Not Really Spirited Away

Ok so this is my bizarre, crazy, weird version of Hayao Miyazaki's Spirited Away. I sure hope you have a sense of humor and no you may not kill me for completely screwing up the story! Just a warning for all the younger ones among us, a lot of mentioning of murder, taking over the world and ice-cream!
Have fun reading!

Offending Reason

Chihiro, Good luck- Till we meet again!

Stupid lines on some lame card and flowers, I finally decided to leave them alone, stop the torturing, ok so I had to move because my parents bought a new house and since I’m a minor I can’t live on my own. Damn that law, I never comes in handy when I’m planning to torture innocent people. Ah well... guess I’ll just have to take over the world, so I can do whatever I want and the first thing I’ll do is eat ice-cream! Why? I have no idea, I just like ice-cream but that is not the point. Wait maybe I should first wait untill the car stops before I start my taking over the world and eating ice-cream plans since jumping out of a driving car somehow doesn’t seem like a good idea...

“Chihiro?” My mother’s voice from in front of me, she always knows when to interrupt me, damn she’s good... And I was just lounging on the back seats, those grown up people really know how to annoy people, especially me! “Chihiro, we’re almost there.” Yay... yippie... hear my enthusiasm... you can’t hear it? No, me neither... damn that sure sucks. Ah well, look outside, all those birds cheerping, all the flowers and the trees and the... Oh please give me a barfbag! What is this place? Neverland?!

All of the sudden Peter Pan jumped out of the forest, yelling: “I’ll get you this time, Hook!”

“You offend reason, sir! And I would gladly offend it with you!” Ok so after that I grabbed my dearest flamethrower and burned down Neverland, including all those bunnies... Maybe I should get a hobby or something?

Oh great now my dearest mother wants to bug me again and I was only burning down everything we were passing, I really don’t see the problem! Yay now she begins her rant about this place being in the country and that we would have to go shopping in the next city... Ghee you think?!

Oh great, now my dad begins to talk as well, these people must really look up the word silence, or atleast private time or something like that... maybe I should use my flamethrower on them... damn then I would get in trouble with that stupid law again. So now I’m just staring at the flowers with the almighty lame card, while my dad is ranting about the Bay Area being the only place they could get. Damn I’m bored... has anyone got some ducktape? Maybe that’ll shut him up... I doubt it actually but it’s worth a try, don’t you think?

Since no one here has some ducktape, the ranting continues, yippie... again hear my enthusiasm. No I still don’t hear it either... Maybe I should check my ears?

“Look, that’s the elementary school.” Wow... my mother says something again, I guess they both just want to bug me untill I die, or kill them...

“Chihiro, that’s your new school.” Ok never mind the ranting parents! I smell fresh meat! Now where did I put my weaponbag, they say the first impression is the most important!

Wait, I don’t have to go to school for another week... Damn, there go my plans for this week. Maybe I should just start practising on the stupid flowers, wait it has no use, they are already drying out. Damn I wanted fresh ones, they give such a lovely disgusting smell when you burn them! Maybe if I act like a big baby my mom might get me some new flowers, which will be perfect burning victums, ok I agree toddlers are better but do you see any toddlers around here? “No! Nooooo! Mom, the flowers are drying out!” Wow, look at me acting like a pathetic little girl. I’m a great actress I know, maybe I should move to Hollywood instead of this lame town.

“When we get home, just put them in some water. They should be fine.” Damn those parents have an excuse for everything, don’t you just hate that? But this ain’t over yet, I just started with my pathetic little girl act!

“The first bouquet of flowers I’ve ever gotten. It’s too bad they were a going-away gift...” Wow, look at my sobs, now she must believe me and get me new flowers or else my dearest flamethrower would like to have a word with her. Ok so they weren’t really a going-away gift, those stupid children of my former school and the teacher were just scared shitless, not that I cared or anything, I just laughed at their faces... What do you mean I’m mental? Did you ever look in the mirror?! Right! Didn’t think so!

“Hmm? You got a flower on your last birthday.” Damn she really is good, she even ignored my sobs, maybe I should let her meet mister flamethrower, though somehow I think the law gets in the way again. Ok so on my to do list I have to first take over the world, then eat ice-cream and then let my mother meet mister flamethrower. Jup that’s all!

“Just one, and I wouldn’t exactly call that a bouquet.” I’m so not letting my mother win, that lame flower I got for my birthday burned away in five seconds! And it was just some lame yellow rose I got from my grandmother, haven’t seen her in ages... maybe she’s dead? Ah well... saves me the buying of a birthday present for her.

“Here, your card fell out. I’ll open the window, so please just sit still. We’ll be very busy today.” Never gotten into you that I wanted the lame card to fall out... No? Damn you’re stupid. And why should I sit still, it’s not my problem that you’re very busy today, you wanted to move!

Wow ain’t it interesting, we actually get the title now, for some reason this story is called Spirited Away--- The mysterious disappearance of Sen and Chihiro. Wow so that means that I’m going to disappear... cool! Though why the spirited away, can’t really say that I am, ok so the story is getting a new title. The story from now on is going to be called Not Really Spirited Away!