|TOHRU HONDA: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
Author: starry night blue PM
[ONESHOT] You've gone and bought yourself the TOHRU HONDA unit from our catalogue and don't know how to put it to use? Well, this manual's been made to help you out! Done with full permission from Theresa Green.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Tohru H. - Words: 3,630 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 3 - Published: 01-24-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3358259
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
D/C: I don't own Fruits Basket.
Hello!! Thank you all for the reviews you've sent on the KYO SOHMA and YUKI SOHMA Owner's Guides; they really made me so happy! Anyway, I'll stop talking now and let you get on with my third FB owner's guide! Enjoy!!
TOHRU HONDA: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
Congratulations!! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated TOHRU HONDA unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your Onigiri, please pay close attention to the following instructions.
Name: Tohru Honda (a.k.a. Princess Tohru, Honda-san, The Witch)
Date of Manufacture: The year 1985.
Place of Manufacture: Japan.
Height: Rather short.
Your TOHRU HONDA unit will come with the following accessories:
Two pictures of dead mother.
One school uniform.
One school bag.
One gym clothes set.
One working outfit.
Three colored ribbons (blue, yellow, black)
Four colored skirts ( 2 pink, blue, brown)
Four colored dresses (blue, pale yellow, pink, black)
Four colored shirts (green, pink, 2 yellow)
One yellow pajama.
One beige coat.
One small brown bag.
One pair purple gloves.
One pale yellow sweater.
When you first open the box containing your TOHRU HONDA unit, you will notice that she may look tired and rather sickly, considering that she works and used to live in a tent. However, a good meal and a good night's sleep will be more than enough to set the TOHRU HONDA unit back on her feet again, cheerful and perky as she could ever be!
The TOHRU HONDA unit is one of out most helpful units, and will gladly perform any job as you provide for her. She usually functions as:
All-purpose Maid: The TOHRU HONDA does a perfect job in any chore she takes up, whether it's doing the laundry or cleaning the house or washing the dishes or dusting the house or even fixing your broken screen doors. You may also be pleased to know that your TOHRU HONDA unit will probably do all these chores without even be asked to do it, and that she'll also be willing to do chores even when she's ill!
Excellent Cook: Your TOHRU HONDA unit also happens to be a Class-A cook, as she comes equipped with many different and delicious recipes for breakfasts, lunches, dinners and desserts! Your TOHRU HONDA unit also specializes in preparing Onigiri (rice cakes), and will provide as an excellent caterer for your Onigiri stand sales, preparing Onigiri with different tastes and shapes! Make her cook and rake in fortune!
Babysitter: Going out and need someone to watch your kids? Well, you'll be happy to know that your TOHRU HONDA unit also specializes in taking care of youngsters! She will play with them, feed them and basically do anything they want! Rest assured that your kids are in good hands!
Assistant Gardener: Is your gardener complaining about how he's being overworked to death? Your TOHRU HONDA unit is aware of all the basic skills required for tending gardens, and will take up the role of an Assistant Gardener without a demand in pay rise! That is, if you pay her at all in the first place.
Last-Minute Date: Valentine's Day is near and no one wants to go out with you, and you just want someone who appreciates you for the loser you are? The TOHRU HONDA unit is your girl!! Take her out on a date and you'll be receiving compliments and encouraging words from her all night long! Of course, you have to be careful not to make a move on-toward the TOHRU HONDA unit because the YUKI SOHMA unit and the KYO SOHMA unit will be more than happy to kick your ass then.
Family Therapist: Does your family have issues? Your TOHRU HONDA unit will gladly help them get over all their problems and regain their self-esteem and confidence. Whether it's a member who can't speak, or a member who has anger management issues, or a member who feels ashamed of being a cross-dresser, or a member who can't get himself to speak...your TOHRU HONDA unit will fix them all up!
Your TOHRU HONDA unit comes with seven different modes:
The Doofus setting can be easily identified. When you find your TOHRU HONDA unit standing and smiling all by herself, or when she hits herself on the head on purpose, or when she says thank you when you're teasing her, or when you find that she's serving tea to a thief and listening to his entire life story...you know that your TOHRU HONDA unit is in the Doofus setting.
The Intense setting is very rare to be seen. It's only activated after someone basically tells your TOHRU HONDA unit to look intense, such as a KYO SOHMA unit, for example.
The Nervous setting is activated in the TOHRU HONDA unit after encounters in which some one gets really hurt, or some one turns into an animal after they'd hugged her. This setting can be a bit exaggerated, but there's nothing you can do to change it. Deal with it.
The Sympathetic setting is automatically activated whenever your TOHRU HONDA unit hears any sob-story, for example. When that happens, your TOHRU HONDA unit will start talking words of wisdom she'd learned from the KYOKO unit, her mother. In other word, her role as a Family Therapist will also be activated. However, in these cases you have to be also prepared to handle the Cry-baby setting of your TOHRU HONDA unit, which is nothing to worry about, really.
Ever given your TOHRU HONDA unit a nice little gift and seen how emotional and wide-eyed she could be? Well, that's the Over-whelmed setting for you. It'll be over in a few moments, though, and your unit will accept your gift. So, it all turns out well.
Relations with Other Units:
YUKI SOHMA: The YUKI SOHMA unit is a good friend of the TOHRU HONDA unit and will go out of his way to help her out in many things. She considers him to be a real Prince Charming, especially since he will treat her in a very nice and polite way, always calling her "HONDA-SAN". He is also protective over your TOHRU HONDA unit, and would also stand up to the feared AKITOSOHMA unit in order to protect her.
KYO SOHMA: On first encounters, the KYO SOHMA unit will act very rudely towards your TOHRU HONDA unit, but you needn't worry about that later on. In fact, your KYO SOHMA unit will become overly-protective of your TOHRU HONDA unit, and very jealous about her, although he keeps denying that he does. Your TOHRU HONDA unit will help him out a lot, and she changes him towards the better.
SHIGURE SOHMA: The man who opened his house for your TOHRU HONDA unit to live within. The SHIGURE SOHMA unit acts very kindly towards your unit, although sometimes he may act perverted and refer to her as his wife. You don't have to worry about him doing anything untoward your TOHRU HONDA unit, because he feels a fatherly affection for her, and if something does malfunction in him and cause him to hit on her, the KYO SOHMA unit and the YUKI SOHMA unit will always be there to put an end to him...and I mean, really put an end.
ARISA UOTANI: A Yankee thug who is also best friends with your TOHRU HONDA unit. The ARISA UOTANI unit feels that she is compelled to look after the TOHRU HONDA unit and take care of her no matter what, considering that the TOHRU HONDA unit helped her out while she was still in a gang.
SAKI HANAJIMA: "Wave girl". The SAKI HANAJIMA unit is capable of feeling and sending off denpa waves, which generally scares off everyone around her...except for the TOHRU HONDA unit, probably, as she sees her as her best friend. The SAKI HANAJIMA unit will also do anything to make sure that the TOHRU HONDA unit leads a happy life...even say, sending terrible denpa waves on to other people.
MOMIJI SOHMA: The MOMIJI SOHMA unit is very attached to the TOHRU HONDA unit, and will tend to hug her on first encounters, which will, of course, lead on to him turning to a rabbit. The MOMIJI SOHMA unit will also treat your TOHRU HONDA unit to something every once in a while...say, perhaps, a hot drink or a trip to an Onsen.
HATORI SOHMA: The HATORI SOHMA unit is the doctor of the SOHMA FAMILY collection. Although his work is mostly concentrated on treating the AKITO SOHMA unit, he will be willing to come and treat your TOHRU SOHMA unit from even the smallest of wounds. Be careful, though, even when he's not a bad person himself, the HATORI SOHMA unit might erase your TOHRU HONDA unit's memories under the orders of the AKITO SOHMA unit.
Other Units Interactions:
KISA SOHMA: The KISA SOHMA unit is one of our smaller units, and is extremely fond of your TOHRU HONDA unit. This unit is being constantly teased by her classmates, which would cause her to stop talking altogether. However, with a bit of help, she regains her ability to speak. She is mostly found wherever your unit is. However, on first encounters, this unit will attempt to bite the hand of the TOHRU HONDA unit. Be careful.
HIRO SOHMA: This is one of our most annoying units. The HIRO SOHMA unit is arrogant and a big show-off, and he'll tend to appear all tough and cool in front of the KISA SOHMA unit. However, he is jealous of the TOHRU HONDA unit because the KISA SOHMA unit keeps talking about her, and will do anything to make fun of your unit. Just to be careful, hide all your unit's belongings whenever he's around.
AKITO SOHMA: The head of the SOHMA FAMILY collection. The AKITO SOHMA unit will appear as a nice and polite person on first encounters with your TOHRU HONDA unit. However, no further interactions should be allowed to occur with this unit, since he's going to showing his true colors and will tend to abuse and traumatize your unit. Again, try to avoid at all costs.
HATSUHARU SOHMA: The HATSUHARU SOHMA unit is generally a very friendly unit, and you only have to be worried about him when he turns into the BLACK HARU, where he will tend to hug your TOHRU HONDA unit in order to transform into a cow to carry a certain YUKI SOHMA unit around. Be careful, when he's in his BLACK HARU state, he might suggest doing "it" with your TOHRU HONDA unit. Make sure a YUKI SOHMA unit and a KYO SOHMA unit are around at all times.
AYAME SOHMA: The AYAME SOHMA unit will tend to slither up the clothes of your TOHRU HONDA unit, who normally wouldn't mind that happening. Although, you have to be careful not to have any YUKI SOHMA units around when this happens, because that would anger him, cause him to pummel the AYAME SOHMA unit, who also happens to be his brother, and drive your TOHRU HONDA unit into the Nervous setting.
PRINCE YUKI FANCLUB: The PRINCE YUKI FANCLUB consists of the third-year representative MOTOKO MINAGAWA, second-year representative MINAMI KINOSHITA, first-year representative MIO YAMAGISHI along with more than half of the female student body at the Kaibara High School. Their club mission statement is, "Let us all extol, love and protect the Prince who has graced our school with his presence". But, of course, what they really mean is, "Don't steal him, bitch!!". The PRINCE YUKI FANCLUB will try to exterminate your TOHRU HONDA unit because they think she is trying to steal the YUKI SOHMA unit. Keep the SAKI HANAJIMA unit and ARISA UOTANI unit around at all times to protect the TOHRU HONDA unit.
Your TOHRU HONDA unit is fully capable of cleaning herself, and would never trouble you by asking you to clean her yourself. She is fully aware of how to use the modern day plumbing...although sometimes she may tend to forget the water running in the bathroom.
The TOHRU HONDA unit is also capable of drying herself properly, once you provide her with clean towels. However, there should be any programming failure, you'll be required to rub the TOHRU HONDA unit dry with a towel. Do not dry-clean unit. Do not tumble dry unit. Do not machine-dry unit. Do not hang unit on clothes line to dry; it will be full of laundry done by your unit, anyway!
The TOHRU HONDA unit is able to cook her own meals, and will also cook meals for you, too, at the same time, three times a day. Although, she would really appreciate it if you treated her every once in a while to a bento or a nice feast.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: My neighbor asked me if she could borrow my TOHRU HONDA unit as a Babysitter for her daughter, and I said yes. But now, my neighbor's daughter just won't leave my TOHRU HONDA unit alone! What should I do?
A: Your TOHRU HONDA unit is a kid's magnet; you should have known that before you lend her to anyone for babysitting. It's almost impossible to get a kid away from her once they'd become attached to her. You'd do best to sell the TOHRU HONDA unit for your neighbor and send an order for a replacement.
Q: Um...well, when I opened the box that's supposed to have my TOHRU HONDA unit I, instead, found a transparent woman with short reddish-blond hair and is wearing a suicide squad uniform! I mean, she's fun to be with and everything, but she knows nothing about house chores, and it's really freaky when she walks through you! What the hell's going on?
A: Okay, now where did you get the KYOKO unit from, eh? I don't know if we should be offering you a replacement or pressing charges against you! The KYOKO unit hasn't been let out to the public yet because we're still running some tests on it! Okay, fine. Send over the KYOKO unit and we'll send you the TOHRU HONDA unit, but mind you; you're going to be charged for it. And as for the LITTLE TOHRU unit that comes along; you're absolutely forbidden to keep it.
Q: My unit is insisting on doing house chores! Even when she's sick! I don't want to wear her out like that; I like her!! But she won't listen! What can I do to get her to stop?
A: Awww! Aren't you so sweet? Well, okay, to get the TOHRU HONDA unit to stop doing her chores, ask the KYO SOHMA unit to come over and yell at her to stop. But that's not all he's going to do; the KYO SOHMA unit will make food for your unit and will take care of her until she gets better. You'll have your TOHRU HONDA back to normal in no time!
Q: Erm...well, a very pretty girl in a pink dress keeps hitting on my TOHRU HONDA unit. But the thing is...my unit is completely responding to it! Blushing and all that!! Is my TOHRU HONDA unit a...well...a lesbian?
A: Your TOHRU HONDA unit is so straight she gets flash-backs from a strong cup of coffee. In other words; she's not a lesbian. The pretty girl in the pink dress is not even a girl to begin with; it's the YUKI SOHMA unit wearing a girl's outfit in order to attract people to the Culture Festival their school is holding. Nothing to worry about, really.
Q: The thing is, my TOHRU HONDA unit is a delinquent worker, but for some reason, this month she lost all of her salary. Is she being mugged and doesn't want to tell me?
A: No, she hasn't been mugged. The question you should be asking yourself is: Where did my TOHRU HONDA unit get the money to buy me my Valentine's chocolate, or my birthday gift, or anything else? Money doesn't grow on trees, you know, and your unit has obviously spent her salary buying you and her friends gifts. Isn't she such a sweetheart?
Q: My TOHRU HONDA unit is evil!! I swear, all she does is beat up my kids and traumatize them, hit on my husband, break all my plates on purpose, ruin all my clothes, trample over the roses in my garden...and many other things!! She's horrible!! This wasn't mentioned on the ad! What should I do to stop her?
A: Oh, my; that sounds terrible. Your TOHRU HONDA unit is obviously suffering from a programming glitch which had caused her to act like her polar opposite. It's rare, but almost irreversible. To get your unit back to normal, just press the Reset button on her. Please note that by doing that, you're going to have to start over with the TOHRU HONDA unit from scratch.
Problem: An ugly monster appears in your backyard and your TOHRU HONDA unit goes running after him.
Solution: What the hell are you doing, sitting here and reading a manual for? You have to go after her! You saw that monster, didn't you? Without help, that monster could cause some serious damage to your unit, and we're not going to be responsible for the repairs!! Also, have the YUKI SOHMA unit help you track the monster down and talk to your TOHRU HONDA unit. Hurry before it's too late!
Problem: Some of your TOHRU HONDA unit's clothes seem to be missing.
Solution: Has a certain, very quiet KISA SOHMA unit been hanging around lately? Because your TOHRU HONDA unit will tend to lend her some of her clothes, as the KISA SOHMA unit will have been naked on first encounters. The clothes will be returned, of course; cleaned and folded up.
Problem: Your TOHRU HONDA unit seems to have gotten amnesia...somehow.
Solution: Uh-oh. Looks like your TOHRU HONDA unit has had her memory suppressed by the HATORI SOHMA unit, under the orders of the AKITO SOHMA unit. I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about it; the process is completely irreversible.
Problem: Your TOHRU HONDA unit is becoming bald.
Solution: What did we tell you about avoiding contact with the AKITO SOHMA unit? Didn't we tell you to avoid him at all costs? Your TOHRU HONDA unit has obviously had her hair pulled at by the AKITO SOHMA unit, and that's probably what had caused it to fall. Go buy her a wig and a hair-growth cream, for God's Sake, before we charge you for abusing your unit.
Problem: Your TOHRU HONDA unit is constantly found in a state of distress and keeps saying stuff like, "I have to find my mother". What more, she's skipping work.
Solution: Check with your unit if she's lost the picture of her mother. If that's the case, then you should go ahead and search for the HIRO SOHMA unit, for he's the most likely person to go ahead and steal the TOHRU HONDA unit's belongings. Then you should ask him to return it to her, and if doesn't, get the help of the KISA SOHMA unit. However, if that's not the case at all, then your unit has probably gone crazy.
Problem: You keep finding all sorts of animals in your house, ranging from an ox in your backyard to a seahorse in the bath tub.
Solution: These are probably the members of the SOHMA FAMILY collection. Those units will keep popping up in your house, and apparently, your unit is clumsy enough she managed to turn all the male members of the SOHMA FAMILY collection into animals, by bumping into them. Don't worry, though; these animals are perfectly harmless.
With proper care and maintenance, the TOHRU HONDA unit will lead a full and a happy life while living under your roof. Her warranty is good for many years yet to come, considering you don't overwork her to death. However, if for some reason you can't stand to have a certain brunette in your house, all you have to do is have a HATORI SOHMA unit erase her memory, before you send her away to live with her grandfather and his cruel, cruel relatives. Meanie.
A/N: Done!! Finally! This story's been hanging around my computer for about two months now, and never seemed to be able to finish it, and it's been bothering me a lot; it's good to finally get it out of my system. But, actually, I think it turned out to be really nice, right? It's really good! I'm proud of it! Anyway, if you did like it, then would you please send a review? Thanks for reading!!
- S. N. B.