various wizarding dignitaries from around the planet, a small house elf wearing a little pink dress with little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem, walks onto the stage. She pauses for a moment to gaze out at her audience, before climbing the few steps to the top of the podium where she was about to recite a poem.
"Ahem," she mutters as she clears her throat and then blatantly hikes up her frilly skirt and begins molesting herself in front of the assembled wizards and witches with a little smile on her face. Finding what she was apparently looking for, she pulls out a readily recognizable "Hello Kitty" diary and opens it to the appropriate page.
"Eppy is being very happy that so many witches and wizards is being coming to be hearing this pres… presen… this reading tonight," said the elf quite happily.
Giving a little bow before looking off into the wings of the stage where her prettiful Master Harry, who was wearing his most formal dress robes, and brother Tibby, an elf recently in her master's employ who, as we all already know, has gender identity issues. Both gave her a positive thumbs up as she turned back to her crowd and began reading the poem.
"When life is being a mess, and is being all filled with stress," said Eppy before she paused dramatically. "You's is needing to being reaching for you's dildo."
A few members of the audience gasped. However, most of them didn't know what a dildo was, so they just looked confused.
"When love is being all flown, and you's is being all alone … you's is needing to being reaching for your dildo."
At this point in the recitation, some of the members who didn't know what a dildo was for were quickly being filled in by the few that did and then they too gasped.
"When's a lover you's has been thrice being caught cheating, is being telling you that his heart is still being beating. Do not be letting him stay, you's be sending him away," Eppy said with a flourish. Then once again putting her hand up her skirt, the little house elf produces a very large blood red dildo and flicks the switch turning it on. Immediately the instrument began humming and vibrating at top speed. "And then you's is being reaching for you's dildo."
Then taking her final bow, Eppy replaces the book and sexual instrument back in her skirt. However, she neglected to turn the vibrating Muggle instrument off before hand, which led to her vibrating herself off of the stage and into the wings where a very hysterical Boy Who Lived was on the floor laughing.
Thank you for reading and please review.
It really makes Eppy happy when she gets to read reviews.