It’s the not knowing that hurts- what makes you rush into “love” head first; worried you’ll lose it before you even get a chance to taste it. You don’t know if that person returns your feelings, or even if what you’re feeling yourself is genuine. Maybe it’s not even love- some sort of weird infatuation.

You want so much more, right now, but what happens when you take that chance? An awkward “No” followed by an equally awkward half-hearted friendship that you try to continue regardless of what you admitted… or complete severance?

Why is it that yesterday, the mere thought of him made his heart swell- but now, in the dark silence of his cold, lonely bed, his heart ached with indecision and doubt?

Roxas lay under his cold sheets, the phone receiver still held between his hands. The ear piece is still warm, but their late-night secretive conversation is over already.

Axel said nothing in particular, but Roxas feels like he got all his answers.

Answers he didn’t want, hadn’t expected. They seemed so out of the blue.

He had wondered why Axel’s touches were becoming distant. Why his calls were less frequent. Roxas realized he was probably becoming too attached to the redhead. Perhaps his obsession was making him see these things. Maybe everything was down to paranoia.

He had heard from Axel himself about his sexual prowess. It made Roxas nervous, since he hadn’t even kissed anyone, let alone done some of… that stuff. It made him blush, and Axel would laugh at him. Then Roxas would laugh at himself, too.

He thought on it, laying in the dark, finally placing the phone on the floor, away from him. Was there reason for Axel to dislike him now? He couldn’t think of anything that had changed. He thought things were going in a positive direction, Roxas was opening up to him, but they seemed to be taking a different turn, and Axel was closing up instead. Maybe it was all in his head.

But Roxas was over analytical and he didn’t just drop things like that. Was it because they were both boys? He had to admit, that scared him a little bit at first, but really, he didn’t care, because it was Axel.

Then he realized that maybe this had to do with him thinking about it too hard for too long. He realized that the distance might have been created because he missed his opportunity. His hesitation gave Axel the impression that he didn’t want him, when the truth was far from that.

Maybe Axel was lying awake in his bed, far away, thinking that he had fucked up too.

Roxas knows he has to tell him, but the timing is wrong and his words won’t come.

His bed grows colder as he waits, and he can’t tell if he’s getting closer or farther to Axel’s (nonexistent?) heart with each passing minute. All he can do is close his eyes and hope things somehow work out.