Me and my girlfriend plotted for quite awhile, and couldn't come up with anything. I wanted to write something about Urahara... Maybe he made a new invention, or he gets in trouble with Yurouichi... But nothing came to mind.

Then I got a random mental image of Urahara holding a Poke-ball, looking down at Pikachu, with Urahara's eyes grimly shaded by his hat and a look of abject fear on the Pokemon's face.

Pokemons fans should not read this chapter... Heh heh heh heh heh...

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, Hellsing, Pokemon, or anything else, for that matter!

New Merchandise

"Welcome, welcome, welcome!" Urahara Kisuke exclaimed jovially as two of his favorite customers walked through the front door of his store. He quickly bounded over the counter and landed in front of the two, striking a pose behind his trademark fan. "What can I get for you today?"

"Hello, Mr. Kisuke..." Rukia Kuchiki bowed politely, whilst Ichigo Kurosaki stood by silently, arms folded and a grimace on his face. "We thought we'd stop by and see what sort of wares you had on sale today."

"Ooooooh, you don't say?" Urahara grinned behind his fan, which he began to wave about playfully. "I've actually got some new merchandise! Care to take a look?"

"Sure!" Rukia replied with a smile.

"Why not?" Ichigo shrugged gruffly.

"Step this way!" Urahara exclaimed, waltzing behind the counter and dissappearing behind the wooden structure. A few seconds later, he emerged with a cardboard box held in his hands. "BEHOLLLLLLD!!" he howled dramatically, slamming the box down on the counter and tearing it open. "DEMONS FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION!!"

"EEEEEEEKKK!!" Rukia screamed, instantly hopping into the air and grabbing onto Ichigo. The poor guy barely caught her, and suddenly find himself unable to breath due to her arms squeezing the life from his throat. However, Rukia let go of him once she saw what was in the box. "Um... what are those?" she asked curiously as she dropped back down to her feet. Reaching into the box, she pulled out a small red and white sphere. "Its a plastic ball..."

"Noooooo..." Urahara grinned, wagging his finger in front of her face before plucking the ball from her hand. "Its a Poke-ball. It has DEMONS INSIDE IT!!" Once again, Rukia shrieked and jumped into Ichigo's arms. Urahara then slammed the ball down on the ground behind the counter, as if expecting something wonderous to occur. However, all that resulted in this was the sound of plastic breaking and something going splat on the floor. Urahara stared down at the ground for several seconds, before coughing to clear his throat and returning his attention back to the two teenagers. "Um... Oops. Threw it too hard... ... Lets try again..." Reaching back into the box, Urahara withdrew another Poke-ball. He then lightly tossed the plastic sphere onto the counter in front of him.

The ball bounced twice across the wooden surface, and then popped open. A blinding white light filled the room, and suddenly a strange blue turtle-esque creature with large big "cute" eyes appeared on the counter. "Squirtle! Squirtle!" it exclaimed with a goofy grin.

"What... What is that thing?" Rukia, still clutching Ichigo's neck, asked as she stared down at the animal, her expression filled with more confusion than fear.

"Didn't ya hear it?" Urahara shrugged. "Its a Squirtle..."

"Squirtle! Squirtle!" the blue turtle... thing... exclaimed innocently, a very goofy grin plastered on its face.

"Why does it have such a goofy look on its face?" Ichigo asked, arching an eyebrow at the strange creature.

"I think it has brain damage..." Urahara shrugged. "Anway... Squirtle!" the shopkeeper suddenly exclaimed, holding up the empty Poke-ball. "Back in the ball!"

"Squirtle?" the creature suddenly looked up at Urahara with a confused look. It then began to shake its head, as if to defy his command. "Squirtle! Squirtle!"

"Back in the ball, or its the spark-spark for you..." Urahara growled in a grim tone, the dark shadow of his hat covering most of his face in a scary manner.

"Squirtle?" the small creature retracted in fear. And yet, it still wouldn't go back in the Poke-ball. "Squirtle! Squirtle!"

"THAT'S IT!!" Urahara roared. He reached under the counter, and then held up a taser. He then jabbed the little blue animal with the device, resulting in the creature screaming and sparks shooting into the air. Rukia and Ichigo's eyes widened in shock and horror as Urahara began to taser and shock the animal into submission. "GET BACK IN THE BALL!! GET BACK IN THE FRIGGIN' BALL, YOU MONSTER!!"

"SQUIRTLE!! SQUIRTLLLLLLE!!" the poor animal howled, tears streaming from its eyes - as well as sparks from its ears - as it clawed its way back into the ball. A bright flash of light later, and the ball slammed shut.

"Hm..." Urahara picked up the ball, and with a bemused smirk, placed it back in the box. "He's a bit of a trouble maker. Would you like to see another?"

"No, not really..." Ichigo and Rukia both shook their heads vigorously.

"Ah, come one... Here's one called Pikachu!" Urahara exclaimed, pulling another Poke-ball from the box. He tossed it on the counter... and nothing happened. "Hm?" he arched an eyebrow. Leaning over the ball, he poked it several times, which resulted in the ball popping open. However, nothing came out. Leaning further forward, Urahara suddenly frowned. "Ah... Well..."

"What's wrong?" Ichigo arched an eyebrow of his own.

"Its... um... dead..." Urahara frowned.

"Dead!?" Rukia gasped.

"Yeah... Looks like he suffocated..." Urahara sighed, slowly closing the ball. "How sad..."

"Don't those things have air holes?!" Ichigo exclaimed in horror.

"Yeah, they do..." Urahara shrugged. "All signs point to suicide, actually. In fact, he had a noose around his neck..."

At that, Ichigo and Rukia darted out the door.

Moral of the Story: Urahara is not good with animals. Or Pokemon, at least...

I'm a sick indivdual, aren't I? Bwahahahaah...

I have some other ideas, actually. Anybody want a sequal? It involves teleportation! :D

Thanks for reading, folks. See ya next chapter!

-Agent HUNK, devout Urahara fun and hater of Pokemon.