Truths that She Learned

Part one

Disclaimer: As usual, I own no one!

Part: 1/3

Consider this a companion to Blackbird…

Maureen and Joanne might be SLIGHTLY OOC but I tried my best

Why is she blaming me for the fact my water broke on her parents’ expensive Persian Rug? Like I really told our daughter to come at such an inappropriate time…

Why won’t she sit down? Miss Anal Retentive is driving me nuts.

“Pookie, would you please sit down?” I mutter, glaring at her. “You are making me nuts!” I rub my belly, ignoring the cramping in my back. “I know you’re worried, but Angel will be fine,” She sighs, sitting down.

“I know, Honey Bear.” She sighs. “Angel Blackbird Jefferson… do we really need to keep Blackbird?” I am aghast. She knows where our baby gets the name “Blackbird” from, or I hope she does.

“Why would you even ask me that?” I snarl. “Joanne Jefferson, why would you even ask me that?” Normally, I’m the dramatic one, but she should know not to mess with a woman in labor.

“It’s seems so outlandish!” she exclaims. I groan, wondering if I can throw the bedpan at her head. “Why would we saddle our daughter with a name like Blackbird?” As a contraction begins, I throw the bedpan towards her. “Don’t be so dramatic,”

I breathe through the contraction, struggling to ignore how painful it really is. Why didn’t my mother ever warn me? She knew I was pregnant. Why didn’t she drop a postcard?

“Joanne, it was Collin’s final word! You said we could have him pick the middle name,” Of course, she doesn’t know Collins as well as I do and would never get the chance. We were lucky he hadn’t said Socrates or something equally odd. Blackbird was tame when it came down to it.

“He was delirious! Maybe he didn’t know what he was saying,”

“Blackbird was his nickname for Angel,”

Mimi’s quiet voice breaks the fight. As the contraction subsides, I am grateful for her arrival. I’ll never admit it, but I am.

“Jo, go get some coffee. Mark and I will sit with her. Roger’s outside,” Mimi guides my partner to the door, as Mark stumbles in, with his camera.

“Mark, turn it off!” I wail. “I look horrible,” I normally love the camera. However, that’s when I can control what’s going on. Right now, I have no control over anything and want no reminder.

Mimi takes my hand, tightly holding it. “How are you feeling?”

“Better now that Miss Anal Retentive is out of the room. She blamed me for my water breaking on her parents’ expensive rug,” I sniffle. “Then she wants to name our baby something normal!”

“Maureen, the two of you never get along,” Mark points out.

“But Still” I whine. “She should be sympathetic to me! I’m the one being torn apart!” I face the monitor. “Maybe I should flirt with the nurse. She’s hot enough,” Mark blocks my view of her.

“Maureen, I think the contractions are going to your head,” he murmurs, glancing to Mimi. “Mo, in all the years I’ve known you, you and Joanne fight, break up, get back together and then fight,” I shrug. True but I am way too stubborn to admit it.

A contraction begins.

“Mo, no matter how much pain you’re in, could you please let go?” Mimi sounds pained. “You’re breaking my hand,” I don’t care. These contractions are killing me. “Ow,” Wow. This is the first time I have ever heard Mimi squeak.

“Meems, switch with me,” Mark says, grabbing my other hand. “You block her view of the nurse, and I’ll deal with this,” I let go of her hand. I grip Mark’s hand even tighter. “If I ever marry, I am forcing her mother to do this,”

The contraction ends.

“Sorry,” I murmur, lightly squeezing Mimi’s hand. “I never knew how powerful my grip was,” Mimi shrugs.

“Can’t be any worse than what my sister did to me,” she says. “Nothing beats being ten and having your hand broken by your big sister because she can’t deal with pain,” I nod.

“Mo, are you sure you’re not having twins?” Mark asks. Once again, I am aghast. Why would he even ask me that? Did he want me to kill him? It definitely sounded like that to me. “You’re so big,”

“Mark, you have a death wish,” Mimi mutters, reading a poster on “The Three Stages of Labor”. “Mo, don’t even answer that,”

I hadn’t planned on it.

“See the bedpan?” I point to the fallen metal object. “That’s what happens when you mess with me.” I feel slightly bad for throwing it at Pookie. “Can we walk?”

Mark and Mimi help me out of bed. I lean on Mark; afraid I’ll crush Mimi. She seems so thin compared to me. Then again, I am roughly the size of a small whale.

The doctor has told me walking will help bring on contractions. Anything to get this kid out of me…

A contraction begins.

Goddamn, this hurts! This kid better never give me a hard time. If she does, Pookie can deal with it. I’m not going through all this pain, so, I can put up with lip in thirteen years. If she’s anything like me, Pookie and I are in for an adventure.

Why did I ever agree to do this naturally? I may be a vegetarian, and into protests, but no one should be in this much pain. This is ridiculous. Why are there women who actually go through this ten times? Next time Pookie’s going through this. It’s only fair.

Oh, wow, it’s over… and Mark’s on the floor.

“Mo, next contraction, I think you should watch where you grab,” Mimi murmurs, pointing to Mark, who is holding his crotch. Oops…did I do that?

“Sorry!” I exclaim, offering him my hand. He accepts it, but I notice he stays in front of me. Now I only have Mimi to lean on. I hope I don’t crush her; Roger would kill me. “Where’s Jo?” Now I want her with me.

“Probably still with Roger,” Mark mumbles, groaning. He turns around. I realize he’s slightly green. Probably an aftereffect of the Crotch shot…

“If it isn’t our little mother!”

Benny…who told him I was here? Why is he standing in front of me? None of us have seen him in awhile, not since Collins’ funeral. Ugh, great. Another person I can look psychotic in front of.

“Hello,” I mutter, stiffly. “Never call me that again,” Oh no… Clapping my hand over my mouth, I struggle to hold back. Instead, I puke on Benny’s shoes. “Sorry,” Ugh… Stuffed mushrooms look disgusting the second time around.

“It’s fine,” Benny says. “Why are you up and about?” I shrug.

“I want her out of me,” This is the first time I have admitted it. I’m just afraid it makes me look bad that I am sick of being pregnant. “Walking is supposed to kick start things,”

“Is it?”

I can’t answer because a contraction begins.

“Well, that’s her third in ten minutes. They’re about three minutes apart and one minute in length,”

Wow. Mark knows what’s he doing. That’s surprising, seeing as he can’t keep a calm head in anything.

“Honey Bear,”

I glance up, just as the contraction ends. Pookie stands in front of me, holding a cup of coffee. For once, I am glad to see her.

“I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to want to change her name when it has so much meaning,”

Miss Anal Retentive admitting she’s wrong? This has to be a first. I guess it’s true. Having a baby brings out the best in people, even a stubborn lesbian and her bisexual whale.

Now, I lean on Pookie, walking back toward the room. She’s a lot sturdier than Mark, or so it seems. Maybe it’s because she’s been with me the entire nine months. Who knows?

Time is the only concept I have never been able to understand. Sometimes it goes slow, and sometimes it goes fast. The past nine months have been fast. Now labor seems slow.

“Nurse is on her way in,” Pookie announces. I nod, the only thing I can do. Contractions paralyze me as pain wracks my body. “Visualize buds opening into flowers,”

I am going to kill her mother for buying her that book. Just because I wanted a natural birth doesn’t mean I want to have her hovering over me repeating a bunch of bullshit.

“Honey Bear, moan with the pain. Don’t get high pitched. It will only make you more anxious,” Ugh, she needs to shut up. I know she cares, but she is irritating me. Other than puking on Benny’s shoes, I think I’m doing pretty well.

“Let’s get you checked,” an overly perky nurse says, snapping on a pair of rubber gloves. I wince. I hate that sound. She throws a blanket over my legs, and gently sticks her hand underneath. Doesn’t she realize the contraction hasn’t ended? Does she really think I’m going to let her do this to me during a contraction? “Is it over?” I nod. She continues the exam. “Five centimeters,”

It’s been an hour and I’ve only progressed half a centimeter? Ugh. I am in for such a fun night…

Well? Should I continue?