Disclaimer: Take that, Squeenix! The Writer does so own Sora (or a tiny, plastic facsimile thereof)! And she promises to let me borrow him. You and Riku can go suck it.

Author’s Notes: That’s right, guys. Dual’s not writing a Zemyx for once! No! Instead, she has taken it upon herself to write what may be called her first crack!pairing. I came across Xigbar/Tidus for the first time while reading the awesomely hilarious Carmine Complex, by The BirdFox Hybrid Productions. Go read it when you’re done with this, you won’t be disappointed. Now, don’t look at me like that! I am both a Tidus/Selphie and -even more so - a Tidus/Yuna supporter. But that fic made me believe that, hey: In some alternate universe, Xigdus may actually be possible! Would I ever have written one? Who knows. But since March 6th was the darling Psycho Rooster’s birthday, since I adore writing fics for those I love, and since PR asked me for a Xigdus as a birthday present…here ya go! Crack!love though it may be, I hope you enjoy! And please remember to review, particularly if you decide to either favorite this story, or if you have me on alerts!

Dedication: For Psycho Rooster, of The BirdFox Hybrid Productions. I heart you bunches, honey, and I hope this lives up to your expectations!

---

He Never

In the quiet city-suburb of Radiant Garden, sunlight streamed over the roofs of houses and into the open window of a small split-level, shining brightly upon the sleeping face of one Tidus Spira, resident university student, volunteer, and blitzball player extraordinaire.

From his all-too comfortable spot underneath the blue and yellow covers of his bed, Tidus groaned and batted irritably at the rays of sun peeking through his window. It was seven o’clock in the morning, dammit. The sun had no right to be up so early, especially if it happened to be shining directly into the eastward facing windows of college students who’d been up half the night writing essay after essay for old man Xemnas’s poly sci course.

Tidus, if it’s not obvious, was one of those aforementioned students who’d been up half the night writing essay after essay for old man Xemnas’s poly sci course. On a Friday. Fridays were for partying and watching movies. They were not for writing essay after essay, each to be submitted by 3 AM Saturday.

So now it was seven o’clock on a Saturday morning, the sun was shining like a fucking flashlight directly into his cornea’s, and if he didn’t wake up at right that minute, he was gonna be late for work.

Tidus groaned, rolling out of his bed and grabbing a pair of cargo shorts that didn’t look too dirty. It wasn’t work technically - it was more of a volunteer position that demanded 100 percent attendance and strict punctuality. It’s what you got when you had a boss like Leonhart.

He shrugged into his shorts and grabbed a plain yellow shirt, pulling it haphazardly over his head and checking his watch. If he left right now, he’d have just enough time to stop by Irvine’s for a cup of coffee, and if he wanted to pull a four hour shift on two hours of sleep, followed by an afternoon of hard studying, he’d need his caffeine.

The sun-bleached blond slipped into his shoes and grabbed his keys, already walking through the door and down the steps of his third-floor apartment. It was a pretty day, as days go, but dammit, it was still seven in the morning; the sun had no right to be shining as brightly as it was. He looked upwards at the sky, shielding his eyes.

“Next time my parent’s name a baby of theirs,” he hissed between clenched teeth, “I’m gonna do the kid a favor and refuse to let them name the brat after any sort of natural element. No baby brother of mine’s gonna be named after a burning ball of gas if I have anything to say about it. Fucking sun.”

His thoughts were interrupted when a tall body bumped into his, sliding past and continuing along its way. Tidus managed a single glimpse of a gray-streaked pony-tail before he called out a hurried “Sorry!" The man waved a hand over his shoulder, but never paused in his steps, leaving Tidus to stare after him a moment in confusion.

“Rude,” he muttered, slamming his hands into his pockets. His steps halted then, and he tilted his nose towards the wind.

Ah, well. No matter. He could forgive the guy. That, after all, was the scent of coffee being carried along the wind, after all, and nothing prompted forgiveness and magnanimousness like a steaming cup of Irvine’s Coffee, capitalized only because it was that fucking good.

He rushed the final steps before he reached the quaint little café, then slammed the door open, taking a huge whiff of the blessed air. Inside, the inhabitants of the small shop continued with their activities, each grinning down at their watches in amusement. Exactly 7:11. They could set their clocks by Tidus’s arrival every Saturday morning.

Tidus grinned, sliding into a stool by the bar and glancing around as the other customers and staff waved at him. There was Sora, sitting alongside Kairi as Riku played footsies with him underneath the table. Axel, laughing loudly at an irate Roxas who was trying to nab his cup of coffee back from its redheaded captor. Zexion, sitting at the corner booth and waiting for his boyfriend to skate by with his order. Ah, a new face - the pink-haired kid from Botany, Marly-something-or-other. He was flirting with the pretty blonde waitress trying to serve him coffee. Tidus smirked. If he knew Larxene, Pinky was five seconds away from having a steaming cup of Java poured directly onto his lap.

Ah! There went the Java! Though - Well, isn't that interesting - if the small smirk tugging the corners of her lips up was any indication, flower-boy might actually have a chance.

“H’lo, Tidus,” a voice piped up from his right. A blond teenager stood there, balancing precariously on roller skates, a grin spreading across his face. “I assumed you wanted the usual,” he laughed, plopping a steaming cup of espresso onto the table.

Tidus grinned, grabbing onto the cup of goodness and chugging it in a single go. “Thanks, Demyx,” he sighed, closing his eyes in bliss. “You’re a lifesaver, and I’m gonna marry you one day.”

The blond teen grinned, turning in a lazy circle. “Don’t let Zexion hear ya say that,” he whispered conspiratorially. “Though between you and me, I always thought you’d be better in b-”

“You will not complete that sentence if you were in any way planning on spending your eighteenth birthday with me,” a cool voice spoke from behind them. Demyx grinned and bowed extravagantly, skating a ring around his slate-haired boyfriend.

“You heard that, Tidus,” Demyx laughed, leaning forward to plant a kiss on Zexion’s cheek. “Sorry, but I’m already all-but married. You’ll have to give your chastity to someone else. Now hurry up. You've got ten minutes.”

Tidus winced, reaching into his shorts to grab whatever bits of spare change and dollar bill’s he could find and plopping them onto the table. “I’ll see you,” he cried, waving a goodbye to Demyx, Zexion, and the other occupied inhabitants of the small coffee shop. A round of farewells echoed across the café, following Tidus as he sprinted out the door and down the street.

Nine minutes later, he slammed open the door of the Radiant Garden Homeless Shelter, bending over and huffing in the manner of one who's been oxygen deprived for a few seconds too long.

“One minute,” an icy-looking brunet standing at the entrance said stoically, glancing down at his watch. “I’ll never understand how you are, everyday without fail, a single minute early.”

“Don’t scare the boy, Leon,” a slim, comfortably-clad brunette giggled from across the room, her arms laden with used silverware and trays. “He’s the only one stupid enough to sign up for Saturday mornings without pay.”

“Hey, Yuffie,” Tidus grinned, shooting her a middle-fingered salute. The short haired girl grinned mockingly back at him and disappeared into the crowd of workers. Leon sighed, shaking his head.

“Whatever,” he muttered. “We need you in the kitchens today. Lulu broke her leg a few days ago, and she’s the only Friday-nighter willing to wash the dishes. So hop to it.”

Tidus caught the rag tossed to him in dismay, peering down at the sloppy yellow fabric. “You’re putting me on dish duty?” he cried huffily, holding the small towel between two fingers in disgust. Leon narrowed his eyes.

“Tidus. Go. Now.”

The dirty-blond winced and groaned, shouldering his way through the workers and into the kitchens. The place was oddly empty, save for a single middle-aged man scrubbing at a greasy pot with a sponge. Tidus frowned. Strange. He looked oddly familiar. The man was tall, gray-streaked hair drawn in a ponytail and a bandana covering one of his eyes. A large scar ran vertically down his cheek, and Tidus winced in sympathy. Dude. That thing must have hurt like a mother fuc-

“They’ve got you working on the dishes, too?” the man asked, never removing his intent gaze from the de-germinizing of the pots and pans under his hands. Tidus nodded, grabbing a pair of gloves and sliding them over his fingers.

“Yeah,” he sighed, removing a plate from the huge pile before the taller man and soaping his rag up. “Leon the mighty man-bitch caught me at the door and threw me in here.” He peered at the other man, raising an eyebrow. “What’s your name?” he asked curiously. “I’ve never seen you working here.”

“’S’cause I don’t work here,” the graying man smirked. “My name’s Xigbar. I walked in to grab a bite to eat, and this little brunette bint grabbed me by the collar-”

“That’d be Yuffie.”

“-and said that if I wanted food, I’d have to work for it. So here I am.”

Tidus laughed, and grabbed another pot.

---

It was a tired pair of workers who flopped down onto a pair of chairs in the corner of the room some time later, staring at the clean pile of dishes in exhaustion.

“I should have gone hungry,” Xigbar moaned, throwing his head back against the wall and massaging his neck.

“I should have quit,” Tidus groaned, sliding down in his chair until his back all-but rested on the seat. Xigbar looked at him, raising an eyebrow in question.

“You won’t,” the older man said, folding his arms across his chest. “You don’t look like the kid who’d do that.”

Tidus stifled a pained laugh, popping the bones in his neck. “Nah,” he sighed. “I guess I won’t.”

Xigbar closed his eyes but cocked his head. “Why’re you here in the first place?” he asked curiously. “Why’s a good-looking kid like you spending his Saturday’s volunteering at a homeless shelter? You should be out stoning and fucking. Carpe diem, and all that shit.”

Tidus winced, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. “Shut up,” he muttered, scuffing the toes of his sneakers against the floor. “I’m a jock, I’ve gotta take care of myself. And anyway, I’m doing this ‘cause I want to. My roommate - his name’s Wakka, he works here on Thursday’s and Friday’s - started volunteering at this place a year ago, and Selphie joined up with him a month later. I figured, if they’re gonna do something to…help the community, or whatever, I might as well start pulling my weight. So a few friends and I - you’ve probably seen them; Yuna and Rikku are working with the lunch line, and Paine over there does more hard labor than most of the guys put together - decided to sign up.” Tidus shrugged.

“It’s started as something to do, I guess,” he sighed, sliding a hand into his pocket. “But then I started really enjoying it. There are some nice people here. We have a few regulars, good kids who honestly want to start working soon. They help out sometimes with the younger ones. And it’s convenient, anyway, since it’s a fifteen minute walk from the university.”

Xigbar lifted an eyebrow curiously. “You go to school here?”

Tidus nodded, a grin all-but splitting his face. “Yeah. It’s great. I used to live in Destiny Islands when I was a kid, but our senior year a few friends and I decided to apply to RGU; as a change, you know? We all got accepted, so here we are.”

Xigbar tilted his head, the gesture more demanding than curious. “And you like it here?” He shrugged. “Well, I suppose you do. A jock like you - you’re probably into the whole blitzball scene, huh? ‘S’more than enough reason, I guess.”

Tidus laughed once, before the expression morphed into a contemplative frown. “No,” Tidus said, shaking his head in what might have been vexation if it weren’t so good-natured. “No, it’s not that. It’s the feel of the place, you know?” He sighed, casting his gaze around the room as if in search for a decent explanation.

“Look,” he continued, the words pouring out of his mouth hurriedly. “This place...it's not like Traverse Town back east, where there’s this air of just…sadness and…and desperation about the place. You visit Traverse Town, and it’s like everyone’s just trudging along. It’s not like Hollow Bastion, where it’s only machines and smoke and assembly lines and if you don’t rush then you‘ll be trampled by those who do. And it’s definitely not like The World That Never Was, where everyone’s always looking down at their feet, depressed and alone, unless they’re looking over their shoulders to make sure that no one’s following them.” He sighed, rubbing at his temple.

“This place,” he began again, slowly this time. “This place isn’t like that. It’s…it’s pretty, you know? Gentle. You walk along, and everyone’s hopeful. Everyone smiles at you. You go to the café’s and the staff there knows your name, they know your face, they smile and wave because life is just that good. People are happy, and not just because they pretend to be, but because they are.” Tidus smiled, shrugging lightly. “It’s nice, you know? It’s like you get perfection, plus a blitzball team. Can’t get much better than that.”

Xigbar looked at him for a moment, face blank. And then he fell off his chair laughing.

“Hey!” Tidus cried crossly, an indignant blush crossing his face. “I was being serious!”

The older man snorted, wiping at his eye. “No shit,” he said, not even bothering to fight the smirk spreading across his lips. “That’s why it’s funny.” At Tidus’s indignant squawk, he continued.

“You know,” the graying man sighed conversationally. “I used to live here when I was a kid. A little older than you, probably. And then I got bored. No reason, really, I just wanted to leave. So I did. And it was…” He released an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes upward. “It was just so boring. Nice, I guess. Traveling is always nice. But…it’s not like I found the meaning for life, and one city looks like a lot like the next when you’re only there for a few weeks. So I came back. Figured I might as well.”

Tidus peered at him through his fringe of dirty-blond bangs, cocking his head. “You don’t have anyone waiting for you?” he asked curiously. “You’re not that old,” he muttered, flushing at the other man’s guffaw. “You’re, what? Thirty? Thirty-five?”

“Thirty-two,” the man smirked, shrugging amusedly. “But I can’t promise I didn’t lose count somewhere along the lines.”

“Thirty-two, then,” Tidus continued doggedly. “And if you left when you were around my age, it can’t have been more than a decade or so ago. You’ve gotta know someone living around here.”

Xigbar sneered in self-derision, propping his chair on its two rear legs. “Naw, not really. A few friends, I guess. Parents died a year or so before I left, and I didn’t wanna come back just to mooch off old buddies. I just wanted to see if the place had changed. It hasn’t, y’know,” he muttered when Tidus lifted an eyebrow in question. “This place hasn’t changed. I don’t think it ever will.”

He fell silent then, and Tidus sighed, leaning back in his chair to stare at the ceiling, face drawn in an internal query. There was a pause, then “So you’re gonna stay at the shelter?”

Xigbar raised an eyebrow. Another shrug. “I s’pose,” he said nonchalantly. “I’ve got a car, but I’d rather kip out here than in the middle of Cid’s parking lot. At least I get a warm bed. And it’s not like I’m gonna go running to any of my old friends for help. They’d never let me forget it.”

That strange, contemplative silence descended once more, Tidus biting his lip in almost-worry, Xigbar glancing him over in something that was more than curiosity and just slightly less than desire. He really was an attractive boy - all tanned skin, chiseled muscles, sun-bleached hair and blue, blue eyes. It was far too easy, really, to picture holding those calloused hands over his head, to picture those ocean-blue eyes clouded in utter need.

“A friend and I have an apartment over on Zanarkand Boulevard,” Tidus began slowly, as if weighing the words in his mind. “You could stay with us for a while. Until you get our own place, at least.”

Xigbar’s eyebrows jumped, and his mouth fell open, just slightly. And then his lips fell apart in a loud guffaw.

“You’re a naïve kid, you know that?” he managed to mutter through his barks of laughter, raising a rough hand up to brush at a mirthful tear. “Imagine offering a stranger a room in your house.”

Tidus flushed in indignation and leaned forward fervently. “I’m trying to be nice,” he hissed through gritted teeth. “The shelter’s always full, and at least our apartment’s got a central heating system.”

The older man snorted again, his lips raising in a smirk. “You’re gonna offer a total stranger a place to stay for the night, for however long I need it. I could be a mad-axe murderer, kid. You’re not being very wise.” He closed his eyes, secure in his argument, and let a small smile grace his lips. Imagine. A little spring chick like blitzball-boy here offering an old geezer a home, confident as you please. This generation really had no sense of self-preservation.

There was a snort to his off-left, and Xigbar opened his single eye. Tidus was staring at him, a small smile quirking up the left side of his mouth.

“I’m not an idiot,” the dirty-blond snorted arrogantly, threading a hand through his hair. “If I thought you were dangerous, I wouldn’t have offered. But Paine pats everyone down before they walk inside.” At the taller man’s look of confusion, he elaborated. “Paine. Gray hair, red eyes, looks like a gothic loli. Trust me: if you came in carrying anything, you’re not carrying it no more.” At Xigbar’s look of dawning amusement, he continued.

“And honestly, Gramps,” he cried, leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs proudly. “I doubt you’d be able to hurt me.”

Xigbar’s smile fell, and he raised an eyebrow haughtily. “Dude. You’re calling me old?”

“Not calling you anything,” Tidus retorted cheerily. “Just saying that bones tend to get brittle as a person ages, right?”

Xigbar’s eye twitched, and he cuffed the laughing boy on the side of the head. “Shut up, kid,” he muttered, “Or I just might change my mind and decide to not take you up on your offer.”

Tidus’s ears pricked, and he sat up straight in his seat. “For reals?” he said, his mocking chuckles morphing into laughs of something resembling relief. “You’re really gonna come?”

The graying man allowed a small, guarded smile to cross his face, and he reached into his black overcoat, searching inside the inner pockets. He pulled out a single watch, broad, expensive-looking, and finely-wrought. It looked…familiar. In fact, if Tidus hadn’t known better, he’d have thought that it was…

“Oi!” he cried indignantly, holding up a watch-less wrist. “Is that mine?!”

Xigbar’s shielded smile widened, and he cocked his head in challenge. “You’re the kid I bumped into this morning, aren’t you? Nabbed it off you earlier. You still want me to come?”

Tidus looked at him then, really looked at him, leaning forward in his seat to peer into that single visible golden eye. ‘Hawk-eyes,’ he thought dimly, in a passing poetic impulse. It wasn’t a particularly honest eye. Beautiful in its own way, but not singularly trustworthy or kind.

No, he thought firmly. The eyes weren’t particularly honest. The emotions in them were.

“Why not?” he asked, his mouth curving upwards in a grin as he held his hand out for the watch to plop safely into. “You gave it back, didn't you? Come on,” he called, rising to his feet and dusting his shorts off. “My shift’s over, anyway. I’ll take ya home.”

Xigbar’s eyes widened slightly, and his eyebrows left in his face. The skin around his cheeks darkened, turning the jagged scar a pale white. He said nothing, however, and quietly followed Tidus out of the shelter and into the streets.

They were a good ten minutes from the shelter before Xigbar spoke, the smirk returning once again to his lips, erasing the wary look from his eyes.

“You know,” he muttered offhandedly, crossing his hands behind his back. “I think some kind of payment is necessary for this.”

Tidus halted in his steps, then hurried to catch up to the older man. “No!” he cried, shaking his head furiously. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not like Wakka and I don’t have enough room, and the place is cheap, anyway. You don’t have to bother with payme-”

“I meant you should be paying me,” Xigbar smirked. Tidus suspected that, had the older man both eyes, they’d each be narrowed in amusement. “After all,” he continued, scratching his nose, “I’m gonna have to put up with you. That deserves some kind of reimbursement, don’t ya think?”

Tidus blinked, his mind repeating the statement over and over again. When he decided that yes, that was meant to be an insult, he opened his mouth wide to shout some insult back.

Xigbar leaned close, and slipped his tongue inside that open orifice. He lifted a hand to the back of the younger man’s neck, pulling him closer, letting his tongue tease the shocked one of the dirty-blond standing rigidly before him, writing a single ‘X’ along the tip before sliding it across that smooth palate and back out into his own mouth.

“One o’ those a day,” the taller man said, smirking. “Until I leave, of course.” The smirk widened, but his undamaged eye grew guarded. “D’you still want me to come?”

Tidus stood there for another minute, his mouth gaping and his blue eyes wide and clouded. Xigbar sighed, thrusting his hands into his pockets.

“Is that an invitation?” he asked flippantly. The question was all the dirty-blond needed to start back into action. He flushed, slouching slightly.

“My house is at the end of the street,” he muttered. “Come on.”

Xigbar grinned then, swooping down to plant a wet kiss on the younger man’s cheek. “C’mon, gorgeous,” he laughed, teasing the shell of Tidus’s ear with his tongue. “I want to get settled in before I go and pick up my car.”

With a final nip of the blond’s earlobe, Xigbar pulled away, sauntering down the street, his laughs echoing across the houses.

Behind him, Tidus stood stock-still, staring after the older man strolling down the side-walk as if he owned the place. He sighed, rubbing irritably at his flushed cheeks.

“One a day, huh?” he muttered. “How the hell did I get myself into this?”

It took three weeks before Tidus began paying in advance.

Xigbar never did leave.

…Owari…

---

Author’s End Notes: Oh! I hope that this met your expectations, PR-honey, and that all of you enjoyed it. Crack though it may be, I honestly liked writing this little ficlet. It was interesting, to say the least. If it's not obvious by now, I love throwing people together in situations that just aren't that romantic. You've got the bus in Tinted Rose, and now a homeless shelter. Yeah. Don't ask me how I came up with a homeless shelter. I never remember how I get most of my ideas. Heh. Oh! And for all of you SGW enthusiasts, expect the next update this weekend!

I hope that you all enjoyed, and please remember to leave a review! Honestly, author's appreciate anything, from something as simple as "Nice," to reviews that are paragraphs long. Much love!