Epilogue:

12 December 2000, MALLEPA

The western-style bed squeaked as Kei sat down on the end of it, the noise seeming loud to his ears as it penetrated the quiet of the apartment. His gaze darted to the door of the adjacent room where Luka had retired for the day. Outside the hum of the traffic was just audible. The drapes were closed but the soft patter of rain against the window could also be heard. Kei felt the heaviness in his heart lift slightly at the promise of another overcast day.

They had been living in this dingy one-bed apartment in the city for the best part of five years now. It had been Luka who had insisted on moving on from Japan and Kei, at first, had not wanted to, but he didn’t want to be alone either and so he had agreed to come. Luka had not appeared to be either glad of the company or annoyed that Kei chose to stay with him. In recent years the bouts of disquiet had lasted for longer periods of time and Kei was beginning to loathe this life as much as Luka did. Before things had been bearable but now he almost hated what Luka had become. His self-pity and loathing was sometimes more than Kei could stand. He often made threats of suicide and Kei occasionally wished that he would do it for the way things were now was torture between them. He would then berate himself for having such thoughts for, even after so many years, Kei still loved Luka and he just wished there was something he could do to help his mentor.

Kei allowed his gaze to linger on the closed door for a moment longer before making up his mind to disturb Luka’s rest. Once again, Luka had refused to feed and Kei had shouted at him and so the last words that had been spoken between them had been in anger. Except that Luka did not even have the energy to defend himself it would seem. Living like this was torture for both of them.

Kei uttered a sigh and got up from his bed. He didn’t hesitate in opening the door that led to the living room. Luka was sitting on the sofa, staring out at the rain beating against the windows; the drapes having been pulled back.

The younger vampire sat down beside his former lover, feeling a little unsure now. However, as he took in the paleness of Luka’s skin and how even sitting still appeared to be an effort, Kei knew that he had to try.

“It doesn’t look like the rain is going to ease up,” he commented lightly. “Why don’t we go for a walk?”

“I’m tired,” came the short response. “You go if you like.”

“You can’t go on like this. You’re weak. You need blood.”

“I’ll be fine without it.”

“No, you won’t,” Kei shook his head. “Damn it, Luka! Why are you doing this?”

Luka did not reply. Instead he stood up and walked away. Kei felt his anger resurfacing at this and went after him. As Luka reached the door, he stumbled and Kei grabbed his arm to keep him from falling. At this, Luka tried to shake Kei off of him and low in his throat Kei detected a growl and knew that Luka had almost reached his limit.

He grasped hold of Luka’s shoulders, trying to steady him and at this Luka lashed out, knocking Kei back against the doorframe. Within seconds the situation was reversed and Kei was pinned at the shoulders. He winced in pain as his head struck the woodwork but he hurriedly masked this when he felt Luka’s teeth at his throat.

For a few seconds neither vampire moved. Kei could feel Luka’s fangs scraping at his skin and he silently willed the older vampire to drink. He had reached the point where, in desperation, Kei cared very little for the consequences of such an action. He just wanted Luka to be healthy again.

Then Luka seemed to get a hold of himself and slowly the older vampire drew back. His face was full of regret and pain.

“Kei…” he began and trailed off when Kei moved to reveal blood on the frame behind him. He was unable to disguise a small grimace of pain when he touched the gash at the back of his head.

“I’m sorry,” Luka’s tone was dejected and he moved further away, as though he feared that he might hurt Kei more by approaching.

“It’s fine,” Kei snapped and true the wound was already starting to heal.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“This?” Kei held up his bloodied palm for Luka to see. “This is nothing. Seeing you starve yourself to this point hurts me more.”

“I’ve lived for too long,” Luka said with a heavy sigh. “I’m tired, Kei.”

“And what about me? Seeing this display… it’s pathetic! And a far cry from who you used to be.”

“Kei--”

“Don’t, Luka, just…don’t,” Kei snapped as he left the room, being unable to stand it any longer. He slammed the door so hard that it came off of its hinges, but Kei was passed caring. He felt as though he had reached his limit and Kei just didn’t know what to do anymore. He was losing Luka and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it.

“And what about me? Seeing this display… it’s pathetic! And a far cry from who you used to be.”

Luka watched Kei leave the room without further protest. His weary heart clenched as he took in the blood on Kei’s palm and the despair in his eyes. As the years marched on, Luka had struggled to hold himself together and in this most recent decade he knew that he couldn’t do this for much longer now. He had hurt Kei and next time he might do something worse. Luka knew how dangerous starving himself was but he just couldn’t bring himself to feed.

At first he had been glad to be reunited with Kei again but as the time they spent together became longer, Luka started to hate himself more. Kei had changed since they had last parted ways. He had grown colder it would seem and his view of their life was more akin to what Luka’s was all those years ago. Luka couldn’t bear the knowledge that he had done this to the younger man. He felt as though every memory was tainted and there was nothing he could do to shake these feelings.

Even their relationship was not as it had been. Luka’s feelings for Kei had not changed, but almost felt as though he wished that Kei had died all those years ago. By saving his life, Luka had destroyed the innocence that he had loved most about the younger man.

After a while, Kei had ceased trying to rekindle things between them. As a result of Luka’s rejection, Kei had distanced himself also. Sometimes things were unbearable.

These moments between them were the worst and, whereas Luka knew that Kei would calm down and that things would return to the uneasiness that they were before, the truth was that their time together was almost at an end. Years ago, Luka could not have contemplated taking his life whilst Kei still lived, but the younger vampire did not need Luka and, as much as he protested to the contrary, Kei knew this too. Luka often found himself thinking back to the life that they shared before and that that he would have done differently.

He often cursed himself for not having the strength to leave Kei long before he had been fatally wounded. Luka had not wished his curse on anyone, let alone the one person that he had ever really loved. Yet this love was the reason that he had turned Kei to begin with. He had not been strong enough to let Kei die. Luka only hoped that Kei was strong enough to let Luka take his own life for this was all he wanted now. He had lived too long and Luka felt nothing but relief that it was finally drawing to a close. Kei believed that he wouldn’t survive on his own, but Luka knew that he would be able to do so. After all, he had lived for many years without his sire and could do so again.

There was also the possibility that he would turn another. Kei had often stated that he would never do this but even Luka had found the burden of being the only one too great. His first child had been a mistake and Luka hoped that he was dead for he had taken to his new life a little too well.

With a soft sigh, Luka slumped heavily down onto the sofa once more. His gaze once more focused on the rainfall outside. Another year was almost at a close and Luka knew that he would only see part of the next. He felt at peace with this decision and it took some of the heaviness from his heart.

With this choice still at the forefront of his mind, Luka allowed himself to drift off into an uneasy sleep. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard the front door to the apartment slam, but he was too fatigued to give it much thought. Sleep was a welcome relief from the hunger and the pain.

It had been so long since Kei had visited the ocean. It had been a quarter of a century at least since he had last walked across the sand and watched the waves gently lapping against the shore. At one time it had been the most beautiful thing in the world but now it represented something completely different.

They had rented a small shack just on the seafront. It gave a decent view of the beach but Kei knew that they weren’t here for the scenery. They had arrived that evening and so far he had spent a good part of it unpacking. Luka had told him not to bother but he had to be doing something anything. He would either lose his temper or break down and Kei didn’t know which one would be preferable.

A part of him wanted to scream at Luka, to tell him to stop and think about what he was doing but a part of him almost felt relief. Luka had fought with himself for many years and Kei, as much as he did not wish to acknowledge it, knew that such an ending had been on the cards for a long time.

The fear of being alone was overwhelming and Kei just didn’t know what would become of him. He couldn’t bring himself to make another as Luka had suggested. How could he force someone else to be part of this nightmare? He contemplated finding others of his own kind but he had never seen one and often wondered if he and Luka were the only two left.

And soon they’ll be just one. Me.

“Luka?” He found his old lover in the bedroom. He was staring out of the window, seemingly finding the scene tranquil. It wasn’t long until dawn.

“Please don’t do this,” Kei asked of him, his eyes silently begging Luka to reconsider even though he could sense that Luka’s resolve was final. Since that day that Kei had found him again he had known that each second was an effort for Luka, although at the beginning he had tried to fight against it more; for Kei’s sake rather than his own. These past few years had been the worst and Kei had to force him to feed. It was a situation that was unpleasant for the both of them and Kei often wished that there were another way. Any other way but this.

“I’m tired, Kei,” Luka sighed as he finally drew himself away from the window.

He crossed the room and sat down upon the bed. He refused to meet Kei’s eyes, even when the younger vampire sat down beside him. They had never completely regained the relationship that they had, had before they first went their separate ways. Luka’s mood was too sombre to allow for such things and Kei had given up trying. It seemed that Luka was determined to deny himself anything that gave him any kind of happiness. It was almost as though he felt guilty about it and Kei knew that Luka hated himself for turning him.

“Do you remember the first time we went to the beach?” Kei asked softly.

This brought about a rare and faint smile to Luka’s lips. “That really was a long time ago.”

“I wish we could go back to that time,” Kei admitted, keeping his voice low.

“Nothing ever remains the same. You should know that better than anyone.”

“I know,” Kei sighed. “Luka--”

He was cut off when his mentor closed the gap between them and pressed an uncertain kiss to Kei’s lips. It had been so long and Kei felt tears welling up in his eyes, despite his best efforts to force them back down.

“I love you,” was uttered as Luka drew back and Kei had to fight to keep his composure and yet he could not bring himself to return these sentiments for it was simply too painful for him.

As though sensing this, Luka got to his feet once more and reached for his coat. “I’m going for a walk,” he said but they both knew the truth behind his words. Kei held his mentor’s gaze, silently willing him to change his mind but they were passed that point now.

“I’ll come with you,” Kei stood also although his words were marred with fear. He wasn’t ready to die and they both knew this. “I’ll stay as long as I can,” he added and he saw some gratitude in Luka’s expression before he was able to mask it. In spite of everything, Kei didn’t want him to be alone.

As they left the shelter, Kei felt that they had reached some sort of closure. Being alone terrified him but in a small way, Kei felt relief. An understanding between them had been reached and Kei would rather take comfort in the memories than continue with the way that things had been between them.

End.