Disclaimer: Just look at the previous chapters.

A/N: Holy crap, an update! –dodges pitchforks- More A/N at the bottom. Not a continuation to the last chapter.

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Warnings: Mentions (and only mentions) of m-preg, slight crack, spoilers for recent chapters of the manga (especially chapter 367), possible cause of aneurysms

Title: Genetics

Summary: Post-timeskip. Tsunade and Jiraiya discuss possible outcomes of Sasuke and Naruto offspring over sake.

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Genetics

by: Boshoku

"Oi, Tsunade," Jiraiya murmured, ironically sobered after a few sips of sake. "What do you think the kids'll do?"

Blinking, she set down the shallow dish. "About what?"

"You know. The Uchiha brat still has a clan to bring back, if he's anywhere as determined as he used to be. But it's not like he can get pregnant." He lifted the cup of sake to his lips and took a long drought

Tsunade shrugged noncommittally. "Then they'll have man-babies."

BLOOSH.

Jiraiya spat out his drink, eyes comically wide as the dish Tsunade was drinking from. "They'll what?" he finally sputtered out, still coughing.

She rolled her eyes. "I was kidding."

"No. No, no, no, no. You do not put those – those images – into my head, and get away with saying it was all a joke!"

"Who said I couldn't?" she shot back, calmly pouring herself some more of the drink.

"I did!"

"And since when did the almighty Jiraiya-sama have a say in this?" she smirked. "Besides, you brought it up."

"But – but – ARGH! My eyes! My beautiful eyes! The images burn worse than a slap from a beautiful lady!"

Bemused, she decided to ignore the last comment in favor of a fairly peaceful evening. "What were you thinking when I said man-babies, anyways? It can't have been that bad."

"Oh, right, you mean aside from the pretty-boy Uchiha with a watermelon for a gut? I don't know, maybe it was the little army of Uchiha running around screaming for ramen."

Tsunade had a sudden flash of a horde of chibi-Sasukes setting the whole of Konoha on fire in search of ramen, with red Sharingan eyes and black leathery wings, laughing maniacally. She stopped imagining when one of them somehow acquired a pitchfork.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ALL RAMEN BELONGS TO US!"

She shuddered.

Then she realized something.

"Wait, who says the Uchiha genes would be dominant? Naruto had Kushina for a mother, if I recall, and he looks nothing like her! If anything, he looks like a near-clone of Minato."

"Yeah, but Kushina's personality certainly carried over, didn't it?" Jiraiya countered, downing another cup of sake. "Who's to say if the kid wouldn't look like Sasuke but act like Naruto?"

The words came out too late to take them back, as Jiraiya suddenly envisioned a tiny Sasuke look-alike. And he opened his mouth.

Far from the intelligent psychobabble he expected to be issued…

"HOLY CRAP! YOU LOOK WEIRD! HEY, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? HEY, YOU OLD PERVERTED GEEZER, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE LOOKING AT, DATTEBAYO?"

…he received an onslaught of nonsensical spew.

Jiraiya turned white as his hair at the prospect, and drank a few more cups in quick succession to drown out the horrifying thought. Then he realized that Tsunade was still talking.

"…for all we know, the only traits that may carry over is a like for certain foods…"

And suddenly, a little Naruto appeared in a poof of smoke, happily chomping on ripe tomatoes, oblivious to his wailing father in the corner, futilely offering him a bowl of ramen.

"Noooooooooooooooo…"

Jiraiya quickly silenced Naruto's bawling with another dash of alcohol.

Tsunade droned on.

"…or even just their way of coping with the tough times…"

And Naruto and the tomatoes vanished from the previous image, leaving the Naruto look-alike with a perpetual thundercloud over his head, brooding in the corner. Curious, Jiraiya decided to poke this mental figure.

Suddenly, lightning crackled through the thundercloud, and the kid's head whipped around sharply to face him, red eyes blazing, fangs bared…

…Wait. When'd the kid get fangs?

Nonetheless, Jiraiya quickly pulled himself back into reality.

"Oi. Oi!" A pair of fingers snapped in front of his face, and Jiraiya nearly toppled from his chair.

"What'd I miss?" he grunted, not really caring about anything but the state of his mind right that moment.

…oh, he had been so gloriously sane before this whole conversation had started…

Tsunade scowled. "I wanted to know if you think the Kyuubi would have any effect on the kids, were Naruto and Sasuke actually capable of having offspring."

"Oh." He thought for a moment. "Who knows? That nine-tailed fox is fickle. For all we know, the kids would have claws and fangs. Maybe whiskers."

Tsunade snorted. "It wouldn't make much of a difference if you slapped one or two of those onto the kids."

Tsunade's mental image of a chibi-Sasuke suddenly sprouted nine tails with an enormous tear of fabric; the brat suddenly grabbed his butt and howled.

At this, she snickered. Nothing like hearing an Uchiha scream bloody murder.

Unless it was directed at you – in which case, you'd do very well to run. Far, far, far away.

Jiraiya waved away Tsunade's next sentence with a hand. "No, no more talk about Sasuke and Naruto and genetics, Tsunade, I'd like to keep what's remaining of my poor, abused mentality."

Disappointed, Tsunade decided to find another venue of conversation.

"What about pairing up Sasuke and Orochimaru?"

Jiraiya spat out his sake again. "TSUNADE!"

Owari.

A/N: It's considerably better than the last one, though not quite up to par with the others. Sorry it took so long to update, my mind was fixated on angst and couldn't cook up crack… x-x; I do hope no one will kill me over the length of time it took me to update.

Hopefully I still have reviewing readers?

-pokes at button-