|The Fire In Your Eyes
Author: JuliaKerns5 PM
[WARNING: slash][RLSB][MWPP era][ONESHOT] Remus is in love with Sirius but is too afraid to tell him and attempts to proceed to big measures to avoid him. Sirius, however, is having none of it.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Romance - Remus L. & Sirius B. - Words: 5,414 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 2 - Published: 01-08-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3331868
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
AN: So, everyone, another little ficlet I made just for you, so don't you dare complain! Now, this one is for my very good friend and penpal and writer-idol, HermioneGranger47393, who makes the best Tom/Hermione and Harry/Hermione stories EVER! This is for her and all the help she's given me, and once my darned computer internet will work again, this will be up waiting for reviews. I'd love to be under favorites, and have reviews! That's why we write these anyway, eh? Anyway, this is the first ficlet I've posted, but not the first I've written. Hope you like it and review your opinions, I really don't mind flames. The last warning I'll give is: this is slash, so don't support, don't read.
The Fire In Your Eyes
As he grazed the isles of Honeydukes, he couldn't help but stop to listen to the next Christmas song blasting on. Christmas time was really in spirit now, he thought, skirting a first year who was merrily humming along to the tunes. He had imagined that he would have come up to him by now. Thinking that if he already was with him, he wouldn't be shopping alone in Honeydukes, he'd probably be chasing him thorought Zonkos at the moment or enjoying butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks with him.
His mind seemed to have drifted off, because several fifth years were now shoving him away impatiently to get to the cockroach clusters in the shelf behind him. He mumbled an apology before speeding off back into the snow-blanketed Hogsmeade outside.
The warmth of Honeyduke's shop dispersed immediately as he stepped out into the howling wind and bowed his head into his scarf. He had imagined the most spectacular Christmas with him, but he was probably serving his detention at the moment – not thinking about spending Christmas with his gay friend.
"Stop it." He muttered to himself sharply, traipsing through the snow towards the nearby warmth of the Three Broomsticks. Other students were bustling around the winter wind, complaining loudly to the friends they had come with about the weather. Remus shuffled into the warm pub, which at the moment was crowded and smelling of fresh bread and cinnamon. A whiff of butterbeer blew under his nose as Madam Rosmerta carried trays of glasses by him, and he took his scarf off.
"Remus! Hey, REMUS!" A voice yelled from the bar booth, and Remus turned sharply around the see James and Peter sipping at butterbeer glasses from their Gryffindor mittens. Bags of Zonko's merchandise lay on their table. They waved at him frantically and motioned for him to join him.
Remus squeezed around the chairs and joined James and Peter at the bar. He pulled off his mittens and ordered a butterbeer as James rattled off about their successful Christmas shopping.
" – so you better give me a bloody big pile of presents this year because that book was expensive – " James was mumbling darkly, throwing Remus a napkin.
"Where's Sirius?" He interrupted shortly.
"Still in detention," James said disappointedly. "Guess he'll miss today's visit because Peter and I were just about to head back."
"Yes." He said absentmindedly, staring hopefully at the pub door, wishing it to open again to Sirius' disheveled hair and bright smile.
"Oi, Moony!" James yelled, interrupting Remus' thoughts loudly.
"Sorry," He mumbled, pulling the robe closer around him. "I think I'll head back now." Remus announced suddenly, standing up from his chair and abandoning his half-drunken butterbeer glass.
Peter looked at Remus mournfully. "Oh, but Remus, just stay a tad longer–" He pleaded, but Remus shook his head.
"I want to get a start with Binn's essay – so I'll see you later." He said with finality, and made his way through the laughter and talk of the tables without another word.
But he already had finished his essay, so when he made his way through the snowy streets of Hogsmeade and landed in the empty Gryffindor Common Room, he had nothing better to do than sit in a musty corner and read in the shadows.
But he couldn't really read. He had been reading the same line for almost fifteen minutes now.
An antidote used all too commonly is known as the bezoar, which makes them rather rare in general finding…
He wished desperately for Sirius to sit next to him – to talk and laugh with him, or even bother him about reading too much. Anything to make Sirius laugh his beautiful laugh or talk to him.
An antidote used all too commonly is known as the bezoar, which makes them rather rare in general finding…
If only Remus had the courage to say something to him about this pesty, bothersome feeling of his that went with him everywhere he went and prevented him from listening during classes, being able to read properly, write an essay scraping higher than a 'P', or just wanting to lean forward and kiss his lips…
An antidote used all too commonly is known as the bezoar, which makes them rather rare in general finding…
But Remus did not possess such courage, or would he ever. I'm a lousy Gryffindor. Remus thought bitterly, biting his bottom lip in frustration.
He had just read this line for about the eleventh time, this time mouthing the words and finally realizing that the thick volume he was attempting to read would not cease his wonderings, since he had merely turned two pages. He slammed the book shut.
"Darn you, Sirius Black. You're preventing me from doing everything I like." Remus said darkly to the forgotten book on the end table next to him.
If only he would just say it once – mumble it to his sleeping form – or say it silently during breakfast once, or even write it on the side of a wing of a paper airplane and whiz it past Sirius' ear…
He would be willing to do anything out of his character, as long as he told him before he graduated.
No, before that, I'll be too busy with N.E.W.T.s. Remus reminded himself dully, and then sighed. I'm too much of geek to tell someone I love them.
His eyes widened as he heard himself say the last of his thoughts. Did he really love Sirius?
Why had he never noticed something so obvious before? Did he show his feelings consciously, too, without realizing? Why hadn't he taken the time to really think about his feelings and stop himself from falling so far into Sirius' irresistible charm that he couldn't possibly fall back out again?
Remus sighed as he clapped a hand over his forehead, rough scars under his fingers. What had he done to himself?
He buried his face completely into his hands and felt two spots on his palms grow watery from frustrated tears clinging to his lashes…
"Hello?" The portrait hole opened, and Remus lifted his head, drying his eyes hastily, even though the space underneath them was dark and red, as well as the fact that his eyes were bloodshot.
"Sirius?" He said chokily, clearing his throat quickly.
"Moony? What are you doing here? Why aren't you in Hogsmeade with Prongs and Peter?"
"I – uh, came back to finish my essay." He said quickly.
A grin formed on Sirius' face. "Oh, come on, Moony! You know I know you don't have any essays to finish." He answered slyly.
"Um – you'd be surprised," He answered lamely, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "How was your detention?" Remus added casually, hoping to change the subject.
"Oh – that – it was fine, sort of useless, just sorting files and writing lines. That wretched caretaker better not make me do tha – what happened to your eyes?" Sirius said concernedly, stopping in mid sentence and walking up to Remus to examine the wariness of his face.
"I'm fine." He responded immediately, promptly stepping backward.
"No, you are not, Moony! Your entire face is dark and puffy."
"Oh, that's nice." Remus said sharply.
"Shush, you. No offense meant. What were you doing?"
"Um – allergies in Hogsmeade–"
"What are you allergic to? Snow? Everything out there is dead, Remus!" Sirius shot back to him.
"It was cold out there, and it's not easy trampling through three feet of snow." Remus said logically.
"Rubbish. You know better than to let yourself freeze red outside in the cold." He brought up a hand to examine the dark circles under Remus' eyes that indicating only his wariness.
His hand rested on his cheek and Remus fought the urge to simply move forward and close his eyes. He wanted to savor this moment, but he didn't want to make his time harder than it already was.
Sirius' thumb brushed the redness evident under Remus' eyes and Sirius thought he felt Remus shiver.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked softly, removing his hand and leaving a forlorn yet warm patch on Remus' cheek. He wanted halfway to have his hand back on his face, and halfway wanted to be alone in the common room again and not having to worry about loving the fact that Sirius seemed to worry about him so much.
"Yeah," He answered gradually, shoving Sirius away by the shoulder and absently grabbing the book he had abandoned earlier. "I'm a little busy, so will you excuse me?" Remus said rather coldly, crumbling slightly at the hurt look on Sirius' face.
"Okay," He said slowly, sounding hurt. "I, uh, I have stuff to do, too. I-I'll see you later, Moony." Sirius said disappointedly. Remus felt an immediate regret of being so harsh with him. He felt more tears in his eyes and felt grateful that Sirius was gone at the moment and couldn't watch him break like this. He felt non-too-male and much more girly – he had never seen Sirius or James weep when they hurt someone's feelings.
He just couldn't talk to Sirius. Just like now, when he was so afraid of saying something he shouldn't – it made him seem distant and be able to say nothing. It made him feel horrible, hurting Sirius like this and having to be so secretive. If he would have troubles like this while being with Sirius, Sirius would probably hug him gently and help him soothingly. And now, even if, he never would, because Remus would have to remain distant like this until he would be over his feelings, which Remus felt might never happen.
He could feel the bottom drop out of his world as he made this decision. What would Sirius do? He asked himself as he slumped up the boy dormitory stairs. He probably has never been in a situation like this before, he doesn't need to ask the girls; they throw themselves at his feet.
He fell onto his bed while thinking this thought, turning around and screaming silently into his pillow.
"He doesn't have such a good life, you know." Remus mumbled into the pillow, a muffled sentence coming out that was quite unintelligible. That's true. His family, his brothers here to haunt him, detentions, girls throwing themselves at him must get rather annoying now, N.E.W.T.s, and now me being extremely cold and distant to him must add up to a pretty horrible time here. He pondered, crumpling the blankets as he turned over again. He subconsciously smoothed the wrinkles.
If only I would be as carefree as him, he thought frustratingly.
He sat up and eyed the curtains surrounding his four-poster. He shouldn't let his mind wander, if he would, he'd have to curse himself for it. But he couldn't help himself, especially after being so cruel to him…
If only Sirius would be here right now. Brushing the hair out of his eyes, hugging him contentedly…
"Noo…" He thought desperately. He couldn't let himself live on dreams and hopes like this. It was often the feeling he got in the morning sometimes when he had had too much butterbeer or Christmas pudding the other night, stumbled to bed way too late, and when his alarm would ring he couldn't help but fall asleep again. Every part of his bed would seem comfortable and multiple times he would try to get up and fail multiple times, too.
But this was worse.
His watch was ticking in his ear as his eyes closed. He had Transfiguration with Sirius and James in fifteen minutes. Why not be early when he had nothing else left to do?
When he walked into the halls, students littered with snowflakes were bustling in, talking excitedly and shivering. A puddle of melting snow stood where the crowd of Hogsmeade visitors stood. Remus ignored them and made his way to the classroom.
When he reached the classroom, nobody was in it except Professor McGonagall who was scribbling something fervently on the blackboard and nodding curtly in his direction to acknowledge his arrival. But he did not expect Sirius to be sitting in the very back of class, looking as though he had arrived more than half and hour ago. Remus couldn't bring himself to smile as he took the corner seat next to him and placed down his bag. Sirius tossed him a glance of sadness. His own eyes looked like they had been leaking.
"I'm sorry," He said eventually, causing Remus to look at him with wide eyes. "I don't know why I'm acting so weird. It's just… you need someone to worry about you Remus." He said in a cheerless and rather worried voice. He placed a hand on Remus' dry one that was perched on his desk. He could feel himself blush.
"What are you apologizing for, Sirius? It's me who should be sorry," Remus whispered (not to arouse attention from McGonagall) and looked down at his hands that were fidgeting in his lap. "I shouldn't be so distant to you." He finished, and felt a second later warm arms wrapping themselves around Remus' shoulders.
Remus flushed furiously as warmth spread all thorought him. He could close his eyes and relax like this forever, but before he knew it Sirius had pulled back and was looking at his desk blankly.
If he wouldn't have stopped himself, more tears would have fell onto his cheeks about the memory of being with Sirius like this. He hadn't ever remembered being looked at like this before from him, only a heartbroken stare interspersed with worry.
He wanted desperately to say, 'I love you, Sirius', but at that moment students were filing in, including James.
"God, man, you missed the entire visit!" James said to Sirius, slapping his shoulder as he took the seat next to him.
McGonagall turned sharply around and Remus took out a sheaf of parchment for notes, causing James to 'tut' next to him.
Remus did not know how he got through that lesson; Sirius being unnaturally quiet, James ranting silently, and McGonagall snapping at him for attention. In the end, he had hurried out of the room as fast as he could, slumping, with a detention on his back for 'unenthusiastic attentiveness'. James and Sirius had taken longer to pack their things, and by the time they reached the Great Hall to meet Remus, he was already shoveling lunch fruits into his mouth at top speed and attempting to hurry off into the library without having to run into Sirius.
"C'mon, Rem – you barely spent any time with us during the visit to Hogsmeade–"
"It was cold, James." Remus interjected stubbornly, refusing to meet Sirius' eyes.
"You're too stubborn for your own good, Moony." He added bitterly, within mouthfuls of sandwiches.
"Don't talk with your mouth full," Remus complained, pretending to not hear his earlier statement, beginning to pack his book bag.
James stared incredulously at him.
"Manners." Remus finished obstinately, swinging the bag over his shoulder and departing.
The library was Remus' home.
He knew it as the trustiest place in Hogwarts, with no interruptions, and a place where he could get his homework done if he couldn't finish it in class because of the racket Sirius and James were making.
Nobody tormented him, annoyed him, bothered him, or preventing him from working here, and that was the way he liked it.
But not now.
Bent over the dusty bookshelves, murmuring titles of books to himself, for the first time, the library felt cold, lonely, and gloomy.
This was the way Peter or Sirius described it all the time, and Remus had always brushed off their complaints, since he was comfortable there and oblivious to their musings about the place.
The cracked oak, dusty bookshelves, and lurking darkness for the first time, scared Remus, and out of his wits, too, because he had never felt that way before to a place that had seemed like home so much.
Utterly confused, he tried to pull out 'Hogwarts, A History' and begin reading in his favorite corner, but it was too unnerving. The feeling that he was alone for good loomed and hovered over him uncomfortably. He sighed, but only a strangled gasp really came out.
Normally, Sirius would have been glad that the downfall and the 'voice of reason' of their pranks was occupied in the library, but Sirius had never felt so frustrated. Remus saw him practically jump up and rush over to him, considering to hug him actually, from the looks of it, but instead just lead him to the couch and pushed him down, when Remus walked through the portrait hole.
"It was just the library, Padfoot, nothing interesting." Remus said warily, falling into the armrest of the couch.
"I suppose. I haven't been doing much either." Sirius said disappointedly.
For a moment, the boys' eyes lingered over each other, and Remus' thoughts automatically switched over to what they both could be doing.
Suddenly, the portrait hole opened with a slight creak, and Remus and Sirius both jumped at the sight of a gray house elf struggling into the common room.
Remus checked his watch immediately, and realized that it had been around one o'clock. No wonder the elves were cleaning right now.
"Wha–" Sirius started, and Remus felt his left arm being grasped from behind. He recognized Sirius' firm grasp and shivered slightly.
"They're cleaning, Padfoot." Remus said gently, nodding apologetically to the dumbfounded house elf and dragging Sirius up the stairs to the dormitories.
Peter was snoring and James' hangings had been roughly and messily pulled around his bed. The windows had been opened and Remus felt a rush of cold but refreshing air float over to him as the darkness of the tower dawned onto the two marauders.
Remus said goodnight to Sirius as hastily as he could, and clambered into bed without further ado, only bothering to take off his cloak, tie, and shoes.
"I… I can't do this, Remus." A blurry shape said slowly, and Remus gasped.
"Do what, Sirius?" Remus asked worriedly, a cliché of some dramatic novel coursing through his brain.
"Remus, I can't fall in love with a monster." Remus felt slightly light headed. "I tried to say that I had feelings for you, and that I did love you, but I can't deny it anymore. I never really could fall in love with someone so destructive."
Tears were blurring everything again, and Remus felt his cloak becoming slightly soaked at the front.
Remus screamed, shouted, more like, into nothing, his eyes shut tightly, even though his voice was caught in his throat and he wasn't able to say anything.
Gulping madly, Remus felt at the sheets around him with a clammy hand and forced open his eyes. His entire still-dressed self was damp with sweat.
He glanced over nervously, seeing the open hangings of Sirius' bed and Sirius' figure inside of them. Remus sighed and reluctantly and shakily got up.
The air still brushing into the tower, he climbed over to window, which was blowing in steady wind and breathed in the air slowly. His heart was practically in his head, thumping in his ears loudly. He closed his eyes, but only the scene of himself being rejected by Sirius himself swam in. Darn it all.
He was just about to curse under his breath when he heard his name being called groggily.
"Remus? What in Hogwarts has possessed you to freeze your face in the middle of a winter night?" Sirius' voice called from his bed and Remus froze in his position.
He strode over to Remus, accompanying him at the window.
"You're freezing, Moony," He said softly, throwing a hand over his shoulder. "And why are you dressed?"
"I – I fell asleep like that–" Remus muttered hoarsely.
"Were you up studying?" Sirius cut across him suspiciously.
Remus was about to say 'no', and explain the dream, when the realistic and logical side of him took over and he forced himself to nod.
"Gods, Rem. It's got to be three in the morning." Sirius mused, rubbing Remus' shoulders slightly.
As an impulse, Remus suddenly leaned his head into Sirius' neck, and almost immediately regretted it when he felt Sirius tense.
He wanted so badly to right then, right now, to whisper into his neck 'I love you, Sirius, I love you', and just cry out his worries. But Sirius was leading him back to his bed – no, back to Sirius' bed, actually. He pushed him down onto the left side and slid into the other.
Remus smelled an assortment of chocolate, dog, and butterbeer scent from the sheets of Sirius' bed. He felt himself shiver subconsciously as Sirius placed an arm around Remus. He found himself curling up to his warm body but simply not being able to sleep with Sirius this close to him.
Remus woke up that morning in Sirius' bed, their hands entangled unconsciously and their bodies almost touching. It was a wonder that he was even able to sleep last night with Sirius so close to him, his hands practically around his waist.
But now, Remus had to get out of this bed.
His heart was still hammering in his head as he felt Sirius' breath on his neck, tickling his skin ever-so slightly. He would actually have a panic-attack if he stayed here.
"Butterbeer, Remus?" James offered lazily, a certain drunk feature in his face as his eyes rolled slightly. Sirius swayed on the spot as he walked forward.
Remus scoffed. "McGonagall said we aren't allowed to have those in here, you little sneaks!" Remus snapped bitterly, snatching up the bottle, but these words didn't register to James, only the fact that his butterbeer bottle was gone had registered to James.
He had had the worst day, finding himself absolutely drenched in his Euphoria potion and immediately brought to the hospital wing, jumping and skipping, by Sirius. Afterwards, he was thrown out of the library, nearly choked on his dinner, and dropped a bottle of ink over his entire Ancient Runes homework.
"Where is Peter?" He barked at Sirius, who pointed toward a limp form in the armchair.
"Perhaps YOU should go to bed," Remus shot at James' dizzy form. "I don't have the tolerance for you goons today."
Sirius stumbled forward and almost knocked into Remus.
"C'mon, Reeeeemie! It's the h-h-holidays!" He hiccupped, James falling over finally and slumping his head sideways.
They were alone now, Remus mused, laughing at his wonderings. And Sirius had gotten efficiently drunk. Basically, he could kiss Sirius without him knowing…
Remus smiled sincerely at Sirius, who laughed lazily. Within one moment, Remus had grabbed Sirius' face and locked their lips tightly together, the warmth of butterbeer pouring into his mouth slightly. Sirius moaned and Remus released him.
"You've had too much butterbeer, Moony." Sirius acknowledged slowly, before falling backward hopelessly onto the couch.
Remus' lips burned as he wished to have them together again, for it was turning slightly addictive to him. He mouthed, 'I love you' to Sirius' unconscious form and traipsed up, a feeling of heartbrokenness and hopelessness in him. He had spelled himself into even more damage that Sirius would not even remember.
"Hey, Moony, I have Transfiguration detention with you tonight." Sirius called to Remus at lunch the following day. Remus put down the pitcher sternly.
"What have you done, Padfoot?"
"Nothing, I only hexed that Bloke Walters – or Wilson, in class–"
Remus sighed. "I shouldn't have expected more. I'm going for a walk."
"In the snow?" He asked disbelievingly.
"Yes. Fresh air, Sirius." He answered quickly, before grabbing his scarf and walking out of the Great Hall.
He had barely stepped two steps when he heard pounding footsteps behind him. Sharply turning, he saw Sirius pelting toward him with black mittens on.
"I'm coming along. I could use some fresh air, too." He said lightly and slightly innocently, following Remus' steps to the outdoors.
Slipping several times on the ice when they walked forward to the lake, the two boys were slightly drenched from snow and snowball fights when they settled onto the frozen surface.
Sirius staggered up next to him, laughing and falling onto the ice. He sent a snowball onto his head.
"So much for fresh air." Remus remarked coldly, shoving snow off of his head.
"You look cute with snow on your head, Moony," Sirius spurted out, and Remus felt his stomach churn. "And there's still some on your head." He laughed, taking his gloved hand and brushing snow off of his head. Remus was too close to feeling physically nauseous. He stood up.
"It's freezing out here, and I've had enough snowball fun." He announced firmly, dragging Sirius up.
"And we're going to miss our detention, Padfoot."
"I forgot about that." Sirius replied dully from his side, removing his jacket.
"I'm not going to."
"Sort these files, Mr. Lupin. Mr. Black, you may write these lines. I'll be back within the hour to check on your progress." McGonagall said sharply, shoving a box and paper into both of their hands and nodding curtly.
"Yes Professor." Remus responded immediately, Sirius merely grunting as he whipped out his quill.
As McGonagall left the room, Sirius had immediately dropped his quill, and started badgering Remus into talk.
"Shut up, Sirius, I need to get at least two hundred files done. And at least half of them are detentions from you and James." Remus muttered darkly. Sirius playfully flicked his wand around the room. The chair in front of them rose slightly.
"Sirius!" Remus shrieked, taking out his own wand and determinedly lowering the chair as Sirius laughed.
"That was hilarious, Moony." Sirius mused within laughter, slapping him playfully on the arm. Remus automatically put a scarred hand there, a tingly sensation coursing through him. He determinedly looked away from his eyes and onto the paper, he was sure his face was burning and blushing furiously.
"No it wasn't, you incompetent devil. You're supposed to be writing lines." He instructed sharply, motioning toward the almost empty parchment.
"You're no fun, Remus."
"I thought that was established a long time ago."
"That I'm efficiently boring, unnaturally abnormal, and absolutely no fun." Remus felt Sirius stop writing next to him, while he was still scribbling feverishly.
"I don't think you're boring." He said solemnly.
"Shut up, Sirius, you're not that good of a liar with your friends." Remus brushed off absentmindly.
"And you aren't abnormal. You're lots of fun, too."
Remus sighed and lifted his head. "I am everything but normal, Padfoot. I'm a werewolf who's most exciting and fun moment of the month is reading a book that is not study material." He said quickly, returning to his box of files.
"C'mon, Rem, you should give yourself more credit."
"There's nothing to give credit on, Sirius." He dismissed aimlessly.
"I know you want to end the 'talking'. But I want to talk to you." Sirius repeated stubbornly.
"Talk to me later, Padfoot, not during freaking detention!"
Sirius cast him a dark look. "Nothing moves you, does it?"
"No, Sirius, hopeless case." Remus said, barely listening now and not even raising his head.
"That time of month again, is it, Remus?"
"Sirius, why aren't you asleep?" Remus asked helplessly, eyeing his watch.
"Why aren't you?" Sirius asked, his eyes narrow, as he yanked apart Remus' bed hangings in his pajama bottom. Remus gulped, he was sure that everyone had heard him.
"N.E.W.T.s, Sirius. Something you should be studying for."
"I'm not lazy."
"I never said you were." Remus said, feeling Sirius slip in by the side of his bed and prop himself up against the pillow like Remus. He tried to shake his thoughts out of his head. He's your friend… Your best friend… He doesn't see you like that… Don't ruin anything…
"You were implying it, you demented prune."
"Don't call me a prune, Sirius. What are you doing here?" His voice softened.
"To talk to you."
"Oh, Sirius, didn't you get enough of that in detention?" Remus asked warily, throwing the book onto the nightstand impatiently.
"I'm serious, Moony," Sirius whispered softly. "You look so weary." He acknowledged, scanning his face and brushing the spot under his eyes. Remus trembled slightly.
"I – just – what – stop it, Sirius–" He stuttered, waiting for Sirius to laugh at him.
Sirius cupped his chin in his hand. He really didn't want to be charmed anymore into Sirius' handsomeness, his gentleness, everything about him, even if Sirius didn't try in the beginning.
"I'm not always a child, you know."
"I'm sure you aren't." Remus breathed, quivering as Sirius' other hand cupped his cheek and brushed the hair out of his eyes.
"I love you, Sirius." Remus blurted out, forcing himself not to slap a hand on his mouth or look away. His eyes closed suddenly.
"Remus…" Remus didn't want to lift his head, he was too afraid of what he'd see, or hear. Remus hangs his head limply, but Sirius lifts it with his hand and solemnly looks in his amber eyes.
It was the look that he had given him, that Remus was assured something – no longer despair and distance; he was a friend again at the moment, and more, perhaps.
He felt Sirius lean in to kiss him, and Remus took one more sharp intake of breath before their lips actually met, and he gulps when he feels Sirius' tongue slipping into his own mouth. He can't help sliding his hands into his hair and falling backward onto the bed as Sirius wrapped his arms protectively around his waist. He sighed onto his mouth, murmured, "I love you, Sirius' for the second time, and felt Sirius say it back, moaning onto his lips.
Sirius pulled back and looked earnestly into his eyes.
"I'm a monster, Sirius." Remus blurted out, unable to keep it to himself for any longer.
"What?! Remus, you're not a monster," Sirius said soothingly, brushing the hair out Remus' eyes. "Please don't believe that you are…"
"But that's what makes me scrawny and ugly. There's nothing irresistible about a body full of scars and wounds. Besides, I'm not good enough for you."
"What makes you think either of those things, Remus? You're beautiful, to me you'll always be that way, and I don't care how many scars you have. I'm not good enough for you, Remus."
Remus shook his head. "Please, Padfoot, you're Sirius Black."
"Yes. Doesn't that ring lovely with Remus Lupin?" Sirius asks dismissively, brushing off the topic.
Remus barely has time to nod before Sirius leans in to kiss him again.