Truths Hidden in the Past and Darkness

Part 13 of the Severus Snape Saga

A/N: My muse, Maggie, is simple girl. All she likes are plot bunnies and reviews. So be kind to Maggie and feed her review cookies please.

Big thanks to my beta Lbandoly for her hard work. She has spent countless hours editing and providing plot help for my stories. She makes my writing possible.

No copyright infringement intended. All characters are the property of JKR, Scholastic, and any number of other companies with more money than I've ever dreamed of seeing. I didn't make any money off of this, so please don't sue.

HP SS HP SS HP SS HP SS HP SS

Harry dropped heavily to the mat covered floor after several unsuccessful attempts at unlocking or flat removing the door from his path. His legs were crossed, his hands fiddling idly with his wand over his lap. “This won't make either of us happier dad. Why not let the past remain where it is?”

“Because Harry, allowing it to stay hidden in the back of our minds allows it to constantly fester. I don't wish you the pitied existence I've lived. While it may hurt today, tomorrow, next week, or next year a time will come when you'll thank me for making you speak of it. A time may even come when I can say the same thing to you. After all I've held onto my pain far longer than you have.”

Harry looked up, his eyes red almost brimming with unshed tears. “If we do this, there can be no more secrets, no more lies, and no more half truths between us Dad. It all has to come out. The good, the bad, and they ugly all as they say,” Harry said quietly.

Severus nodded silently then spoke. “I agree Harry. For both of us to ever have a chance to completely heal and be a family we have to be honest with one another.” Severus sat quietly for a moment then started laughing softly, a hint of pity behind each chortle. “Lily would have made us do this months ago. She tried with the Marauders and me once before we finished Hogwarts but it didn't work. Mostly because of me I'm sad to admit. She never tried again that I know of.”

Harry inwardly doubted that it was all his father's fault that the intervention staged by his mother had failed. Sirius was never known for his reasoning skills. James was a notorious hot head when it came to Severus. Peter was a toady and didn't do anything James and Sirius didn't do. Remus had been the only one of the four even close to level headed and he wasn't always in the best frame of mind himself when it came to Severus. In fact he wasn't so sure what had changed between his father and Remus that allowed them to live side by side often alone with one another for the past several months without one or both of them suffering from serious injuries.

The two sat quietly for some time before Harry broke the silence. “Are you going to tell Remus everything?”

“I believe he knows a good deal already. He certainly implied as much.”

“I don't think he does. Rumors mostly, maybe some facts he got out of Sirius before he died. Ron and Hermione don't even know everything though they know more than anyone else does.”

“Do you want me to tell him?” Severus asked quietly hoping his son would say no. The wolf didn't need to become privy to all their dark secrets.

Harry stared hard at a worn hole in the mat beneath him. “I don't think I would be able to go through this again so either you tell him or bring him in to sit through this with us.”

“I'm fine with either. It's your decision Harry,” Severus said quietly leaving it unsaid that if Harry wanted Remus there he would allow the wolf to listen to his own story as well no matter how much he preferred Remus not hear it. Still it was often best if more than one person knew things like this. He couldn't even begin to recall how many times he had requested one of the other heads-of-house join him and a student when he'd felt the need to intervene in possible abuse cases. He found for most cases it was often liberating for the person in question to speak to more than one person. It almost seemed as if the subconscious thought was that it was safer to have more than one person know the details of their life once they were have to face them. “But keep in mind it often helps to have someone other that myself hear what you will be speaking of.” Harry nodded. “You do want him here?”

Harry nodded again. “Yes.”

“Very well then,” Severus pulled his wand and removed the locks and wards from the training room door. “I shall retrieve him. If you still wish to shower you have five minutes to meet me either here or the library.”

“Here. I'll be back in a few minutes.”

“Very well. Do you wish for me to bring back something for you to eat? I know it's been a long day and you've not exactly had a chance to eat in several hours.”

“Yes please,” Harry said quietly.

“Tea or pumpkin juice?” Severus asked almost as an afterthought as he walked out the training room door into the hall.

Harry looked up and smiled weakly, “Tea please.” Harry grabbed the long discarded towel and headed out the room in the opposite direction of his father heading straight for the upper floor bath.

Severus headed down to the lower floor in search of Remus. He wasn't at all pleased to have to share his own secrets with the long time wolf but if it was what was required to get his son to open up then he would cross heaven and hell no matter how much he detested the idea. A quick scan of the library and sitting rooms resulted in nothing. Further exploration found the graying man in the kitchen boiling a kettle of water for tea. “Remus if you have awhile would please join Harry and me in the training room with tea?”

Remus looked up startled having not heard the darker man enter. “Of course. Is there a particular reason?”

Severus nodded, his dark hair swinging into his eyes. “Harry has agreed to talk if I will. He feels he won't be able to go over it again if you're not present to hear what he has to say.” Severus turned his attention to loading the slightly tarnished tea tray with milk, sugar, and biscuits.

Remus could hear some unspoken qualifier for Harry's agreement to speak. “What did you have to promise him in order to get him to agree?”

Severus turned sharply to look at him. “Excuse me?”

“Oh come off it Severus. We both know Harry is nearly as private as you are. What did you have to promise him to get him to agree to speak about this?” Remus said with the slightest hint of justified indignation.

Severus sighed. “I promised him the same. I would divulge my own past in exchange for his.”

“So he did put up a verbal fight.”

“You knew he would,” Remus said with an undeniable smirk. “He's far too much like you not to argue for his privacy even if it’s hiding injuries to his person Severus.” Severus growled at the mention of his son being hurt by someone his considered family. “Besides Severus, I don't recall you ever being too eager to share your life with anyone. Even Lily often fussed that she felt as if you guarded her from your past.”

“Excuse me?” Severus asked.

Remus laughed. “You didn't honestly think she kept your relationship that much of a secret did you? There were those that she told; Alice Longbottom and I, for example, knew of your relationship. While I have to admit I wasn't terribly surprised when you left her I was surprised to see her turn to James. I know now she wouldn't have if she hadn't been pregnant with Harry. But still at the time it was a shock.”

Severus sneered. “Is that tea ready yet you mangy wolf?”

Remus laughed. “Attack all you like Severus. Whatever you have to do to make yourself feel better and yes the tea is ready,” he said as he placed the now filled teapot on the tray. “And for your information I do not have mange or fleas for that matter...that was Sirius,” he said with a melancholy smile.

Severus smirked at the notion of Sirius having fleas or mange as he exited the swinging kitchen door behind Remus following him back up to the upper floor training room.

Harry was waiting in the training room sitting cross legged on the large blue mat. His eyes were closed and his hands lay on the tops of his thighs. Severus smiled slightly to himself in appreciation of his son’s attempts to clear his mind before beginning this conversation. That bit of forethought might be enough to help ease the emotional tension that the decision was bound to bring on for both Harry and Severus.

Severus set the tray on the side table. Without another word, Severus moved and joined his son on the floor. He laid his hands on his thighs and closed his eyes. He allowed the perfect wash of darkness to overtake his mind pushing all thoughts behind a mental wall that he knew was strong enough to hold out the strongest legimens. He could hear Remus puttering at the side table fixing a cup of tea in the same manor he always did with what Severus had come to know was almost ritual perfection for a simple cup of Earl Grey.

He let his mind float in the darkness even pushing the sounds of Remus into the dark abyss. The residual ache in his knees from that morning’s training mission dulled and vanished as he focused more clearly on the darkness. Even the ever present ache from the mark burned into his left forearm diminished as he allowed himself to seep further into the self-created galaxy of nothingness. He allowed himself a few more moments of blankness, free of pain and dark memories before he slowly let the darkness fade and surroundings once again take him over.

Remus was sitting on the couch that he had previously been seated on earlier in the day with his cup of tea in hand. Harry still sat silently, unmoving in front of him on the mat. Severus moved up from his place on the mat and moved to the side table. He fixed his cup of tea with only the slightest drop of milk before seating himself on the opposite end of the couch from Remus.

The two sat quietly for several moments waiting to see if Harry would come out of his meditative state alone or if he would need one of them to rouse him from it. When he did not by the time Severus finished his tea Severus mentally prodded at Harry's Occlumency walls. Slowly Harry let himself come out of his silent trance while the two older men watched.

Severus nodded at Remus as Harry finally moved up from his seat. “You're doing very well with that Harry,” Severus said.

“Thanks,” Harry replied quietly. Quickly he made a cup of tea with milk and sugar and took a seat on the mat in front of the couch to begin the discussion he would have preferred never took place. “I'm ready when you two are. Can we just get this done?” Harry asked quietly.

“It can go as quickly or as slowly as you like Harry but I warn you. You know how good a job I can do at ferreting out when you are lying or deliberately leaving out information so do us all a favor and don't attempt to sugar coat things.”

“Yes sir,” Harry said with a quiet nod.

“Very well. I believe I offered a trade; my past for your own. Are you still sure you want that? It's not nearly as pretty as even Remus's here. Not that his childhood was anymore pretty than either of ours.” Harry nodded. “Then you shall receive just that.” Severus took a deep breath and prepared to share details of his life that only one other person had ever known. Albus had taken those secrets to the grave with him. He could only hope that Remus and Harry would offer him the same peace of mind.

Quietly Severus began. “As you discovered when you were in your sixth year, my mother was a Prince. At one time the Prince name was as revered as the Malfoy, Potter, or Weasley names ever have been for their distinct reasons. Unlike the Malfoy's who have been solely dark wizards for eons or the Potters and Weasley's who have been mostly light wizards the Prince line were equal parts of both. There were never any defined morals that kept the line on one side of magic or the other. My mother was however a very light witch. She hated dark magic with a passion. She greatly believed that dark magic did nothing but corrupt the caster's soul and render them hopeless and void of happiness. Of this I can now completely agree.

While my mother's family wasn't distinctly light or dark the Prince line was one thing, pureblood. For so many generations that until my birth they were purer than even the Malfoy line can claim. My mother however was the believer that all men and women, witch, wizard, muggle, or creature were the same. The blood we share is all red and all flowing through our veins in the same manner. So it should come as no surprise that when my grandmother, rest her soul, started demanding my mother was growing too old to be unmarried that my mother found a muggle to fall in love with. I'll be the first to admit my grandparents were not pleased with my mother but they did not try to stand in her way outside of being concerned that the relationship had to last long enough to truly know they were fitting to live together forever. That warning my mother paid no heed to. In fact she ran off and married my father at a muggle courthouse which it turns out is completely binding in the wizarding world. It is amazing that an oath that holds no weight past verbal commitment in the muggle world is magically binding for life in ours.

From what I understand the first two or three years of my parents’ marriage all was well. Life was happy in Spinner's End. My father was a blue collar worker laboring in one of the many muggle textile factories near our home. He quickly paid off the home he and my mother had picked out. He allowed my mother free reign to decorate as she pleased even though her tastes were far different from his own.

My mother told me that she informed my father she was pregnant on Christmas just before their fifth anniversary. It was happy news for both of them. Things progressed smoothly until my mother's sixth month. Her healer informed her she was carrying twins; me and my would-have-been brother. She was ordered to bed as was common for multiple births at the time. Still it would not stop the tragedy that would occur the day my mother went into labor. While I was born healthy if a bit blue my brother was not. He was stillborn, his umbilical cord wound tightly around his neck.

While my mother was forced to get over her grief rather quickly in order to care for me, my father's built upon itself until it nearly destroyed himself and everything around him,” Severus said quietly.

Harry and Remus both sat quietly listening to Severus's tale. Harry noted his father's voice had once again taken on the soft, caring tone he had used the night he informed him of his true parentage.

Severus moved up from his seat and fixed himself a second cup of tea. “Anyone else?” he asked before he sat back down. Both Harry and Remus declined. Fresh cup of tea in hand, Severus retook his seat and began again. “My father was devastated to lose Silas. The grief brought him to his knees. Constantly battling depression he would end up losing his job. Soon he began to drink quite heavily. He floated from job to job for over a year, never able to hold one because of the depths of his depression and drinking.

Around the time I turned three my father turned to violence. He began beating my mother.” Remus gave Severus a sad questioning gaze. “I know what you are thinking. Why didn't she simply stop him? After all she had her wand. He knew she was a witch after all. My only answer is that my mother was raised in an old pureblood home. The husband was Lord of the manor no matter what fashion he treated his wife. Women were and some still are raised to accept the backside of her husband's hand as proper punishment.” Once again Severus stopped. He took a long drink of his cooling Earl Grey before continuing on.

“For a while it was just mother he hit. That would not last. I was young for most of the Prince line when I first showed signs of magic. The same problems that many pureblood lines are suffering from now were just as problematic then. Many lines magic is becoming weaker for inbreeding. But my mother hadn't married an already inbred pureblood. In doing so she inadvertently made me one of the strongest wizards the Prince line had seen in many, many decades. One evening I heard father yelling at mother. At barely five, I wanted nothing more than to make my mother stop crying. Like all children magic tends to show itself when we are scared, angry, hurt, confused; strong willful emotions inspire are sudden magical bursts. Mine was no different. I guess I wished that he couldn't yell at her anymore. I don't truly recall now but it suddenly went quiet save for mother's crying. That would not be the last time my accidental magic would intervene. More times than I care to recall I stupefied him before I was even old enough to know what I was doing to him.”

Once again Severus stopped and took a sip of his now too cool tea. “By the time I had reached Hogwarts age father had graduated to hitting me as well as my mother. I had become very good at focusing my magic enough to either stun him or protect myself or my mother.

The day I boarded the train at Kings Cross was a semi-sweet day for me. I knew I would be safe until Christmas but my mother would no longer have me there to take care of her. I was scared, small, and unusually more gifted with magic than my fellow first years. I had hoped to follow my mother into Ravenclaw but apparently my inner desire to prove myself and my inner desire to soak up everything magical with no regard for light verses dark magic molded me into the perfect Slytherin long before I ever set one foot inside the halls of Hogwarts.

Only I wasn't the perfect Slytherin. True I was deeply ambitious. I had a thirst for knowledge that included the darker arts. I was sneaky and conniving when need be for certain. But I was also overly quiet and introverted. I was not readily accepted into my house. I was the little freak; envied for being too powerful for a first year, despised for being a half-blood in the pureblood house, and looked down upon for not participating with the rest of my housemates in whatever foolishness they were up to in favor of reading for countless hours.

You must realize prior to Hogwarts I had no friends. I saw my mother's family from time to time as a child but never enough to develop any sort of friendship with any of my cousins of nearby age. I knew enough about Hogwarts to know that Slytherins didn't make friends outside their house. As such when I was partnered with your mother for potions I sulked and for the most part spoke only when necessary for the first year even though it was clear within a few weeks that we worked well together. The next year was a little better. Still I was friendless but Lily being Lily tried her best to get me to open up. I began to allow her to get to me. Near exams both terms I would agree to study sessions with her so long as they were held where no one would see us.

Nothing much changed over the next year. Lily and I studied more often than exam times but we were barely more than tolerable acquaintances still. The hatred between James, the Marauders, and me grew exponentially that year however. The only other change that year was that Lucius, who was a year ahead of me, began to notice that I tended to read books about the dark arts when I wasn't doing my school work. He took it upon himself to take me under his wing so to speak.

The summer following my third year was a particularly nasty one. My father at this point very rarely left the house. He drank from sun up to sun down. My mother fell ill. More importantly she fell ill with a muggle illness. Formerly known as Consumption it is now known as Tuberculosis I believe to muggles. There were muggle drugs to treat it but my father refused to pay for them and magical healers didn't have a clue what it was. She passed away barely a fortnight before I would board the Hogwarts Express for my forth year after literally suffocating from the damage the virus did to her lungs.

My mother's family took care of the arrangements after her passing wishing for her to be treated in the old ways. My father neither cared nor asked to be taken to her funeral.

I remember before I left that my father had begun to cough in much the same way she had the year before. Somewhere in my mind I think I knew he had it as well before I even returned to Hogwarts but I told no one. He had never cared about me or mother in any way that I could remember I saw no point in my grieving mind to offer him any help in return for that he never gave me.

Before the end of my forth year I would receive notice that my father had also died. While he was infected and very sick from the Tuberculosis it was in fact his kidneys that killed him. He literally drank himself to death. So like you at the age of fourteen I was orphaned.” Severus stopped and looked up at Harry trying to read the indiscriminate look on his son's face. Two wet streaks ran down his son's face from recently spent tears.

Severus drained the last of his long cold tea and began once more. “I would go to live with my mother's sister, a spinster, during the rest of my summers between terms at Hogwarts per my mother's request before her death. The woman neither liked nor disliked me. She was less a guardian than I am a wood nymph to be quite honest. I came and went as I pleased. I practiced dark spells with her knowing. More times than not when the notices would come for the use of underage magic she was simply burn them and pretend they had never arrived. She was simply indifferent about me and my actions acting a figure head for the ministry.

Fifth year brought about two major events. The first was my admission to myself that I was attracted to your mother. I allowed her to talk me into frequent study sessions simply because I wished to be near her. This is precisely how we would come to kiss at the end of the year. That very same kiss would symbolize the beginning of our relationship.”

Remus sat in the same spot he had taken when he first entered the room transfixed as Severus spoke. He had guessed some of the things Severus had said over the course of the conversation throughout the years but this was the first he had truly heard it from the man himself. He suspected other than possibly Albus no one else besides him and Harry and to a point Lily were the only ones that ever had heard the truth behind the surly potions master.

Severus continued on unmindful of Remus's musings. “The other major event would be Lucius's father introducing both of us to the Dark Lord during a Hogsmead weekend. At the time neither Lucius nor I knew anything of Riddle nor did we know of his grand master plan as it were. Throughout fifth and sixth years I would maintain a long-running relationship with your mother. The stronger Lily and I became as a couple the less and less I cared about anything Lucius had to say. Which I saw for the better as I had nothing against muggles in general save for detesting my own then passed father. With seventh year I became certain I wanted to marry your mother. Our relationship had progressed to a more adult level and both she and I sat talking, planning out lives together for hours on end that year. Lucius was now away from Hogwarts and thusly I saw and heard very little for him save for the occasional letter to let me know that there was a place for me with the Dark Lord if I wanted it.

Seventh year ended and I moved back to my parents’ home while Lily moved back to her parents. The plan as it were was for me to finish my mastery in potions while she trained as an Auror then when we were both set to be able to care for ourselves financially we would marry and either sell Spinner's End and purchase our own home or we would remodel Spinner's End. You know how that ended. I've spent the better portion of the past seventeen years living with the mistakes that would happen after we left Hogwarts as adults,” said quietly sitting with his hands folded in his lap.

Tears ran openly down Harry's face. “Dad I'm --”

Severus cut him off. “Don't Harry. You should learn to stop apologizing for things that are not your fault. I made my own mistakes and it's my job to live with them, not yours.”

Remus gave his godson a sad smile. “He's right Harry. You are forever taking the blame for things which are not nor could they ever be your fault. You only place more blame and self loathing on yourself for it. It would be best if you let the blame lie where it belongs.”

The three men sat quietly for a while, the silence between them only disturbed momentarily by the sound of two sets of feet traveling down the hall outside the room. No doubt Hermione and Draco were about and up to something. Likely something Severus didn't want to know about if he had to guess based on his own relationship with Lily at their age.

Harry sat on the mat with his feet planted firmly on the floor and his knees pulled up so that he could rest his chin against them. Tears occasionally still slipped down his ashen cheeks.

“I believe you owe me in trade Harry,” Severus prompted quietly.

Harry lifted his chin from his knees and nodded. He wrapped his arms tightly around his legs and began. “You both know that the headmaster sent me to mum's sister the week after she and James, well you know.” Both men nodded solemnly. “I don't know when it started. Truth be told it was always just that way. Dudley my cousin, the one the size of a small whale, always had two rooms and anything and everything a kid could want for. He had toys that he played with once and broke for the fun of breaking it. He ate from sun up to sun down, often inhaling junk food by the pound and pop by the liter. My Aunt and Uncle would have given him the world on a silver platter if Dudders had asked for it,” Harry said sarcastically. “I, on the other hand, had a few broken toys that were things Dudley had already broken or books that were missing pages, I was fed only the very minimal to keep me alive, and until I received my Hogwarts letter I slept in a cupboard under the stairs. I learned to cook and clean before I could even write my name legibly and did whatever Aunt Petunia asked me to do or else I got locked in the cupboard for sometimes days on end.”

Remus couldn't suppress the gasp. Sure Sirius had told him these things but hearing them from Harry's own mouth made them so much more real. Harry stopped at the startled sound and waited for Remus to collect his thoughts before beginning again.

“Before Hagrid came to tell me I was a wizard I never even heard my own name at home. Up until I began muggle primary school I can't ever remember hearing it at all. Maybe at the doctor’s office or the like but never ever at home. At home it was always boy, freak, or some other demeaning title. There were constant warnings about magic not being real. I didn't even believe Hagrid at first because I had always been told it wasn't real. Truthfully that's about it. Uncle Vernon never hit me or anything he just refused to feed me or allow me a normal room until the letter from Hogwarts came and scared them. Even then I only got Dudley's toy room devoid of the toys of course and barely more than bread and cheese to eat most times.

The summer after first year they put bars on my windows and refused to let me go back to Hogwarts but Ron and the Weasley twins helped me breakout with their dad's flying car. Just before third year Uncle Vernon's sister, Aunt Marge said some truly awful things about Mum and James and in a fit of accidental magic I blew her up like a balloon and she floated away. I ran away, fetched the night bus to the Leaky Cauldron and that was that. After third I used Sirius's reputation for being in Azkaban to scare them which worked a bit but wouldn't last sadly. After forth year I was a wreck. All I could think of was Cedric. It wouldn't have mattered if they had fed me more I wouldn't have eaten it. I was too lost in his death and Voldemort's return to care about myself.

Let's see then there were the dementors that nearly sucked out Dudley's soul. I saved his sorry arse only to have my Aunt and Uncle think I set the ruddy things on him,” Harry shook his head sadly. “You both know how well that turned out. Tried once again for underage magic in the bowels of the Ministry like some Death Eater. Honestly,” he exclaimed with an exacerbated voice. “Yeah so that's the long and short of it. It wasn't a life of sugar and candies but it wasn't as bad as some people have it I guess,” Harry said trying not to look at his father.

“They never hit you?” Severus questioned.

“A few swats on the bottom before I started primary school but nothing worse than that. For the most part I was either treated like a house elf or ignored,” Harry said with a sigh.

Remus gave Harry a sad smile before it dropped. “Are you sure you're telling us everything Harry?”

Harry nodded. “That's the whole of it. I told Sirius everything before he...” Harry cut himself off still unwilling to verbalize the death of his godfather. “I was going to come live with him but Professor Dumbledore never would let me. He insisted I was safer with my Aunt Petunia.”

Severus choked back the bile that had risen in his throat thinking of his son living in a cupboard for years instead of growing up spoiled like a typical wizard. “Did you ever tell him what was going on there?”

Harry shrugged. “I didn't think I had to. My Hogwarts letter was addressed to my cupboard. I assumed he or Professor McGonagall knew,” Harry said so quietly it was almost inaudible.

Remus gasped and Severus growled. The old coot had to have known about the cupboard at the very least. They both knew for a fact that Albus and Minerva had both personally written and addressed every year's letters for the whole of their time as Headmaster and Deputy Headmistress at Hogwarts. Typically Minerva wrote the letters and Albus addressed envelopes. They made it their business to know the children before they entered Hogwarts at least by name even if they didn't know them personally. He couldn't begin to count the number of times Albus had assured him Harry was well in his adoptive home in the years before Harry had entered Hogwarts.

Severus scrubbed his hands over his haggard face. “Harry you have to know, I would never have left you there if I had known the situation you were living in. No child should ever feel unloved and used. I should have checked on you myself instead of trusting the word of another about your wellbeing. Doing so has hurt both of us far too much.”

Tears leaked out of the corners of Harry's eyes. “It's okay Dad. I already told you I forgive you. I do understand why you left me there. I'm not mad at you for it.”

Remus excused himself from the room after several silent moments passed between the group. Harry looked up from his seat on the floor to his father. “Would you really have brought me home if you had known how they treated me?” he asked quietly.

“Without a second thought otherwise. I would have given up my position as spy before it ever began if I had known what would become of you Harry. I'm sorrier than I can ever begin to express for not retrieving you at the first possible moment. In my drive to prevent myself from treating you the way my father treated me I did just that. I passed you on to family that just assumed you be the muck beneath their feet. I caused more damage to you in the name of love than I ever did to anyone else in the name of hate. I am so terribly sorry for that Harry.”

“It's okay Dad. I know you meant well. I can't blame you for that anymore than I can blame Sirius for following me to the Ministry or I can blame Cedric for agreeing to take the cup with me.”

“You're far too forgiving of me Harry.”

Harry shook his head, “No I don't think I am. I would want you to forgive me if I did something that unintentionally hurt you. I hope wherever Sirius, Cedric, Mum, and James are they can forgive me. After all they are all dead because of me in one way or another. I can't hope for theirs and not grant you the same.” Harry's soft tears broke into racking sobs. Severus slid down from his seat on the couch next to the wall and joined his son on the padded mat that covered the floor of the training room. He moved next to his son and wrapped his arms around Harry's shaking shoulders.

“Let it out Harry, just let it out,” Severus whispered as he rubbed his son's back as he held him.

Quietly the tears continued to stream down Harry's face. “I can't do this Dad,” Harry said quietly.

“What Harry?”

“I can't kill him. I know I have to but I just can't. I can't,” he repeated adamantly.

“The Dark Lord?” Severus asked quietly.

Harry nodded his head against Severus' shoulder. “I can't stand to be the cause of anyone else's death. I just can't,” he sobbed harshly.

“Harry he's no longer a man. That shell that you see is just that. Barely even an animal if that. Truth be told killing him wouldn't be a death so much as a mercy granted for him. He exists on potions and spells that are so vile they nearly kill him every time he is forced to take them on again. He fights on principle alone I believe. I think he's honestly waiting for you to end it for him. He's too Slytherin to have himself killed off. He's just far too cowardly to admit that his time of glory has come and gone. Harry I know you think yourself incapable of doing this, however it must be done. But know this; you'll not suffer through this alone. I'll be by your side every step of the way. When the time comes and you cast the final blow, I'll be right there to catch you if you fall under the weight of it and then to help you back up again. You can count on that like you've never been able to count on anything before I swear it on the name of everything magical.”

For the second time inside a year Harry saw the swirls of magic that marked an unbreakable vow swirl around a room he was in. “You really mean it,” Harry said to himself more than a bit astonished.

“Of course I do. You're my son. I'll walk through hell itself if it is what I must do to protect you,” Severus said seriously.

Harry leaned into his father's embrace. “Thanks Dad.”

“You're welcome Harry. You're so very welcome.”