A/N- I might come out with several cute lil oneshots just cuz the alerts are broken, so BEWARE! Oh, I hereby grant you flamers permission to flame, because all the reviews I get are gonna be flames anyways, so there.

Disclaimer- I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, or any other show mentioned.

Roy groaned at the contents of his fridge. A month-old half gallon of milk, a banana and what once may have been pizza. He scratched his unshaved face, he never scrounged up the money for more shaving cream. The last time he tried using soap was disasterous. Riza called the hospital on him. Since the show got cancelled she got a day-job as a waitress for some place called Sonic. He had heard of it before, but never been there. All he noticed is that everyday Riza came home on rollerblades in that uniform mini-skirt. That was enough for him.

He dragged himself into the living room, sitting down on the couch, he drank a half-empty flat beer, and ate his banana angrily.

Nothing was this hard when I was was still filming Fullmetal Alchemist. He thought. Flipping through the public channels on the TV, even though he knew nothing was on. But when it's over you lose your money and your eye...I'm never going into the filming industry again.

Lately he had gotten all these call ins from the fanfiction industry about things he could star in. At first he was considering it, until he read the script.

"What the, no way!" He recalled screaming curses into the phone and then slamming it down, missing the hanger and breaking his counter. He missed that counter. It was still sitting broken in the corner. Well, he could of ended up like Ed, who signed his contract before reading the script. He heard news he had a mental breakdown last winter.

Hmph, wonder what the shrimp's doing now.

-

"Cut!" A teenage girl's voice shouted out, and a dark-eyed Edward turned to her.

"R..r...really?" He sputtered, nervously. "Y...y..you c..c..can't mean it."

"Yep." She said with a frown, "But we'll see you at six tomorrow morning." Ed was too delirious to understand that it was aleady five in the morning. He looked over to the half-naked al next to him. "C...c..come on Al." They wandered backstage, where the stage people shook their heads in dissaproval.

"The poor saps."

Ed sat on the floor, rocking back and forth in discomfort.

"Brother, are you all right?"

"Yeah, Al, I'm fine."

"Brother, you don't seem okay, your eyes are unfocused, and you're rocking around."

Edward paused. His eyes still wide and staring at the wall. "Why do we do this Al?"

"We need the money brother."

Ed chuckled insanely. "Money, money, money..need the money."

"Brother, maybe we should get you help.."

"HELP, WHAT HELP I DON'T NEED HELP!" Ed cackled madly, loud enough for a few stage crewman to turn. "I'M PERFECTLY IN MY RIGHT MIND! AREN'T I GREED, AREN'T I?!"

Greed walked by him, and barely looked his way.

"I'm the one who should go crazy, I have a Dante lemon tomorrow..." He shuddered as a smiling Dante waved over to him, then ran as fast as he could out the building. Al was a bit confused.

Ed was still rocking. "MOTHER, WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME!"

Trisha peeked backstage over to him, "Oh, Edward, just reminding my boys to get ready for the three way tomorrow."

Edward sobbed uncontrollably with that statement. This company was pure evil. You sign a contract and all of a sudden they force you to have sex with your brother, your mom, your dad, the pizza boy, your friend, your commanding officer who was really just Fuery potraying Colonel Mustang, every single homonculus, some girl named Kagome from a show you'd never seen, prostitutes on the side of the street called OC's, Your dog, and old lady, Riza's father, and your friends eight year old daughter.

"Al..." Edward moaned.

"Yes?"

"Kill me now."

"Sorry, brother, but that would break my contract, see it says that here in fine print.:"

If you disobey your contract you die. The laws of the contract is the following:

Killing yourself, killing another employee, improvising, destruction of fine scripts, (destroyers of Yaoi scripts WILL be tortured) Plotting to buy food, The FANFIC corporation will supply all food to it's employees. Strike is illegal, imitating the movie Lethal Weapon, Writing a letter to the editor, thinking about firecrackers, and of course, singing the song :"Doo wa diddy diddy dum diddy do" Is ever strictly prohibited.

-

Mustang sighed. Maybe he didn't want to know.