FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
sckry
Author of 7 Stories |
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Inner Universe
--
Angely i demony kruzhili nado mnoj
Angels and demons were circling above me
--
All was dark, air kissing my skin, caressing it, twisting its long fingers through my hair as it flew past me, gone, gone, away.
I open my eyes to the whistling wind, but no, there is nothing here. Only the dark, only the fall.
I do not care. I failed. And here, the crystal tears fall from my eyes, lost again into this eternal night, this eternal abyss.
Over.
It is all over.
And I could do nothing.
--
Razbivali ternii i zvyozdnye puti
Breaking the hardships and starry ways
--
I blink again, staring through the dark before me, below me. That darkish blue.
Ah yes, there is some colour, some blue, I can see that past my wind pressed eyes.
I am falling into it. Through it. Faster, faster, and the air howls and before me…no, there is nothing but this emptiness. Something pushes me, mid fall, mid flight, and I let it. I have nothing left. No more fight, no more anger. Just bitter sadness and regret.
Yes, pushed, and I twist and turn and I-
THUMP
-land, on my feet, on this strange floor that has seemingly come from nowhere. Like a ghost, for aren’t we all ghosts now?
But what does it matter? I am not surprised, nor scared. It is meaningless, those swirling designs, and the soft blue light that falls gently on me.
I cannot feel it, but its there, like a glow. It makes me feel alien, unreal.
A dream.
I look at my hands, caressed by this gentle light, still gloved from the fighting.
I can’t help it, tears, more tears, lace their way down my cheeks and fall in droplets onto my hands and onto the floor. Those hands, shaking, clench tight, hard, biting, because these hands weren’t enough. Not strong enough, not…
No heart wrenching wail, for I burnt that out before I came to this desolate purgatory, when I lost it all.
But they fall, and they keep on falling, and I let them.
Let them come. I failed. I do not matter anyway. Not now.
--
Ne znaet schast'ya tol'ko tot,
The only one who doesn't know happiness
--
Dropping my hands, I rise my head to the sky in despair. For yes, this is true despair. A giant, jagged jaw awning over me, consuming my all. It is this hollowness in my chest, my heart, my soul. It is the salty oceans that flood out my eyes, the numbness over my skin, the grief in my bones.
Stars.
There are stars here, in this place. It only makes the tears come thicker. It doesn’t matter. I’m trembling now, my chest and stomach, my arms. Small little me trembling with the grief and the loneliness.
They are gone.
My children, and they…
I couldn’t…
Marlene called me mother…
Oh Gods!
Finally, The sob claws out of my rusty throat. I can’t take it. I drop and curl up into a ball, hugging my knees like a small child…
-like the ones I failed to save-
…and I sob and my chest heaves as the scratchy cries break out of my lips. Tears, yes, more salty tears, and now, there is no reason to hide them. No reason to be strong.
Shaking, curled up, crying, it feels like an eternity. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again. Rocking, back and forth, back and forth, sobbing retches. Oh gods, GODS! I can see them now beneath my eyelids and it hurts so much to remember them. Oh Denzel, so brave to the end, Marlene, little sweetheart, and now…now you’re…
‘UUWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ggg-gh-gh…RGGHHH!’
--
Kto ego zova ponyat' ne smog...
is the one who couldn't understand its call
--
Tifa.
Look, I’m hearing them now. That’s how much I want them to be here, to be ok. And I hear my name again and I laugh at the sweet bitterness of it. That I should hear them here, in this place, when they are lost and gone and-
Tifa!
Third time, and it’s growing fainter, Despite my foolish self, I look up again. Hoping beyond hope, wishing beyond possibility.
There. I was right.
Nothing but this swirling platform and the stars that blink so coldly down upon me. I stand up, though, trying to wipe away those endless tears.
No, no, it will not end.
Tifa, look out!
And for some reason I spin, and…and…
Yellow blinking eyes, and I don’t think I just charge. Leap up and spin around, Slamming both fists down like a hammer, chi bursting out in splutters. It crumples, fades.
I fall to my knees. There are no others, but I am so weak. My chi barely flickered, and now the rush has left me, I cannot make myself stand. I slump forward.
Why bother, though? My reason has gone.
Maybe I should join them.
No!
Tifa, you can’t!
My tired mind hears the voices that are not there, and I shake my head wearily. My heart feels so hollow, it wants to hear them, want’s those voices to be real. But they aren’t. I know that. I’ve said it before so many damn times.
I failed.
Promise you won’t give up!
‘It’s not that easy…’ I whisper to myself. My limbs feel like lead, and my heart is…is infinitely heavier then…anything I could ever think of to compare…
Another wet track makes its way down my cheek. I stare at the ground. I sniff, but don’t move.
C’mon Tifa.
Please, get up, please.
What could be a laugh, what could be a sigh escapes my lips.
‘Oh, ok,’ I whisper again, straining to move my lumpish limbs ‘Only ‘cause its you two.’
But there is no response, no whispery voices. I sigh in earnest this time, hands on knees as I push my self up.
So, standing. The view hasn’t changed much, and I look to the sky again. Where I came from. One less star out there, I know that for sure. The sobs threaten to burst out again, but I stomach them painfully. I just…just can’t at the moment.
Turning again, I see the staircase, the one that was not there before.
I look at it balefully, accusingly. I know its childish, but that stair represents everything impossible that will not be, all those who shall not breathe again. Somewhere, I realize that something has happened to me that has indefinitely killed any sense of surprise and wonder.
But…but-
But no, those ghostly outlines are not real. There is no one there, beckoning me with pleading eyes and-
‘Stop it!’ I hiss at myself.
Stupid, stupid, stop TRYING to see them, to hear them, they are gone! Like everything else I once knew. Furious, angry and with burning eyes, I stumble over to the staircase to prove my point.
Nuh-thing-THERE!
DAMMIT!
And I start climbing that staircase. Because its there, and I’m getting sick of myself. Sick of trying to cope, of trying to exist, when everything is just so wrong.
And then, because I think I might start crying again, I begin to run.
--
I am calling, calling now, Spirits rise and falling
Soboj ostat'sya dol'she...
To stay myself longer...
--
It hurts, everything hurts. I’m wheezing badly, my ribs feel like they’re being stabbed with each breath. I’ve scraps and cuts that just sting and bruises and I’m all but falling up these stairs, because I’ve realized and important thing.
If I continue running, then none of this has happened.
It’s not real, just a dream, and I’m on the verge of waking up. There is haze of gray before my eyes that is that halfway barrier between sleep and wakefulness. With each step, it come closer and I can almost taste the morning air and the toasted muffins that I’ll make for breakfast. I know Denzel likes honey, and I think we have some left-
But I haveHAVE to keep running, because if I stop, then this nightmare won’t end, and I won’t be able to wake up.
I’ll be trapped here forever.
So I pump my arms harder, strain my thighs and calves to reach up for each next step.
Up, up.
It’s not real-
Yes it is.
-no just keep running, keep going, and once I get to the top, I can see the kids again. It’ll be morning, and I’ll have to wake them up, groggy and sleepy eyed, for school, but no, it’s the weekend now, isn’t it?
That’s why I let them stay up with me, drinking hot chocolate, because the thunder…
KEEP RUNNING!
And I burst onto the top, sprawling over the last step onto my face, and I smile, because I know I’ve made it. I’ll be waking up soon. So I smile into the cold, carved floor, and wait.
The haze fades as my breathing evens out.
But I am still here. My smile drops.
Dark, cold.
Failure.
Stupid, again, stupid. I wanted to believe so much, that I could go back. Disappointment and realization splinters through my chest, and for a long time, I just lay on that floor and sob. Messy, leaden, hurt.
OH, the lies we tell ourselves to keep our bodies going.
All a lie.
But, of course, deep down I knew all along.
--
Calling Calling, in the depth of longing
Soboj ostat'sya dol'she...
To stay myself longer...
--
Eventually, when the reality and the truth reasserts itself in my broken heart, I lift my torso up to see what is before me.
It’s so cold now, a dark wind blows as I stagger to my feet and trudge down the cobbled road. Grey, gloomy and seemingly endless.
Maybe I am doomed to wander this darkness.
But this place, these roads, as the shadows fade, I see the ocean before me. A black ocean, to be sure, but an ocean nonetheless, and the last time I saw the ocean was in Junon.
I step up to the edge of the road, and sure enough, it is Junon’s lookout that has materialized before my eyes.
Is it me? Am I creating this place, summoning it from my memories?
I place a hand on the rusty railing, feeling it in my grasp. I take comfort in its form, its solidity in this seemingly whimsical place. This empty place. This desolate wasteland.
That dark wind blows again, and I look up to see that the stars are still there. Yes, the universe is still watching me, bearing witness. It is not marred by cloud, but surrounded by darkness nonetheless.
--
Stand alone…where was life when it had a meaning…
--
‘Why?’ I whisper to the wind.
But there is no answer, I know. I’m just trying to understand, trying to find reason.
‘What’s the point? I’m all alone now…’ I think I’m crying again, too many tears, I know.
My grip on the railing tightens. Marlene, Denzel, Cloud, Cid, Yuffie, Quistus, Zell, Lucil, Red, Barret, Vincent, Aerith, Zagane, Jessie, Biggs, Wedge, Mama, Papa…
All gone, they’ve all gone. I am all alone.
How am I meant to go on when everyone who I’ve fought for has gone?
Tifa.
‘Heh.’ I laugh to myself. I’ve summoned them again, dreamt them up.
Please, Tifa.
We love you.
I choke.
‘But you’re all gone…I failed.’
I don’t dare look back. I’m afraid of what I’ll find there. Nothing? Or their ghostly faces watching me. Waiting for me, even. Loving me, even though they are no longer here.
No!
We’ll always be with you.
I cannot reply, it hurts too much. And I have to turn, see for myself what is reality and what is dream. Then again, it’s all meaningless in this place, where ever it is.
So I turn, slowly, afraid and trembling. There they are, yes; they stand hand in hand watching me. My own my children, my little family.
‘Oh kids…’ I say, crying again, because there they are, right in front of me. Seemingly alive and well, as if not a scrap of time has gone by since now and this morning. I cannot move, for fear of shattering the illusion. I know it for what it is. I shall not delude myself again, it would break what little is left of my heart.
Tifa…
‘I’m so sorry…’ I say softly, for though I know them not to be real, I do not what them to fade either. Just to see their faces one last time. I would reach out to touch them, but I cannot bring myself to do so.
Don’t blame yourself.
We know you gave it your all.
‘But it wasn’t enough!’ I hang my head in sorry shame.
It doesn’t matter.
‘Of course it does!’ I whisper fiercely ‘I-‘
It doesn’t.
They cut me off, in unison. Oh, I am speaking to ghosts and illusions that mirror my deepest regrets. Raising my head to gaze upon them, I search their pale eyes and speechless, I beg to differ.
Be strong!
You mustn’t give into it.
Promise us Tifa! For us!
They speak fiercely, as they would have done before, saying we were strong enough on our own. That look of fierce determination, I’ve seen it before. These illusions mirror my memory so perfectly, it could almost be real. They could almost be here.
--
Stand alone…nothing’s real anymore and…--
Shadows fall and wind blows, and I realize that I could lose myself in this place, talking to ghosts and longing for what will not happen. This world isn’t real, this purgatory, and I could remain here forever if I chose. I look to the stars.
They don’t want me to stay, these illusions-ghosts, Marlene and Denzel. They want me to go on.
‘But what for?’ I say to myself ‘I have nothing left to fight for.’
You have us.
Won’t you live on, for us, our memories?
I sweep my gaze back down, and to my horror, they are gone.
‘No!’
They can’t be gone. They must be here! I don’t care what they are, just please, let them come back!
I run forward, and the scene changes again. It’s Midgar, the ruinous platform of concrete and steel that served as the stage for our final battle. Twisted pillars of rusted metal and cracked stone loom over me.
Aching loneliness sets in, like I’ve never felt before.
Desolate.
My shadow stretches out before me, pulling, writhing out of shape. In horror and fascination, I look on. I don’t understand, comprehend, care, it’s just…there. Fighting. To be free.
I feel the tug at my chest as it wrenches itself free of my feet. Clawing at the air, it begins to take form. It breaks out of the ground, now something solid, something alive. And it seems that I have a new opponent.
--
…Beskonechnyj beg…
…Endless run…
--
Automatically, I bring my fists up, and my shadow does the same.
The shadow stares at me with yellow eyes, promising to devour me. And somehow, no matter how tired and weary I am, I don’t want to let it.
I move first, leaping forward to swing straight with my right fist. A blur, and my shadow has seized my wrist, squeezing it painfully and inclining it-her black head almost curiously as we stand in deadlock.
Growling, I wrench my hand away and bring up my left, driving it into her face. She spins with the impact, and I come around again. I beat down at her, drumming her with both left and right, but twisting like darkness, she slides and swerves out the way. Every damn time.
Seeing an opening, I dart in. Drawing my right hand across my left side and twisting my body, I slam my elbow forward into her stomach. She stumbles back with the force, and in a heartbeat I unleash a high roundhouse kick with my right.
Her head snaps back with impact that should have broken her neck. Yet she turns back, bringing up a fist full of darkness to smash into my surprised face. I am sent flying back, feeling like I have just been pounded with a wrecking ball.
Landing low, I glare up at my shadow. It almost feels like betrayal. A shadow is apart of who you are, your own being.
All she does is meet my glare with a baleful stare. My shadow, and I mean nothing to her. My body is protesting, but I ignore it. Angry, I wipe away the trickle of blood from the side of my mouth and straighten.
My blood is pumping now. I am ready.
Once again I make the initiative, sprinting straight for momentum before dropping into a floor sweep. But my shadow is far too quick, yes, she has flipped nimbly over my attack, landing in a crouch behind. Already, though, I am up and at her back. Seizing the back of her neck, I blast out with a flare of chi, throwing her to the side.
I leap after her.
She hits a pillar, and I get a flash of her eyes before my feet slam down to where her head has been, but I do not stop. She is falling back, out the way and I rebound off the next pillar to swipe out my left leg at her face. I am driving her back with all my force and my chi. She spins backwards with the momentum as I chase after her.
I want this over. I want to grieve.
The shadow finally finds her feet, but I’m already there, jumping up with a high split-kick, She staggers back as I plant my right foot on her chest and propel myself into the air, striking her face as I somersault around.
I land on my toes; my shadow on her knees. Darting forward, I make for another attack, only for my punch to be blocked by her forearm. We struggle against one another a moment, I grimace with the effort as her eyes regard me coolly.
She is so strong, stronger then I expected from a shadow.
I’m caught out, she pushes me back, snapping out a front kick that crushes the air out of my chest and I stumble backwards. Wheezing, I only just manage to duck under the dark filled punch that cracks the pillar behind me.
The impact leaves my ears ringing.
Glancing up through the dust, I batter her arm away with my forearm. Shifting my weight, I throw myself forward, fingers grabbing at her front vest. As I bring my feet directly under me, we both fall back. NOW, I SLAM my feet into her stomach, ribs crack, and as she hits the floor, I release her shirt and leap off.
Weather that one, I think, until suddenly I am YANKED violently out of the air and swung around like a baseball bat. Blood floods my head and my eyes spin as my head clips concrete.
Swumf-swumf-swumfHow is she this strong?
Swumf-swumf-just a shadow-
Blur.
As if I weigh nothing, the iron grip on my ankle throws me and I’m flung high and fast into the air. I have just enough inborn instinct left in me to force my aching body around, hitting a mass of twisted metal with my feet and not my head.
I fling out an arm to grab hold of something, anything to stop me falling. My outstretched hand catches a hold of some crack, some rivet, and I hang there, trying to recover. I’m shaking with the effort, I realize, and my head is spinning, but I push these thoughts away.
Looking back at my attacker, at my shadow. Our eyes meet, and I realize, with a pang, that she is me.
My darkness.
A part of me, the same kind that destroyed my home, that took my children. My heart wrenches. For what is a shadow-my mind races-but that where the light does not touch? Darkness. The same darkness that resides in everything, in me.
And it…that…I…apart of…
Bile rises in the back of my mouth, and I can feel her pleasure at my discovery.
‘NO!’ I scream, my chi flaring up in my fury and grief.
--
Poka zhiva ya mogu starat'sya na letu ne upast',
While I’m alive, I can try not to fall while flying,
--
White energy flares.
I spring off the broken wall, flying fast and true at her.
She makes to bring up her hand, but I come up underneath and slam my hand to her throat, holding it in a death grip that crackles with light. Her back snaps backwards as I dash forward, dragging her with me, slamming her furiously against the floor as I gather momentum. Gritting my teeth, I haul her up into the air, using all my strength. I skid a moment, still moving, before leaping up after her.
Wind in my face, narrowed gaze.
Grabbing the back of her shirt, I spin her around midair summoning my chi, yelling as I cast her down to the ground with all my might, all my feeling, letting the white hot energy SLAM her down tenfold.
‘Yahrr!’
The shadow slams down in an impact of dust, light and debris.
I land hard, panting heavily, as slowly I make myself stand. With narrow eyes, I look for my shadow. All there is to see is the lumps of concrete and metal, twisted apart and torn asunder like a gaping jaw, forced up from the attack.
Try to even out my breathing, yes. I wipe the sweat off my forehead, waiting, shaking. I almost feel like crying, but I squeeze the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger and swallow it. I am almost completely spent.
All is still.
Shift of rubble, and I glance up, but no. No, she could not have survived that.
Impossible.
Some other small noise clatters.
Something cold and heavy drops to the bottom of my stomach. No…I…my skin prickles.
From the concrete dust, she rises, as black and as dark as before. Only her yellow eyes glimmer with malice. Black smoke gathers at her fingertips.
NO.
The darkness twists and grows, and she casts it forward FAST in an all consuming mass. Adrenaline, adrenaline only flares up my light and lets me cast the darkness aside.
I am not done yet.
But she is gone.
The back of my neck prickles and I spin, too slow, and I feel her grin before black, dark coldness lashes out at my back. Pain floods my senses as its claws sink in, and my vision goes dark. My body arches as I am flung forward, flailing my arms weakly to soften the fall. But no-
CrunchColdness grips my throat, squeezing the life out of me. She slams me against a pillar. I choke, splutter as I try to tear her fingers off, but I am too weak. Not even my chi can help me, it is spent, barely fluttering. Too much darkness, too much failure. Gasping for air, all I can see is her eyes. Yellow and hungry and triumphant.
Darkness, my own, too strong for me to fight. It’s already won.
Those eyes glimmer, and I am tossed aside like a rag doll. I land hard, struggling to breathe, to stand, but she doesn’t let me. Her fist connects with my jaw and I am down, my entire face numb.
She stands over me. Grabs my shirt. I am limp, useless, failure.
No!C’mon, get up!
The darkness is growing in her hand again, and I know what she wants, what she will have. My heart. I can feel her hunger, as she can feel my life, and I will be nothing, nobody…
Tifa, fight!Her hand rises, fingers stretched out like claws.
Please…I am helpless.
‘Failure.’ She whispers to me, and I want to weep with the truth of it.
I’ve failed so many, what does it matter if I fail myself as well?
But…I never wanted it to end like this. I used to rather die then let this happen to me. Back then, when I…
TIFA!
…believed that the world, with it’s light and its love, was worth fighting for?
And as her hand swoops down, something in me ignites, remembers, and my own snaps up.
--
Ne razuchit'sya mechtat'…lyubit'…
Not to forget how to dream…how to love…--
Her fist is caught, and I’m not letting go.
I look back up at her, feeling warmth flood out of my chest and into the rest of my body. My shadow’s anger churns, and she tries to seize my neck with her free hand.
But I catch that one too.
And I can feel the light, the energy, inside of me. It blasts out of my skin, throwing her away with burning fire. I stand, all trace of weariness gone, and wait for her to rise again.
And she does.
She falls into battle stance, waiting for me to attack, like I have done so before, but I do not. I watch her. Thinking.
‘I cannot defeat you here, can I?’ I ask quietly, and she hisses, for she knows where I am going with this ‘Nor you me, not truly, I…’
I break off, and I know I am right. I couldn’t finish her off, and she can dot do the same to me. This place, whatever it is, is not true, not…
‘This battle has to go on out there.’ I say, and she watches me still, claws clenching and unclenching, but otherwise still. I sigh, and lower my eyes. I don’t think that things are over for me, not just yet. I think I have to go on fighting, though how, I do not know.
I guess…all I can do…is try.
I said it myself once, long ago. I say it again, just to remember those times, and that resolve.
‘We have to try.’ I pursue my lips, then raise my head to meet her eyes ‘Else we’ll just become one step away from Darkness.’
She cocks her head, she knows what I mean, and hisses again, jeering. She doesn’t think I’ll make it. She doesn’t want me to.
I blink, and she is right in front of me. Her black face fills my vision completely, and her eyes bore into mine.
‘There will be another battle,’ she hisses, a voice so strange, so familiar but so hollow. Her cold breath chills my cheeks ‘and we will return to the darkness that we were born from.’
‘You’re wrong.’
And she SCREAMS, loud and piercing as she leaps through me and I feel the breath leave my body and see only white stars.
I crumple, and my heart feels so much heavier then before. It weighs me down, and I cannot stand. She is gone. Returned, I think, inside of me. I can feel the old despair now, the hopelessness coming back. I can feel her-my darkness clawing at my heart, but I brush away my tears and try to stand.
Until the next time, I shall go on.
--…Beskonechnyj beg…
…Endless run…
--
They are here, before me. Watching silently with their large eyes, their shadowy forms hand in hand.
I almost break down again, falter. Like I’ve been stabbed, for the umpteenth time, it hurts so bad. An old wound reopened. I almost cry again, almost wail, but I buckle it down, take control, seize composure. A tremor, that’s all that betrays the turmoil. I can not speak, my tongue is like lead, but I will not cry either.
They smile softly, understanding.
It’s ok, Tifa.
Denzel’s ghost, illusion, whispers and Marlene’s nods in agreement.
Real or not, I still love them.
I lick my lips, try to talk, but it doesn’t work. Hiccup. I hang my head and breath deeply, or try to. They’re shaky breaths to be sure.
Tifa.
They say, and I have to look back up at them.
It’s not over.
‘I know,’ I croak ‘I just…’
We know.
They smile. I try too, but it fails. I fill my lungs, and try again.
‘Th…the sh-shadow…’ Gods its hard to speak, hard to focus, to go on ‘she…was she-‘
A manifestation of your darkness.
A projection.
And I can’t help but stare, though I knew it all along. Those words, in their small voices. Marly was smart, sure, but she never spoke words like that before, I’m sure.
But then…they aren’t really real, are they?
I raise the back of my hand to my mouth, hiding the lower part of my face and try to cope, to understand. More tears are prickling at my eyes. I swallow hard, biting my bottom lip. Trying to ask the question that hurts the most. I know they are not real, but I would hate to hear it from their own selves.
‘S-so what does…what does that make you?’ I stammer.
Manifestations of your heart.
They smile gently.
I choke. Sob. Cry.
‘H-how?’ Because I need to know. I don’t understand. What does that make them? Illusions, ghosts, dreams?
We’re family.
Our hearts are connected.
We’ll always be by your side.
But you have to keep fighting.
He says this last bit so solemnly, so serious. Denzel, always trying to be brave, trying to live up to his hero. Serious child, light up my life. Marlene too, you were my light.
That’s what they mean, I realize. They are my all, so I have to keep fighting the dark. I have to keep hold of the light, because that’s where they are now, and I can’t lose my heart, or I’ll lose them too.
And I can’t let that happen. Not again.
--
Calling, calling, for the place of knowing…
There's more that what can be linked…
--
Again, I try a small smile. It’s shaky, to be sure, but it holds, and Marlene grins when she sees it.
You see? We’ll always be together, as long as you remember us, and don’t give in, we’ll never truly leave you.
The joy on her face stirs my heart, and I look back into Denzel’s eyes to see that he too is smiling a little. It will be hard, but I’ll try. I haven’t defeated my own heart, my grief and failure, not yet. Some things take time, and I’ll try. I’ll do as they want, I’ll return and keep on fighting, for them. I’ll leave this wasteland.
‘Ok.’ I say, voice thick with emotion.
Yes, but Tifa…
Things are changing again. The concrete and steel is gone, and we are inside. Wood, and the soft glow of kerosene lamps. Clean, shiny glasses. The bar, Seventh Heaven. No…home.
Family sticks by each other, right?
I look down, and they are still beside me. Denzel is looking at the bar though, frown marring his young features.
Following his gaze, I look too, at the dark figure is hunched over the bar. Undefined, like looking at a haze, his form flickers. So is the dark haired bartender, serving him drinks, and the faint forms of other patrons. It could almost be a scene from the past.
Something in the room shifts, and it is not quiet Seventh Heaven anymore, and that bar girl is not me. She serves the man another drink, and he downs it in one. I know customers like that; the silent ones with heavy hearts.
And I know who this is too. Resting on the bar near him is a large sword, not much more then a dark shape. Hiding under that cape is someone I know, and as he downs the next glass I catch a glimpse of blond, spiky hair.
‘Cloud…’ I whisper, for this is an old sorrow.
He’s lost his way.
Marlene looks like she’s about to cry, and Denzel’s face is twisted in a grimace of pain.
You have to help him, Tifa.
Otherwise the darkness will take him too!
I return my gaze to the man at the bar. He slaps down some gil on the counter, shoulders his heavy sword, and turns.
Oh Cloud, what have you done to yourself?
--
Calling, calling, never will I look away…
For what life has left for me…
--
His is tired, deep circles sag around his eyes and gaunt skin is pale and stretched over his cheeks. And his eyes, so much sadder and leaden then when I saw him last. A small cry escapes my throat. Cloud, Cloud, how could you? What has happened?
Shock and numbness spread through my heart. I don’t need to see the darkness winding its tendrils around his body, I can feel them.
Slowly, he walks towards us, through us, unseeing and unfeeling and so much anguish bottles up in my throat. I know now that I have to find him, before its too late. I watch helplessly as he opens the bar door, and leaves without a sound.
The kids look up at me, but I cannot look away from where I saw him last. Something painful tightens in my chest, and my fists clench.
‘Ok…’ I say softly, before strengthening my voice ‘Ok.’
The bar flickers, fades away, dissolves completely into a simple gray platform, the stars high above us.
‘I’ll find him,’ I look up at the stars, thinking briefly back to another time, another wondering ‘I promise.’
We know you will.
--
Yearning, yearning, for what's left of loving…
--
Wait. Look there.
The air before me tears, and then breaks open, causing me to jump back. Purple smoke snakes around the edges of the hole, and all I can see in it is darkness. Pulsating, waiting for me. It is black and frightening, and I look back at the ghost children. My ghost children.
‘In here?’ This place, this hole, is bad, but if I have to enter this…window in the air, and I must, then I will.
It’s the only way.
Be careful, though, they’ll try to corrode your heart.
We’ll protect you though.
‘You’ll be with me,’ I smile sadly down at them, placing a hand over my chest and blinking back tears ‘I’m so sorry, kids…I-I love you!’
Marlene’s eyes water too, softly shedding ghostly tears, and Denzel puts his arm around her and pulls her small frame close.
We love you too, Tifa.
A-always.
I nod, and turn to face the window, steeling myself against the darkness. I see what they mean, the nature of the place behind the hole will corrode at my heart, my spirit. It will try to weaken me, wear me down until I give into it completely. It makes me tremble, but I bite my lip and get ready to-
Wait!
Immediately, I turn back at the sound of her voice. She runs forward, holding out something in her hand. It glitters, and I frown as I try to figure out what it is.
Her pale hand passes through my clenched one, and I look down in surprise to see the pretty silver pendant her father Barret had left her.
Look after it, so that we’ll all be with you.
I look up, speechless. She is quiet, as she slowly steps away. I do not ask how, or why; the first doesn’t matter and the second needs no explanation.
I…it was a Guard.
Denzel blurts out, hurriedly, eyes averted and I know he is embarrassed. I raise an eyebrow in question. I can almost imagine him blushing, if there was any colour left in his cheeks.
My dream job…I wanted to be in the Guard…like you…to-to protect…those I cared about, and I will, Tifa! Marly an’ I’ll protect y-ou with everything we’ve got! We won’t let you give up!!
And his expression is so fierce, I cannot speak, again. All I can do is raise Marlene’s necklace over my head, kiss the pendent, and blow it back at them. Their eyes widen at the gesture, startled I think, but they catch their kisses tenderly in their small fists, and blow their own in farewell.
I am crying on the inside again, and I store their kisses next to my heart. Turning back to the hole in the air, I sigh, one last time. Who knows where this path will lead me? What awaits there? And so, I step forward into the darkness, or else into light.
--
Soboj ostat'sya dol'she…
Calling, calling now, spirits rise and falling
Soboj ostat'sya dol'she…
Calling, calling, in the depth of longing
Soboj ostat'sya dol'she…
To stay myself longer…
--
Secondly, thank you to everyone whose read this fic and reviewed me at some point. I really appreciate it and hope that you've all enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.
And thirdly, yes, I am planning a sequel. I have ideas already in my head about to be typed up, but have no idea what the title will be, so just keep a look out! If you have any questions or requests(for worlds featuring or anything) feel free to ask and I'll do my best.
Thanks again for all the support!
:
:
:
:
