This took foreveeeer. And I can't say it really helped things move a long. I'm a bit drugged up on meds and such so... Yeah. Sorry if this totally isn't worth it. Lol.

Warning: I'm not religious, so if I offend you at some point in this chapter, sorry. But lighten up, eh? I capitalized His name an' all. Not that it really makes a difference but... Oh, and don't call me Gaw-sus. I'll punch you out. It's a silly name. And Brandi, if you read this, you are a walking twig, and compared to everyone but Aunt Ethel, you really are as flat as a board. So don't get pissed off at me for telling the truth. And you're eyes are the same as mine, but lighter, so don't get full of yourself. :/

The Good Shepard

Four

“So, you’re Ted’s twin, huh?” Brandi asked, walking forward and circling him like a vulture. Tim tried to ignore her, noting that she had a strange accent; American (somewhere up North) and Australian. He wasn’t sure how she had it, but it was there. And it was making it hard to concentrate on anything.

“You look just like him… ‘cept for your fashion sense. But we can work on that,” She said with a wave of her hand. Tim frowned, trying to glare at her.

Who does she think she is, mocking my… God she has nice eyes… damn it, no she doesn’t! She’s like a walking twig, flat as a board, and she wears glasses. There’s nothing special about her.

“Brandi, really, that’s rude,” Ted said with a frown. The walking twig whom was as flat as a board made a face.

“Well, I don’t want to lie to him,” she snapped, flicking her hair over her shoulder. “But, what ever. He’s your brother… I have other things to do. You keep that hair-do safe,” She added, pointing to Angela. And with that, she suddenly disappeared.

Tim seemed to be the only one startled by this, as Curly and Angela talked about her new hairstyle.

“Well, dinner’s done,” Ted said suddenly, clapping his hands. Tim was thrown violently into the kitchen, the chair he landed in sliding on the tile and smacking into the wall behind it. Angela and Curly were in a similar situation, but once again seemed unaffected by it. Ted floated gracefully through the air, singing ‘Tra-la-la’ in a rather operatic voice to a random melody. He plopped into his chair and smiled at his siblings. Only Tim refused to return the smile.

“Oh, this is just like school! Food appearing on plates-“ A dramatic sigh. “If only I had a Habitation Gnome,” Ted said wistfully. “Then it would be so much closer.

“A habitation gnome? What the fuck is that?” Tim snapped, moving closer to the table. He quickly pushed himself back as an entire dinner suddenly appeared on the table. Ted shot him a look, obviously disappointed in his language.

“Well it would have been a House Elf, but due to the fact that they are copyrighted and that Jedi doesn’t want this to more associated with Harry Potter than it already is, it’s a Habitation Gnome,” Ted said simply as his younger siblings ate like… well, well-mannered children who had just had a feast appear on their table.

“Jedi?”

“Yes, she was going to call herself God, but that would be offensive, so now she’s Jedi. It was going to be Gaw-sus, you know, God and Jesus, but I told her that was an ugly name, and she agreed. Of course, Jedi are copyrighted as well, but she’s willing to ignore that.”

“That’s great, but who the hell is she?”

“…Well, if she was going to call herself God, who do you think she is?” Ted asked, raising an eyebrow.

“A nut job who believes she’s God?”

“Well, I’m afraid to tell you this, but here, she pretty much is. But again, calling herself God would be offensive, and then the real God would become rather irate and a legal battle would ensue. So she’s just going to borrow the title of Jedi. Oh, no, I take that back. She wants to be called Captain.”

Tim stared at his brother for quite a long time, and Ted quite happily stared right back, eating his dinner at the same time. Tim would have gotten up and walked away again, but he was stuck to the chair. He was horrified, really. He had never had his bottom stuck to a chair before, and since he didn’t want to look like a moron with a chair on his butt, he stayed put and ate dinner.

That didn’t stop him from eyeing Ted with so much malice that Ted really should have spontaneously combusted. But, of course, Ted didn’t. Instead, he smacked Tim’s hand with a fork and told him to be polite, as it was rude to stare like that.

Well, chair be damned, Tim leapt up and punched Ted right in the temple. Or at least, tried to. To his surprise, Ted neatly bent back, in slow-motion might I add, and looked up at his twin, frowning.

“Now, really. I’m hurt, Tim… the emotional damage you just caused is worse than any physical wound you could inflict upon me.”

And Ted quite suddenly burst into tears, and, still bending back, scuttled off. Angela and Curly stared at Tim, who had now fallen on his face (with a chair stuck to his butt) on the floor.

There was about five minutes of silence before Angela picked up the table and hurled it through the wall, leaving a gaping hole into the backyard and cool night air. “I can’t believe you Tim!” she screeched, her hair looking as if it were blowing in some sort of wild wind.

Tim wondered where the elastic band holding the bun in had gone when it hit his face. And it hurt. Stung like a bitch, actually. So, while Angela was reverting to her animalistic roots, he carefully dragged himself out through the hole in the wall.

“IEEEEEEEEeeeee!”

Tim stopped and looked up. Curly went rocketing by, shrieking like a girl as Angela roared behind him.

“I’m going to go get some ice-cream,” she said suddenly. “Bye.”

Tim calmly stood up, a chair still stuck to his butt and looked up at the sky. “Captaaaaaaain!” he bellowed, falling to his knees as best he could, shaking his fists at the sky. “Aaaaugh!” And he hunched over, wondering where on Earth that had all come from when he heard a rather girly giggle from the sky.

“Oh Tim, you make me laugh.”

And the chair disappeared, leaving glitter and flowers behind. Tim guessed that was Captain’s doing and stood up again.

“Hey! Captain! You’re the one making everyone all weird, aren’t you?”

“Wrong, G-unit. Well, sort of. It’s Ted’s fault. I’m just helping. And Brandi, the walking twig who’s flat as a board is my sister. Be warned: she’s a bitch. Don’t let her fool you or she’ll eat you alive!”

“And that whole dramatic scene where I screamed at the sky?”

“…That was totally all you. And I wouldn't worry about Angela. It's just PMS."

“Right. Thanks,” Tim muttered as he wandered off, hopping the fences of his neighbor’s yards. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but he thought he heard more laughter as a shooting star, which looked oddly like sheep wearing a pirate hat, streaked across the inky black expanse above him.

Tim raised an eyebrow, glanced around and shook his head, continuing on his way.