(Disclaimer:

Sovrani: -takes up giant branding iron-

Characters: Hey, hey, what are you doing?!

Sovrani: -stamps “not mine” all over characters that she doesn’t own-

Characters: Ahhh the pain!)

(A/N: Hi all! I felt like writing this because I’m in bed with a cold and I have nothing better to do. Also, I’ve barricaded myself in my room, because I’m easily annoyed, according to the fact that I’ll be breathing unattractively through my mouth for the next couple of days. Read and enjoy!)

Little Red Riding Hood

Sovrani: Welcome back to “The Truth of Fairy Tales!”

Lozza: You are now free to kiss the ground we walk on and give us all the chocolate eggs you received for Easter.

Sovrani: What about chocolate bunnies?

Lozza: Those too.

Sovrani: Brilliant. OK, this time around we’re doing Little Red Riding Hood and to help us we have chosen... –waves magic wand-

Random Fact Generator: For your information, the so called “magic wand” that Sovrani continues to use is in fact one of the ones bought of eBay, which runs off fifty four watch batteries, and has a plastic star stuck on the tip. It can be used to change settings, summon fictional characters, and it also plays a little song when you press the button and-

Lozza: -starts hitting Random Fact Generator with magic wand- It can also be used to beat the hell out of annoying Random Fact Generators.

Random Fact Generator: For your information, the word “hell” is often used inappropriately. For example, some people say “cold as Hell,” which is incorrect because Hell is often made out to be full of fire and-

Sovrani and Lozza: -pick up Random Fact Generator and throws it off a cliff-

Sovrani: -dusts off hands- And that’s the last we’ll see of one of those Random Generator thingies.

Random Question Generator: -appears at the codewords “Random”, “Generator” and “Thingies”- Hello, I am the Random Question Generator. Would you care to answer some of my questions?

Lozza: No we wouldn’t!

Random Question Generator: Alright then. Question one, What kind of shoelaces are you wearing?

Sovrani: We’re wearing thongs.

Random Question Generator: Question two, Which species of Rodent would you prefer to take out to dinner?

Lozza: Are these questions necessary?

Sovrani: Of course not, the Random Question Generator is a program that I was writing sometime last year. Of course, it never got anywhere.

Random Question Generator: Question three, How long is your households’ longest extension cord?

Sovrani: Alright, I’m sick of this thing. –heaves Random Question Generator over cliff-

Lozza: Alright, let’s start this thing.

Sovrani: -waves magic wand-

Holly, Artemis, Butler and Root: -appear-

Root: I think I had one too many cruisers...

Holly: Not again... –spots Root- Julius! You’re alive.

Root: Eep.

Holly: -runs over to Root and hugs him around the middle- I’m SO glad to see you! I thought you had died when that thing exploded, but now you’re here in the flesh and very much alive! We will celebrate tonight, and-

Root: Holly, I am dead. I removed the girly little fluffy feathery wings, but at least this shiny thing above my head should give you a clue.

Holly: -stares at shiny thing- Ooh, shiny...

Artemis: Butler, could you please...

Butler: -grabs Holly before she makes a move for the shiny thing- Nice to see you again, Julius.

Root: It’s been a while.

Lozza: I’d hate to interrupt this little reunion-

Artemis: -scowls- Yes, you would, wouldn’t you?

Lozza: -but we really must get started.

Sovrani: Alright, this time it’s Little Red Riding hood, and we’re casting Holly as Little Red.

Holly: Whatever, so long as I’m not a princess again. –looks at Artemis and blushes FOR SOME REASON- Well, being a princess was okay, I guess.

Root: Am I missing something here?

Sovrani: Not at all. And for the wolf, we have Artemis.

Artemis: DO I have wear some kind of fluffy suit?

Lozza: I’m afraid so.

Artemis: -has frightening mental images of himself wearing a bear suit- O gods...

Sovrani: Butler is the woodcutter who saves them all.

Butler: Finally! A role that allows me to show what a hero I am!

Lozza: Incidentally, you’re going to have to wear overalls.

Butler: -curses-

Lozza: And we’re casting Root as the Granny.

Root: I’m new to this kind of thing, what are you making me do.

Sovrani: We’re dressing you up as an old woman.

Root: -face turns purple-

Lozza: But let us start.

Sovrani: -waves magic wand-

All: Are standing in the middle of the woods.

Lozza: And we begin. There’s a little girl called Little Red Riding Hood.

Sovrani: I’m interrupting already. What kind of name is Little Red Riding Hood? People call her that because she wears a red hood most of the time, but what about when she’s not wearing the hood?

Lozza: Yeah, would they call her “fluffy panda pyjamas” when she’s getting ready for bed?

Sovrani: But yeah, her name is Little Red Riding Hood and we’re calling her Red just for short.

Holly: One problem, I don’t have a red hood.

Sovrani: -waves magic wand-

Holly: -is wearing red hood- Alright, fine.

Lozza: So Red gets a call from her grandmother saying that she’s sick.

Sovrani: So Red packs a basket full of nice food and sets off through the forest to get to her granny’s house.

Lozza: Which is really dangerous, considering she’s only a child.

Holly: Hey, I’m like seven decades older than you!

Lozza: Fine, fine! But it’s dangerous for the character.

Sovrani: She’s walking, walking, walking. Then she notices some flowers just off the path and decides to pick some for her granny.

Holly: -starts picking flowers- -sneezes- I’m allergic to these. –sneezes again-

Sovrani: Sorry. She keeps picking flowers and strays a little too far away from the path.

Lozza: Of course, when a normal child is lost, they would get their mobile phones with the 2.4 megapixels camera and call their mum. But in fairy tales, there are not mobile phones or TV’s, so this is the part where we need the wolf.

Artemis: -is shoved onstage wearing a fluffy wolf suit- -reads from script- Hello little girl.

Holly: -tries to keep a straight face- Hello.

Artemis: -reading from script- Lost, are we?

Holly: Yes. –giggles, but disguises it as a cough-

Artemis: Where are you heading to?

Holly: -bursts out laughing-

Artemis: I can’t work like this! I refuse to do it!

Sovrani: You’ll do it, Artemis. Get up right now.

Artemis: Fine. –reads from script- Where are you heading to?

Holly: -between laughs- My grandmothers house.

Artemis: Where’s that?

Holly: At the other end of the big scary woods.

Artemis: Would you like me to take you back to the path?

Holly: Yes please.

Lozza: The wolf leads Red back to the path, she thanks him and sets off again. In the meantime, the wolf takes a bit of a shortcut and runs ahead to granny’s house.

Sovrani: Julius, you’re going to have to get into costume now.

Root: -sighs- Fine. –is suddenly wearing a granny costume and hair curlers-

Artemis: -starts laughing-

Root: Shut it, Mud Boy. –gets into granny’s bed-

Artemis: -knocks on front door of the house-

Root: -in high pitched voice- Who is it?

Artemis: -in equally high pitched voice- It’s Little Red Riding Hood!

Root: -still in high pitched voice- Come in dear!

Artemis: -goes inside-

Lozza: Alright, then the wolf eats granny and gets into her clothes. Which he didn’t eat, of course.

Artemis: That’s disgusting!

Root: I’ll just leave until you need me next. –leaves-

Artemis: -gets into granny clothing and puts on a mask and gets into bed-

Sovrani: Then Red comes to the door.

Holly: -knocks on door-

Artemis: -in high pitched voice- Who is it?

Holly: -in regular voice- It’s me granny.

Artemis: -in high pitched voice- Come in dear!

Holly: -goes inside- Granny?

Artemis: -still in high pitched voice- In my room, dear!

Holly: -goes into room- Granny! You certainly look sick!

Artemis: -high pitched voice, still- Well, I’ll get better soon, thank you for your concern.

Holly: Granny, what big eyes you have!

Artemis: -in high pitched voice- All the better to see you with, my dear.

Holly: Granny, what big ears you have!

Artemis: -in HPV- All the better to hear you with, my dear.

Holly: Granny, what a lovely hairnet you’ve got on!

Artemis: -in HPV- All the better to... –normal voice- Hey, that’s not fair!

Holly: -rolls on ground laughing-

Sovrani: Holly, get the hell up and tell granny what big teeth she’s got.

Holly: Or what?

Lozza: -with Neutrino-

Holly: OK. –turns to Artemis again-

Artemis: -looks annoyed-

Holly: Granny, what big teeth you have!

Artemis: -in growly voice- All the better to eat you with!

Holly: Ahhh!

Sovrani: So the wolf eats her, and after this lovely meal he decides to go to sleep.

Artemis: -pretends to fall asleep-

Holly: -leaves to get a coffee-

Lozza: Now the woodcutter comes in.

Butler: -walks around outside wearing overalls- I don’t like this costume.

Sovrani: We don’t care. The woodcutter sees the wolf and guesses what happens, so he kills the wolf, cuts him open and get’s granny and Red out of his stomach.

Lozza: Which is so impossible I’m not even going to bother saying it!

Holly and Root: We’re alive. Hooray everyone.

Artemis: And I’m dead.

Everyone: -cheers-

Sovrani: And they all lived happily ever after. Now let’s get out of here before...

The REAL Little Red Riding Hood: -comes in- Granny, have you seen my hood? Someone’s taken it. –sees everyone-

Holly: Lozza, where’d you get this hood?

Lozza: I just found it lying around! In an apartment on the top floor of a high rise building... and at the back of a cupboard in a little locked box...

Little Red: Uhhh Granny?

The REAL Granny: Yes dear, in the kitchen! –walks inside-

Everyone: -stares at everyone else-

Sovrani: Whoa, this is awkward.

Root: Ya think?

Granny: What are you doing here?

Sovrani: Let me explain. We’re doing a fanfiction explaining the problems in fairy tales, and to do that we do a play using other characters from the fandom.

Little Red: Why are you here, though?

Lozza: We needed a location to do the play.

Little Red: And why did you steal my hood?

Holly: That wasn’t my fault, it was Lozza.

Granny: Did you find any problems in this fairy tale?

Sovrani: -pulls out clipboard- The first one we noticed was Little Red’s name.

Little Red: For your information, I have a real name, but nobody can pronounce it properly so I changed it to something simple.

Artemis: I can pronounce all kinds of things, what’s your name?

Little Red: Xybenkrltrgds.

Artemis: -blinks-

Little Red: Told you.

Root: What’s your mother’s name?

Little Red: Aroogrystexyls.

Sovrani: Well, thank you for your time, but we really must be leaving...

Granny: Oh no, I couldn’t usher you out! Stay for some tea and cookies.

Lozza: Cookies? Sovrani, I think we can stay a little longer.

Holly: Me too.

Butler: Me three.

Artemis: Me four.

Root: Me five.

Sovrani: All right, why not?

All: -sit down for cookies-

Lozza and Sovrani: See you next time!

The End

(A/N: Aren’t I just SO inventive to think up a name for Little Red that no one could pronounce? That’s right, I am. Now, review?

Oh and I almost forgot. HAPPY EASTER!! To those that celebrate, of course)