Alone In Thought

Summary: What goes through Garnet's mind in that year without Zidane. I'm terrible with summaries. Songfic to the Beatles' 'Yesterday'. May end up being multichaptered, I haven't decided yet. Flashbacks and dreams are in brackets. Rated K+ I guess.

Uh, italics are thoughts, and (inside parentheses) are flashbacks and such.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy IX or The Beatles, let's just be honest.

Chapter One: Yesterday

Yesterday,

All my troubles seemed so far away

Now it looks as though they're here to stay,

Oh I believe in yesterday.

Queen Garnet Sarah til Alexandros XVII stared down over the baluster of her uncle's airship at the thief that had stolen her heart. She kept her blurring eyes locked on his until they were too far away to see.

From this moment on, she was no longer Dagger. She couldn't be, not without him. She was the queen of Alexandria, an empty shell like the genomes of Terra, but she, unlike them, would never regain a soul.

As the Iifa tree shrunk to a tiny pinprick in the distance, she retreated to the cabin and cried herself to sleep in an armchair. Her quiet sobs and sniffles drew the attention of both the driver and her knight, Steiner. She was grateful that they both had enough sense to leave her be.

Suddenly,

I'm not half the man I used to be

There's a shadow hangin' over me,

Oh yesterday.

Came suddenly.

She stepped onto the roof of her castle with only a word of thanks to the driver and her uncle Cid for bringing her home. She would at least have to act strong for her people, so she forced on a smile, nodding to her servants as she passed them, making way to her room.

"Are you sure you'll be alright, Highness?" asked Beatrix who had just joined her after docking her own ship, the Red Rose, which Garnet had chosen to give to her.

"Yes, Beatrix, I'll be fine."

Beatrix, however knew better. The queen was never this stoic when she was fine, but instead of calling her on it, Beatrix sighed, saluted, and backed out of the room.

Why she had to go I don't know

She wouldn't say.

I said something wrong

Now I long for yesterday!

It was then that Garnet swore, I must move on, just like he taught me. He wouldn't want me to mope around and cry while my still-fragile city could crumble right beneath my feet. If I am depressed, my people are depressed. No. I want it to be beautiful when Zidane comes home.

Yesterday

Love was such an easy game to play

Now I need a place to hide away,

Oh I believe in yesterday.

She dressed herself in one of her many gowns, a particular one, and stared in the mirror. It was the same dress that she had worn on her 16th birthday, and the same one that she had worn on her coronation. Both memories of him brought tears to her eyes, but the second was the most painful. She remembered, clear as the sea beneath her city, the look of hurt, of sadness, and the look of a lie behind Zidane's eyes as she left the group to become queen. She still wondered what he had been about to say.

("Well? Don't you have anything to say Zidane?" accused Freya as he stood gazing up at the queen-to-be.

"No," he said simply, coldly, as if he was trying to force his feelings from his mind with a wall of ice. His tail was limp, his eyes downcast as he tried to hide his grief. But Garnet could see right through him. Her heart screamed for her to tear off her crown and race into his arms; forsaking being a ruler, but simply being the teenage girl she was.

But her mind resisted. Who would take the throne if she refused it? She wanted to be with Zidane, but that was that was one person getting her attention as opposed to thousands in the city who would most likely suffer at the hands of a crueler monarch.

Her mind did the math; her heart was forced to listen.)

Why she had to go I don't know

She wouldn't say.

I said something wrong

Now I long for yesterday!

It seemed the same case here. She couldn't let her own thoughts, however dark they may be, to overshadow those of her subjects. There was much work to do, and she was doing no good wiping her tears with a silk-gloved hand.

Yesterday

Love was such an easy game to play

Now I need a place to hide away,

Oh I believe in yesterday…

Review and tell me if this was absolutely horrid and I should not go on and never write again! Seriously. I live for critiques. Don't let me die! Lol. Cheers y'all.