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Hisa-Me Kurai
Author of 15 Stories |
(A/N: Muahaha! Next Chappie UP!!)
Yes, you heard right. Things had dulled down so quickly we were driven to watch the turn your brain to slush awfulness that was the 4KIDS processed Naruto. Free of swears, nudity, gratuitous violence and nosebleeds. Basically devoid of everything that made the show great and replaced with awful dubbing, horrid voice acting, and that horrible, overused catch phrase, “Believe it.”
“Why….are you watching such drivel?” Xemnas snorted, sounded a bit more relaxed than he had about an hour before when we were calling him Mansex and a Goober.
“Because there obviously isn’t anything else on, Superior.” Marluxia said irritably, looking as though he was seriously considering lopping off his own head with his MANLY pink scythe (snickergigglesnort)
“And because by watching this, we can observe all the opportunities that were bypassed to kill that evil pink weed.” I replied coyly, “It makes for great fanfiction.”
“Fanwhuddywhat?” Ura blinked, staring at us weirdly, his expression growing slightly -cough- apprehensive as devious smiles filled our faces.
“You reeeeally wanna know?” Megan grinned, closing in on Ura, “Cuz we’d be more than happy to show you some of our fav-”
“I’mgoodpleaseandthankyou!” Ura said loudly, scooching quickly away from her, using Vexen as a hu-scuze me, NOBODY shield.
“Okay, if you don’t wanna know, I can’t make ya.” I shrugged, watching with sadistic pleasure as Mansex’s jaw hit the floor (hey, if we’re consistent all the time, they’ll always know what to expect, and what fun is that I ask you?!)
“Alright, what are you plotting?” Saix asked, Looking and I square in the face, an expression that clearly said ‘speak-now-or-forever-hold-your-peace’
“Absolutely nothing.” Yargy grinned, poking Saix in the nose, causing the most exquisite look of confusion mixed with mortification to fill his face.
“Like we would tell you anyway.” I snorted.
“Eh? O-oh, okay.” She replied clamoring to her feet.
“You too Ura.” Megan said pointedly, nudging him with her toe, “Fluke has a koi pond in her backyard you can use for tonight.”
“Yep, I get the girl and Sardine Lad you get the male harem. Whose better off I ask you?” I smirked as I led Naminé and Ura up the stairs.
“Well if the harem weren’t trying to kill me…” Yargy said thoughtfully, keeping a close eye on Axel, Luxord and Manse-cough-Xemnas.
“Hey, you didn’t include me.” Larxene spoke up superiorly, hands on her hips as she stared up at me from her spot on the couch, “I’m a girl, why aren’t you taking me with?”
“…you’re no girl, dollface – you’re a bitch.” Axel said shrewdly, digging around in his ear with his pinky, mining it for wax, “Even drunk I wouldn’t touch you.”
“But isn’t that cuz you’re gay?” Demyx drawled with a lazy smirk as both Larxene and Axel turned a dark, dark shade of red, the cacti on the window sill caught fire and the electronic wall clock mysteriously blew a fuse and started shooting sparks everywhere.
“And that’s our cue to skadoo. Have fun Yargy!” I laughed, grabbing Ura and Naminé by the hands and dashing up the basement stairs.
“IM me later, Fluke!” Megan hollered up after me, shaking her fist at my back, “If you don’t then I’ll condemn you to the furthest reaches of Care Bear Land!!!”
“NOOOOO!!!” I howled in terror as I ran out the door, dragging the Nobody and mermaid (U: Mer-MAN!!!!! HK: Oh don’t get your nads in a knot) “ANYTHING but THAT!!”
I was laughing so hard I had to stop after only a few steps or so, gasping and wheezing before continuing on, dragging Ura and Naminé behind me across the street and up the front steps of my house (yeah, it’s a sweet deal, within walking distance – booyah!)
“Al…alright.” I said, still trying to catch my breath and leaning my weight on my knees, “Nami-kun? You’ll be inside with me. You know the drill, you’re an exchange student, blahblahblah. Ura? Pond’s around ba-”
Before I could finish my sentence the door flew open…and there, instead of Prissy Padma, or Tarun the Tool, it was my mom and pop…whose eyes instantly locked on Ura…shit, I’m boned.
“Welllll, whose thees? And why is he not fathering ow-ah granchai-al?” my father asked with a with a superior air etched across his face.
“Daa-aad!!” I shrieked, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment, “He was just walking me home! Weren’t you Ura?”
I looked at him pointedly and apparently he got the message (Thank GOD!!!) “Uh, right! I’ll be seein’ ya.” He said, backpedaling down the stairs and running down the sidewalk. Luckily my rents were focused on me now and didn’t notice him turn off into our backyard.
“Next time bring home man to fostah granchai-al, oh don’t bring home at all.” My mother said sternly, “Padma ahready have tree! Fohth on way!”
“Muh-ommmm!!!” I shrieked, pretty sure my face could have been used to cook eggs at this point as I darted past with Naminé in tow.
“Oh so?” Luxord asked coolly, not even once diverting his gaze from his game of solitaire, “And how’s that?”
“Arm wrestle!” she whooped, ignoring the looks she received as she dragged Axel, Larxene and Demyx to the center of the room, “Larxene and Axel!! Elbows on the table! Hands together…annnnnnnnnd GO!!!”
Without even realize it, instinct took over and both began the fight for dominance, both trying the slam the other’s fist into the table. At first, it looked as thought Demyx had the upper hand, but then Larxene began to push back harder and harder…until –
-FUHWHUD-
“Larxene wins!!! Axel, you’re up!” Yargy hooted, Axel smirking as he gave Demyx a shove out of the way to take his place.
“Let a real man show ya how its done.” He said arrogantly, slamming his elbow viciously down on the table and clamping his hand around Larxene’s in a vice grip.
“Funny, I don’t see any real men here.” She sneered, squeezing back with the same amount of force, causing the rest of the Organization to glower at her, “What? You want some? I’ll kick all of your asses!”
“…Is that a fact?” Zexion said mildly, arching an eyebrow over the covers of his book.
“Yeah, it is, ya mute.” Larxene taunted.
“Excuse me, did he NOT just speak two seconds ago?” Xigbar asked Marluxia exasperatedly, his hand diving into a bowl of fritos (he’s acquired a taste for them in the three hours he’s been here).
“I do believe you’re right.” He replied mildly, taking a sip from the cola can beside him.
“You wanna piece, Flower Boy?” The Savage Nymh asked mockingly.
“First things first, ya loon.” Axel smirk, pouring all of his strength into his arm and slamming her fist so hard into the table she flipped through the air and land with a bang as her back slammed against the table.
“I think we can safely determine who the winner is.” Saix said mildly, having been forced to join Luxord in a game of poker.
“Shut up...just shut up.” She groaned, as Yargy’s dad thundered down the stairs and burst into the rumpus room.
“Here comes trouble.” Vexen muttered, not looking up even once from whatever it was he was writing (could it be a diary filled with his lustful thoughts for Mansex? The world may never know)
“Whats going on in here?” He barked, looking for any excuse to pummel the organization to a bloody pulp (as if he could...but he don’t know that)
“Just jokin’ around dad, god! Chill out!” Yargy snorted, pushing her dad back out of the room before he could notice Larxene’s current position.
“I guess you could say that.” Megan smirked as the organization tromped out after her, looking sleep deprived, very irritable and-
“Where th’ hell’d they get those clothes?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow at the Nobodies in question, all of whom were dressed in…well…normal clothes.
“Apparently they can restructure their robes into whatever they want.” Yargy shrugged, “I’m not quite sure what that all means, but it saved me a trip to Wal-Mart.”
“Uh-huh, lets go with that.” I nodded, Naminé right behind me, dressed in some of my old things (I out grew’m…damn that girl for being short and skinny) and Ura was back at the house making friends with the koi.
“Why are we doing this again?” Xaldin muttered under his breath as the walked in time with us.
“Because it will give us a better idea of the way the minds of the people work here.” Xemnas said shrewdly, having caught the comment (…how does one “catch” a comment persay?) “Think of it as information gathering – espionage if you will.”
“Yes, Superior.” Marluxia said dully, twisting his fingers idly around his reformed scythe (it was now a school bag…and he looked pretty miffed about it)
“…it might not be so bad.” Naminé said quietly, fidgeting with the hem of the shirt I loaned her, “…who knows…it might be fun.”
Yargy and I shared a look and exploded into a fit of laughter that had me on my knees, slamming the ground with my fist and Megan rolling on her back, clutching at her stomach.
“F-fun?” Yargy wheezed, trying to breathe through fits of laughing, “Are you shittin’ me?!”
“It’s SCHOOL for Shiva’s sake!” I gasped, on all threes with my left hand clutching my heart, “No one in their right MIND finds it fun!”
Vexen openly gave an annoyed twitch at that remark.
“And today’s another racism awareness assembly.” Megan said, sniffling a little as she staggered to her feet, “So I hope you brought something to do.”
As we shakily got to our feet, still giggling, the Organization stared after us.
“It cant be that bad…they’re making a mountain out of a molehill.” Xemnas said confidently.
His underlings glanced at one another uneasily- somehow, they weren’t so sure.
It was the same assembly we had every other day, just with a different name. Yargy and I nodded off pretty quickly, using our backpacks for pillows, and Naminé (that lucky little…) had taken out her sketch pad and was keeping herself entertained.
The same could NOT be said for most of the Organization.
The ones who didn’t bring literature (Larxene, Zexion, Saix) games (Luxord – again with the solitaire) or work (Xigbar – he’s discreetly cleaning his gun…discreetly snickergigglesnort) were going completely batty. Xemnas ground his teeth together, Vexen jiggled his foot antsilly, Demyx toyed with a rubberband he found by his foot, Xaldin chewed his nails, Marluxia looked as though he was about to nod off, and Axel…wellllll…
-SNAP-
“Abuh?” I babbled, shooting upwards, “Snap?”
“Wuz goin’ on?” Megan mumbled sleepily not lifting her head.
“THAT DOES IT!” Axel roared, flaming chakram appearing in his hands, “I’M NOT SITTING THROUGH THIS ONE MORE MINUTE!!!”
And before we quite knew what had happened, there was a huge explosion and what had once been a gym was a smoldering pile of ash…in fact…the same could be said for the rest of the school, save for the students and teachers who were sitting amongst the rubble in a daze.
"...that was random." Yargy said, taking in the "school" -koff-pilleofrubble-koffkoff-
“…well, that’s one way to end an assembly.” I remarked, grabbing Axel by the elbow, “Now I suggest we run before the poh-lease are called.”
“Lets do.” Xigbar nodded in agreement.
(A/N: Next time, the Orgy is dragged into a sex shop...muahahaha!!! R&R!!)
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