Link Gets a Job

Chapter 4: I Like Waffles, Too

“So, um… Zelda? I know nothing about necromancy,” Link said.

“Don’t worry, Sheik does!” Zelda said.

“But where’s Sheik?” Link asked.

Zelda turned into Sheik.

“AUUUGH!” Link screamed.

Sheik gagged Link with chlorophyll.

Later…

Link woke up.

“Hi!” Sheik said.

“AUUUGH!” Link screamed.

“What?” Sheik asked.

“But if you’re not Zelda, then – but - that doesn’t make sense!” Link said.

“It’s only a dream…” Sheik said.

“Wait! Are you… psychic?” Link asked.

“Yeah, sure I am,” Sheik said, sarcastically.

“Then you belong here!” Link said.

Link stuffed Sheik into Mewtwo’s now dead body.

“What the?” Sheik asked.

“Psychics belong in Mewtwo! See? Look, Mewtwo ate Ness!” Link said, pointing to Ness’ half digested body.

“Maybe Dr. Mario stuffed Ness down Mewtwo’s throat,” Sheik said.

“Mewtwo has a mouth?” Link asked.

Sheik smacked his head.

“Look, do you want to learn necromancy or not?” Sheik asked, climbing out.

“Um… word?” Link said.

“Okay…” Sheik said, scowling at Link, “The easiest way to resurrect someone is to use this potion.”

Sheik poured a potion into Ganondorf’s mouth.

“Huh? What happened?” Ganondorf said, waking up.

“Hey, Sheik! I have more bodies to resurrect!” Link said, killing everyone in the mansion except Sheik.

“But we were supposed to save them!” Sheik said, hyper ventilating.

The doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it,” Link said, proceeding to open the door.

“Hi! We were supposed to stay here from now on!” Pit said, as the door opened.

“You’ll have to ask Master Hand about that,” Link said.

“Master Hand is dead,” Sheik whispered.

“Um… Master Hand is dead… better luck next time… I guess… I don’t feel like I fully satisfied you with that sentence…” Link said.

“No! Welcome them in!” Sheik screamed, while whispering.

“Oh, sorry, I thought you were a duck…” Link said.

“WTF!?” Pit said.

“I’m perfectly sane!” Link said, angrily.

“Then what are all those dead bodies?” Pit asked.

“Um… Halloween party,” Link said.

“Halloween is in six months,” Pit said.

“BWAHAHAHAHAHA!” Wario laughed, as he drove a small pink motorcycle in the building. “I am also sane! I am driving a small pink motorcycle! I find this completely enjoyable!”

“Hey he’s fat,” Link said.

“Lets use good grammar,” Snake said, walking in.

“You are doing bad grammar! This maybe wrong!” Sheik said.

“I’ve heard better jokes made by DK,” Meta Knight said, walking through.

“That was good grammar!” Sheik said.

“So was that!” Snake said, pointing at Sheik.

“Oh my gosh, it is! But that was too! But that was! NUUEZ! The world has gone insane!” Link screamed.

“This is so depressing,” Samus said, walking in.

“But you’re dead!” Sheik said.

Sheik fell into a plot hole.

“Not anymore!” Samus said, turning into Zero Suit Samus.

“W00t!” Link said.

“I like cheesecake. It is good for the protein,” Wario said.

“Hey, look! There’s my dead body!” Samus said.

Silence.

“Spontaneum combusto!” Samus said.

Nothing happened.

Samus ceased to exist.

“Now I’ll use this potion that Sheik gave me to save everyone!” Link said.

“HEEELP!” Sheik screamed.

“Hey, shorty! Here’s a joke! What did the fox say to the hippo? I like pickles!” Link said, laughing like a hyena.

Meta Knight stabbed Link.

“Ow…” Link said, not noticing that he should have died.

“I’ll help you save everyone!” said Wario.

“K,” Link said.

Wario poured the potion into everyone’s mouth except Popo.

“Hey, why is Popo dead?” Nana asked.

“That’s a good thing!” Link said.

“Now for: Nana Laughs at Popo’s Grave!” said Toad.

“This game is so cool!” Ness said, playing the game on his gameboy.

On Ness’ screen, it showed Nana laughing at a tombstone.

“Now I’ll use a jackhammer to wreck Popo’s body!” Ness said, pressing a few buttons.

“Now I’ll laugh at Popo’s grave! Literally!” Nan said, laughing at a tombstone.

“Hey, Fox! You can use this guy as your Arwing!” Link said, handing Fox Pit.

“AUUUUGH!” Pit screamed.

“Yay! I have a talking horsey!” Fox said.

“Let’s eat garbage!” Samus said.

“Yay!” Everyone said.

“Oh no! I have a sword stuck in my body!” Link said, noticing that he’d been stabbed.

Link fell unconscious.

To be continued…