The Turkey Lurkey interview

After many attempts of trying to gain an exclusive interview with the cast of Chicken Little, I have managed to talk to Mayor Turkey Lurkey. This is partly because he's my favourite character, partly because everyone else refused to return my calls and mostly because several people have managed to interview Chicken Little before I could. However, as he sits in a chair opposite me, I think he has his own question to ask me.

Mayor Lurkey: Are you the girl who's been writing all those fanfics about me?

Um, we'll talk about that later.

Because I didn't want my family in that film for a reason, you know.

Okay. Now, first question: What's it like being Mayor of Oakey Oaks?

It's a really good job, actually. I know what it says in that 'essential guide', but I just don't think they live up to my standards. I mean, seven years - it's quite a record!

Well, I was going to ask how long you've been mayor, but I don't think I need to now.

No, I suppose not. But I am the town's longest-running mayor. We had a party to celebrate, I remember.

How has being in Chicken Little affected your career?

Well, having so much publicity has helped, I don't mind admitting... but people don't seem to take me seriously anymore, even though I was brave during that alien invasion...

According to the film, you surrender and get zapped by the alien.

Oh, well... Have you seen the size of those things? They are huge... wouldn't you be a bit scared? Anyway, in the game I have a cannon, so it's not all bad.

Not even the scenes where you take a bath outdoors? Or where you 'check zipper' at the baseball game?

You have been watching that film a lot, haven't you? Well, if you're a politician, you have to be able to cope with things like that. But still... I mean, it could have been worse. That said, it is very humiliating when you're going to see the movie, and everyone stares at you...

In an interview for Disney Insider, Chicken Little says: If you're sure the sky is falling, don't let anyone - family, friends, the town mayor - tell you that you're crazy. Did you think he was crazy?

When that happened, you couldn't see any proof. We didn't know the 'piece of the sky' was invisible, so a lot of us did think he was crazy, so yes, I'm afraid I did. I don't now, of course, but I did at the time. A lot of people did. We just didn't understand. I was never hostile to him, from what I recall.

Before it got cancelled, you had a starring role in Crazy Little Chicken: The Movie. Do you regret making that choice?

Well, now I do. At the time, I saw it as a way to get my movie career started. I mean, I could have moved on to other roles, and sometimes politicians can become good actors. Besides, the guy in the starring role always gets the best parts later on - I mean, look how well Chicken Little is doing now!

What was your part in that movie?

I was playing myself, and I had to stop the town from going insane. It sounded pretty cool at the time.

What do you think of Don Knotts?

I think he was a very talented guy; I used to watch The Andy Griffith show and he always made me laugh. It's a shame about what happened to him, but those things happen.

How do you get dressed in the morning?

The same way everyone else does. Why?

Well, with the cue cards, I suppose...

Well, no, my wife doesn't dress me, if that's what you're thinking. I can dress myself, I can do some things for myself; I gave my daughter her name myself, for example. When you're out in public, though, everything you do counts, which is why I need the cue cards. If I do the wrong thing, I could be elected out of office.

Do you really need cue cards to tell you how you're feeling?

In some cases, yes. I mean, if you feel the wrong way towards something, people will think you're odd, and you don't want an odd person as your mayor, do you?

What is your opinion on misfits, such as Chicken Little and his friends?

I have no problem with them if they don't cause trouble. You see, when I was in high school, I was a bit odd, mostly since I was the only turkey in the entire school. Since my daughter is sort of a misfit, I think I can understand what their parents feel like. But I can't afford to be a misfit, or I'll lose my job.

What in your opinion is the nastiest, most sick awful disgusting rumor ever spread about you?

Definately that one about what my wife and I do in my office. I don't know who came up with that, but it is not true and it is very disgusting. The door might have been locked, but we were talking. Another is that one about my underwear. Why on earth are people interested in that? Why are they so interested in my private life? I suppose they're the same people who approved of that bath scene you mentioned earlier.

Who pays for those cue cards? Come to think of it, who writes them?

I pay for them. My advisors write them. Why are you so interested in my cue cards?

Well, you have them for most of the movie...

Oh... that explains it. They do come in handy, like when that lion asked what Chicken Little was saying. Those guys can write really fast.

What's the biggest administrative error you've ever made?

That's a tough one, actually. That wrestling tournament is definately there somewhere, and so was that time I tried to cut down traffic by making it legal to drive on the grass. But I think that my biggest mistake was that law saying everyone over four feet high could drive. Some creatures, like cows and pigs, can get very big, so we had these really young kids driving cars around. Nobody got hurt, but a lot of fences and trees were damaged. What a mess.

Have you ever accidentally boiled yourself in your bathtub?

Not that I know of. Once I came close, but then I just got out quickly.

What did you do before you were Mayor?

Well, I worked at City Hall for a long time. Before that I worked at the Bookworm (that bookshop in the town square), and before that I was in college, and before that, I was in school.

Could you play dodgeball?

No! I couldn't play any sport at all when I was a kid... I still can't, to be honest, so that dodgeball scene really hit home. Turkeys aren't very athletic, so I'm very glad I don't have to play anymore.

Which version of Foxy Loxy do you prefer: the original or the Southern Belle?

What? I'm sorry, I don't really mind... whichever one everyone else likes?

Do you think Abby and Chicken Little are a good couple?

They seem very fond of each other, so I do. I have no problems with them being different species or anything, so I think if they're happy together, they should stay together.

Do you want fries with that?

What?!

One last thing: What do you think of the Chicken Little DVD cover?

I was very annoyed: why am I not on there? Yes, Chicken Little's got a nice suit on, but come on, I was the mayor! Mind you, if they couldn't seem to put Chicken Little's girlfriend on there, then I couldn't expect much.

A/N: Thanks for reading. Sorry if it was a little short but I was running out of ideas at the end.

Thanks to Skanky Skunky and Forever Young for some of the questions. If you have any ideas, go on the 'Got any questions for Mayor Lurkey?' thread in the CL forums.