In silence, Anakin departed for the back of the gardens where the memorial to princess Aené rested. As Anakin approached the elegant mausoleum, the Sith Lord felt his emotions return forcefully. Pausing in mid-step, he drew in a shaky breath as he tried to silence the memories of his recent discussion with his brother. This was supposed to be the happiest moment of his life, yet joy was hardly the word he’d use to describe his emotions.

Entering the mausoleum, the Sith lord silently studied the elegant room with a furrowed brow. Even though it had almost been a year since Aené’s passing, it still felt like yesterday for the emperor who struggled with his emotions. Approaching the small shrine built in memory of their dear princess, Anakin swallowed hard as he remained frozen in position. Though he couldn’t see her, Vader knew she was near and with this in mind he began to speak in hushed tones.

‘You know I would never hurt you Aené,’ Anakin began in shy tones. ‘I would never do anything to hurt your ama or your brother or any of my children. I know I was never given the chance to get to you know you, but I do love you my little princess and I’m so sorry—’ he faltered not wanting to discuss the past events in which he had seen her.

‘He was lying. You know that, don’t you?’ Anakin continued referring to Obi-Wan’s words and warnings. ‘He was just saying that because he’s unhappy with me, that I chose a different path than him,’ Anakin explained to the empty room imagining in his mind that he was speaking to the youngling he had witnessed moments ago.

‘You know I would never hurt you,’ he repeated softly as he tried to ignore the memory of Aené’s face and her tears upon witnessing him killing the hermit. ‘It’s not my fault, Aené. It isn’t. I just...’ More memories began to flood his mind, images of fallen younglings whom he had killed during his moment of bloodlust at the temple. Though it was an impossibility, Anakin couldn’t help but feel that their daughter knew of his crimes on that fateful day, that while she didn’t exist during that time, Aené knew through the Force what he had done.

He could still hear their screams in his mind, the silent requiem of their souls joining the Force, just as he could almost hear Aené’s weeping and her silent pleas for him to stop.

‘Your hands, so covered in blood, tainted by the darkness you wield, chokes out all that you touch. No life can from you now, only death...’

‘...I believe this is what caused the death of your daughter as well.’

He closed his eyes as he struggled to silence the doubts in his mind. Clenching his hands into fists, Anakin closed his eyes and struggled to steady his breathing. This wasn’t his fault, the healer was just trying to scare him and Obi-Wan was lying. But just when he was about to convince himself of the lies he still clung onto, Aené’s face, so riddled with fear and horror, returned to the forefront of his mind.

‘I’m so sorry you saw that,’ he murmured in shame, thinking the hermit and of the Jedi he had killed on the day of Aené’s passing.

‘I couldn’t help myself. I was just so angry with her. I— The things she was saying—’ he stammered as in his mind he could hear her voice and Obi-Wan’s reminding him of their words of the message they bore. Tears began to spill down his cheeks, for the truth of the matter began to pierce through the lies.

Anakin knees buckled as he dropped to the ground. Desperately he began to plead to the deceased princess as shame flooded his thoughts and sorrow began to devour the last of his denial.

‘It’s not my fault! I didn’t mean to— I didn’t know! How could I have known? My dearest Aené...I am so sorry. I didn’t know...Oh Force help me, how could I have known...’ Anakin whispered as his body wracked with sobs. With head bowed and arms tightly wrapped around him, the Sith Lord wept as though his soul were shattering in two while begging forgiveness from their children. It was never the doctors, healers or specialists’ fault that they could never have children. It had been him all along and never in his life was Anakin more ashamed or so broken. He had become the master of his sorrow and the demise of all he had loved and Anakin had no one left to blame but himself.

---

To Dormé’s disappointment, it wasn’t Anakin who next entered the room. Instead, Saché had come in to see how she was faring and despite how happy she was to inform her former mentor of their son, she wanted to see her husband and was wondering why everyone was so guarded about him. ‘What is it? What are you not telling me?!’ Dormé demanded.

Despite her incredibly weak state, she twisted herself to toss her legs over the side of the bed and forced herself on her feet. She didn’t listen to the voices of concern. ‘I’m fine, just tell me where Anakin is.’

Obi-Wan admitted the general location, which Dormé immediately recognised as Aené’s memorial. This, as well as slight dizziness, caused Dormé to pause and grasp the edge of the bed to steady herself. Once she got her balance, she walked over to where their son was being kept. She hardly noticed a robe being wrapped around her shoulders as she queried of when he would be released. It would not be for some time, she was told, and she touched his head and kissed him, murmuring so that only he could hear just how much she loved him.

Though Sabé, Saché and Master Kenobi insisted she return to bed to prevent further complications and finish healing, Dormé’s thoughts swiftly returned to her beloved. ‘If you will not bring him to me, then I will go there myself,’ she said matter-of-factly.

Not one to be argued with, the empress was granted her request when they allowed her to leave for the memorial of their little princess.

Barefooted and somewhat cold, Dormé’s sole concern was Anakin and coming upon his hunched over and sobbing form broke her heart. ‘Anakin, it’s all right. We’re both all right,’ she murmured, putting her arms around him and holding him, in spite of her own physical weakness and pain.

Anakin didn’t know how long he had been there for and in reality was too lost in his shame and guilt to even pay it much heed. The realisation his ignorance had cost him three of their children and almost their fourth nevermind his beloved had left the Sith Lord shattered in sorrow and shame. Though he was letting go of the darkness he was in a very fragile state of mind making him easy prey to his despair. As such in his state of mourning Vader was not aware of Dormé’s presence until he felt her arms around him and heard her soft voice speaking to him. It was only then that he also sensed her pain and was once more reminded of Obi-Wan’s words and the warning given to him by the hermit. His eyes snapped open and looking to Dormé with eyes swollen and red with tears he shook his head in concern.

‘Dormé, you shouldn’t be here. You are not fully healed—’

‘It’s all right,’ Dormé tried to reassure him, but he was having none of it.

‘And I—you need to stay away from me! I’m going to hurt you. I’ve already hurt you,’ Anakin rambled as his thoughts raced, leaving him imagining the worst. He didn’t want to tell her what he had done and yet he knew he had no choice. It had to be said, no matter how hard it was for him to admit it.

‘Stay away from you? Anakin, what are you talking about?’ She was confused at first, thinking she had done something wrong, but the truth soon revealed itself. She knew Anakin had never intentionally harmed her so all of this was quite alarming to her to say the least. ‘You haven’t—you’re not going to hurt me—I need you—’ she said, but he was pulling away from her.

‘I never meant to, it was my use of the dark side...Oh Force, Dormé I’ve done something so terrible, but I swear to you that I never meant to, I never even knew what I was doing...Our children, our Aené are now dead because of me. Because of the dark side I wielded...I almost lost you and our son because of it and now you must get away from me before I hurt you again!’ he pleaded between tears while trying to gently draw away from her arms to put distance between himself and Dormé.

‘I don’t understand, Anakin...What do you mean?’ He was telling her to get away from him as though he were plague-ridden. Tears, that were in actuality from his pain, sorrow, and despair, flooded her eyes.

‘Don’t you see Dormé? I’m the reason we lost our children! I am the reason Aené died, the reason you and our son almost died! The dark side I touched, I tapped into has been draining the life from our children and from you! Even though I never used the dark side on you or our children I still was -am causing your damage! It radiates from me, from my Force aura so that even if I’m not using it I’m still causing harm. I’m still draining life energy from everything around me...’ he stammered in shame and sorrow as he continued to back away from her.

The way Anakin was acting was starting to scare her. ‘What’s all this? Who is feeding you these lies?!’ she countered, not wanting to believe that what he was saying was true. She didn’t understand all that he was saying about Force auras and draining life energies. It made little sense to her.

‘Please, Dormé, you have to leave me I will only cause you more harm if you remain. I need to tend to this before I can see you again, before I can see our son,’ he continued in despair.

‘Anakin, stop it! Stop talking this way right now!’ she cried, wrapping her arms around herself. She hadn’t felt this cold when she first walked here.

Anakin gave a shaky sigh at Dorme’s questions and demands, knowing it wasn’t her fault that she didn’t understand the intricacies of the Force. He just wished he knew how to explain it better to her so she could understand, to at least comprehend the threat he now posed to them. ‘These aren’t lies Dormé. I truly wish they were, but they’re not,’ Anakin said in pained tones. ‘Remember how you told me about Aené visiting you? I saw her as well,’ Anakin continued in soft tones.

‘The first time was when I was hunting a Jedi in the outer rim, I went to kill them and just as I was delivering the killing blow I saw her. In the vision I was—’ he faltered fighting back new tears. ‘I killed her in the vision. But it wasn’t the only time I saw her. I saw her again when I visited a hermit healer; Edeja’s mentor.

‘The old woman told me that I was killing our children. That if I was to return home to you and our son I would end up killing you both. I was furious and so I killed her in a fit of rage. Aené returned to me again and begged me to stop...I’ll never forget the look on her face,’ Anakin explained before falling silent as Dormé begged him to stop. In silence he could only shake his head.

‘I need for you to understand what it is I’m trying to say, Dormé. Aené was trying to warn me of what the dark side was doing to my family, just like the hermit healer did and my brother. This is real, Dormé. I’m the one who has been causing your miscarriages. I’m the reason Aené isn’t with us now or our other children. That is why you can’t be near me until I tend to this, that is why our son can’t be near me either,’ he admitted in sorrowful tones.

Dormé shook her head, unbelieving. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening, not to them... Struggling back to her feet, she turned away from him, trying to get this all straight. ‘You..?’ she asked, turning toward him once again. ‘How could you?!’ It would not be until much time later that she understood he hadn’t meant to and had no idea he was responsible for it.

Anakin felt his blood run cold and as though recalling this warning as well Dormé’s mood shifted as her statements posing as questions hit him hard. Staring up at her as she whirled around to face him the Sith lord found it was a struggle to breathe, nevermind find his voice. The Sith lord opened his mouth in an effort to speak, to explain that he wasn’t aware of the effect the Dark side had on their children. That until the many warnings were presented, he had no idea what he had been inadvertently doing. As Dormé continued Anakin visibly winced before closing his eyes as he struggled to clear his mind. Neither was in any condition to continue this conversation but it was too late to back down now.

‘All of them? Like those in the Temple you accidentally killed? Your own children?!!’ she demanded, reeling on him like the tempest dammed within her.

‘I told you that I didn’t know,’ he replied quietly as he opened his eyes to stare up at her once more before asking in hoarse tones.

It was now, as the cold washed over her, that she felt the pains coming back to her, but this time it was not only the pains from the premature labour, but the pains of all the miscarriages, the hollowness she had felt and how long she had thought it was her fault. ‘I thought there was something wrong with me,’ she said, her tears feeling like icicles down her thin cheeks. ‘I thought—I thought I had failed you—that I wasn’t worthy to be a mother—and all this time...all this time...it was you doing this.’

‘Do you really think I would purposely murder our own children?’

Even without the darkness seeping in her veins and poisoning her, Dormé had never felt so angry and rightfully so. ‘How could you not know?’ she retorted.

Anakin couldn’t find the words to properly express how he was feeling in that moment. Though he knew that Dormé had felt this way for some time hearing her admittance tore at his heart and brought new tears to his eyes. Bowing his head the Sith Lord didn’t dare refute her words for the truth was just too powerful to deny.

‘Just because I’m sensitive to the Force doesn’t mean I know and understand everything about it,’ he said weakly knowing fully well her anger was justified. But she was hardly in any state to hear his words and no matter how he tried to argue that he truly did not know Anakin knew it was a lost cause. Ultimately Dormé was right, he should have known and despite the fact he didn’t was hardly a comfort.

‘I cannot touch that Force you wield. I cannot sense it. But you—you have no excuse, Anakin! You couldn’t tell that it was killing them?! That YOU were killing them?!’ She wound up and slapped him across the cheek. The force of the blow was lacking due to her weakened state, but the effect was much the same.

‘If you ever use your powers to hurt me, Anakin, I will leave you.’ She had nothing left to say to him and despite how much it ached to walk, she could no longer stand in the same vicinity as him.

The slap across the face was hardly painful due to Dormé’s weakened state but it didn’t matter it still felt like a knife to his heart. Vader didn’t react to her slap and only closed his eyes in reply as he struggled to keep some semblance of control.

Once she was back inside, it was easy to put up a façade that nothing was wrong, but she had no desire to pretend. She went straight to Laic’s cot and picked up the sleeping baby, holding him close to her body as though with his very presence he would be able to warm her broken spirit and return the peace that had been lost in the mausoleum.

It was over of that he was certain. It was only after Dormé had departed that Anakin succumbed to the tears of despair once more. All was lost of that he was certain and he knew there was none more deserving of this fate than himself.

---

Saché was anxious for Dormé and almost immediately after the empress’s departure, she trailed after her with the hopes of acting as silent support. She knew the sort of man Anakin was and was fearful of Dormé’s safety especially given his moody behaviour. But Sabé was the wiser one of the two and managed to talk down the fiery woman reminding her that this was a private matter one that she had no right to interfere in. 'Your presence may even worsen matters,' the former decoy explained as Saché muttered a curse under her breath before complying.

Upon seeing Dormé return a short time later, Saché’s heart immediately went out to her. The young empress looked so worn and so weak that it was frightening to behold. However, she was also determined and before Saché had a chance to move to her side to help her Dormé had slipped into the medical lab where she went to hold the baby.

Watching her in silence the older handmaiden furrowed her brow in concern, as she wanted support the empress, knowing something bad had happened between Vader and her. She knew it wasn’t her place and so, for the moment, she watched in silence before taking Sabé’s advice and finally returning to her quarters for a nap.

Obi-Wan could sense the empress’s incredibly weakened Force signature returning and though he knew he would have to resume healing her once more, he also knew she needed time alone with her son. But when her signature drastically began to fade, he motioned to Sabé and entered the facility.

Dormé sobbed as she held her baby, thinking of Aené and the other little ones who hadn’t made it. She had asked for nothing save to have healthy children. Their son, so tiny and fragile, was helpless and needed her to protect him, to feed him, to love him... It was a good thing Anakin had been gone so long or else she would not have had a chance to hold this little one.

When Obi-Wan entered, he placed a hand on the empress’s shoulder in a effort to escort her to the main part of the medical facility to continue her healing process. He didn’t expect her to turn towards him as she sobbed into his chest. Though this made him a little uncomfortable, he motioned to Sabé once more to take the baby from the empress before helping her to the examination bed.

Half a day later, once Obi-Wan had another chance to rest and recover his own strength from the healing meditations and have something to eat, he returned to visit the empress to check up on her. He came upon her feeding her son and averted his eyes automatically to politely give her privacy.

To be able to hold and feed her baby filled Dormé with such joy. So happy to have this chance, she hardly minded the Jedi Master’s presence. She wouldn’t have cared if the whole empire witnessed it. Once the baby finished, she shifted him to her shoulder, rubbing his tiny back. She took note of the Jedi Master’s averted gaze and told him he was free to have a seat nearby.

It was not much longer after he sat down that Dormé said, ‘Four babies...I would have had four...’

‘I’m sorry,’ Obi-Wan replied softly.

Dormé sighed, feeling the baby heavy in her arms, knowing he had gone to sleep. ‘Anakin really didn’t know that he was—’ She couldn’t finish the sentence.

Obi-Wan shook his head. ‘No, I don’t think so. The dark side is very deceiving and easily blinds someone from seeing the truth, especially if they don’t want to know it.’

Dormé nodded in understanding, but turned her attentions back to her son.

Obi-Wan eventually left the two with much on his mind. No matter how much he wanted to help guide Anakin back to the good side, he also knew it would be up to Anakin to make that transition.

---

Anakin didn’t last long in the mausoleum, for the argument and revelation wore heavily on his thoughts, leaving him feeling unworthy to remain there any longer. He quietly wandered the gardens in an attempt to clear his thoughts, to mourn quietly, and to replay the discussion too many times to count. Only when exhaustion had finally taken its toll did Anakin return indoors to palace and found himself taking refuge on the couch that overlooked the balcony. Sleep didn’t come for the Sith Lord neither did peace. With a heavy heart and thoughts filled with the memories of the dark revelation, Anakin was hardly received any rest by morning. If anything, he felt even worse than the night before. However, duty demanded his presence. As much as Anakin wanted to do nothing more than hide from the world, he began his day in discontented state of mind, despite the joy of his son’s birth.

His advisor and compatriot Kei immediately caught his friend’s dark mood and attempted to learn why Anakin was in less than joyous spirits. After all, his son was healthy despite the premature birth as was the empress.

Anakin was hardly in the mood to speak of the Force and the complications it now caused him to someone who didn’t understand. It was late in the day when the emperor was permitted a break from his duties, leaving Anakin with little else to do but return to his quarters. Though he wanted to train, to keep his mind off matters, he was weak from lack of sleep and his mind was too preoccupied to even bother attempting to meditate. In truth, outside of seeing Dormé and their son, which was an impossibility at this point, Anakin wanted nothing more than to speak to his brother.

Though things between them had become strained, Anakin still longed to feel the comfort of his brother’s silent presence, to know that ultimately things would work out and that there was hope yet. He felt too ashamed to cross that line though. It reminded him of what a fool he had been and how, in his arrogance, he had almost lost everything because of it. After many failed attempts to further distract himself, Anakin decided to chance speaking to his brother after all. Quietly he made his way through the halls as he focused on the Force signature of his brother. Though each step left him filled with dread and hesitancy, Anakin knew he had no other choice. He had to tend to this matter or he would lose all he cared about.

Obi-Wan was currently meditating in the temporary quarters he shared with his wife when he sensed Anakin’s approach. He hoped this meeting would be on more emotionally level terms than the last one, however, he wasn’t counting on it. As if to prove that point, upon opening his door to the haggard-looking young emperor, he had a feeling it wouldn’t be. He politely gestured for him to enter.

Anakin just shook his head as his brother motioned him to enter. As much as he knew it had to be done, Anakin at least had enough sense to know he was in no condition to linger. In truth, he felt ugly in his brother’s presence and felt awkward being around him now that he had accepted the truth. There was no point of pretending that Obi-Wan didn’t know why he was here and so the young emperor began. ‘You know why I am here and what it is I am about to ask,’ he quietly began before giving a deep sigh. ‘But before I can continue I need to apologize first. I need to apologize for so much but I—’ Anakin glanced away as he shook his head for his thoughts to clear. ‘I will never be the Jedi our father hoped I would be, or that the Order expected me to become. In truth, I don’t know if I’m even capable of it, but if it means repairing a little of the damage I’ve done, then I would like to try again,’ Anakin admitted quietly.

Obi-Wan didn’t let it bother him that Anakin hadn’t even thanked him for what he had done to help his wife and child. Exhausted or not, Anakin was a very selfish person much like the Sith way he currently followed. ‘Following one path or another takes more than simply trying, Anakin,’ Obi-Wan said seriously. ‘You have to seriously commit yourself or else you have already failed.’

Anakin wanted to apologise for his actions, for the damage he had already caused and for ruining what relationship he had with Obi-Wan but he was also more than aware of his weakened state. Anakin knew if he were to try and speak his thoughts on the matter he would only embarrass himself. He was too tired to think clearly nevermind keep his emotions in check. Anakin gave a long sigh at his brother’s words as he glanced away. He was tired and already frustrated with his situation leaving him less than eager to hear Obi-Wan’s warnings. Though he was willing to give it a try, ultimately, Anakin wasn’t ready to truly return to the light. If a chance availed itself to permit him to remain within the dark side without causing damage to his family, Anakin wouldn’t hesitate to take it. He had yet to learn his lesson, leaving this moment to haunt him for the rest of his life.

‘I committed myself to the ways of the Jedi and look at what a success that proved to be,’ he grumbled. ‘Let’s face it, I’m about as suited to being a Jedi as you are a Sith. I’m doing this because I love my family and I don’t want to lose them,’ he admitted in frustration.

Placing a hand on his shoulder and not wanting him to be turned away from trying, Obi-Wan offered, ‘What has happened in the past cannot be undone, but our future actions are what we can change.’

The simple gesture of support helped ease a little of his frustration and Anakin nodded weakly in reply, wanting to find some comfort in his brother’s words. ‘I know...It’s just...It’s going to be hard to start from the beginning again,’ he murmured.

Noble though the reasons might be, Obi-Wan saw straight through it. Obi-Wan hoped it was the case, that he would succeed this time and thanked the Force for being given this opportunity. ‘Once tampered with, the dark side will forever consume you,’ he recalled their father teaching him. ‘This will not be easy; it won’t be a quick fix or an overnight cure. This is something you will combat, for the rest of your life, I’m afraid. That is why you must be fully committed to getting rid of the darkness within you. It will be difficult at first, but over time, it will become easier.’

Obi-Wan’s warning fell on deaf ears as Anakin in truth just wanted to rest and work on the problem in the morning. ‘Why doesn’t that surprise me?’ the Sith lord murmured. liking the sounds of this even less.

With that, Obi-Wan began helping Anakin find the inner peace, the calm from the very essence of the Force itself, aiding in meditation. He hoped it would bring him enough peace of mind to rest properly.

Some time later, a rather exhausted and light-headed Anakin surfaced from his meditations feeling far better than he had in some time. Though he was far from well the emperor took this as a good sign. As he prepared to depart for his quarters in the hopes of finding some sleep it suddenly occurred to him that he hadn’t expressed his gratitude to his brother. Though he wasn’t exactly renowned for thinking about others outside of himself or even caring to the realisation did cause his cheeks to flush slightly in shame. Turning to Obi-Wan once more Anakin gave an apologetic look. ‘I...I never did thank you did I?’ he asked quietly despite the fact he already knew the answer.

For awhile, Obi-Wan couldn’t help reminiscing after Anakin left. It had been in many ways like times past, with him teaching his little brother of the ways of the Force. But it was also very bittersweet in many ways and the dark side still so prominent in Anakin’s signature did little to counter the feelings of regret. Ultimately, what gave Obi-Wan the most hope was Anakin’s expression of gratitude, guarded and somewhat reluctant though it was. It made him feel like he was reaching him, that what he had done for him actually had a purpose, outside of saving innocent lives.

‘I owe you for so much,’ the emperor continued. ‘You saved my family and the only thanks I gave you was to accuse you of lies. My behaviour was hardly appropriate and I am truly sorry for putting you through that,’ Anakin admitted quietly before falling silent. In truth, there was so much more he should have apologised for and even more to thank his brother but Anakin was a selfish man whose moments of enlightenment were far and few between. For him to be aware of even this was a feat in and of itself and in time this too would become one regret of many.

‘Thank you, for everything,’ he quietly concluded before turning to depart. Almost as soon as his head hit the pillows on his couch, the Sith Lord slept. Though it was hardly a long rest, it was better than anything he had experienced and for that, he was most grateful. It was a small step, but in the right direction.