CHAPTER 12-END

(Reposted this chapter on 3/3/09 -- as I noticed a good portion of it had gone missing)

Lifted

Starsky didn’t think that anyone had tried harder than Hutch to get better. All his efforts went unrewarded as the punishing cluster headaches intensified-- making it impossible for him to do much of anything but lay in bed. Plagued with nausea, Hutch couldn’t keep a meal down. Starsky blended protein drinks and fresh fruit juices-- encouraging them into Hutch almost every few hours in an attempt to keep him as well as possible.

His partner was weak and no longer able to go for walks. So, Starsky made him do some exercises for bed-ridden patients he found in one of the medical books Jay had given them.

It was eating Starsky up. He didn’t think he could take another day of watching his friend suffer. It was at this lowest point, the knock at the window confounding him, brought the answer to his prayers.

There stood Jay. Bushy-bearded and winking at him as he waved a hand of greeting to the pitiful Bay City cop. The wave was welcomed by the most grace-filled smile as Starsky motioned him to go to the front door.

Jay rushed to the door, eager to receive the rest of the warm reception that was waiting for him.

The bear hug lifted Jay off the ground and both got hearty pats on the back before they stood back to take good looks at each other. Starsky was the first to look away, well aware that Jay was measuring the hurt that was in Starsky’s eyes and stamped on his face.

“You look like crap,” was his new friend’s honest assessment.

Making Starsky grin a little as he retorted, “Yeah, well you sure could pass for Grizzly Adams,” while he gave a careful tug at Jay’s beard.

oooo

Hutch’s too bright eyes followed Jay into the chair by his bed. He made an effort to give Jay a smile, fondly saying his name in a voice wrecked by illness.

“Yeah, man, it’s me,” Jay said warmly, taking the raised hand. The visitor moved into the intimate space that chronic illness reserves for those coming to pay respects.

Both Jay and Hutch were a little teary, as Hutch got right to business. He captured Jay’s eyes with his and brought them to rest on Starsky, who stood away from them in the doorway.

Starsky didn’t miss the subtle gesture of his blond partner relinquishing his best friend into Jay’s care in the chance of Hutch’s passing. It choked him up but he chose to lighten the mood by yelling over to the bed-ridden man, “I’m right here, you know.” Forcing a genuine laugh out of Jay, who, nodding a promise to Hutch, said, “Don’t you worry about him.”

Jay went on, “Right now, we gotta work on your problem.” Out of nowhere a small black bag appeared and, Jay, with care began examining Starsky’s ailing partner.

When he had finished, he rubbed a comforting hand on Hutch’s chest and instructed him to try and rest.

oooo

They sat on the living room floor side by side, backs to the wall, the bottle between them.

“The medicine stopped helping about a week ago,” Starsky said as he twisted his face in response to the kick of the shot of liquor hitting the back of his throat.

Jay tipped the prized bottle of Scotch whisky he had brought with him to re-fill Starsky’s glass.

“You trying to get me drunk?” Starsky asked, already sounding a bit loose.

“Looks like you could use it,” Jay said.

“So…” Starsky said, bringing the conversation back to his sick friend. “You weren’t surprised about Hutch’s condition.”

“No. Kinda expected it,” Jay said flatly.

“And?” Starsky wondered.

“I might have something,” Jay said with so much uncertainty that it caused Starsky to turn to him.

Starsky, in the short time he had known Jay, had come to trust him fiercely but this was the first time Starsky had seen him look rattled.

“What’s wrong?” Starsky asked, getting serious as he sat up.

“Man, it’s a raw deal,” Jay sounded bitter. “I just wish for once--something could be easy. Like you know in the movies. Everything always gets so neatly wrapped up in a bow-- just before the credits go up. So the heroes can go riding off into the sunset…”

Starsky was beginning to think he didn’t want to know what Jay was keeping from him.

The ex-spy, slipped a hand inside his jacket and held out a small bottle to Starsky. “This is supposed to stop those damn headaches that are killing your partner…so that he could go back to eating and sleeping like a regular person.”

Jay squeezed the bottle in his hands. “These are supposed to be the magic pills that will put an end to all that misfiring going on in his brain, relieve some of that pressure … so he can start thinking again…maybe remember who he is…”

“What’s going on here?” Starsky interrupted Jay, stopping the tirade that Jay was headed for.

There was no answer except for Jay’s expression changing into an angry red palette.

Jay abruptly flung the bottle across the room--smashing the plastic container against the wall and sending the little pills rolling in different directions around the room.

Starsky looked horrified, trying to memorize where every little white pill had rolled as they traveled speedily out of sight. “Why did you do that? What’s wrong with you?” he hollered at Jay.

The loud words got through and Jay stood up, too. “Oh, shit!” he said. Dropping to their knees, both Jay and Starsky crawled around the room trying to find the precious medicine.

oooo

“How many ya got?” Starsky questioned, spreading the six pills he had found on the table.

“I got four,” Jay said in a sober voice, still looking under the couch in the living room. “That’s three more.”

“Thirteen. Right?” Starsky asked for the fourth time.

“Yes. Thirteen,” Jay said, his voice muffled by the wall and couch as he’d positioned his head there to look for any hidden magic potion.

“Right, Right. Thirteen,” Starsky said to himself, returning to his search.

oooo

“Wow. I don’t know what happened there. Guess I lost it, huh?”

Starsky just shook his head, smiling back at him and looking at the thirteen pills on the table before them. A lifeline for Hutch— divine intervention in all its glory. He thought the pills, strangely iridescent in the muted light, were the most beautiful things he had ever laid eyes on.

Jay wouldn’t look at him.

Starsky stared down at the pills and back up at his bearded friend.

There was an unanswered question hanging in the air.

A light bulb turning on in Starsky’s head verbalized it. “Are these gonna help Hutch or what?”

Jay did look at him when he began talking, “You know, the guy who designed these is probably a lot smarter than Sonora’s creep doctor. He’s spent years of his life…hours of dedicated research, late nights--cost him a marriage, two actually. There’s not another researcher out there who knows more about the kind of experimental drugs used on Ken, but…”

Starsky was now going to find out why Jay was acting so skittish.

“Yes. These are the pills that could start healing the neurological damage done to Hutch like it did for three out of ten patients who had the same diagnosis as him or…he could end up like the other bunch of seven folks.”

“What happened to the other seven?” Starsky already knew he wasn’t going to like the answer. But, he asked the question again, “What happened to the other seven?”

“Starsk, three of them didn’t see any improvement at all, that’s not good. Two got worse and…” he didn’t have to finish.

Starsky got it. Explained why Jay had blown up. He might very well be bringing death and not life. “Two died.” he stated flatly.

Jay kept talking. “He has to take these--one a day-- it’s a 13 day dose. First thing in the morning -- gotta make sure there’s something in his stomach. Now he’s gonna run a high fever while he’s on it-- and we’re gonna need to make sure he drinks lots of water, fluids.

He’s gonna be out of it. It’s got an antiemetic for nausea in it --which will help him to keep it down. The drug is designed to create a sequence of chemical activity to bring back some normalcy to his body’s…” The look on Starsky’s face halted Jay and he changed the direction of his narrative.

“These pills –- science at it’s best. There’s nothing anywhere like ‘em. 30 compounds working in synergy. Each element’s got an assignment--this shouldn’t be possible--but there are thousands of hours of experimental…

Starsky fired off. “And Hutch is the lab rat!”

Jay frowned thoughtfully, “No. He’s a man-- with a broken body and spirit. Nobody has forgotten that. But, this pill is serious business. It’s designed to perform some complicated cellular sequencing —if Hutch’s system is still in good enough working condition to cooperate…that’s the x-factor here. I’m not bringing you something that’s science fiction. All right?”

The explanation got an apologetic nod from Starsky.

“Dave, the brain controls all the body’s functions not just emotions and thoughts-- we’re talking heart rate, BP, fluid balance… temperature. All the instructions are passed through these signals – right now, Hutch’s body is getting all misinformation. It’s compromised--putting extra stress on his organs. This drug should…help put things back in order. Now, he’s still gonna

have some challenges…but you gotta understand, once we start it-- things get set in motion…we’re attempting to do some re-wiring here. There’s no stopping the dosage--thirteen days. That’s the prescription. Understand?”

Starsky looked sick as he acknowledged he understood.

Dispirited, Starsky asked, “How did the other two die?”

“Dave, we’re not gonna talk about that anymore. It won’t change anything,” Jay said solemnly, ending that part of the discussion for Starsky’s own good.

“Look, Hutch, don’t even have to take this stuff,” Starsky replied heatedly.

“Let’s ask him,” Jay said. “Let him decide,” he added quietly.

Jay imagined that he had just cleverly interceded and blocked Starsky

from having to make the impossible decision as to whether or not Hutch should be given the powerful medicine.

oooo

“Hey, buddy. Hear me?” Starsky asked, picking up Hutch’s hand in his and then bringing them both to lie on his friend’s chest just above the beating heart. Starsky wanted to feel the source of Hutch’s life under their joined hands.

Hutch’s glazed eyes were on him, confirming that he was listening.

“You know…I… gotta make a decision about something,” Starsky told him.

The softly spoken sentence brought Jay’s head up with a jerk. He wasn’t surprised that Starsky would not relinquish the difficult life and death decision to his weakened friend. It would have been completely out of character for the courageous man to take the easy way out. Allowing Hutch in his confused state of mind to try and weigh it all would have been beyond cruel.

Starsky spoke calmly as he explained to Hutch about the medicine that Jay had brought with him. And about the risk and dangers involved. He told Hutch that he needed some time to think about what they should do and that Jay would stay right there with him for a little while. Starsky sat for a few minutes until Hutch closed his eyes receiving the restless sleep that was waiting for him.

With Hutch now sleeping, he signaled Jay over, giving him Hutch’s hand and the chair he had been sitting in. Then Starsky gave Jay’s shoulder a thankful squeeze as he left the room.

Starsky didn’t need time to decide about giving Hutch the pills. He just needed time to let it settle in him. He called Dobey, the man who would need to know what was going on with ‘his boys.’ There was no way he could go through with this without telling Harold and Edith Dobey. They had loved him and Hutch too much.

Dobey told Starsky that he would handle the Hutchinsons… wasn’t sure what he would tell them, but he would handle them.

It no longer mattered to Starsky about Sonora tracking them down. Hutch was going to need his friends- old ones and new ones to help him through the last part of this journey. If the temptress from the depths of Hades traced their location through calls Starsky was going to make… and come stepping up cabin steps like she had last time—then she better be ready to kill him. Starsky would make sure the first round he fired would plunge straight through her wicked heart.

A choked up Dobey had said, “David, I’m so sorry. You know… you two are like my own.”

The emotion expressed from the normally gruff man made Starsky’s heart warm, and he said, “I know, Cap’n.”

Then he put the phone close to Hutch’s ear. He could almost see the love of the encouraging words from Harold and Edith wrap up his partner in their consoling glow.

Then he called Huggy who made a smile come to Hutch’s face. Huggy – had a way of doing that even in the most dire of times.

Starsky had to call August. She had given all of herself to save his partner’s life. He waited patiently for her to try and stop crying before she spoke to the man she had helped rescue. But then decided her tears were a genuine expression of love, and certainly there was not a better time to be genuine than now.

13 Days

In the morning of the first day, Jay had helped Starsky get Hutch into a bath. They changed the bed with fresh linen and Starsky took down the heavy curtains that were hiding Hutch from the world. Starsky wanted to let in the sun’s light and give Hutch a full view of the beautiful sky with it’s various shades of blues and pinkish fat clouds.

He towel dried the fine hair and helped him into clean pajamas. He made him toast and eggs scrambled with cheese. Starsky gave him two glasses of milk. One glass before the first white pill he placed in his mouth at the end of the breakfast meal, and then another glass after.

He slipped into the bed, and pulling him up close, he laid Hutch’s head against his chest.

The vigil had begun. Thirteen days. Possibly the last days. Starsky would make sure that his friend, his best friend, his brother…his blood would have all the comfort, and love that his partner could provide.

o00000o

Hutch tried to hide the fact he was crying by mashing his tears into Starsky’s shirt as he pressed his face into it. He denied the tears vitality by aborting them in their infancy, but Starsky’s wet shirt was testimony of their short life.

It was only the third day and Hutch was in so much pain he was enraged. He was tired of it all-- had reached his end. He knew Starsky loved him but, right now, he wished his friend would just let him go!

The medicine was burning up his insides and it felt like angry fingers were digging around in what was left inside his head. He gasped for air, which seemed to evaporate before it could fill his lungs.

Oh, God! Oh, God!

He couldn’t do this. Hutch felt Starsky holding him.

Wasn’t enough!

He wanted this to stop.

Hutch arched his body, trying to push himself away and out of the bed. But Starsky wouldn’t let him go.

“Good! You’re mad. That’s it, boy. You stay angry. Keep fightin’!” Starsky told him.

“No. No more! Don’t-don’t want it!” he roared back. Begged, “S-s-starsk, p-p-please!”

His friend’s arms restrained him. “I know. I know,” Starsky spoke into his ear.

Starsky searched Jay’s face for help. “Is it gonna be like this?” his eyes asked.

Unable to offer any help, Jay looked away. The sorrow showing, he didn’t know the answer to the unspoken question.

o00000o

“Go back to Bay City, Stars? How can you tell me to do that,” Starsky gently admonished the mumbled plea Hutch had uttered. “What? Without you! Now that’s the craziest thing you’ve said. You know I ain’t gonna leave ya, Blintz. 13 days—that’s 24 hours per. Me and you, like always.” Starsky swallowed hard as he fought to keep his wits intact. “Bet you were a sweet kid, huh, Blintz. Sea scout—helping grandmothers cross the street. I bet you wuz a safety guard. Me -- I was terrorizing the neighborhood. I ever tell you that?”

Hutch shrank into Starsky’s arms and Starsky hesitated his story to draw his friend tighter. “It’s all right, I’m right here…just the medicine.” Hutch twisted his body back and forth, letting out the moan he was no longer able to restrain.

On the fifth day, Starsky wouldn’t finish his story when, in just a few more minutes later, Hutch could no longer hear his words. The pain had shut him down.

o00000o

It was around the sixth day after Hutch was bathed, and the bed changed that Jay recognized what Starsky was doing. He didn’t know if it was unconscious or deliberate but Jay had been all over the world and knew a ritual when he saw it.

Starsky was preparing Hutch’s body for the possible journey into eternity-- respecting his right to die in dignity if he was one of those two in ten. It was sad and honorable and Jay wished he could have had the revelation on day number 13 when all this was over with.

o00000o

“Starsssh?”

“Yeah, right here.”

Hutch’s misery-filled contemplative gaze worried Starsky. “Hutch?”

Laboring to speak, Hutch asked his devoted friend, “Wha-what if it-it doesn’t work?”

Starsky grasped his hand tightly, assuring him, he answered, “It’s gonna work.”

It was time for solemn conversation and Starsky readied himself for the direction his partner might be taking it.

“What-what if-if I don’t…I don’t make it?”

“Ahh, Hutch. You’re gonna make it. C’mon…”

“What ‘d do?” Hutch weakly persisted with his line of questioning.

“C’mon, Hutch…” Starsky’s tone was a plea to end the examination.

“N-No. No.” Hutch, in spite of his suffering, would not relent. “I- I need, n-need to know, Stars-s. What-what would y-y-you do?”

There was quiet as Starsky gave the question all his consideration. Hutch deserved an answer.

“All right,”yielding, he told Hutch, “I’d take a leave of absence and… ahhh --visit your parents for awhile…hmmm… then take off, I don’t know-- for the mountains maybe…and probably marry the first lady I run in to who…could see how much I was hurtin’…” Now looking down as if he could almost feel his friend’s absence, “…name a couple of kids after ya…” he added.

It was quiet again until Starsky looked back up at Hutch for his reaction. “OK?” he asked.

“OK.” Hutch smiled tiredly, giving his approval to the plan. His weakened voice questioned, “What if they’re girls?”

“Don’t matter,” Starsky promised.

o00000o

Day 9

Hutch was out of his mind in pain and Starsky out of his with worry.

Hutch’s insistent groans throughout the day were recorded in Starsky’s psyche for playback in his nightmares. Starsky rocking him was all he could offer Hutch in comfort. Finally, late in the evening, the torment subsided and Hutch fell into a deep exhausted sleep.

Hours later he woke, his gaze to weak to hold onto Starsky. It listed off to the side and then rolled upwards in a furtive prayer.

Starsky had raised himself up then and Jay witnessed the storm overtake the detective as he turned on him.

Rushing toward him, the cop pinned Jay against the wall. “DO SOMETHING!” he demanded, his voice cracking with the ultimatum.

An entrapped Jay looked into Starsky’s eyes and reminded him, “Dave, we-we can’t stop the medication. I told you…”

Showing his desperation, Starsky pounded a fist against the wall nearby, dropping his head in defeat he moved away from Jay. Tension pulsing through him, he made his way to the door, but was unable to leave the room... and Hutch. He was grounded there, hunkered in the doorway.

The sound of Huggy’s voice filling the room was a puzzlement.

The barkeeper’s distinct voice was booming out of the cassette player Jay had in his hand. Holding it up gallantly— like he was soliciting the intervention of some ancient mythical Greek god. The sight of his mighty stance drew Starsky’s intent introspection as he listened.

“Nobody--I mean nobody- would believe me if I told ‘em-- everything you guys been through. Man, I can’t wait till you guys retire and your autobiography comes out ‘bout your lives as super cops... Wonder whose gonna play me in the movie. I seen this cat Lou Gossett, Jr,-- now he’s a pretty good actor. ‘Course, I gotta teach ‘im some of my moves, but… he just might work. Anyway, bros, it’s a trip, though, if you think about it, man. Every time sumpthin’, happens I’m thinkin’ this is the one… No way they’re getting outta that one. And –wham! it’s like you cats just bounce right back…”

Jay had put on his best disguise when he had made the fifty-mile drive to the neighborhood post office to pick up the precious cargo of the express-mailed cassette tapes that Starsky had asked the Dobey’s, Huggy, and August to make and send for him to play to Hutch.

Starsky, who may not have studied psychology, Jay thought, had put his finger right on it when he said he wanted to drown out Sonora’s and Dr. Archelaus’s voices that must be playing over and over inside his partner’s head.

Hutch had never told him he heard voices but it was real smarts on Starsky’s part to make the assumption that those voices were in there--dragging his friend down, down, down. Jay felt it showed Dave knew exactly where to fight this war to win back his dearest friend.

So, they all made tapes. It was on that fifty-mile ride back to the cabin, that Jay had time to listen to the people who loved these two guys talk about the legacy of their lives and their friendship. When he heard the words that he was now blasting into Starsky, he was certain that they needed to be played at just the right time… and the time was now.

It was the best weapon he had to revitalize the fight in Starsky.

Huggy went on to talk about all the trials and tribulations that his friends had faced and conquered. He talked about how much people in the neighborhood respected them for being fair, tough cops-- everybody knew that.

“I’ve yet to see anything beat you guys. I don’t think anything could beat ya. Man, together-- one thing I know for sure - You two…you guys are indestructible! Yeahh- indestructible… that’s the word from me and that’s the word on the street.”

Jay didn’t have to look up at Starsky to know that the words had birthed renewal in him. He could feel it.

Starsky, trying to regain his control, shifted his body in the doorway. He turned to face Jay, who nodded in agreement-- you guys can do this.

Starsky used a sleeve to wipe the fresh tears off his face as he made his way back to Hutch.

He sat in his place by the bed.

Stroking hair off the hot forehead, angling his body closer to Hutch he said, “Ya hear that? Huggy thinks we’re indestructible.”

Hutch’s eyes were closed but Starsky could swear he was smiling.

o00000o

The heated body in his arms delivered the incoherent soliloquy with half slit eyes--directly to Starsky. Starsky, too afraid to speak--distraught that Hutch was telling him goodbye--kept silent. Afraid to speak and mistakenly give Hutch permission to leave him. When Hutch raised the volume of his agitation, Starsky, resisting the panic inside, shook his head, emphatically repeating over and over, “No. No. No. No. No…”

Starsky tightened his hold on his feverish friend.

He would not release him. Couldn’t release him.

“No…n-need you. No,” he said firmly.

The words quieted Hutch.

o00000o

Sunrise

“14th day, buddy. Come on now. Don’t make me wait any longer. Hutch? I’m about to lose it, pal. Come on, Hutch,” Starsky, fatigued, sighed heavily. “Don’t worry. It’s OK. I’m here. Whenever you’re ready.” Starsky carefully tended to the tangled mess of his partner’s white golden hair. “Hutch.” He sadly pleaded.

The fingers…moving--the first sign.

Starsky, his heart galloping, raised his head to watch the slight motion of the hand he was holding. The dark haired man reached out and rubbed his thumb gently over Hutch’s knuckles to welcome his friend’s effort to respond to him.

Next--would be some expression-- showing the discomfort, just like the frown of pain forming on Hutch’s face. The fight to stay in the darkness was losing ground.

A grin started to form on the vigilant watcher who waited patiently another half-hour for more stirrings from his friend.

An exhausted Starsky answered the uttered groan. “That’s it, Hutch. That’s it, buddy Don’t fight it. You--you gotta come back, partner.” He encouraged as he massaged strength into a struggling shoulder. The words practically catching in his throat as he tried hard to remain calm—Hutch was coming back to him.

Hutch was still for the next hour and then the whole sequence started again with twitching fingers and urges from Starsky to wake up.

The wiped out cop rubbed at his burning red eyes. Dumbstruck and dizzy, Starsky leaned back in the chair. Please. Please.

He tipped the chair back to the floor and looked down to find his partner’s eyes on him. The dark-haired man almost fell over as he bounded forward at Hutch’s bewildered grimace.

“Hey.” Emotion seized his voice and Starsky turned his face away, hoping to stop the onslaught of feelings that were hitting him hard.

They had made it.

He turned back to the weary gaze on him and gave his partner a toothy reception. He attentively touched his friend’s face and Hutch closed his eyes in response to the spirit filled moment.

Hutch opened his eyes-- they searched the room around him and came to rest on the brilliant sunrise outside. The colors of the glorious sight spilled onto the white sheets and onto them.

It was beautiful. Neither one of them spoke a word.

Starsky, by nature, a talkative man knew the moment didn’t require another word of encouragement. God had given him back his brother and it was too awesome. His soul was rejoicing – nothing on this side of heaven could come close to expressing that.

He saw the muscles in Hutch’s face soften as he marveled at the sight he had awoken to --- his friend by his side. They watched the sun lift up to meet the day. It was taking them up, too.

They had survived six months, two weeks and 13 days of hell. All manner of evil had come after them.

But, on this morning, they were sharing a moment in heaven. Healing and the sun’s golden rays blessing two hearts, two souls--brothers and best friends.

Blood.

ooooo

it’s the end

so it would seem…

23