What's this? An almost normal chapter, at least by the standards of this (not)fic? Time will tell.

"Harry, Ron, come here," called Hermione. Ron and Harry walked over, Ron walking rather unsteadily.

"Yo wassuuup..." said Ron.

"So what do you want today?" asked Harry.

"Yeah are we going to another gay rights parade?" asked Ron.

Hermione sighed.

"First of all, it was not a gay rights parade, it was an elf rights parade, and secondly no, we are not going to attend a parade for elf rights."

"Yeah gays, elfs, same thing," said Ron.

Hermione gave him a withering look.

"So what are we here for then?" said Harry.

Hermione produced a small leatherbound book.

"I want to show you a story I've been working on."

"Hmm ok, what's it about?"

"It's called Voilence, the Violent Violin. It's about a very violent violin."

"What...what?" asked Harry.

"It's called Voilence..."

"Yeah I got that. I mean, just...well yeah what the hell. This is about a violin that beats people up?"

Hermione shuffled slightly.

"Let's sit down."

So the three of them found some chairs and uh...sat down...on...them...

"So, this story is about a violent violin?" asked Harry.

"I don't believe in violins," said Ron.

"Well yes," replied Hermione, ignoring Ron. "However, it is not that simple."

"Ok then, tell me what it's about then," said Harry.

"Right then, there's this violin called Voilence, it is a violin which is very violent..."

"Ok let's start to break it down from here," interrupted Harry. "First of all, how can a violin be violent?"

"Violins are so mainstream," said Ron.

"Well, violins can be used as weapons," said Hermione. "Sort of like a bat, or a big stick."

"Violins are handcrafted with care and precision," said Harry. "There's a reason they're used as musical instruments, not tools to hit people on the head with."

"Well yes, but this is a violent violin you see."

"How does that change anything? Look, Voilence is the violin, and it's violent am I correct?"

"Yes."

"And it's a violin itself, it's not like some angry guy carrying a violin."

"I think I have made that abundantly clear."

"Alright, I just wanted to confirm, you know, to make sure I wasn't hearing you wrong. So this is a horror story right? I know Stephen King made this book about an evil washing machine."

"No. It's a social satire."

"Those things scratch up your ride real nasty man," said Ron, staring into the distance.

"It's a social satire about violent violins?" asked Harry.

"No, it's about the prevalence of violence in our society and the irony of how it can be embodied in the most unlikely of objects."

"And you're going to do this through violent violins?"

"Well yes."

Harry ran his hand through his hair.

"So these violins, they can talk and stuff?"

"I hadn't completely considered that, but I suppose yes."

"How exactly are they violent? Do they have arms and punch each other?"

"Not exactly."

"Ok so let me try to get this straight. You're writing some social satire on the presence of violence in unlikely objects through aggressive violins, which are like people themselves."

"Sort of."

"This makes no sense at all, does it Ron?"

Ron wasn't paying attention.

"Yeah. I mean no. I mean whatever."

"So why exactly is this violin violent?" continued Harry.

"Well, its name is Voilence," replied Hermione

"That's neither an excuse nor does it make sense. Why would its parents, or its creators or whoever name a violin which is going to specifically be violent a name which sounds very much like violence. That'd be like calling a girl Ebony Darkness...wait never mind."

"That's part of the irony you see," said Hermione, opening a random page in the book. "How we take on whatever identity is given to us."

"I thought it was about the prevalence of violence."

"It has many overlapping themes."

"That's some pretty sweet ice cream," said Ron.

"But why would the violin be violent for no reason?" asked Harry. "What childhood traumas or deep seated psychological issues caused it to be vicious in such an indiscriminate way?"

"Don't be silly," said Hermione. "It's a violin. How can it have parents or psychological problems."

"You just said these violins were like people."

"Well not exactly like people."

Harry sighed in exasperation.

"So how exactly does this violin practice its violence. By killing people?"

"No, it is just violent in its outlook."

"What, it plays violent music? Help me here."

"Its violence is self contained. Also in the end we won't know if it was actually violent or only thought it was violent."

"But...it's a violin. How can it do all those things I mean I just thought how crazy this is."

"Well this is a magical world we live in right?"

"Yes but you never told me whether it was a magical violin or a muggle violin."

"It's just a violin."

"The behaviour you were describing earlier was decidedly un-violin like."

Hermione suddenly closed the book angrily.

"It's obvious you can't understand such sophistication. I don't blame you, not everyone has the mental capabilities to understand such subtle art."

"I just don't understand how this all works!" exclaimed Harry. "You keep contradicting yourself. Nothing you're saying makes any sense. How did you even get this idea?"

"Well," said Hermione, leaning back on her chair again. "I got it while listening to Jethro Tull."

"What's that?" asked Harry, puzzled. "A shipping contractor?"

"They're some weird folk-rock band from way back," said Ron dreamily. "Like 7 people in the world care about them anymore."

"Yeah, anyways I was listening to this song called aqualung by them," continued Hermione. "And I noticed how it's about a hobo whose called Aqualung. The strange name of something completely unrelated sparked a thought in my brain and thus the idea was born."

"Alright, ridiculous as that is, aqualungs and street bums are completely different and unrelated in every possible way," said Harry. "This violent violin of yours obviously came about because you found the words violin and violence similar. What would make more sense in context might be Voilence, the violent mandolin. Also, why you had to name it Voilence for further effect, I'll never know. Secondly, the thing is only the name of the person. It's not like the hobo is actually a piece of diving equipment."

"Hobos aren't mainstream man," said Ron.

"I think we both have differing interpretations," said Hermione.

"What I just told you was obvious logic."

"Great art is not made by logic."

"Right, but unless this is a work of surrealism which apparently it isn't, some basic ground rules have to be laid. You can't just keep changing things about whether this violin is like people or isn't, or can think, or is actually violent. I'm rather surprised by all this, this doesn't seem at all like the work of a sensible and pragmatic person."

"Well, I think I had an artistic awakening. Anyways, I'm off to get this manuscript published. See you later."

Hermione got up and began to walk across the room.

"She took some of my grass," whispered Ron in Harry's ear, confirming everyone's suspicions.

Just then Daniel Plainview came in with a bowling pin and beat up Ron with it whilst yelling 'DRAINAGE!' Then they all got shot by Dooly Appointed Federal Mahshals, but survived since they had discovered the tome of ultimate reality, concealed within a smart towel.