Part Two: The Dark Lord of the Paintballs

Nearly thirty minutes later, Arnold and the gang were getting off of the downtown bus at the corner of Thirty-third and Pryor Streets.

“Okay, now all we have to do is find this Darth Roden guy,” Arnold said, looking once again at the business card and down the street for the address.

Helga snorted, “What kind of a name is Darth Roden anyhow? The guy sounds like a refugee from a sci-fi convention.”

“The guy at the sporting goods shop said he could probably help us learn how to play paintball,” Arnold said to her. “Well, here’s the place, Death Star Hobby Shop.”

The shop itself was in an old two story red brick building. The sign on the door read in black and red letters:

Death Star Hobby Shop
Darth C. Roden: Dark Lord Of The Paintballs
Owner and Proprietor
Open Monday Thru Thursday 8 AM -6 PM
Saturdays from 8 PM - 4 PM

Another sign on the door read in green letters: Beware of Iguanas. They may be small, but they know how to use ‘The Force.’

Arnold opened the door and went inside, followed closely by Gerald, Helga and the others.

The inside of the shop was full of merchandise. Boxes of model trains, airplanes, ships and cars were in rows to their right. Past that were racks of old costumes. Also nearby were paintball supplies similar to those back at the sporting goods store. Next to them, the front counter was empty. Indeed the entire place seemed to be deserted.

“Hello?” Arnold called out to the seemingly empty shop. “Hello, is anybody there?”

At that moment, the lights overhead went out and a voice that sounded mechanically altered called out, “I AM HERE!”

A red glow suddenly appeared at the doorway behind the shop that silhouetted a tall, thin figure dressed on a dark black robe and wearing a sinister-looking black paintball mask with red lenses.

Arnold gasped, some of the boys shivered and looked on wide-eyed while the girls all let out squeaks of fear. The gang all back up a little bit. Helga let out an ear-piercing scream and jumped into Arnold arms. Arnold held her close in his arms, trembling a little as she was and stood there scared.

“Um, w-were looking for someone named Darth Roden,” Arnold said, looking on with some worry as the figure carrying the glowing red stick came closer to them.

The figure was almost on top of them, the sound of heavy breathing was clearly heard over the stunned quiet he’d created by his mere presence. Then he spoke again, “THEN YOU HAVE FOUND HIM, FOR I AM DARTH RODEN! DARK LORD OF THE PAINTBALLS! BWHAHAHA...” Then he began to cough under the mask.

The lights abruptly came back on just as the figure pulled the mask from his face and lowered the hood of the cloak he wore. “Man, I can’t breathe in this thing,” he said, tossing it aside and pushing the button on the light stick he had, cutting it off. Then he removed his cloak in one quick move to reveal that he was a thin young man, about a little over twenty five years of age with short brown hair, green eyes. He wore a pair of old sneakers, worn blue jeans, and a black t-shirt. In many ways he reminded Arnold strongly of Monkey Man.

All of a sudden, Arnold and Helga looked at one another and then abruptly let go of one another. Helga brushed herself off and said, in her usual annoyed tone, “Hey, don’t get so cosy, bucko.” Arnold only rolled his eyes and said, “Sheesh.”

The man only looked at the two of them and smiled, as if he’d had something he thought about confirmed and then he spoke to them again, in a Southern accent that was slightly softer and less nasal than the one Stinky had. “Like I said, I am Darth Calvin Roden, although you may call me either Darth, or Lord Roden – but call me sir, and you die,” he said, in a somewhat less serious tone.

“Um okay then, er, Darth, my name is Arnold,” the football-headed boy began. Darth immediately cut him off and then shook his hand quickly, shaking the rest of him slightly as he did so.

“Pleased to meet you, Arnold,” the man told them and then looked at the rest of the gang. “Who are all of your friends here?” Arnold then he introduced the rest of the gang. Darth Roden, for his part, smiled and shook all of the boy’s hands very quickly as he had with Arnold. With the girls, he smiled, took their hands and leaned over kissing the backs of them gallantly. Phoebe, Sheena, Nadine and Rhonda all blushed a little or smiled at the attention, while Helga only scowled and rubbed the back of her hand on her dress afterwards.

Darth then smiled and clapped both of his hands together, the loud sound made all of them wince a little. “So, what can I help you kids with?”

Arnold looked at him and said, “Well, the reason were here is because the guy at Craig’s Sporting Goods said you were one of the best paintball players in the city and we sort-of need your help.”

Darth blinked and looked at them, “My help?”

Arnold continued, “You see, we signed up to enter the All City Paintball Tournament at Tina Park next Saturday, but none of us know how to play paintball.”

The young man looked at him with a raised eyebrow and said, “You can’t play paintball, but you entered the tournament? Why did you do that?”

For the next few minutes, Arnold explained to Darth Roden about Gerald Field and how they lost it to Wolfgang and Ludwig. Then they told him about the bet that was made and how they learned that the two bullies were professionals at paintball.

“So now we have to play in a tournament against them and we don’t know how to play. We’re going to get beaten badly if we don’t get help, so we came to you, because we were told you’re the best,” Arnold finished, looking at him hopefully.

For his part, Darth Roden sat there, leaning against the end of the counter, listening to Arnold’s story with rapt attention, as if honestly intrigued by it. Finally he said to them carefully, “So, you want me to help teach you guys how to play paintball against a group of professionals, in a championship tournament that is only one week away? Is that what your telling me?”

Hearing it put this way, Arnold began to lose heart. “Sir...” Darth looked at him and frowned. Arnold blinked and quickly said, “Er, I mean, Darth...we really need your help. I know it seems like a lot to ask and that maybe our chances aren’t all good, but all of us are willing to try. We can’t let those bullies have our field. Please, won’t you help us out?”

Darth looked at him a long moment, then he asked, “How much money do you have?”

Arnold felt totally disheartened at hearing this. They didn’t have very much money at all, even Rhonda was low on cash till her allowance came. He sighed and said, “We don’t have very much at all.”

Darth stood and smiled, “I’ll do it!”

All of the kid’s eyes widened and they looked at one another. Arnold looked amazed, suddenly feeling his confidence return. “You...you will?”

The young man nodded, smiling more. “Well, I admire someone with a lot of boldness and courage, and kid, you are very gutsy to take on two bullies like that. So I will do you a favor and train you for the tournament. However, I must insist on two things. One, I am your instructor so if we do this, we do it all the way, no half measures. Second, I will pay all the expenses and be your sponsor for the tournament, it will be good advertising, and that alone will be worth the time and money when you win.”

Arnold blinked, “When we win?”

Darth smiled and said, “When you win the tournament next Saturday, of course.”

Gerald looked at him like he was out of his mind. “Man, we can’t possibly win the tournament. I mean beating Wolfgang and Ludwig alone will be hard enough.”

Darth only looked at Gerald and grinned even more, “Trust me, dude.” He winked.

For some reason, Arnold did in fact trust the strange young man. He held out his hand and said, “You have a deal, Darth.”

“Cool,” Darth said, shaking his hand vigorously.

Helga, who up till now, had been very quiet, spoke up. “Wait just one minute, bucko. How do we know your any good at paintball?”

Darth looked at her and raised his eyebrow, “Good? Young lady, you are looking at a six time winner of the All State Paintball Tournament.” He smiled very proud of himself and pointed to the wall where several pictures and six shining trophies sat. “I’m about as good as they come around these parts.”

Helga frowned and said, swatting a large horse fly that was starting to annoy her, out of the way. “Yeah, but are you still any good?”

At that exact moment, Darth pulled out a paintball gun from behind the display rack and aimed it at the horse fly, which was not against the wall behind the counter. He fired a single shot that splattered a quarter-sized glob of paint against the wall. A moment later, the fly fell onto the counter from the middle of the glob, covered in red paint and quite dead.

All of them looked at Darth, who smirked a little and raised an eyebrow, “I’d say I’m still better than average.”

Helga blinked and looked once again at the dead fly, then let out an ear piercing scream. Everyone turned to see what she was looking at.

A large green and brown iguana was crawling along the counter, eating the dead fly, paint and all.

“Elvis! What are you doing out of the basement?” Darth said, walking over and looking down at the iguana. “Wait a minute, where’s Quincy at?”

Something heavy knocked over a display case behind the counter.

Darth smiled energetically, “There he is!” Then he went behind the counter and picked up a smaller more greenish iguana and set it on the counter in front of him next to the other one. “How many times do I have to tell you two to stay downstairs during business hours?”

The iguanas looked at him, clearly not understanding what he was saying.

“Don’t give me that look, it doesn’t work on me, remember?” Darth said, addressing them as if they were talking to him.

Gerald, never taking his eyes off of Darth and the iguanas, grabbed Arnold’s sleeve and said, “Um Arnold, can I talk to you a minute, man?”

Arnold followed his best friend to the corner of the store. They were followed by the rest of the gang, all of whom kept looking over at the counter where Darth continued to talk to the iguana’s and shaking his finger at them.

“Arnold, are you sure we need to get involved with this guy?” Gerald asked quietly. “He’s a major flake.”

“That’s putting it mildly, Tall Hair Boy,” Helga said in her usual annoyed manner. “The guy is talking to iguanas!”

“Yeah Arnold, this guy is a total weirdo,” Rhonda said, adding her opinion.

“I am afraid I have to concur,” Phoebe said, nodding as well.

Arnold looked at all of them, “Oh come on guys, I know Darth is a little eccentric...”

“Eccentric?” Sid said, looking at him as if he’d made a total understatement. “Arnold, this guy is crazier than Curly!”

“Yeah, he’s crazier than me!” Curly declared, then after a moment said, “Wait a minute...”

Arnold sighed, “Look everyone, we only have a week to go before we face Wolfgang and Ludwig and we are out of options. Now Darth seems to know what he’s doing, even if he is a bit, well weird. Right now, we don’t have a choice. But I do believe he can help us. What do you say guys, lets give him a chance to prove himself before we judge him.”

Personally, Arnold felt the same way about Darth Roden that they did. He was a strange guy. Yet, Arnold couldn’t help but think of several other strange people he’d meet in the last year of so. Pigeon Man, Monkey Man, Stoop Kid, Sewer King. All of them had been somewhat odd as well, in different ways, but none of them had necessarily been all that bad, except maybe for Sewer King, but even he hadn’t been too dangerous.

Somehow, Arnold just felt that Darth wasn’t a bad guy, just a bid strange perhaps. If fact, when he’d mentioned them winning the tournament, he said it with such assurance that Arnold found himself believing that the guy already had some sort-of plan to help them out. He just seemed so sure of himself.

Apparently his words seemed to win over his friends, though many of them seemed reluctant. One by one, all of them agreed.

Gerald sighed and said, “I’m going to regret it, but yeah, I’m in to buddy.” He smiled trying to put on a brave face. Arnold nodded smiling back at his best friend.

Helga threw up her arms in frustration and sighed, “Oh alright, I’ll give him a chance. But I still say that he’s a total freak of nature.” After a pause, she seemed to think and added smirking, “Actually Football-head, you two might just get along.”

Arnold looked at her and said, “Well, maybe we will? You just have to have a little faith in people, Helga. I just know that things will turn out alright.”

With those words, Arnold looked back in time to see Darth standing in front of the iguanas and waving his hand in front of their faces. “You two will stay in your basement,” he said to them, attempting to use the “Jedi Mind Trick” on them.

‘At least, I hope they will,’ Arnold thought in the privacy of his own mind.

To Be Continued . . .

Hope you like the story so far, I will post new chapters soon! Next chapter, the training begins! Read and Review! -Carl