The Blinding Mask

Chapter 8

"You're right, you know."

Robyn had answered her door on the second knock and there was Ryo on her doorstep. His black hair was messy, falling over tired eyes, and it looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. That wasn't surprising, considering how upset he had looked when Robyn had thrown the guys out of her place last night. The redhead watched him warily, not sure she was up for this conversation yet or for a close proximity to any of them. As if he intuitively understood this, Ryo remained in the doorway.

"Which part?" Robyn asked quietly, brushing her hair from her eyes. That action revealed the bandage she had on her forehead as well as further bandages peeking out of her sleeve.

Ryo let his eyes dart over the dressed wounds, but didn't say anything.

"The part where you said we were broken. We are. We really are..." Ryo lapsed into silence as he stared over her shoulder. His eyes were a million miles away and wherever he was right then, Robyn wasn't sure she wanted to know about it. He looked…haunted.

"Ryo," Robyn said quietly. "Are you sure this is something you want to talk about now?"

She had said some pretty rough things to them last night and even though she meant what she had said, it still didn't make it any easier knowing that she had hurt them. She was already over her anger at them for following her, but it didn't change the situation. Things had happened and things had been said that couldn't be ignored. And both knew the other had secrets they hadn't been willing to share. Bringing it all to light was difficult. Pulling those secrets from out of their dark caves would be harder still.

"Maybe you should go home and rest."

"I don't want to," Ryo replied in a gravelly voice.

Robyn sighed and moved away from the door, forcing Ryo to catch it himself if he wanted to keep it open. He took this as an invitation to walk in and shut the door behind him.

"So what do you want from me then?" Robyn asked as she wandered around the front room, not looking at him. "I can't really help you with this. I wasn't there. There is nothing I can-"

"White Blaze is gone," Ryo blurted, almost forcefully at her.

It was enough to stop Robyn in her tracks and she stared at him.

"I don't know what happened to him. It's just that battle- he never came back. I don't know if he's dead or..."

Robyn slowly sat herself down on the couch, ready to listen.

"I miss him so much, and it's killing me to not know what happened," Ryo continued passionately. "And I can't TELL anyone! That-that THING nearly ripped Rowen's throat out. It tortured Mia and Nikki right under our noses. It KILLED Cassie. It changed all of us in a way that we'll never bounce back from. There's no way I can tell any of them that I just... I just really miss my tiger."

The last statement was delivered softly. Ryo looked at her, his eyes glittering wetly, but stubbornly refusing to spill over. Robyn swallowed. His expression made her chest constrict with emotion, but she did her best to keep it down.

"I'm so sorry, Ryo."

Her voice made him lurch forward into the couch. He sat down with purpose, grabbing her wrists which were sitting in her lap. Robyn jumped at the sudden contact, but didn't move away.

"Ever since it happened, we've just been lost... broken, as you said," Ryo went on, watching her face. "Horrible things happened to us, to all of us and when it was over.." He paused for a moment, his brows knitting a bit in anger and frustration as he remembered that time when they had been forced to forget it all. When something gnawed at all of them and they were frantic to know why. "When it was over, we all tried to pretend it didn't happen. We wouldn't talk about it and we wouldn't admit that it had changed us so much."

Ryo's grip on her hands got tighter as he talked, but Robyn didn't try to break from his hold.

"We just kept existing pretending everything was okay, as if we thought if we acted like it didn't happen we would all go back to normal. But all it did was pull us all further apart. We stayed broken, Robyn. We never took a chance to heal. We just drove each other away. And when you came, we continued to pretend and we drove you away, too."

Ryo swallowed, his eyes moving away from Robyn's face to look down at her hands in his. "I don't want my friends to go through this anymore. I'm tired of everyone trying to get through this themselves. And so are they. Last night, you really pushed us to think about this and we're going to get together to talk about this later today at Mia's. We're going to face it together and then move on."

A smile chased away the concerned look that had been on Robyn's face. "That's great, Ryo. I'm so happy for you guys. I really hope it goes well for you and when you're done, I'll be here so you're welcome to-"

"I want you to come," Ryo insisted.

Robyn's expression instantly dropped. "What?" she asked flatly. "Ryo, I can't come to that. I shouldn't be there. It's not my business. I wasn't even there."

"I know," Ryo nodded. "But... we want you there. I think the guys would appreciate your support. And..."

The way that sentence dropped off chilled Robyn somehow.

"You don't know if it's over," she accused in a hushed tone.

Ryo stayed quiet and Robyn shook her head. "Man, this thing got you guys good, didn't it?"

Ryo didn't give an answer to the question and he didn't let go of her hand. "Please come. I feel... like someone needs to be there who didn't have to live through it. We have to tell someone else. We have to live outside our little bubble before it swallows us all."

Robyn let out a noisy breath through her nose. "I see. Fine, I will be there."

Ryo nodded and released her hands as he stood up. The distance between them was more than literal. It was a distance Ryo feared he had wedged there with their secrecy and, he hoped, would mend itself as well after the day was through.

"Rowen said he'd come by and pick you up, if you agreed to go." Ryo ran a hand through his hair, seeming uncomfortable. "I kind of need to do something beforehand."

Robyn understandably had a confused look on her face to have one Ronin come in and beg her to come only to be told another was going to pick her up. But she accepted it and nodded. She would let them all have their way today.

"Rowen, huh? Alright, alright. Tell him I'll be here and I guess... I'll see you at Mia's."

"Yes you will," Ryo promised. "Thanks Robyn. You really have no idea, thanks so much!" And with that, Ryo was out the door, leaving Robyn to wait to see what the day would reveal.

"Kento? Are you up there?"

Cye's voice rang through the empty house as he paused at the bottom of the stairs. Quiet was virtually unknown to the Faun household, but no one had answered the door when Cye had knocked. He knew for a fact that Kento was home, although Cye wasn't used to not being greeted when showing up here.

"Kento?"

"Yeah, I'm here," came a gruff reply, muffled slightly. Cye headed up the stairs towards Kento's room. The door was partially closed, but Cye could see his friend sitting on his bed, elbows on his knees as he stared at his feet.

"Hey," Cye ventured lightly, trying to ignore the amounts of worry that were rolling off of Kento right now. "You about ready to go?"

Kento looked up, then ran a hand through his short hair. "Yeah, I guess so." But he didn't move. Cye waited a bit, then walked across the room and sat down next to the bigger man.

"You okay?" Cye asked quietly.

Kento darted a glance at him, then sighed heavily.

"I…just don't know what to say, you know? I asked for this, but the closer the time comes, the more I want to just not go. I've kept thinking these last several months that there was so much I wanted to say if I just had the chance to, and now that I have it, I just want to go to work and keep pretending everything's still okay."

Cye sat silently, just listening. He wondered if like him, Kento hadn't gotten to speak of any of his troubles with anyone.

"Plus, I just don't know if I can take a whole day of watching her…be like that."

"It hurts you," Cye acknowledged quietly. It hurt him to see this hard cold shell of a Mia, too.

"It fucking tears me to shreds," Kento whispered in a harsh voice. "It's…like she's dead to everyone and everything. And the worst part of it all is that instead of being glad we can all get some closure, all I can do is sit here, dreading what she'll say to me this time. How she'll say it, and how much more she'll manage to cut me up inside. Pretty selfish, huh?"

"There's a difference between selfishness and self preservation, Kento," Cye told him, squeezing his shoulder. Kento just stared at the carpet, his arm muscles bunching as he clenched and unclenched his fingers. Finally he sucked in a tight breath and looked up at Torrent.

"Maybe this will help her too," Kento said, forced optimism in his voice as he stood up. "Maybe this will help all of us."

Cye gave Hardrock an encouraging look, then rose as well. "We won't find out unless we try," he agreed. Together they headed out to face this day.

He only had an hour before he needed to be at Mia's. Ryo was pretty sure that it would be best if he got there at least before Rowen or Kento, to help keep things calm. Not that he believed that either man at this point would cause a problem. Kento had been the one to actually convince Mia of the necessity of this conversation, but it wouldn't be good to start things off with the kind of strain that existed between those four. Just because Rowen and Nikki's loud and violent way of expressing their feelings to each other overshadowed Kento passivity and Mia's icy silence, it didn't mean that there wasn't the potential of verbal conflict. If Ryo was there, he could make sure to head any problem off before they got started.

But there was something he had to take care of first.

The drive to the cabin was longer than he remembered, or maybe it was just that he had slowed down the last couple miles. But eventually there it was, the small log building that had been Ryo's private shelter and place of peace for more years than he could remember. He lost his tiger here a long time ago, but through the gift of another equally brave animal, his best friend had been returned to him. At the time, he couldn't have imagined being more grateful for anything in his life.

The road leading to the cabin was only dirt, so his feet barely made a sound as he climbed out.

Ryo stepped inside the cabin, looking around. He hadn't been here in awhile, his life had become so busy that he had given up on spending his free time out in the woods the way he longed to. Plus Blaze had been at Mia's, and he missed his best friend sorely during the week. Now that he was gone, Ryo could help but curse himself for not finding a way to keep his tiger with him. He hadn't been ready to lose him. Not then. Not like that.

Ryo moved through the cabin and out the back door, to where a small clearing overlooked the surrounding countryside. It was beautiful out here. Some of their best times had been here, just the two of them, him and Blaze. Maybe that was why he came here when he wanted to feel close again to his tiger. There had been nothing to bury, but here…he could close his eyes and almost believe he heard the rumbling right next to him. No one wanted to lose their family. No one wanted to have to grow up and face the world on their own two feet. No one wanted to have to stand alone.

He remained there as long as he could, eyes closed and remembering the good things. Taking strength from his memories.

"No one wants to stand alone, do they Blaze?" Ryo murmured softly to the wind. "But sometimes we have to." There was no response, but a hint of a smile touched Wildfire's mouth. Perspective could be such an incredible thing, and it always seemed to come to him here more than anywhere else. Ryo knelt on the ground and touched the soft grass. It bent beneath his roughened hand, an endless memorial to a friend he was having to learn to live without.

"I miss you, buddy," Ryo whispered. He could almost swear he heard a soft purring on the wind.

All morning Nikki had kept trying to pretend that she wasn't watching the driveway from the upstairs bedroom window. But by the time Ryo had pulled up, Nikki had given up pretending. Her nose was squashed to the glass as she tried to read both his and Mia's lips. The redhead had walked outside to greet Ryo, albeit with a tight expression. The two had spent a few minutes talking. Nikki couldn't hear what they were talking about, but she saw a look of confusion on Mia's face when Ryo admitted... something to her. He kept talking and Mia eventually got that look on her face to which Nikki recalled she would make when she was tolerating something she didn't like. What had Ryo asked of her?

Later, Ryo popped his head in, politely greeting her, but it had been awkward at best. After a few forced pleasantries, Ryo left her to herself. Nikki returned almost immediately to her position.

"Are you still Rowen watching?" Mia asked from the doorway as finally a green car pulled up, and three figures climbing out of it.

"Of course not," Nikki said, sounding offended even as she stared at the tall man climbing out of the driver's seat, a shock of blue hair making him impossible to mistake.

"Yeah right," Mia smirked. "Who's with him?"

"Sage. And…who is she?"

Nikki's face was pressed to the window as Rowen opened the door behind him and helped out a girl with shockingly bright red hair. Nikki's eyes narrowed.

"She?" Mia didn't sound surprised.

"Red hair, skinny. Standing next to Rowen like she owns him," Nikki described, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice.

"That would be Robyn," Mia answered simply. "Ryo said she might show up. He thought she needed to hear some of this." At that comment, Mia's gaze flattened. She obviously didn't agree, but it seemed it wasn't something she could stop now.

"Why?" Nikki demanded. "She wasn't even there! It's not her business. Who is she and how come I've never even heard of her before?"

"I don't know," Mia said honestly. "She's a friend of theirs from high school–practically family to Cye. She knows about the armor. I really don't know much about her myself. She was their friend, not mine." Her tone turned a bit thoughtful as she looked out the window with Nikki. "She wasn't here very long, but I got the impression they were close. However, as soon as she was gone, none of them mentioned her again. I really don't know why."

"Well why is she here for THIS?" Nikki demanded.

Mia sighed. "I don't know, Nikki. It wasn't my decision. Ryo insisted. I guess he's worried about her not being... prepared."

Nikki just snorted. "Yeah, cause the rest of us got that luxury."

She continued to watch out the window as the girl known as Robyn stared at the house. Nikki's eyes narrowed when she grabbed into Rowen's arm when he walked by, almost as if she was concerned about something.

"Seriously, does she have to hang off him like that? They aren't dating are they?"

Mia actually laughed at her.

"You sound jealous."

"Shut up."

"You're going to have to get used to it. Her relationship with them was like that. All of them were protective of her. They..."

"They were like that with you once," Nikki finished with a smug look. "And I'm the one that sounds jealous?"

"I have nothing to be jealous of, Nikki," Mia replied simply. Nikki raised an eyebrow as she continued to watch the figures outside. A second car had pulled up next to the first.

"So the fact that Kento's all over her now doesn't bother you in the slightest?"

Mia shot Nikki a dirty glare, but couldn't help herself from coming into the room just far enough that she could get a look outside as well. Sure enough, the strange girl was slapping Kento's wrists away while he was trying to... do something to her. Nikki wasn't sure.

Her attention was then drawn, as it often was, back to Rowen. As if he sensed her eyes on him, Rowen looked up, directly at the window. Their eyes met and Nikki's heart lurched. She jerked away from the window, then groaned as the quick motion sent her head aching. Mia was already on her way to the door.

"You probably should come down soon," Mia informed her as she left. "I don't have any plans on drawing this out. I would like to have everyone out in a couple hours."

Nikki said nothing, but she doubted that Mia would get her wish. Her friend left the room and Nikki stood up, glancing in the mirror to check her hair. It wasn't too great, considering the lumpy bandage still on her head, and the scratches from glass didn't help the look either. Groaning Nikki flopped herself down on the bed, listening to the muffled voice downstairs. Suddenly she was really nervous, and wasn't sure she wanted to do this.

"I wanted the company," she muttered to herself.

A quiet knock on the doorframe caught her attention. Nikki sat up, once more too fast when she saw blue hair, and groaned as she went dizzy. A hand on her arm steadied her until things stopped spinning. When she could focus once more, Nikki realized that Rowen was kneeling in front of her.

"Moved too quick," Nikki muttered embarrassedly. He said nothing, but everything about him spoke volumes. The wrinkled black hoodie only made him look paler, his hair wilder than normal. The dark circles around bloodshot eyes showed the lack of sleep. But it was the way he was looking at her, so filled with self loathing, that made Nikki forget that she was angry some girl had been hanging all over him.

"Nikki, I-" Rowen started, but Nikki cut him off by leaning forward and throwing her arms around his neck. Rowen held still for a moment, then shaky arms came up and wrapped around her waist.

"You're an asshole," she reminded him, even as she hugged him. "Next time I'm driving."

It was an attempt at a joke, and it fell flat between them. But Rowen did sigh and hold her tighter.

"I would've come by…called…something," Rowen told her, sounding guilty as hell.

"Yeah, Mia probably would've had an apoplexy," Nikki chuckled, giving him a tight grin. "You can stop looking at me like you took a baseball bat to my skull, by the way."

Rowen sat back, looking at her with those dark blue eyes.

"You're not mad?" He seemed floored. Nikki flushed and shrugged.

"Kinda…not. No. I guess I should be, but seriously Rowen? I guess I just want to stop all of this. I want to stop making you angry, and I want you to stop making me angry. I don't want to lie to you anymore, and I don't want you to send me crashing through any more windshields. You know?"

Rowen did know. He just couldn't believe that he wasn't getting screamed at right now. The haggard look he had adopted softened slightly.

"Getting hit in the head makes you nicer, Nik," Rowen joked quietly.

Nikki just shook her head.

"Not being scared out of my wits makes me nicer, Rowen."

He looked at her quickly and saw the truth in her words. He was about to say something when he heard people passing by down the hall.

"Wow, it's been so long since I've been in this house," a female voice unfamiliar to Nikki was heard as it neared the room.

Cye had obviously shown up in the meantime as his voice sounded right after.

"Don't get too into wandering around the house. Mia wants everyone to gather in the living room real soon."

Then the redhead was in her doorway. "Hey guys," she greeted. She sent a friendly smile Nikki's way. "You must be Nikki. Hi, I'm Robyn. I'm sorry to hear about your accident."

Nikki just blinked at her. She hadn't noticed from the second story window, but Robyn looked like she had been in something near to a traffic accident herself. She had a large bandage over her forehead and bandaged arms peeking out of long sleeves.

For one brief moment, Nikki feared exactly what force had did this to that girl and her heart jumped.

"My boyfriend did it," Robyn told her lightly, making Nikki suddenly forget her fear with the odd comment.

"Robyn!" Cye barked at her.

"He loves me, I swear," Robyn grinned.

"ROBYN!"

Robyn was already off down the hall while Cye felt he owed the two an explanation.

"I'm sorry, my friend is really retarded," he informed them.

Nikki looked at Rowen who only gave her a smirk in answer. She got up to peek down the hall just in time to see Robyn stop in front of a certain bedroom Nikki hadn't gone near in a very long time. Robyn was looking at the door while Cye was already coming back up the hall, calling for Robyn to come on and fully expecting her to.

Instead, Robyn opened the door to Nikki's old bedroom and stepped in.

Nikki's heart jumped. That room. That horrible, horrible room where so many nightmares had taken place for her. Granted, there had been some good things, too, but the horrors had long since overshadowed and twisted them into something sick and dirty. Upon coming back to Mia's place recently, Nikki had never ventured even down that hall, let alone near the room. To see someone so casually walk into it, it broke something for her and she wasn't sure what. Would a stranger entering that room shatter her twisted memories, or invite them to happen all over again?

Despite the fact that Nikki had vowed never to venture there again, she felt herself pulled towards that room and the red haired girl and she stumbled towards it, eyes wide. Upon reaching it, she blatantly stood in the doorway, but didn't take a step inside. Within, Robyn was standing in the middle of the room, cuffing her toe on the rug as if checking its solidity.

Nikki hitched her breath as she remembered the few times he had came for her by suddenly sucking her into the rug. Just by looking at it, she could feel it's sickening pull all over again. Robyn was now standing with arms folded and regarding the far wall. The same wall he–IT– also often used to enter the room for her.

"This room frightens you, doesn't it?" Robyn said, not looking at her.

Nikki's body tightened. How did she know?

Robyn gave out a loud breath as she looked over the room again. "I don't blame you."

Nikki wasn't sure what she was scared of, but fear gripped her heart. Was it because of the memories this place had surfaced for her? Or was it the fact that a total stranger could point out the perils of this room and she had willingly slept in it night after night? Either way, Nikki stumbled backwards; right into a solid body. She looked up to see it was Rowen; his eyes serious, protective.

He put a hand on Nikki's shoulder and poked his head into the room.

"Robyn, get out of there." His voice stayed neutral, but it was hard enough to suggest it wasn't a request.

The redhead continued to look it over as if he wasn't there.

"Robyn," Rowen said in a harsher voice. "I said get. Out."

Robyn leveled a mild look at him. "Okay..." she said with a slightly offended voice as she paraded out of the room, hands in her pockets.

Rowen stationed his body between the room and the slightly shaken Nikki before closing the bedroom door. As he put a hand on the small of her back and led her down the hall, Nikki realized Rowen hadn't put a single foot into the room either.

The rest of them had taken seats throughout the living room, sitting in silence, and they were waiting uncomfortably for Rowen and Nikki to finally show up. Eventually the footsteps on the stairs said the remaining two were coming. The blue haired man came down first, an unreadable expression on his face, with the brunette slowly coming up behind. Rowen stepped into the room first, his body blocking her from view, his eyes flickering over all of them before he moved away from her. Even as he settled on his heels across the room from the couch where Mia and Nikki now sat, it was obvious that Rowen was being territorial.

An uncomfortable silence fell across the room. No one said anything, although there were a lot of looks being passed around.

"Anyone want to start this off?" Cye finally wondered out loud.

More silence. And it grew.

"Maybe we should start by getting Robyn up to speed on what happened?" Kento suggested. "Unless you filled her in already, Ryo?"

Nikki's throat tightened. It made her angry that they were going to tell this outsider about what happened. About things they did and things she and Mia and Cassie did. It wasn't this girl's business to know and Nikki did not want to hear it.

Cye had offered Robyn a place on the couch between himself and Ryo, but she had refused.

"Oh no, this isn't about me," Robyn waved them off. "You guys need to do what you came here to do. I'm staying out of it."

She backed up a few steps to remove herself from the close circle to prove her point.

"I'm just here for support, that's all."

Ryo made a motion to stand up and argue with her but Robyn was already motioning back that he should take his seat and get on with it.

Nikki was almost impressed when Ryo did so. They definitely had to have had some kind of history between them. Ryo didn't listen to anyone.

Mia sat up straight. It was a small movement, but the severity of her demeanor instantly sobered the entire room.

"I agree with Robyn. Let's get this done and over with. I don't want to drag this out. Whatever it is you need to say–whatever you need to finish with us, let's hear it so we can get on with our lives."

Nikki noticed Robyn managed to look surprised with Mia's statement. In a way, it was almost comforting. The five Ronin did not blink and Mia's cold approach to them anymore. Robyn's reaction was the only proof in the room that she had not been that way from the start. Even if Robyn and Mia and only known each other for a small amount of time, Robyn still knew she was different. Nikki hadn't just dreamed up the old Mia, she really had been warm and caring to all of them at one point. And she had, indeed noticeably changed.

When no one responded to her, Mia tried again.

"Kento? You're the one that insisted I do this, so say something."

"Mia…" Nikki sighed. "Are you trying to make this worse?"

"I'm trying to make this shorter," Mia replied smoothly.

"Why?" Ryo asked.

Before she could answer, Kento spoke up.

"Because she can only hold onto the cold hearted bitch act for so long before she starts to crack."

Mia looked like he had slapped her in the face. Kento stared at her, eyes glittering.

"Just come right out and say it, you don't want us here," he said, voice mocking her as much as it mocked himself. "You think my idea was stupid and you just want us out of here as soon as possible so you don't have to have anything else to do with us."

"That's not what I meant. You don't have to insult me," she declared, but it was obvious that it flustered her to be immediately attacked by the one Ronin that never pressed her or pushed her.

"And the way you speak to us, the way you treat us like we're a bother to you? That isn't an insult?" Cye asked her, sounding hurt. "After all we have been through together? When did this become us versus you, Mia? We used to all be on the same side."

"We still are," Mia said tightly, refusing to meet anyone's eyes.

"You don't believe it more than any of the rest of us do," Kento called her bluff.

"Hey, lay off of her," Nikki spoke up. "Seriously, if you all plan on insulting her left and right, then there really is no point to all of this. At least have the decency to speak civilly."

"What exactly do you want from us?" Mia said, emotion leaking through. "What do you want me to say, Kento?" she asked him directly. "It's over. What happened can't be changed, but it's through. Nothing else is going to happen."

"You don't know that, Mia," Sage said in a hard voice. "You didn't see the second time coming, did you?"

"Nothing else is going to happen, Sage!" Mia snapped. "I took care of it."

"No, you didn't," Sage came back. "You took a chance and played with fire, Mia. You took a risk, played Russian roulette. You and Nikki and Cassie…you three flirted with the enemy and you made deals with him behind our backs and as far as I'm concerned, you did not win that game! And if that isn't betrayal, then I don't know what is. All three of you decided to go at it alone. Why did you think you couldn't ask us for help? It's amazing we weren't all dead by the time you were done."

"Sage, ease up," Ryo ordered, but Halo was seething.

"And then Cassie, that little fool, thinking that all alone she could take on the devil himself…"

"Don't you dare start in on Cass about this, Sage!" Cye was on his feet, rounding on Halo. "She's not even here to defend herself!"

"And that's her own damn fault, Cye!" Sage retorted. "If she had just thought about how STUPID it was what she was doing then maybe she'd still be here!"

"It was never supposed to be Cassie," Mia murmured softly, looking down at her knees. The voices continued around her, heedless for except one man whose eyes turned at the statement.

"Mia…?" Ryo asked her.

"She was innocent, Sage!" Cye spat. "She never should have been put in that position!"

"Innocent, Cye? No, not Cassie. While it was a stupid move, she knew what she was doing, I'm sure of it. Cassie was never weak and helpless, but that was how you always treated her!" Sage yelled back. "She was more than a pretty blind girl that held your hand, but you never saw her as anything more than that. When she put herself in that position, she knew was she was doing! They all did! Only Cassie drew the short straw, but it just as easily could have been any one them-"

"It was supposed to be ME!" Mia suddenly cried, jerking to her feet. "Me, Sage! Me! It was never supposed to be them. Everything we did, every move we made, every lie we told was to get ME closer to him. To get a chance to get rid of him for good! We passed the seal around so that he wouldn't realize which one of us had it, but it was understood that I was the one that was going to use it. Cassie knew! She knew it was supposed to be me! It wasn't luck that killed her, it was her own stupidity, not waiting…"

The room had gone silent. Every eye was on the redhead who stood trembling.

"And she knew how much it would hurt you two if something happened to her, but that little fool did it anyway," Mia shot angrily at Cye and Sage. "She knew she and Nikki were decoys! Cassie knew! So why the hell she had to let herself be the one…"

"You actually let yourself believe that whole decoy thing, didn't you Mia?" Nikki asked in a bitter voice. "Like it was all going to be okay. Like it would justify everything we did- all that we let be done to us."

"It WAS justified!" Mia drew herself up proudly, despite the pain on her face. She faced the men in the room. "And these last awful months would never have happened. Don't you get it? You would never have lost anything if I had been the one!"

"What about losing you?" Ryo asked her, a peculiar gentleness in his voice. The expression in his eyes had changed from one of angry confusion to one of growing understanding. "Don't you think it would have hurt us any less? That we wouldn't be grieving for you the way Sage and Cye grieve for Cassie?"

"That's different," Mia shook her head stubbornly.

"Not for me, it's not," Kento spoke softly from the corner. The big man looked shaken, and his mouth was a tight line.

"It's not the same," Mia tried to argue but his voice overrode hers.

"NO, Mia. It…is…not different. And we both know it."

That was all he needed to say. What was left unsaid however hung over the room like a blanket. Everyone knew how he felt, but they never would have thought that Kento would chose this place and this time to force her to acknowledge it. Mia opened her mouth, then shut it tightly again.

"You damn stubborn woman," Kento murmured. "Why did you do this to yourself? Why didn't you let us fight for you? We were born for this, it is who we are. This was never your fight. None of these battles have ever been your fight."

"I'm not a child, Kento!" Mia snapped, eyes flashing wildly. "It's as much my fight as any of yours because it's my friends, my world that dies if we don't win! I have just as much to lose as any of you, more because this is all I have! So don't tell me that I'm not involved! That I'm not allowed to take risks, that I'm supposed to sit placidly by twiddling my thumbs and waiting for you to get yourselves killed. You couldn't fight Damian! You couldn't beat him! Not EVER! But I did! I did twice and I saved your lives twice and I lost my friend and my sanity and my soul in the process so damn it! Admit it that I WAS RIGHT!"

Mia was so angry that tears welled up in her eyes, but she brushed them away with the back of her hand and no more came.

"I'm…not…sorry."

No one said anything for a while. Finally Sage spoke quietly.

"It was your foolish plan that lost us Cassie, Mia. But I would never place her life over yours, or Nikki's. You might believe that it would have been better if you had died, but I would never wish this pain on anyone else. I…I just wouldn't."

"It should have been me," Mia repeated.

"It should never have been any of you," Ryo told her, gaining Mia's attention again. There was strength in his voice, a strength that comes from knowing who you are and why you are here. "You are brave and you are strong and I love you so much Mia, but you are wrong. You have been wrong this whole time and you know it. That's why you're holding us so far away from you. You can't accept it, but you need to."

"Don't you dare, Ryo!" Nikki suddenly rose to Mia's defense. Mia had gone white and was breathing in quick rapid breathes as she sank back into her chair. "Don't you dare make Cassie's death pointless! You don't get it, do you? If we say that we were wrong, then Cassie died for nothing! All those horrible sacrifices we made were for nothing! We're just stupid weak women who made bad decisions and kept you big strong heroes from saving the day. And maybe we were but maybe we weren't! And there's no way to go back and find out, and there's no way to change the past. You want to absolve your own guilt, and I get that. I know what it's like to be eaten away inside by fear and doubt and guilt…"

Nikki sucked in a tight breath and then launched in.

"But I also know what it's like to not be able to sleep at night with the lights off because you're so damn scared that something is there watching you. I know what it's like having someone whistle under their breath behind your shoulder and you spend half the morning hiding in the bathroom, shaking from fear. I know what it's like to think you can't possibly be more terrified than you are, can't possibly feel more alone or feel more dirty…I've watched my friends go to hell and back, literal hell, for you guys. Again. And again. And AGAIN. Part of us will always be back there, hearing that voice, feeling all those things…that he…seeing all those things…" Nikki began losing her words, stumbling over sentences that were too tough to say.

"But that was a decision that we made, and now you want us to unmake it to make you feel better. Well screw you all! Because the fact that we believed that we were doing it to protect you was the ONLY thing that kept us going. That makes the nights even now bearable. Don't you dare take that away from us. We did not kill our friend for NOTHING!"

Up until this point Rowen hadn't said anything. But as Nikki finished her tirade, the blue haired man slowly unfolded from his position. He stood, moving towards the bookcase. He ran a finger over the dusty shelving, his face unreadable.

"You know, this whole time I've been so angry," he sounded as if he was speaking just to himself, but the whole room easily heard his words. The quiet way of speaking contrasted sharply to the yelling that had just occurred. "I've been so angry. I tried to hide it at first, but that didn't work. Then I decided that I was angry at them, for lying to us. For making fools of us."

"Rowen, I didn't-" Mia started but Rowen spoke over her as if unaware she had said anything.

"I felt betrayed. Like something had been stolen from me. Not just my memories, but a piece of myself. And they had done that to me. I was so angry…I stopped being angry the other day. I sat in my car and watched someone that I hated, truly hated, get torn from my grasp. I watched them get hurt and sat there powerless to stop it. I sat there in my car, looking at her lying there broken and injured, and I realized that I wasn't angry at her, but at myself. I just wasn't good enough."

Rowen's head came up and he looked directly at Nikki, his blue eyes boring into hers.

"I wasn't good enough to keep you safe. I tried my damnedest to do it. I did everything that I knew how…I bled and I fought and I killed and I used every bit of strength I had, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't even close to enough. I didn't even know…" Rowen's voice cracked and he sank down to his heels, eyes never leaving Nikki's.

"I really did love you, Nik. I did, even though we never had what they say love is supposed to be. But it was what we had and as screwed up as it was, it was ours. And at night, when I was exhausted and hurt from the fights, I would lie down next to you and hold you. And I knew that no matter how hard it got, how impossible it seemed, at least that day I kept you safe. And I'd go to sleep holding you, listening to you breathe in the darkness, and I would find the strength to keep going. Because we might fight for the world, but we it comes down to it we fight for those we hold the closest. As a Ronin Warrior I will die for my friends and my destiny, but for you Nik? I would have done anything. Anything just to keep you safe."

Rowen's eyes stayed on Nikki, even though he spoke to his teammates.

"I get it, why everyone's so upset, why you guys are so messed up right now. I do. But Cassie was never close enough to either of you to reveal what was going on, and Mia's the queen of hiding her emotions. Guys, he took Nikki out of my bed. When I was there. He took her out of my arms and he tortured her. Right under my nose. I slept and she was tortured. We're heroes? We couldn't even keep the ones closest to us safe when they were in our house not ten feet from us, in our arms against us. She was terrified and I never knew. I went to sleep. Over and over again."

"That's not your fault, Rowen," Nikki whispered shakily.

He tilted his head sideways and gave her a crooked smile.

"Really?" he murmured. "Because it feels like it is. It feels like I failed you, like I let this happen to you. And it feels like I was so blind…"

Rowen's voice cracked again and he rubbed his face wearily. "I just wish…I just wish that you had given me a chance, Nik. Just one chance to have fought for you, instead of always fighting with you."

Nikki looked at him sadly, but said nothing.

"You know, maybe we were supposed to die," Cye said morosely. "Maybe that's why this feels so awful."

"That's grief, Cye," Mia shook her head. "Grief fades with time."

"Yours hasn't," Cye replied back, a glint in his eyes. "It's rolling off you in waves."

Mia looked surprised, then she shifted back awkwardly. As if she thought that simply putting more space between herself and Cye would keep him from picking up on her emotions. He snorted in response and looked away.

"Why are we doing this?" Mia asked no one in particular.

"Because not doing this hasn't been working out too great for us," Ryo answered calmly. "Because we need to be a team and we need to heal, so we all need to be together."

"That's fine," Mia snapped. "But couldn't you have done this somewhere else? It obvious you're not hearing what you want to hear, and all we're doing is upsetting each other. Take your team and go…heal. Leave me out of it."

"Mia, look around you," Ryo told her.

She refused.

"Mia."

At the order, Mia grudgingly turned her face back to the group and looked at them. Slumped and defeated, their eyes haunted. They were all the same, like they had gotten back from a war. Maybe they had. With the return of their memories, all the battles and mental scars had risen to the surface, un-dulled by the passage of time. Nikki sat uncomfortably, her eyes on Rowen.

"Look around you. Mia. This is the team. All of us, we are the team. And we need each other to pull ourselves back on track."

"I am back on track," Mia insisted.

"No, you're not," Nikki contradicted her. Mia opened her mouth but Ryo raised his hand to cut them off.

"We need to pull ourselves back on track," he repeated. "And we need you to help us."

Mia didn't say much for a while, then finally she sighed in defeat.

"Want do you want me to do?" she asked quietly. The guys looked at each other, except for Rowen, who was still watching Nikki. Ryo cleared his throat and walked across the room, kneeling down in front of where Mia was sitting.

"Tell us why you lied to us. Tell us why you didn't feel like you could trust us. Tell us why you cut a deal with the enemy and let him do those things to you, Mia. Tell us why…why you're not sorry," Ryo added softly. Mia drew herself up and looked them all in the eye.

"The seal would have killed anyone that tried to use it. It takes the physical essence of the person using it to activate it, and that's nothing that a mortal can live through. And it would have killed one of you if you had known about it. If you had known then there would have been no way that you would have let one of us use it," Mia said.

"No way in hell we would have," Kento growled. Mia tightened her lips, stiffening at the interruption, but Kento didn't say anything else.

"I was warned by the ancient one, Kayura, when she gave it to me that should one of you activate the seal and die in the process, that results would be disastrous." Mia hesitated here, thinking about her words before she said them. "That you would be needed beyond that threat. That if one of you fell, the rest of the world would be doomed."

"It's our choice," Sage said quietly. "This may be our fate, our destiny, but I reserve the right to die for who or what I choose. I'm not a slave to anyone or anything, not even the armors."

"What would be the point of saving someone, if your death only insured that later they would die?" Mia asked him with tired eyes. "Maybe in a worse way with thousands of others alongside them?"

"You don't know that for certain, Mia," Cye stated. "You might believe it, but you don't know it."

"I know that I wasn't willing to take the chance," she replied softly. "I know that I wasn't ready to lose any of you."

At her statement Ryo shook his head in wonder.

"And how about us?" he asked. "What made you think we were ready to lose you? Or Cassie and Nikki or anyone? Don't you understand that the people we love the most are the reason we don't give up? The reason we keep fighting even when we know that it's too much for us to win? We win because we have to. For you. Without that we're…just fighting."

"You're such a hypocrite, Ryo!" Nikki suddenly cried, looking distraught. "Why is it okay for you to fight for us, but not for us to fight for you?"

"Because it's who we are," he told her simply.

She didn't look satisfied.

"Well, who are we supposed to be?" Nikki demanded. "The ones who sit back and quietly let the world go to hell because you're too noble to do anything but sacrifice yourselves? I refuse to accept that."

"Obviously," Cye said with a small sad smile.

"Cye…" Nikki turned to him pleadingly. "Why don't you understand this? You should, you know what I'm feeling right now."

"The only thing I can focus on is how I feel right now, Nik," Cye said callously. "At the moment I couldn't care less about your feelings."

"No? Then why do this? Why ask us if you don't want to hear what we're saying? Mia was right, this wasn't a good idea."

"Nikki…" Rowen said softly, grabbing her attention. She looked at him in frustration. "We need to get this out. You owe us that. Just this once."

Nikki's eyes turned flat as she wrapped her arms around herself.

"I've paid all I need to pay. I owe you nothing, Rowen."

"Then do it for me because I need you to," he murmured. "Because I asked you to."

Nikki stared at him, then sighed and slumped in her seat.

"Mia?" Ryo asked pointedly to the redhead, who nodded and continued.

"I made the deal with…him because it was the only way to get close enough to him to use it." Mia took a long breath. "He knew I had a weapon that could hurt him, but he didn't believe I could best him. It was a…mind game. Would I catch him off guard and manage to get to him before he made me…break? He wanted to know your secrets, where your strengths and weaknesses were. I knew them all. He tried to break down my mind and get me to betray you. Nikki and Cassie wouldn't let me do it alone. So we made the deal and we hid the seal amongst ourselves so that he wouldn't know where it was coming from. But it was always supposed to be me who used it in the end. I was prepared for that.

"He played with us, but we didn't break. Not until…" Mia broke off, her face twisting in self loathing. Ryo took one of Mia's limp hands in his own strong one, squeezing reassuringly.

"Not until the night before the final battle. He…he found a way past my defenses." Mia glanced guiltily at Kento, whose face was stony. He knew what Damian had done, how he had tricked Mia into thinking he was Kento rescuing her. Kento knew what had ensued afterwards and the scars it had left on the woman in front of him. But that was something for another day, and he wouldn't humiliate her by forcing it into the open. The others wouldn't do it to her either.

"At the last fight, he forgot about Cassie. Months of the game and it was the only time he slipped up. Cassie took her opportunity and now she's gone. It shouldn't have happened like that, but it did." She didn't sound quite as sure of herself.

"I took your memories using a crystal Kayura had given me for that specific purpose. I initially didn't want to use it, but he had changed you all. You went through too many months of losing battles, of lost confidence and injuries. He broke you. I never wanted you to know that he had broke you, and I still think that I did the right thing. You were okay afterwards, you didn't remember a thing. A year of your lives full of anguish was just gone. I wish I could have done it too, but it wouldn't have been right. Not after…"

"After Cassie sacrificed herself?" Sage asked.

Mia nodded, blinking rapidly as she stared at her lap.

"I needed to remember that. Forever."

The room was silent for a long while. Finally Rowen looked at Mia and asked the final question.

"Why didn't you trust us? What did we do so wrong that you couldn't trust us?" he needed to know. Mia opened her mouth, and she shut it again. Then suddenly tears sprang to her eyes, running down her face silently. She pulled her hand out of Ryo's grasp and she stood, moving to the window. Mia stood with her back to them, arms crossed tightly to her chest.

Nikki rose to her feet, eyes drifting over the room, resting briefly on all of them before she finally landed on Rowen.

"It was never about trust," Nikki answered for Mia in a tiny voice. "It was about love."

Then Nikki fled, unable to stand the way Rowen's eyes drilled into her, or the pain on Sage's face, or the way Mia's shoulders were shaking. Slowly the room dispersed, the men lost in their own thoughts. All except for one. Kento moved to the window where Mia still stood. He didn't speak. There was too much to say and nothing she would listen to without walking away. The tears sliding down her cheeks were the only indication that the woman had any emotions at all anymore. He felt like he didn't even know this person in front of him, that the girl he had loved so much was gone. Then Kento caught a glint of a familiar gold chain and the way her hand kept straying towards it. His heart did a sideways lurch. She was still wearing the necklace. His necklace.

A deep sigh escaped his throat and Kento moved behind Mia. He wrapped one of his large arms around her waist and gently tugged her backwards until her shoulder blades rested against his broad chest. Then he folded his other arm over her collarbone, his jaw brushing the hair by her temple.

"It's okay," he whispered in her ear.

"No, it's not," Mia choked, then she started to cry even harder.

"Yes, babe, it is. It's all okay now…" Shushing her, Kento pulled her over to the window seat, sitting them down and keeping her close. Wordlessly, Kento held her as she cried her tears. For the first time in years, she let him.

It was in Nikki's old room again where she was found. Mia popped her head in and gave Robyn a curious look. Her eyes were still a little puffy from earlier, but Mia had made herself presentable enough to go look for Robyn when it was noticed she was missing. The younger red head was curled up in a wicker chair and looking thoughtfully at the wall.

"So here is where you went to," Mia said. "What is your infatuation with this room?"

"Why?" Robyn asked cryptically. "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing," Mia insisted shortly. "Everyone was wondering where you went."

Sometime during their group discussion, Robyn had left the room. No one could say at what time she retreated from the scene, they were too wrapped up in their own emotions to notice.

"I've just been sitting in here," Robyn replied simply.

Mia looked at her, a bit perturbed. Robyn was purposefully not explaining herself, it was annoying.

"So, how much did you hear, then?" she asked, mostly hoping they wouldn't have to now explain it all to Robyn again today before they all left.

"I could hear it all from here," Robyn said, still looking at the wall. "The sound carries quite well."

"And?" Mia demanded. She didn't recall Robyn being this blunt about responses. She usually shared her thoughts with everyone. "What did you think? What do you have to say about it?"

Robyn shrugged. "I don't know what to think. I wasn't really there. Anything I would have to say wouldn't really matter. It already happened and it didn't involve me." Her voice lowered as she looked out the window. "I'm just sorry it happened to all of you."

Mia stood there, not sure how to react. Her eyes wandered over Robyn's bandages. Ryo had been vague on where she had gotten them. Mia wasn't sure why, but she was feeling a bit cheated by Robyn's answer. Why? Did she expect Robyn to judge her as well as her friends have judged her? Maybe she was hoping Robyn would agree with her? What? What did Mia want Robyn to say?

"You look like you want to ask me something," Robyn said. "Go ahead, Mia. I'll listen."

Mia stared at her, feeling she was on unfamiliar ground. This was the first time she had talked to someone who knew about the armors and knew what happened and they weren't giving her one of those judgmental looks. How could Robyn be so neutral? She loved the Ronin to death. Why wasn't she taking their side?

She took a moment to piece together the question that was gnawing at her. "If you were there- Do you think I did the right thing with what I did to them?"

Robyn gave her a curious look. "Why does my opinion matter? I don't exactly make the best choices myself."

Mia shrugged helplessly. "I need to know."

Accepting the request, Robyn furrowed her brows as she readjusted herself in the chair, thinking hard. Mia was a bit surprised she was only considering this now. She would have thought Robyn had long since drawn her own conclusions from their discussion. Apparently she didn't know this girl like she thought.

"I think," Robyn said slowly, trying to put her thoughts together. "I would I have told them if it were me. I wouldn't have been able to cut a deal against them. Never."

Mia looked away, nodding. But Robyn wasn't finished.

"However, would I have been right? I don't know. You're braver than I am, Mia. And you're so self-sacrificing and loving. I have spent my entire life surviving. I really don't know if I have it in me to sacrifice myself like that for someone else. Even for them. I couldn't have done what you did and I really have no idea if it was something you should not have done."

"I see," Mia said, taking a moment to think about it. It wasn't exactly a solid answer, but she could accept it. "Thank you."

Robyn shifted in her seat again. "Can I ask you a question, now?"

Mia nodded and Robyn looked her in the face, eyes serious. She swallowed before speaking in almost a whisper.

"Why didn't you believe in them?"

Taken aback from the unexpected question, Mia worked her mouth up and down, trying to come up with an answer.

"Kayura– the Ancient– she told me they wouldn't–"

"Well what the hell does she know?" Robyn cut her off, her voice rising in passion. "They kicked her ass!"

"She's the ANCIENT!" Mia insisted. "She can see things! She has wisdom."

"I don't CARE!" Robyn barked as she stood up. "You don't give up on your friends! No matter what anyone else says!"

Mia gave her a moment to calm down before speaking in a low voice. "You weren't there, Robyn. You didn't have to watch them lose battle after battle. You didn't have to live through that horror day after day wondering if this was going to be the end. There was already defeat in their faces, in their eyes. I had to do something to help them. Even if it put me at risk, I had to. You really don't think you wouldn't have done the same?"

Robyn took a step away from her, heading towards the door. "And what did they see in your faces? Hope? Trust? Support? Or did they already see their end in your eyes?"

Realization took over Mia's face, followed with a profound regret. But Robyn didn't see it, she was already in the door way. Before leaving, she paused and turned back.

"I may not have been there, but I know exactly what you were fighting, Mia. Darkness feeds on more darkness. Evil needs despair to keep it alive. And heroes cannot win if no one believes they can. This Kayura's promise sounds very much like a self fulfilled prophesy to me. Maybe if you didn't know you had already been defeated, you wouldn't have been."

When she left, the room grew still and, to Mia, it grew very cold.

Cye found Sage in the kitchen, where the blond man was making himself a pot of tea. His back was to Cye when Torrent entered the room, and it was not missed that his shoulders stiffened. Cye tried not to let on that his feelings were hurt as he moved to the kitchen table.

"Would you like a cup?" Sage asked politely, albeit a little coldly, and Cye declined. Instead he turned to the blond man, watching him with carefully.

"Sage, are you angry with me?" Cye suddenly asked. Sage didn't answer immediately, instead focused on the boiling water in front of him. "Sage?"

"I told you we would never fight over her, Cye," his friend said in a hard voice. "I don't intend to start now."

"I didn't bring her up."

"You're about to," Sage countered.

Cye's eyes flashed as he stood up.

"Is that so wrong?" he asked. "Is it so wrong for me to want to talk about her with you? Is it so awful to want someone who knows how badly this feels, to have someone who understands?"

Sage shook his head and poured the boiling water over a tea bag.

"That's the problem, Cye. You see, I don't understand. I don't know what it feels like to you. And to be perfectly honest, I don't want to know."

Cye stared at Sage in shock.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Cye demanded, hurt thick in his tone. "To not give a damn at all that this hurts me so much-"

Sage rounded on Cye, violet eyes a thundercloud. Like a dam bursting, his words came out, running over one another.

"You think I don't care about you? You don't think that I give a damn about you? Cye all I have EVER done is care about you! I cared about your feelings and her feelings and shoved mine so far down inside me until I thought I was going to burst. Months of loving her and loving you and trying so freaking hard to not betray your trust and your friendship when all I wanted was her! And she wasn't even yours, Cye! She wasn't anyone's and I STILL stayed away from her! Because I cared about you and you cared about her! I slipped once, just once. I got to kiss her once, to hold her once, and I NEVER forgave myself! Because of you! Because of you I never tried for her the way I could have, the way I desperately wanted to. Because of you I wasn't close enough to see what was happening, and when she needed me and she let me know she needed me, I chose my friendship to YOU, Cye! So don't you ever say that I don't give a damn about you."

Sage turned back to his tea, movements vicious. Cye was stunned into silence, especially when he realized that Sage wasn't done.

"And no, I don't want to talk about her with you. I don't want to hear that you loved her and that you miss her and that you should have saved her. Because the only thing that I have left of her is my grief and I'll be damned if I share that with you, too! That's mine!"

Cye sank back down to his seat, eyes wide. Sage's hands were trembling and he spilt the tea from the cup he held. He fumbled with a towel, managing only to drop both cup and towel on the ground. An oath left his mouth, and Sage bent down to mop up the spilt tea. He didn't stand back up. Head bent and face out of view, the blond man leaned against the cabinets, hands gripping the countertop above him as his entire body started shaking.

Strong arms wrapped around Sage's torso as he slid to the ground. Halo let out a choked sob, hands gripping at Cye's arms as Sage buried his face between his knees. Cye knelt next to him, holding Sage tightly.

"It's okay," Cye whispered thickly, tears welling up in his own eyes as his friend cried. "It's okay, Sage."

"I...miss…her."

Cye couldn't have said if Sage said it or felt it, but it didn't matter. Cye knew. And he knew beyond a doubt that as much as he hurt over this, it had devastated his friend. Sage quickly contained his tears, unable to let even this emotion show for long. But Halo stayed on the floor for a long time, mourning what he'd lost, and Cye stayed with him until he was done, never once speaking of his own grief. Sage had given up plenty for him…Cye could give up his need to share his pain.

He at least owed Sage that.

Ryo was standing out on the dock, watching the light of the setting sun glitter off the lake. He had been standing there, doing just that for quite a while now when he heard light footsteps sound on the wood, coming towards him.

"Everyone else informed me that if I wanted to go home, I had to get a ride with you," Robyn stated conversationally. "Are you ready to move on?"

That question had two meanings and Ryo caught them both.

"I think it's getting there," he said, not taking his eyes from the water. "What did you think of... all this?"

The redhead let out a heavy sigh. "I think maybe you guys have let this thing have too much control over you–even now. You've let your lives be so defined by the past and the possibility of it happening again that you didn't allow yourselves to move on.

"You're all mourning your losses, and I understand that. But shouldn't you appreciate the fact that Cassie and White Blaze loved you all enough to sacrifice themselves to help you win? Instead of being angry and hurt, there needs to be room for gratitude. Otherwise, the memories of your friends will become bitter ones and that is no way to honor them."

Ryo turned and looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. Her eyes shown a vibrant green. Had they always been that color? He remembered them being stormy and grey. Her whole face, for that matter, reflected a health and radiance he never noticed before.

"I think you may just be wiser than all of us there, Robyn. I wish you had stayed to tell the guys that."

Robyn shrugged. "You can tell them to help them keep moving forward."

Ryo nodded. "So now that we have told you all our secrets, I want to talk about you."

Robyn looked doubtful. "About me? What for?"

Ryo's expression softened as he reached out to brush a few strands away from her forehead, touching his knuckles to her bandage.

"I want to know why this happened so I can make sure it doesn't happen again."

Robyn stepped away from his touch. "I'm sorry, Ryo, but as I said, it's not your business."

Ryo took the opportunity to look offended. "What? But we all poured our guts out today! We admitted everything!"

"And I really hope it helped you, Ryo. But this wasn't a trade off. There are some things I would like to keep to myself."

Ryo clenched his fists. "We brought you here to hear all this so you would be safe!"

"Yes, and what I am not telling you will not harm you at all."

"But," Ryo's voice rose in exasperation. "It harmed you!"

"No," Robyn returned calmly. "You showing up out of nowhere harmed me. I know you don't believe it, but you'll just have to take my word for it."

"I can't! I have to know for myself that you're going to be okay!"

Robyn sighed. "Ryo, I know you've had a past history of people lying to you, telling you everything is alright when it isn't, but I am not one of those people." She reached up and began picking at the tape holding the bandage on her forehead. "If I were into something that I thought I couldn't handle, I would tell you."

She ripped the bandage off her forehead. "So when I say I have it under control, you'll just have to believe me."

Ryo stared at her. The gauze in Robyn's hand had a bit of dried blood on it. Her forehead, however, did not bear any evidence of any such wound.

"How did–"

Robyn's stubborn expression told he would not get an answer to the end of that question. So instead, Ryo sighed and looked back at the water.

"Okay then, what about... you and me?"

Robyn's mouth ticked up as she, too, watched the lake. "Boy you're just trying to hit every target today, aren't you?"

"And?" Ryo pressed. "Where exactly are we going?"

Robyn was quiet, letting the sound of the water moving to and fro against the pier pass between them.

"Ryo, I adore you. I love being with you and spending time together. But in a few more weeks, I won't be here anymore and it may be a very, very long time until I see you again."

Ryo shoved his hands in his pockets. "So that's it then, we're through as of right now?"

Robyn swiveled her head to look at him. "Come on, there was never any "we", Ryo."

"Well why not!" Ryo announced, turning his body to face her as Robyn did the same. "Why does it have to end right now, today? Why can't we just go on like we have been as if you weren't going to leave?"

"You just want to pretend it away?" Robyn asked, raising an eyebrow. "That hardly–"

"Yes!" Ryo burst out, suddenly hugging her tight around the shoulders. He pressed his face into her shoulder and Robyn could feel his body shaking as he spoke into her shirt.

"I just want to pretend for a while longer that you and I are normal people with normal lives. Is that okay?"

Stunned at first, Robyn's arms stayed at her side as her body went stiff at the contact. But at his words, her frame relaxed. Her eyes closed and she leaned into his embrace.

"Yeah, Ryo. That would be okay."

The dusk fell over the mansion and some of the Ronins still had not left. Maybe it was a cleansing thing. Maybe they felt like if they left then they would never be able to come back. Maybe they just weren't ready quite yet to move on.

Rowen had spent the last few hours on the roof, watching the sun slide away and the sky darken. He never failed to be amazed as the thousands of stars twinkled into view, stretching farther than he could ever comprehend. He had spent countless hours in this very spot, centering his mind and searching his soul. So far he hadn't come up with much.

A rattling noise off to his right signaled that someone was climbing out of the upstairs window to join him. Rowen's heart quickened when he saw long brown hair peek into view, but he kept his expression smooth.

Nikki gained the roof, albeit slower than she used to do, and the girl scooted over to where Rowen was current lying on his back, arms folded beneath his head.

"That used to be easier," Nikki muttered as she made herself comfortable. "I'm getting old."

Rowen gave her a tight smile.

"You have a concussion. That kind of thing doesn't make climbing any easier," he told her. Nikki nodded and pulled her knees up to her chest.

"You've been up here for a while," she said quietly.

"Hmmm," he murmured non-committingly.

Nikki stayed silent for a couple minutes, every once in a while casting looks at Rowen. Finally she sighed and shook her head, turning to climb back down. Cool fingers clasped her wrist lightly, making her turn back.

"Did you mean it, what you said in there?" Rowen asked her suddenly, still staring at the stars.

"Which part?" she asked uncomfortably, easing back towards him and trying to ignore the way her whole arm came alive at his touch. Damn but Rowen didn't know what he did to her, even with something small like that.

"When you said it wasn't about trust." He left out the second part.

Nikki bowed her head and nodded.

"Yeah. For Mia it wasn't about trust. It was entirely about love. She lost everything, including herself out of love for you guys."

"What about for you, Nik?" Rowen asked quietly, his fingers still touching her wrist. "Why did you do it? Why didn't you run?"

"Like I always seem to do when it comes to you?" she asked half joking, half bitter. Rowen said nothing, waiting for her reply. Nikki sighed and looked at Rowen.

"What do you want me to say, Rowen? That I was in love with you? All the times that we fought and hurt each other…that wasn't love. Sex and love are two different things. We were good with the first, but good sex is not being in love."

Rowen didn't reply for a while.

"You were my first, you know?" he finally said softly. Nikki raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Rowen, there's no way that you were-"

"You were the first that I couldn't get enough of. You were the first that I had to stay on my toes to keep up with. You were a bitch, Nik, but you had such an honest way of looking at life. You didn't try to make yourself seem anything but what you naturally were." Rowen's fingers lightly stroked her wrist. "You might not have liked me, but you got me. You knew who I was."

She shivered slightly at his touch, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by him even though his eyes were still on the heavens.

"And I knew you too," Rowen added.

Nikki couldn't deny it. He had always been able to read her, even when she didn't want him to. It was why she had pulled so far away from him.

"That's not enough," Nikki told him softly. "I don't remember much about the car ride and the accident, but I think we were talking about that. What we were, it isn't enough."

"I never said it was," Rowen said simply. Then his voice quivered slightly as he asked her the question that had been burning through his mind for months. "Do you hate me for not stopping you before everything happened? For not knowing and not saving you?"

Nikki was silent a long time then finally answered him honestly. The time for lies was done.

"Yes," she whispered. "Sometimes, I do. Rather I did. Now, I don't really know. Do you hate me for not letting you save me?"

Rowen sucked in a tight breath then let it out again.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I do."

The night sky stretched around them, two small insignificant people trying desperately to put their lives back together. Rowen's fingers moved downwards, slowly slipping through Nikki's. Shivering even more, she let him hold her hand in his much larger one.

"So what now?" she asked softly.

Rowen finally looked over at her, his dark blue eyes glittering in the moonlight.

"I think that I want to hold your hand for a while," he told her simply. "Is that okay?"

Nikki looked at him for a long moment before she gave him a small tentative smile.

"Yeah."

Rowen didn't say anything for a long time, then his hold on her hand tightened.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," Rowen finally said in a choked voice, eyes locked on the stars above. He held onto her like she was a lifeline.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, too," Nikki whispered, meaning it completely.

They stayed like that for a very long time.

It was late. Very late and the city of Toyoma was quiet.

Robyn woke up, the hair on the back of her neck rising in warning. Slowly she turned over in her bed. Staring at her, so close that their noses almost touched was the little boy. His black eyes glittered in the darkness, wide and full of fear. He glanced at the window then looked back at her. Robyn sat up and shifted backwards as the boy disappeared in front of her eyes.

Underneath her, Robyn finally heard the scratching.

This time it wasn't outside the window.

Robyn went cold, shaking with fear. The corner of her bedcover tugged downwards. She thought about running screaming from the room. She thought about making a dash to the phone, the police or Ryo a single call away. She thought about closing her eyes and praying that it was all just a nightmare.

Scratch. Scratch.

Robyn thought about a lot of things, things that she had run away from, things that she had feared. Things that she had let control her and send her fleeing in a blind panic her entire life. Instinct told her to run, to scream for help.

Instead, Robyn leaned over the edge of the bed and looked down.