Wow, I wrote this months ago and now im posting this. Its pointless as ive probably lost 98 of my fan following. Ah well, let's reward the last 2 with this chapter. Yay!

Ah, 'tis the final chapter of this crazy story. Don't cry, don't weep, just send me some money. Now, as this is the final chapter, this means the story is going to end, which means there are going to be no more chapters, which means that this story will no longer continue which means… You get the message.

Now, all copyright holders should take all their claims to fanfiction, not me. I'm just someone. And, if you've read the whole story up to this far and haven't bothered to review, you obviously eat too much Mcdonalds. And sorry for taking so long to update but I have to tell you for the umpteenth time that I update faster when I get more reviews. I also had some mini exams.

Anyways, let's begin.

Some random day as the previous chapters have not really made it clear which day it was

James: Well, I'm glad all that madness has been fixed up

Sirius: Yeah

James: Right, I'm done with your ideas Moony. I'm going to do something myself

Remus: Good luck with that

James: …

Peter: Soooooo

James: Argh! I give up! I can't think of anything. I'm sick of your ideas! I'm sick of my ideas! I'm sick of the author's ideas! I'm sick of it aaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllll!

Network mod: Easy on the excessives

James: Y-y-you! Didn't we kill you? Argh! (James leaps onto the Network mod and strangles him to death.)

Draco: I am a dumb blonde

James: What on earth?

Draco: But I don't exist yet. That makes me a dumber blonde

At this stage the author is attacked by rabid fangirls. It takes him a good hour to get away from them.

Me: (Gasps) Oh dear, I've managed to get rid of them! Um, chimpy, you take over!

James: Sooooo

Sirius: Yeah

Peter: Hi

Remus: What's up?

James: Hi

R2-D2: Bleep bleep bleep!

James: Er, hello

R2: Bleep bleep bleepedy bleep!

James: Uh, that's nice

R2: Bleep bleep bleeep!

Remus: Can someone tell me why he's here?

Peter: Simple, the author has run out of ideas so he's just writing random stuff, but that's just my guess

Remus: Um Ok! Guess so…

C3PO: Oh my! Where am I?

Sirius: (Slaps forehead) THIS IS NOT THE STAR WARS GALAXY PLACE! GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!

C3PO: Oh my, I'm on a planet full of barbaric life forms! I must escape as soon as I can!

R2: Bleep bleep!

James: Hey, maybe you two can help me ask Lily out!
Sirius: No, that's just lame

James: Ok, let's see, the golden one can do er, well anyways, and…

Remus: You're pathetic

C3PO: Oh my…

James: Can you stop saying that?
C3PO: Oh my, well…

James: Never mind

Just then Hogwarts is raided by Imperial Storm troopers.

Storm trooper leader: Freeze! Those droids are the property of the empire!

James: Take them, we're not stopping you

Storm trooper leader: No, you have to fight us; otherwise there would be no movie

James: No we don't

Storm trooper leader: Ok, we'll take these then

The storm troopers take the robots

Random kid whose role in the plot is so insignificant that he doesn't deserve a name: Wow James! You're a hero!

James: I am?

Everyone cheers

Remus: Has everyone been fed brain control serum?

Sirius: Beats me, let's use this as an opportunity to raid the kitchens!

Remus: Nice, let's go!

Meanwhile, James goes over to Lily

James: Will you go out with me now?
Lily: Of course!
James: Sooo, can we like kiss?
Lily: Well yeah!

But before they can, the Gryffindor common room is raided by rebels

Rebel leader: Where are the droids?

Someone: Oh, James gave them to the imperial dudes who came

Rebel leader: You idiot! They were our last hope against the empire! Now we'll never beat them! And it's all your fault!

Now everyone is booing James

James: This isn't even your story. I'm not responsible for what happens here!
Rebel leader: Oh yeah, well we'll make you!

They get out their weapons

James: Oh dear…

But at that stage Frodo appears

Frodo: Huh? Why am I here?

James: Is this my fault as well?

Everyone: YES!

James: Ok ok, sheesh

Frodo: Where's the ring?

James: (Takes out a golden ring) You mean this thing? Why was this in my pocket…

Frodo: Oh cool, I don't have to carry it anymore! You can go to Mordor and destroy it for me! Chow! (And with that he disappears)

James: Um, what's Mordor?
Rebel leader: Now where were we?
James: That's such a cliché

However, at that point a whole bunch of Orcs and Nazguls and other such creatures turn up

Orc guy: Where's the ring! We need the ring!
James: (Hands them the ring) No questions, just get out of here and don't return!

Orc guy: Right, let's go

Someone: Wow James, you're a hero again!
Rebel leader: But we still need to kill you

Another someone: Don't be a killjoy! James is a hero!

But then, predictable as it seems, Gollum comes

James: Eww, that things grosser than Kreacher

Gollum: Wheresh da preciousss! We wantsh it! Wheresh ish it preciouss!
James: Oh, I gave it to those Orc guys, nice fellows, need some personal hygiene classes though, as do you

Gollum: Ackh! The precciousss! You shtole the preciousss and giveshs it to enemies! Now you paysh!

James: Uh oh….

But before he can do that, some Pirate dude appears

Pirate dude: Hey, what's this, why am I here?
Someone: ZOMG! IT'S CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!111111111

Jack: In the flesh mate. Now, does anyone have any rum? It's always gone for some reason.

James: What exactly is your purpose here?
Jack: And might I be obliged to ask you the same question?
James: Er, I live here…

Jack: Precisely, you live here which means you inhabit this area, meanwhile as I am not in the area where have my residence, thus not living here. Savvy?
James: Err…

Jack: Good, now if you don't mind I need a drink. Oh, and if you see a big octopus like creature, or some guy whose head is a squid, tell them I'm on vacation in Hawaii and couldn't care less about some blood debt. Ta.

Jack walks out of the room. Because the plot is so obviously predictable, I'll skip to the part where the Kraken comes out of the lake (Poor squid didn't stand a chance) and Davy Jones comes in.

Jones: Where be Jack Sparra!

James: It's Sparrow, and why do you speak with a Scottish accent? You're a ghost pirate, not a drunken Scot sailor

Jones: Argh, to the depths with ye!

James: Hey guys, a little help here!
Rebel leader: Wha… Oh right, attack the pirate freaks!

The rebels, wizards and pirates start a war in the common room
Chaos ensues

Someone: Ow! My spleen!

Someone: Is that allowed?

Someone: I like cheese…

Someone: Oh yeah! I like potatoes! IN YO FACE!

Someone: Is this legit…

Someone: No, I didn't think so

Someone: Kowabunga dudes!

Someone: No, don't touch that button…

Someone: Woops…

Someone: Where is that Sparrow?
Someone: Was that some form of cheap metaphor?
Someone: Uhhhhh…

Someone: Its kinda hard to write a story when no one has any idea who anyone is

Someone: Well we'll have to fix that then, however, it's hard to keep up

Someone: Who am I?

Someone: Are you quoting something

Someone: No

Someone: Hey! That's my starship you blew up!
Someone: Wheresh da frigginsh ringsh!

Someone: Shhhut up!

Someone: We got death star, we got death star…

Someone: Who cares about jewelry! No amount of jewelry could make you look pretty!

Someone: You hurtsh our feelingsh!

Someone: Like I care jerko!

Someone:

Someone: Who said that?
Someone: I did!

Someone: That doesn't really help

Someone: Oh my!
Someone: Bleep bleep bleep!

Someone: This wasn't part of the job description! Ahh!

Someone: Im just so white n nerdy!

Someone: I got 'im!

Someone: You idiot!

Someone: Oh, sorry
Someone: Im gunna make you an offer you can't refuse…

Sudden pause of everything

Random mafia guy: What? What? Ok fine, I'll leave…

Darth Vader: That was strange

Everyone: When did you get here?

Darth Vader: I dunno, no one was paying attention, my troops called me

Everyone: Oh…

Battle commences

Someone: Yo yo yo yo yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (BANG)

Someone: Sometimes it pays to take laxatives

Crashes, bangs, and more explosions

Someone: Why do you have a Scottish accent?
Someone: To the depths with ye!
Someone: There's no ocean here squid brain!
Someone: Well, kill him pirate army!

Someone: You can't touch me! I'm the doctor!
Someone: Wow, de ja vou

Someone: No, I am your father!

Someone: Nice try!

Sudden yell

Someone: You insolent little nerf herder!

Suddenly the insanity goes to new levels

Someone: Billy bobs barfing barrels butt!

Someone: Argh! Ya lily livered squab decks!

Poor James is trying to make his way around

James: Guys guys! Why don't we all just discuss our issues like civilized human being!

Someone: We aren't civilized and we aren't human!

James: Well, see here, I don't wanna mess with any reefer addicts…

Someone: Who you calling reefer addict peckerwood?

James: Peckerwood? Sheesh

CN: ENOUGH!

Darth Vader: Get out monkey breath!

He fired a blaster shot close to him. He gave a screech and ran away

Darth Vader: Wow, that felt strangely liberating

Battle commences

Someone: I didn't kill the cat!
Someone: What are you doing?

Someone: Killing cats!

Someone: Hey guys, the rum tasted good and… woh woh… I didn't do anything

Someone: Sparrow! Your soul!

Someone: Hey fish face! I've got me jar of dirt somewhere!

Someone: Who thinks I'm afraid of dirt!

Someone: Well… I do not know…

Someone: Oh bugger…

Someone: Hey everyone, I got 15 O.W.L… huh, what's going on here! Dang it's a dream! Boo hoo! I didn't get my O.W.L.S

Someone: Meesa Jar jar binks!

Someone: No! I killed you after I killed my wife!

Someone: You killed your wife? Wow, I now see the point in those feminist rallies

Someone: Master ani been a bad boy!

Someone: DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIIIIEEEEE!
Someone: We have a problem

Someone: Well that's obvious isn't it?

James: Uh… anyone for a cup of tea?
Someone: Shut up, this doesn't concern you!

James: But everyone says it does!

Someone: To hell with everyone!

Someone: I'm here to talk about spanking…

Someone: Not another one…

Someone: FREE KEVIN!

Someone: What the…

Someone: Isn't it strange the real bad guy of this whole show isn't present while everyone else is?

Voice: Hey, I'm not meeting with squid face after the last experience!

Someone: Ha! I remember! He almost beat ya in ten pin bowling!

Someone: Shut up Sparrow! We were fighting!

Just then, the CN comes in with a huge M.N.M launcher

CN: I ASSURE YOU! THIS IS NOT FROM CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE!

Everyone freezes

"Does this mean no more violence?" said a rebel troop timidly

CN: Everyone out! Out out out!

Everyone grudgingly begins to leave, including James

CN: NOT YOU!

James: Argh!

CN: And you! (pointing at Vader)

CN: I think I'm gunna have a word with your boss

Darth Vader: I think you forget who my boss is

CN: What do you mean and… oh

FLASHBACK

Palpatine: Aww! A talking monkey! You're going to be my bestest friend for life!

CN: I'm a chimpanzee you senile freak!

FLASHBACK END

CN: Oh well… scratch that, well come on people, let's get this story wounded up before we have any more casualties

James goes up to Lily

James to Lily: Well come on! The story is about to end! The readers expect something!

Lily: No thanks, I'll pass

James: Then what was the whole point of the story?
Someone: Don't we all want to know?
Lily: Someone has a point, this story has no point

James: Well, argh… (Walks away in frustration)

Jack then appears, looking groggy from drinking rum

James: How could you battle the weird pirate guy after drinking all that rum?

Jack: Hey mate, Rum is like my red bull, anyways, if you were looking for the opportune moment, that was it

James: Like you know anything, read this whole fic and then you'll see what I mean, And what is red bull anways? Oh wait, I almost forgot, where could Padfoot and the others be?

Jack: I don't know, but the cellar sure has a lot of rum!

James: Good for all of you, so now what do we do?
Jack: We wait mate, we wait. Hey that rhymes!

James: Soooo

Jack: You smell bloody awful, when was the last time you took a shower?

James: I think I was standing next to Gollum for too long

Jack: Oh, of course

James: You are one odd character

Jack: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow mate, that's who I am!

CN: Right, time's up! Any last words!
Jack: Hide the rum!

James: Give Snape a kick in the face!
Lily: And remember to piss off James!
CN: Ok folks, the end!

THE END

Well, that's that! Over at last! Wow that took a long time! Review if you want to! Yay!

Credits

Writing: By me

Narrating: By the talking chimpanzee

Everything else: By me

Everything which wasn't covered by me: By the talking chimpanzee

Well that's all folks! And a very merry Christmas to you all!

Oh, and great thanks to Artemis Hunt for all his/her reviews, we need more people like him/her.

Last thing

At the kitchen

Sirius: Oh, I had too much dog food…

Remus: Too many cookies…

Peter: Urgh, I'm getting indigestion

Jack: What's wrong with you people, that was just the first course!

Remus, Peter and Sirius combines: Ohhhhh Noooo…..

THE END!

Oh, and one last thing

Someone: FREE KEVIN!

Kevin: I've been free for the last twenty five years you moron!

Someone: (Gasp) My whole life has been a lie!

THE END!

Final last thing

Random mafia guy: Well where am I to go now? This whole place is deserted! I swear if there were people here, they would all be sleeping with the fishes, the dead ones, although there were quite a lot of fishes, so what does that count as? I swear, if that Scarface idiot hadn't kicked me out of New York, I'd be in Miami by now… Hey? Is anyone even listening to me? Damn, I knew I should have played the trombone.

THE END! (Really)