Disclaimer: The characyers of "Scarecrow and Mrs. King are copyrighted to Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions. I retain the rights to the plot. This story is meant for entertainment purposes only. No infringement is intended.

Title: Mixed Emotions Author: Lanie Sparks. Date: 3/9/99 Rating: PG Synopsis: Amanda says good-bye to Dean once and for all. Takes place right after the first season epsidoe. "I Am Not Now, Nor Have I Ever Been, A Spy."

Amanda King stood outside her front door with her hand on the doorknob hesitantly. She wasn't yet ready to go inside. She wasn't prepared to answer her mother's questions about where she'd been or who she'd been with. She'd just remembered everything that had transpired in the past three days and there was no way she could explain all of that to her mother. She couldn't just come out and say she was working with spies and that's why she was kidnapped and ended up wrecking a stolen car . 'Oh, well, she thought. 'Might as well get this over with.' She turned the knob and went inside. The scene that faced her was even worse than she'd imagined, for not only was her mother there, but so was Dean. She groaned inwardly. 'Why does Dean have to be here?' Both her mother and her boyfriend jumped up when they saw her.

"Oh, Honey." Dean gushed as he swept her into his arms. "I was so worried about you. Are you ok?" He let her go to look her in the eyes. She turned her face away from his. He was the last person on earth she wanted to see right now.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work, Dean?" She snapped uncharacteristically. She was in no mood to be coddled.

"So, you remember who I am now?" He said suspiciously. "Your mother said you had amnesia."

"I did, but I'm cured now. I started remembering things while I was sitting here by myself, so I thought if I went for a walk and enjoyed the fresh air, it would help me even more." she rambled, trying to get out of answering his questions. "But why didn't you at least leave a note?" Dotty asked, rather miffed. "I was worried sick."

"I didn't think about it, Mother. You know, amnesia does funny things to your mind." Amanda said, trying to explain. She decided to change the subject. "So, Dean, you never did tell me what you're doing here."

He was silent for a moment. He was seeing a new side of Amanda and he didn't like it at all. He was trying to be patient with her, but it just seemed too convenient that she suddenly got her memory back after she missed her date with his mother. "Well, my mother called me, absolutely livid over you missing your lunch date with her. I called your mother and she told me what had happened to you and I just had to come right over. I was so worried about you, Sweetheart." He slipped his arms around her waist. She pulled away from him. "What's the matter, Amanda?" he asked, confused. He thought she'd be happy to see him. Maybe this whole amnesia thing had just been avoid meeting his mother. But why on earth wouldn't she want to meet his mother. After all, he's spent countless hours getting to know Dotty. He'd asked her to marry him. He only felt it was fitting that she meet his family.

"I'm just not feeling very well." That was the truth. She had felt sick as soon as she saw Dean standing there and realized she'd have to explain things not only to her mother, but to him as well. "I'm tired. I've been through quite an ordeal." Dean felt like a heel. All he'd been thinking about was himself. He didn't think about how hard this had been on her.

"I'm sorry. I just wasn't thinking," he said trying to be accommodating. "How about if I take you out for a nice dinner to get your mind off things?" He smiled, hoping that would get a better response out of her.

"Well, Mother's making me a pot roast tonight." She looked at her mother pleadingly.

"Yes, I am." Dotty said trying to help Amanda. She could tell Amanda was uncomfortable, but didn't really understand why she didn't want to see her boyfriend. Amanda breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing she wanted was Dean putting pressure on her again after the things she'd been through.

"Well, how about tomorrow night then? We do have a lot to talk about," he said meaningfully as he took her hand in his.

Amanda groaned inwardly. She knew what he had on his mind. "Yes, we do have a lot to talk about," Amanda agreed as she pulled her hands out of his grasp. "So, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Is that a subtle hint that you want me to leave?" He said, a little irritated, but trying not to let it show. After all, he'd taken time off from work to come see her and this is the response he got?

Now it was Amanda's turn to get irritated. Why wouldn't he just take the hint and leave? "Well, I'm really sleepy. I feel like I need a nap." She was trying to get through to him that she wanted to be left alone. "Besides after that car wreck, my nerves are still shot."

"Ok, Sweetheart, I understand." He kissed her quickly and left.

"See, Darling?" Her mother said when he was gone. "That is the kind of man you need in your life. He's so patient and understanding."

"Yes, he is."Amanda sighed unhappily, rolling her eyes.

"And boring, I know."Dotty added.

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to, Dear. I've known you for 33 years, Amanda and I can tell whether something sparks your interest or not. And it seems to me that there aren't any sparks between you and Dean of any kind." Amanda nodded.

"I know that I should be grateful that that I have a great guy like that. I mean how many men are there that would be interested in a woman who's already got two kids? Did I tell you that he asked me to marry him?"

Dotty looked at her, wide-eyed. "No, you didn't." She was getting excited. It was about time she got married again. "So, when's the big day?" She couldn't believe Amanda hadn't told her that Dean had proposed.

"There isn't one. I told him I need some more time." Dotty just looked at her incredulously. " I feel just awful being so mean to him, but he's just not what I want." Amanda continued before her mother could say anything. "He's too patient and understanding. Sometimes I wish he'd just get good and mad at me and yell at me or something, so at least I'd know he was alive." 'Like Lee' she thought. 'We always have the worst arguments. He can be so infuriating. But he's always there when I need him.' Dotty laughed.

"I know what you mean. There was this guy I dated before I met your daddy who was just like Dean. Dependable, predictable, sweet, patient...and one big yawn."

"Really? So, what'd you do?"Amanda had to know. This could be her solution.

"I told him to take a hike, then I met your daddy that same week and before I knew it, I was hooked. He was so much fun. I'd never been with anyone like him. It was meant to be, I was sure of it."

"Sometimes, I just feel like Dean is just a clone of Joe." Amanda admitted softly. "I don't want to make the same mistake twice."

Dotty sat quietly for a moment, pondering everything Amanda was telling her. "I hope you won't think I'm being nosy, but is there someone else in your life?"

"What? Someone else? No. Why do you ask?" Dotty nodded , knowing all too well that when her daughter answered a question with a question that there was something she was trying to hide. So, there must have been at least a little truth there.

"Just the way you disappear so much and you get these strange calls and go rushing out of the house at a moment's notice." She explained, trying to get some spark of the truth out of Amanda. "Not to mention you thought Dean was fine up until a couple of months ago." she pointed out.

"Mother..." Amanda gave up. She didn't have the strength to argue anymore.

"A man like that isn't what you need either."

"A man like what?" Amanda asked innocently.

"You know, the kind that expects you to drop whatever you're doing to meet his needs." Amanda shook her head in disbelief. 'If only you knew.' she thought.

"Mother, really, I'm not involved with anyone else."

"It's none of my business, really." She said, trying a different approach. "I'm only your mother and you are an adult."

Amanda knew where this was going. The guilt trip. But she could play that game as well as Dotty could. She saw her opportunity and seized it. She put her hand to her head. "I think I am going to take that nap. I'm really bushed. And, you know, I think that headache is coming back."

"Oh, Darling!" Dotty gushed. "I'm so sorry. Do you want me to bring you anything. An aspirin?" She asked with motherly concern. She felt terrible now for asking all those probing questions when she knew Amanda had suffered a terrible ordeal.

"No, I just think I need to lie down for a while and give my head a rest.

"You want me to wake you when dinner's ready?"

"That'd be nice." She headed upstairs. Dotty watched her go and shook her head. Her thoughts turned back to their conversation. She looked up the stairs toward her daughter's room and it suddenly dawned on her that she'd been tricked. Oh well, she'd make up for it later.

"Hmmm. I wonder who the new man in her life is." She said aloud.

Later, that evening, Amanda was helping the boys with their homework, while Dotty was in the kitchen cleaning up.

"I'm really proud of you boys. You're both doing so well in school now."

"How's my math look, Mom?" Phillip asked.

"Terrific, Sweetheart." She ruffled his hair affectionately. "Now, why don't you both go upstairs and get ready for bed and I'll be up in a minute to tuck you in."

"OK." both boys said as they raced up the stairs. The phone rang, Dotty picked it up.

"Hello?...Hold on... Amanda, it's for you. "Amanda got up to answer the phone.

"Hello?" Amanda answered cautiously.

"Hi." Lee said cheerfully. Amanda looked at her mother and smiled a false smile. She took the phone with her into the living room.

"You can't call me here!" She hissed. Dotty just looked at her and smiled knowingly. Amanda turned away, knowing she'd hear about it later. She could only imagine what her mother must be thinking about all this.

"I just called to see how you were feeling."he said feigning innocence.

"Couldn't this have waited? I had a hard enough time trying to figure out how to explain where I was." she whispered.

"I need you."he admitted, reluctantly. He hated to ask for her assistance again after what he'd just put her through, but he didn't know what else to do.

"What do you mean you need me? Right now?" She realized she'd said that louder than she'd intended. She gave a backward glance toward her mother. Dotty just raised a curious eyebrow.

"Yes, right now. I need you to help me with a little job."

"I can't right now." How on earth could she explain being gone again this soon?

"I'm desperate. Please. I know you've been through a lot in the last couple of days, but I really need you. Can you please meet me at my place?"

"Your place?" she asked suspiciously. Dotty edged closer to hear what was going on. Her curiosity was growing.

"All right. I'm on my way." She hung up, frustrated. This day just refused to die in peace. Her mother looked at her, burning with curiosity.

"Well, who was that, Dear?"

"That was...um...Mr. Johnson. He has a sick parakeet that needs looking after."

"Ah, I see." She said, not believing it for a minute. Amanda started to leave when her mother called after her. "You know, these things never last, Amanda!"

"Oh, I know, Mother. I'm sure the parakeet will be fine in no time." Amanda replied, deliberately misinterpreting her mother's comment.

"You know what I'm talking about. This...this...thing you've got going."

"Mother, I do not have a thing."

"Sure, Dear. Whatever you say. That's why you get these mysterious phone calls all the time and just run out of the house like you're going to a fire." Dotty stated. She decided to try a slightly different angle. Amanda took Dotty's moment of silence as a cue to try to escape. She headed toward the coat closet with her mother hot on her heels. "You know, if you're having an affair, you really need to let Dean go. It's not fair to lead him on." Amanda turned and stared at her mother in disbelief.

"Mother, I'm not leading him on. I care for Dean. He's a good person." Dotty nodded in agreement.

"But obviously not good enough if you're running after this other man." Amanda heaved a sigh of frustration.

"I really need to go." She said, desperate to escape. "Duty calls." She said as she flew out the door before her mother could question her further.

Lee and Amanda were sitting in his car keeping an eye on the building across the street. Amanda was rather irritated with Lee.

"I still don't understand this." She complained. "You call me at my house when I'm almost ready to retire for the night. You tell me I have to meet you at your place rather than at the agency, and all you'll tell me is that we have to watch this building and you won't tell me what we're watching for. How am I supposed to watch if I don't know what I'm looking for?"

Lee sighed. Amanda was the only person he knew who could rattle off a million things in one breath like that. "Look, Amanda, I told you before it's..."

"...Need to know." She finished for him. "Yes, I know, but don't you think that when you drag me out of my house in the middle of the night that I have a need to know?"

"First of all, I didn't drag you out of the house. You came on your own. Second, I'd hardly call ten o'clock the middle of the night."

"You know what I mean. Lee, I demand to know what's going on." Lee ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. No one could push his buttons the way Amanda could.

"All right. Here it is. I'm staking out this building on my own. The agency doesn't know anything about it."

"Why?" Amanda wanted to know.

"Because I think that there was another man involved with the men who grabbed you. The agency is convinced that this case is closed and I wanted to check it out. They..." he looked at her and couldn't say what he was thinking.

"They what?" Amanda wanted to know what was going on.

"Since we caught the men responsible for the airport incident, they think that's all there is to it. They don't think someone of your status is important enough to worry about."

"...But you do?"

"I do what?" He started fidgeting in his seat.

"Think I'm important enough to worry about."

"Well,... we are...friends." He managed to choke out. Oncoming headlights startled him. He pulled Amanda close to him.

"Friends, huh?"

"Shhh." he said, silencing her. The approaching car came to a stop. He peered cautiously out and noticed that it was a police cruiser. He pulled Amanda closer and lightly kissed her, trying to make it look as if they were lovers as the policeman in the car got out and walked toward his car. Amanda protested at first, but then kissed him back. It had been a long time since she'd been kissed like that. The policeman knocked at the window, breaking the spell.

"Hey, what's going on?" He said. Lee rolled down the window.

"Can't me and my lady friend have a little privacy? That's what we came out here for in the first place."

"Move it along, Buddy. This isn't the makeout spot and you two certainly aren't teenagers, so beat it!" Amanda blushed, knowing what the officer must be thinking.

"Oh, all right." Lee grumbled, playing up his act as he started his car and pulled away.

"Get a room." The policeman muttered under his breath as he walked back to his car.

A short while later, Amanda was walking into the house to find her mother still waiting up for her. "So, how's Tweety?" Dotty asked. "Tweety?" Amanda asked. She'd already forgotten the lie she'd told her mother.

"Tweety."

"Oh, Tweety. He's fine. He'll be all better in no time at all."

"And how's Mr. Johnson?" She asked.

"He's fine."

"Is he now?"

"Mother, what are you implying?"

"I'm not implying anything. I just wondered why you flew out of here like you did, supposedly because Mr. Johnson's parakeet is sick. Then I see Mrs. Johnson's car go down the street on the way to their house and you suddenly come home."

"I don't think I like what you're suggesting."

"Look at you, Amanda you're a wreck. Your clothes are all messed up, your lipstick is smeared and you just have a guilty look on your face."

"What look? I don't look guilty because I don't have anything to feel guilty about."

"Amanda, don't you know that married men never leave their wives for their lovers."

"Well, it doesn't matter, Mother, because I'm not anyone's lover."

"Then what was all this about Mr. Johnson tonight. Maybe I should call Mrs. Johnson and have a talk with her."

"No! Don't do that!" Her cover would be blown if her mother called the Johnsons and found out she hadn't been anywhere near their house tonight.

"Then tell me the truth."

"Mother, I'm exhausted. I've had a long day and I just want to go to bed."

"It seems to me you've already done that once tonight."

"Mother!" Amanda was shocked that her mother could suggest such a thing.

"I'm sorry, I'm just concerned for your well-being."

"Mother, there's nothing for you to worry about. There's nothing going on between me and Mr. Johnson. I just look after his parakeet. That's it. Now I really need to get some sleep. I'm worn out."

"Ok, Dear. Good night."

"good night." Amanda said as she headed up the stairs. She got to her room and started undressing for bed. She couldn't believe what had happened. She'd wondered for a long time what it would be like to really kiss Lee. Now she knew. As she took her clothes off, her imagination started running wild. She began wondering what it would be like to do other things with Lee. "Stop it!" she told herself. "You've got a great boyfriend who loves you. Besides it was just part of the job anyway." She slipped her nightgown over her head and climbed in bed. She lightly touched her fingers to her still tender lips. She fell asleep reminded of what Lee's kiss had felt like.

TO BE CONTINUED