Well, ladies and gents, I'm back. With more Zemyx love. And it appears that my net is not coming down after all. I don't know what the hell is up with it. So, a treat for you all!

This is a random thing I came up with in Psychology class. My friend was telling me random stories, and it in turn sparked this random story. So, hope you like it. Even though it's strange and cracky.

Disclaimer: No, Squeenix, I don't claim to own them. So you can't sue me. HA! Something happy to offset the sadness that I don't own them. I don't own anything. I don't even own the random stories in this story. Rachel owns the pink bunnies story, Kay owns the green ducky story. I'm just borrowing them. So sad.

For Celendiar. Because when I first imagined this fic, my very first thought was, "I have to have Celen read it." Wrote it for her specifically, so that she could know the love that was the pink bunnies story and the ducky story. So yeah - here's to you, love.

---

Don't Mess With the Bunnies

by ShadowAili

"How did we get stuck with this again?" Demyx moaned despairingly.

Zexion sighed. "We're teenagers. Adults think that slave labor is our purpose in life."

"But why do we have to be the ones who babysit them all?" Demyx whined, watching the jumping, darting, screaming, six-and-under mass of bodies.

"Well, you did say you didn't want to go to Larxene's wedding," the other commented. "Your own sister, Dem. Come to think of it, maybe it isn't such a surprise that we got tagged with nanny duty. It's just payback for being an insensitive jerk. If you weren't my best friend, I wouldn't be here for love or money."

The blonde looked away shamefacedly, muttering, "I hate her anyway. And Marluxia's too flowery. How is anyone that flaming attracted to my sadistic bitch of a sister?"

Zexion shrugged. "The workings of love are many and mysterious. Sometimes the strangest attractions occur, inexplicably, completely out of nowhere . . . ." He trailed off, staring off into space almost wistfully. After a few moments, he sighed and turned back to his blonde friend. "But because of that, all the wedding guests decided to dump their shrieking progeny upon us. Shouldn't they be in bed?"

"I've tried," Demyx nearly sobbed. "They won't calm down."

"I've got an idea. Midgets!" Zexion called imperiously. The diminutive mob shifted in their general direction. "Time for bed. Demyx will tell you a story."

There was general delight at this pronouncement, and they all went off to the sleeping area.

---

Demyx twitched. Then he twitched again. Then he twitched once more, just for good measure.

"How many stories have you told them now?" Zexion murmured.

"Too many," he moaned. "Why can't they just go to sleep?"

"All right, midgets, let's try this again," Zexion said. The children all flounced back into their blankets obediently. They seemed to like the slate-haired teen, for some reason. "What story do you want now?"

There was a general discussion of the question, and one child was elected spokesman of the group. "We want'choo t'make up a thtowy," he commanded.

"All right," Demyx sighed.

"An' 'th gotta have a mowal."

"Yep."

"An' 'th gotta be longer'n two thententheth."

"Okay. Thententheth?" he muttered to Zexion.

"Sentences," his friend whispered back.

"An' then we'll go t'thleep," the child declared.

"You will?" Demyx asked eagerly.

"Yeth."

"Like, really?"

"Yeth."

"For the rest of the night?"

"Yeth."

"You'll lie down quietly with the lights off and go straight to sleep?"

"Yeth."

"You promise?"

"Yeth."

"All riiiiiiight! We're in business!" Demyx crowed, grinning triumphantly at Zexion.

"Calm down, midgets, or you'll miss the story," Zexion ordered. Immediately they all went quiet.

"Ahem. This is the story of the three pink bunnies," Demyx began.

"Eeew, not pink," one boy complained. "Pink is girly."

"Pink is cool!" a girl shot back. "You -"

"MIDGETS!" Zexion thundered. Everyone shut up.

"Thank you, Zexion. The bunnies are pink. Get over it." Demyx glared, daring anyone to contradict him. "Once upon a time, there were three pink bunnies. The bunnies lived in a meadow of golden flowers. They loved to frolic amongst the golden flowers."

"Bunnies are stupid and boring," someone muttered.

"I don't care!" Demyx cried. "Shut up and listen!"

"Dem," Zexion said gently. The blonde sighed and calmed down.

"So one day, the pink bunnies were frolicking in their meadow, when a brown bear came out of the woods. The bear saw the bunnies jumping and frolicking. So he went over and ate the bunnies."

The girls all started crying, while the boys began celebrating the demise of the bunnies. Demyx twitched.

Zexion noticed. "Midgets," he said soothingly, "I don't think Demyx is finished with his story. Sit down, shut up, and pay attention."

"Thanks, Zexy. Now, you would think that this would be the end of the story. But it's not. See, there was also a blue fox in the meadow -"

"Foxes aren't blue!" someone yelled.

"Yeah, well, they are in this story, so you can shut the fuck up, smartass!" Demyx yelled.

Everyone gasped. Quietly Zexion muttered, "Demyx . . . . try to be careful about your language?"

Demyx took a deep breath and continued. "As I was saying, there was a blue fox in the meadow. Now, for the past two days, the fox had been hiding in the golden flowers and stalking the bunnies, waiting for an opportunity to kill them and eat them."

"Noooo!" a girl shrieked. "The poor bunnies!"

Zexion buried his head in his hands. "Fuck it."

Demyx snapped. "SHUT IT! I'm telling you a story, do you mind?!"

Silence reigned supreme.

"Thank you. Now, as I said, the fox was hungry and had been stalking the bunnies, so he was understandably pissed off at the bear. So he jumped up and yelled, 'What the hell d'you think you're doing, fucker? Those were my bunnies!'

"'I didn't see your name on them,' the bear sneered.

"'So? I hunted 'em for two days, they should've been mine!'

"'Too bad!'

"'Give 'em back, you brown bitch of a bear!'

"'Make me!'

"'You wanna take this outside? HUH?!'

"'We're already outside, dipshit!'

"Now, as you can imagine, the blue fox was quite infuriated by this. So he jumped up and bit the brown bear right on the ass. He bit the bear's ass so hard that the bear threw up the three pink bunnies. The bunnies were still okay, of course - the bear never learned to chew his food, so they were just kinda icky from his stomach acid but still unharmed.

"Now, the brown bear and the blue fox just ignored this and kept on fighting. Meanwhile the bunnies just sat there watching, and they said to each other, 'Who the hell do these fuckers think they are, fighting over who gets to eat us? The fuck is up with that shit? To hell with that!' So the three pink bunnies jumped up and tore those fuckers to shreds. And they lived happily ever after and frolicked in their meadow of golden flowers for the rest of their days.

"And the moral of the story is: don't mess with pink bunnies. Good night." Demyx got up and ran out.

Zexion sighed. "Night, midgets." He followed his best friend, closing the door behind him quietly.

---

"I can't believe you did that," Zexion muttered. "I think some of those kids are going to be traumatized for life." He turned off all the various lights around the house, except the one on the nightstand by the couch.

"I think I'm going to be traumatized for life," Demyx moaned, putting an ice pack on his forehead. "God, I'm so tired."

"Me too." Zexion sat down by his friend. "Can you tell me a bedtime story, Dem?"

The blonde looked at his friend curiously. "You want me to tell you a bedtime story?" he asked incredulously.

The slate-haired teen shrugged. "Sure. You're good at it. Make it one of your random ones."

Demyx sighed, leaning back into the couch cushions and pillowing his head on Zexion's shoulder. "Okay, here goes . . . . once there was a ducky."

"Don't some people call you a ducky? As an odd nickname?" Zexion asked curiously. Then, "Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt."

"'S okay . . . . I don't mind you doing it. You're not a screaming child, so it's endearing instead of annoying." Demyx smiled. "But this was a ducky who wasn't me."

"Oh."

"This ducky was named . . . . um . . . . Zexion!"

"Oh, really?" Zexion sounded amused.

"Yes. And Zexion was a fluorescent, neon green ducky."

"Did someone randomly take a highlighter to him one day?"

"No."

"Did his mother swallow a highlighter while she was pregnant with him?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure."

"Ah. I see."

"Zexion was sad because he was different from other duckies. So he went off, and he walked, and he walked, and he found a neon purple ducky. And Zexion said to the other ducky, 'Will you be with me and love me forever and ever?' But the purple ducky said, 'Idiot, I'm a boy ducky.'"

"But Zexion could have been a gay ducky."

"Perhaps, but the purple ducky wasn't."

"Ohhhhhh."

"So Zexion walked on and on and on, and finally he found a bright neon pink ducky. And he said to the pink ducky, 'Will you be with me and love me forever and ever?' But the pink ducky said, 'Sorry, I'm a lesbian.'"

"Ouch. That burns."

"Yes. Zexion was quite sad now, because he was green and different and no one loved him. It isn't easy being green, you know. So he walked on and on, and he wasn't even paying attention to where he was going. So he accidentally walked into an alien spaceship."

". . . . That can't be good. Did the aliens give Zexion anal probes or something?"

"No. Actually, Zexion was very happy, because he'd found other neon green things. And the aliens accepted and loved him, and he went back home with them to travel the stars. And he married the alien princess. Though it wasn't really a princess, because it had two heads, and one was a guy, and one was a girl. So Zexion, being a bisexual green ducky, got the best of both worlds. And they all lived happily ever after to the end of their days. The end."

Zexion was silent for a few moments. Then he said, "Dem? What was the princess's name?"

Demyx blushed. He'd deliberately left out that little figment of his imagination. "Ah . . . . well, um . . . . not important," he muttered.

"Tell me." A command of evil. When Zexion ordered you to do something, you did it. No matter what you wanted to do, you really had no choice in the matter.

Demyx braced himself. "Well, it was . . . . um . . . . Demyx," he said softly.

More silence. Then, "Dem?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Do you think Zexion could have lived happily ever with Demyx, even if he weren't a neon green ducky?"

"Zexy? What d'you -" But before Demyx had finished the sentence, Zexion had gently pressed their lips together. Demyx froze for a few moments, then responded, warming to his friend's touches. It was so strange, that Zexion, Zexion was touching him like this, but it was exciting, and oh, it felt so good.

After he pulled away, Zexion said softly, "Sorry, but I'm not going to make a great big speech or anything confessing my love for you. Not my style."

Demyx groaned. "Don't care. No stopping, please."

"As long as you don't expect some kind of romantic declaration or something." Zexion stole another light kiss, then pulled back again. "I think there are other, more important ways than words to prove that sort of thing."

Demyx nodded feverishly. "Fine. Now will you shut up and kiss me again already?"

Zexion chuckled and complied, pushing the blonde back gently but inexorably onto the couch cushions and straddling his waist, reaching up to turn off the lamp. "I do hope you weren't trying to suggest some kind of deficiency when you made Demyx half girl."

Demyx gave off an indignant squawk. "I was not! Shut up! I - hey, wait a minute . . . . Zexion . . . . what're you . . . . what're you doing? No, don't take those off!"

"Why not?"

"Because - because the kids are still here! We might wake them up!"

"You kidding? By now, the midgets are dead to the world. Don't worry about it."

"Zexy, don't - oh. Ohhhhhh . . . ."

---

"Hello, ma'am." Demyx tried to smile brightly, though he was still exhausted and perhaps a bit sore in the ass. "Here to pick up your kid?"

"Yes," the woman said, smiling back at him. "Kids, actually. They're twins. Their names are Roxas and Sora."

"Ah, Roxas and Sora?" The blonde looked to Zexion. "Know where they are, Zexy?"

The slate-haired teen nodded. "Yep. Just a minute, ma'am, we'll go get them." He walked away, Demyx following him to the kitchen, where they found a blonde and brunette dueling with giant toy keys.

"Take that, brown bitch!" the blonde cried, striking out.

"I tear you a shred, fucker!" the other replied, swinging furiously.

"And that's enough of that, boys," Demyx said hurriedly, splitting the two apart.

"Well, isn't that going to be fun to explain?" Zexion sighed. "C'mon, midgets, time to go home."

"Thank you for looking after them," the mother said gratefully when they brought the twins to her. "Did you have fun, boys?" Two tousled heads nodded enthusiastically.

"We heard ghost monsters last night! They woke us up," Roxas said smugly.

"My, that must have been scary."

"Nah, I wasn't scared!" Sora said proudly, then blushed a little. "Well, not too much. They weren't after us, anyway. They wanted Demyx and Zexion."

"Oh, really?" the mother asked amusedly, looking to the two babysitters. "And how d'you know that?"

"Well," Roxas said matter-of-fact-ly, "one of them was groaning 'Dem . . . . Demyx . . . .' and the other one was wailing 'Zexy! Zexion! Aaaaaaaaah!' And there was a lot of moaning and panting and grunts and noise."

Demyx was blushing furiously now. Zexion had the grace to look embarrassed and glance away, a slight pink tinge on his cheeks.

"And Demyx and Zexion had a naked sleepover on the couch last night! If Demyx and Zexion can have a naked sleepover, mommy, why can't Roxas and me have one with Riku and Axel?" Sora whined.

"Have fun explaining this one, Demyx," Zexion muttered, turning to leave. "I think I've already filled my bad karma quota for the week."

"What? But Zexy, you can't leave me here! Wait!"

fin

---

Yeah. This fic sucks. Feel free to tell me all about the suckage. I blame it on the fact that I'm half-conscious right now and that anything involving my psychology class does weird things to my head. It's just . . . . something random I wanted to write.

This is actually based on a true story. Seriously. One of my friends had to babysit a mob of children for a bunch of wedding guests and ended up making up the pink bunnies story on the spot. Exactly as I have written it here. Honest to God. I just took it, twisted it around, and threw in some Zemyx 'cause I'm a freak like that.

So, how'd you like? Please tell me what you thought. Even if it's a flame. I prolly deserve 'em for the suckage. But oh well. Review review review! They make me happy, deep in my little authoress soul.

Be seeing you . . . .

-Aili