Me: Thanks for everybody whose reviewed my stories and hopefully you'll continue to like my stories.

Waste of Time

Homer is watching NCAA Basketball on TV.

Announcer on TV: Welcome to Atlanta for the Final Four and we start off with Florida vs. UCLA. The Final Four is brought to you by Snickers the stuff that doesn't kill you. Now Dick what do you expect to see in this game?

Dick: Well I'll tell you in just a moment but first let me remind you that Monday at 9 eastern 8 central is Two and a Half Men. Now my keys to the game are-

Other Announcer: Oh sorry Dick but the tip happened while we were talking. Noah misses a shot and its rebounded by Mata and UCLA calls a timeout while we tell you about Survivor on Thursday this week someone will snap and kill off one of his members of his or her tribe. Now back to the game and nope referee has decided to call an officials timeout so we will go to a commercial break.

Homer gets disgusted and turns the TV off.

Homer: I never thought I would say this but there's nothing on TV.

Marge walks in with a newspaper.

Marge: Why don't we go to the annual Springfield Talent show?

Homer: Well ok but we better buy something there.

All the Simpsons head off to the talent show. There's a whole bunch of things there like a man juggling five bowling pins, a kid with two teeth that can eat hard candy although he loses another tooth as he bites down on it, and Kevin Federline.

Federline: Hey who wants to hear another one of my songs? (Crowd boos and Mayor Quimby comes over)

Quimby: What are you doing here? Get back to where you belong. (He points to a section called No Talent Show) (Federline puts his head down and walks there)

The Simpsons walk over to where Professor Frink is showing off a device.

Frink: What you are seeing is the first ever Time Machine ever known to man. (He holds up a watch and says you just set the clock and it sends you back to that time. He points out that an hour is equal to a thousand years.)

Homer: Can I use it?

Frink: Of course it still needs testing but hopefully soon-(Homer has walked up there and takes the watch and puts it on and sets it back 30 minutes or about 500 years and in this case 1492).

Marge: Where did he go?

Frink: Because of your husband's idiocy he's probably dead.

Marge: What?

Frink: Or horribly mutated either way you won't see him again.

Meanwhile Homer appears on Christopher Columbus's Ship. A muscular man sees him and puts his arms behind his back and walks up to Columbus.

Muscular Man: This man just appeared out of no where.

Columbus: We'll either enslave him or throw him off the edge of The World.

Homer: (Screams) Oh wait the world's round. The jokes on you Columbus, the world's round.

Columbus: I know the world's round. My boats name is The World.

Homer: (Homer sees his boats name The World) Doh.

Columbus: Feed him to the sharks boys. (Homer gets thrown into the ocean and shark fins start circling him)

Homer: I got to figure this thing out. (He sets it back another 500 years to the Viking age) Where am I now? (He gets run over by a bunch of Vikings) What’s going on?

Viking: Soldier where is your uniform?

Homer: Um it’s in the dryer if you want me to get it.

Viking: Grab some ammo and get moving.

Homer: At least everybody speaks English. (He almost gets hit by an arrow)

The Vikings line up and Irishmen come over the hillside.

Homer: Oh my god this is suicide.

Viking: Don't worry the Irish are usually drunk so they'll be no problem.

Homer: And you guys aren't. What a waste. (Suddenly arrows go by and the battle begins) I need to get out of here. (He sets the watch again)

Homer reappears in a desert. As he tries to get his bearings he gets whipped in the back.

Man: You tried to escape and will be brought to Alexander the great for the greatest punishment. (Homer gets handcuffed and led away)

He goes into a palace and sees a man whose only about 5 feet tall wearing a toga.

Alexander the Great: I am Alexander the great and how dare you try to escape my wrath.

Homer: I don't see what's so great about you. (Just as he says that a gust of wind blows his toga up and Homer briefly sees his private areas and realizes why he’s called Alexander the Great) Oh.

Alexander the Great: Silence you will receive the ultimate punishment. By the way thanks for the treasure. (He holds up Homer's watch/time machine) Throw him in the dungeon with the others.

Alexander the Great's guards throw him in the dungeon.

Homer: Where are the others?

Guard: Right over there. (He points to a skeleton and the guards quickly shut the door and Homer hears growling and sees Lions approaching)

Meanwhile back in present time

Marge: There has got to be some way to go and get him.

Frink: Well I do have an extra watch but we don't have any clue where he’s at. The only way he can come back is if he resets the watch.

Lisa: Will we see my dad again?

Marge: Don't worry honey I'm sure he's fine.

Meanwhile back in the past Homer is surrounded by Lions and just when the lions attack him he grabs a human bone and uses it and puts it in the Lions mouth and runs to the door and opens it and closes it behind him.

Guard: What, we trusted you to stay in there and feed the lions. I guess you've made your choice and you choose to die the hard way. (He pulls out an arrow and shoots at Homer and hits him right in the stomach but the arrow has a weak point and it can't penetrate Homer's fat.) Run he's not human. (They run away)

Homer runs into the Room where Alexander the Great is in. A servant is taking Alexander the Great's meal order.

Alexander the Great: I'll have a Dodo and for Desert a Dodo.

Servant: Sir haven't you had enough Dodo's there's only so many around they may go extinct.

Alexander the Great: Dodo's extinct, that’s what they said about Mammoths. (He grabs a toothpick made out of Mammoth)

Homer bursts in the room.

Homer: I've come for my treasure.

Alexander the Great: You’re supposed to be dead.

Homer: Looks like someone was expecting someone else. Give it back.

Alexander the Great: I'm the greatest warrior alive.

Homer: Well soon you'll be the greatest warrior dead. (They start circling each other and all of Alexander the Great's servants are egging them on by yelling "fight, fight") Watch this. (He takes the watch from Alexander the Great and runs away)

Alexander the Great: Get him.

Homer puts the watch on and changes it and disappears.

Guard: Where did he go?

Guard #2: Who cares lets get some wine and get drunk.

Meanwhile reappears in bed and a woman appears next to him.

Homer: Oh Marge it was just a dream. I dreamed I went back in time and was nearly eaten by Lions.

Woman: Its ok your safe back here in the year 1967.

Homer: 1967!

Woman: Yep look at the newspaper.

Homer: No what is the Internet?

Woman: What are you talking about?

Homer: Fine who is Mitch Bradley?

Woman: I don't know.

Homer: Actually I don't know either. (Then realizes who the Woman is and it’s his mother just younger) Mom! Great Scott! (He takes off in his underwear)

Meanwhile back in the present time Marge is staring at a picture of Homer and sighing.

They end up having a funeral for Homer

Rev. Lovejoy: Homer may not have been the richest, nicest, friendliest, or most giving (as he says this he looks at the Simpsons real hard) person we know. But one thing he’s made us laugh for at least 18 years including falling down Springfield gorge, going into Space, and causing Frank Grimes to kill himself. (They bury him by his tombstone which says date of birth May 12, 1968-date of death Sometime before then)

Meanwhile in the past Homer has gotten himself to into an island with a bunch of beautiful women.

Homer: What’s on my schedule today? (He looks on his calendar and sees love making on every hour) I can't I'm still married.

Woman: Not on this Island.

Homer: I never thought of it that way. (The women notices the watch)

Woman: What's this?

Homer: Oh don't touch. (But it’s too late and the Woman has reset the watch bringing Homer back to his normal life) Hey my house I'm back. (Bart and Lisa see him and come running up to him and hug him)

Lisa: Oh we thought you were dead.

Homer: Me I don't think so.

Bart: We even had a funeral for you.

Homer: Really who was all there?

Bart: Oh you know people.

(Marge walks in and is of course happy to see him)

Marge: I never thought I see you again.
Homer: Me too.

Later Homer and Marge are in bed talking.

Marge: Where did you go?

Homer: (Nervous) Egypt, the Ocean, Ireland.

Marge: That's all.

Homer: Well there was this Island.

Marge: That was all.

Homer: Well it was full of beautiful women.

Marge: MMM well the important is your safe.

Homer: Yeah it doesn't matter what happened there.

Marge: Goodnight.

Homer wakes up the next morning and wakes up Marge it isn't Marge but one of the women from the Island is in bed with him.

Homer: Where's Marge?

Woman: I'm Marge now.

Homer: (Accepting) Ok. Can you make a good breakfast?

Woman: Yes.

Homer: You'll do.

The End