“Class, we are here to learn more about the inner workings of your disgusting bodies. There’ll be a test.”

Mrs. Bitters led us towards the wing of the science museum dedicated to the human body. I barely hear what she says. I have something more important to concentrate on.

My enemy. Oh, he looks harmless right now, eyes glazed with boredom, chewing on a pencil, but I know better, yes I did. I’ve seen the malevolent red eyes hidden beneath the contact lenses. The hideous ALIEN ANTENNAE under his wig!1! …oh wait, he’s leaving.

I follow him into the room. This is a pretty impressive exhibit. There are real human tissue samples. I follow Zim over to a real human heart in a glass case.

He looks down at the heart. I notice his left eye twitch as he stares down at the detached organ. I feel the side of my mouth go up into a smirk and I say, “What’s the matter, ZIM? Never seen a human heart before?”

“This is your heart?” he hisses. “It’s… so large.”

He must not see the sign that mentions this heart being twice the normal size due to a birth defect. I’m not going to enlighten him, of course. I just grin evilly and whisper sweetly, “The better to be normal with, Zim. Of course, you wouldn’t know, would you? Seeing as how you’re NOT HUMAN…”

“Insolent Earth spawn! Shut your voice box!” he snaps, and proceeds to the next display, ultra-thin cross-sections of real human bodies under glass. I go up to them, temporarily forgetting Zim. This is uber cool, they look like photos. I can see every organ.

“So many organs,” I hear from behind me. I turn to look at Zim. His eyes are wide and fearful. His skin is pale, and I see his throat twitch as he swallows.

“Well, duh, Zim, everyone has them,” Zita retorts. I jump, I didn’t know she was paying attention. “What a freak.”

Zim steps back, eyes locked with the slice of body. Suddenly he closes his eyes, shakes his head and sprints to another display. I follow.

Zim is staring at a series of cutouts, some with real human organs added to the relevant areas. I notice he’s starting to sweat. (What’s Zim’s sweat made of? It can’t have water in it, so… hmm, I’ll need to study this later.)

“Deformities,” he tells himself.

“What’s the matter, Zim? They’re just human organs. Every human has them. They’re inside me right now.”

He turns and locks eyes with me.

“Inside?…”

“Inside everybody. Oh, come on, Zim, you have to know, you were stealing organs, remember?”

“Stealing…” he mumbles, and I see his claws go to his waist.

“Yes. Every human you see is full of organs. Me, Gaz, Ms. Bitters- well, maybe she’s not human, but Gretchen, Keef, Torque, Zita…”

Zim stares at me. His eyes travel from my hips up to my eyes, then stare into space. I think he’s reflecting on how he was stealing everyone’s organs without realizing what he was stealing. He starts panting. His pupils shrink. (Those are some contacts.) Then he screams and runs. I watch him bury his head in a nearby trash can.

I grin and raise two fingers from each hand into a ‘V for victory’ sign.

I PWN ALIEN N00BS.

---

We didn’t stay long after that. Zim told Ms. Bitters he was sick and wanted to go home, and the other kids weren’t learning anyway. Heaven forbid we should be educated. Soon I’m sitting in the bus, reflecting on my sweet victory. Suddenly Zim sits down next to me.

“What the crap?” slips out of my mouth.

He glances sideways at me. “I’ve been rejected from every other seat,” he says in a funny, careful tone.

I can see why, Zim is still acting like he might throw up. Maybe he wants to make sure Ms. Bitters doesn’t realize he’s not really sick, or maybe he’s that shaken. Heh.

“That doesn’t mean you can sit with me,” I insist.

“I will use force on you if you resist,” he says, still in that funny tone. “Huh,” I say. He looks like I could touch his shoulder and he’d fall over.

I look out the window. The bus pulls out of the parking lot and down the road.

“Say, Zim,” I ask. “What do your guts look like?…”

“Shut up, jerkwad,” he says, which sounds really funny in that tone he was using.

“I take it you don’t have as many organs as normal humans,” I muse.

“I’ll get you, and it’ll look like a bloody accident.”

“Oh well,” I say. “I’ll find out eventually. You cannot run, and you cannot hide, yeah you gotta face it baby things go bump in the night…” Now, why the heck did I do that?

Zim scowls weakly at me and makes a fist.

I stick my tongue out mockingly. He reaches for his wig, then frowns and drops his hands. Maybe he intended to make some sort of gesture with his antennae.

Zim stares aimlessly into the aisle, looking bored. I look out the window.

It’s quiet.

I smirk to myself.

I still pwn alien n00bs.