|Into Sakura's Lair
Author: ohwhatsherface PM
While Sakura sleeps, Naruto and Sasuke go through her bag in search of food. Tampons and underwear galore.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Sasuke U. & Naruto U. - Words: 2,174 - Reviews: 138 - Favs: 460 - Follows: 41 - Published: 03-11-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3434718
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Title: Into Sakura's Lair
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Naruto's lip trembled as he tightened his arms around his stomach. He whimpered pathetically, and when a loud noise came from his gut, his cheeks turned pink. The blond turned over, hoping to ease the pain of epic starvation. He sobbed again when moving did nothing at all to help, and if possible, simply made him feel even hungrier.
"Shut up, dobe."
All his energy came back to him at the sound of Sasuke's voice. Naruto narrowed his eyes, sitting up and pointing a finger at his Sasuke, who was sitting against a tree. He opened his mouth to shout some curses, but before the words could slip past his lips, his stomach grumbled once again and he whined pathetically. Naruto used in a pleading tone as he looked at Sasuke, pouting: "Oi, Sasuke, do you have anything to eat?"
Sasuke snorted. "Why should I give anything to you?"
"I… um… because… well I'm your teammate!" Naruto barked, waving his arms in the air. "Don't you remember that time with the bells, you bastard?! You need to share food with me or I'll be tired and our team will be slow…" Naruto frowned thoughtfully, not quite sure if what he was saying made sense. Being without food confused him sometimes. "Well, something like that! The point is you need to feed me, dammit!"
Inside, Naruto was cheering.
He was overjoyed.
Sasuke had food!
Now it was just a matter of getting him to share—
"Hn, well I don't have any." Naruto's jaw visibly dropped and he fell onto the floor again. He was sure he could see Sasuke smirking at his misfortune. "…but maybe Sakura has some."
The blond sat up once again, looking towards the third member of their team, who was fast asleep a meter or so away from the two boys, oblivious to their conversation. Team Seven was coming back home from a mission in northern Fire Country. In the middle of their trip home, they decided to just camp out for the night since they were so tired.
Another grumble from Naruto's stomach snapped him out of his thoughts, and his gaze moved over to Sakura's backpack, sitting innocently by her feet. Her back was facing Naruto and Sasuke, while she used her arm as a pillow.
Now Naruto might not have been as smart as Sakura or as sharp as Sasuke, but he had enough common sense to know not to go into Sakura's bag without her permission. If he did, she would surely kill him! His common sense, however, was also telling him that in order to get that permission he would have to wake Sakura up from what she called her 'beauty sleep'—another thing Sakura would beat him to a bloody pulp for.
Naruto gulped, weighing his options.
Go straight to Sakura's bag and look for food, or wake Sakura up first?
It seemed like a lose-lose situation—
Naruto's eyes widened when a second plan came to mind. With a large smile, Naruto called out, "Oi, Sasuke!"
"Can you wake up Sakura-chan for me?" Naruto pleaded, trying to be cute with Sasuke by giving him puppy dog eyes (and, of course, failing).
Even Sasuke knew better than to disturb Sakura in her sleep. He shuddered, replaying in his head the time Kakashi told him to wake up Sakura. The moment his hand reached her shoulder to stir her from her sleep, her fist had made its way to his face at a speed he was unable to dodge, even with his quick reflexes. When her eyes finally fluttered open and she stretched and yawned the way she did anytime she woke up on her own, she sent Sasuke an evil look, telling him that a good, hard hit was the punishment for interrupting her rest.
Despite her crush on Sasuke, the consequence for bothering Sakura when she slept would be the same for him as it was for anyone else.
She liked her sleep almost as much as Naruto liked his ramen, Sasuke liked his training and Kakashi liked his books.
Sasuke twitched when Naruto's whimpering began to annoy him. He didn't feel pity for the blond; Naruto was just getting on Sasuke's nerves with his pathetic little noises.
"Just look for some food and shut up."
"But she'll kill me if I touch her bag!" Naruto protested fearfully.
Sasuke shrugged. "Then starve, for all I care." He sighed, slouching back. "Besides, she won't see you. She's asleep, you idiot."
Naruto sighed, knowing that Sasuke was right. And besides, this was a matter of life and death, Naruto declared in his mind. Sakura wouldn't mind…
Taking a deep breath, Naruto ran over to where Sakura's backpack sat and opened it up quietly, sniffing it, hoping to find something to eat. He felt around inside Sakura's bag and decided that just using his sense of touch wasn't going to help him find a decent meal. Carelessly, he lifted it upside down, and poured its contents onto the floor.
"…idiot," Sasuke muttered when Naruto cringed at the loud crash he made.
Slowly, the blond boy glanced at Sakura to check if she was awake or not; luckily, she was still asleep. Now grinning, Naruto began rummaging through her things to find some food. He noticed a small box among the pile of Sakura's stuff and lifted it. It was white with a few light pink stripes on it. Naruto shook the box close to his ear, trying to determine its contents.
He read the label aloud to himself, "Tampons." With a frown, he turned to Sasuke. "Oi, Sasuke, what are 'tampons'?"
A dark flush passed by Sasuke's face, but he quickly turned his head away from Naruto's view. Naruto was just too blissfully ignorant, in Sasuke's opinion. "You really are an idiot."
Naruto frowned and decided to get an answer by opening the box.
"It's not food, you moron!" Sasuke muttered harshly.
Naruto did not care though. Now he was curious. What were tampons? What about them made Sasuke nervous? Shrugging, Naruto pulled something out of the box. Whatever the thing was, it was wrapped in yellow plastic and looked like—
"Sasuke, you lying bastard!" Naruto exclaimed. He waved the wrapped-up tampon around by Sasuke's face. "This is so food. It's wrapped like food!" Naruto's eyes grew angrier. "You just want me to starve, don't you?!" Naruto let out a huff and proceeded to unwrap what he thought was food.
"It's not edible."
"I'm sorry, I don't talk to lying bastards who want their teammates to starve," Naruto said sarcastically.
He ripped the yellow plastic and pulled out—
"What the heck is this?" The blond looked at the contents with bewilderment written all over his face. He sniffed, hanging it by a thin white string at its end, all the while wondering what its flavor was. No smell reached his nose, however, and Naruto was growing more confused by the minute. "Sasuke, what is this thing? It doesn't smell like food."
Sasuke growled. "Of course not, idiot. It's not food."
"Then what's the point of this thing?"
"Why the hell should I tell you?!" Sasuke snapped.
Naruto glared at him. "Fine, there's some sort of paper in the box."
He stuck his tongue out at Sasuke before reading over the paper. Naruto's eyes grew wider and wider as he took in the words written on the sheet. Loudly, he shrieked and threw the box away from him, along with the one tampon in his hand.
"AH! GET IT AWAY FROM ME! GET IT AWAY!"
After a good ten minutes, Naruto calmed down. He had been jumping up and down, wiping his hands on the grass, trees, and even Sasuke's shirt (which resulted in a good string of angry curses that temporarily distracted Naruto from his 'loss of innocence'), screaming that he had been tainted and would never be the same again.
Really, it was a wonder how Sakura was able to sleep through all of that.
Naruto took a deep breath and stalked over to the mess on the ground he had created when he poured the contents of Sakura's backpack onto the floor. "Okay, food… food… where are you food?"
He pulled his hand out of the pile after grabbing a random item. He lifted into the moonlight to see it clearly and his eyes widened. In his hands, Naruto was holding—
"You idiot!" Sasuke raged, narrowing his eyes at what was in Naruto's grip.
He was thirteen-years-old and painfully aware of just what Naruto was holding this time. Being the male he was, who, unfortunately, at the moment, was suffering from puberty, Sasuke failed to stop his mind from wondering just when the hell Sakura started to wear such skimpy looking underwear. Nor could he keep himself to picture her in—
"Gah!" Sasuke shook his head rapidly to get the thought out of his head.
Terrified of women's lingerie (this time not so ignorant) Naruto wanted the lacy panties as far away from him as possible. He threw the scrap of clothing over at Sasuke like he did with the tampons and repeated wiping his hands all over the grass, trees and Sasuke's shirt.
Naruto took a deep breath and whimpered after Sasuke threw him on the floor for trying to use his shirt as something to 'clean' his hands with.
"Oi, Sasuke, I think…" he trembled, "I think I lost my appetite."
Sasuke was skeptical. "Really?" Naruto not hungry was surely impossible—
There was a brief pause before Naruto made a response.
"Nah, I don't think that's possible." He went back over to the pile of things that were earlier in Sakura's backpack and resumed his search for food. This time, he pulled out another box which he wearily pulled out after reading the label. "Wax strips?" He took one piece out and examined it under the moonlight.
The Uchiha spared him a glance to see what he found this time and frowned.
Naruto playing with wax? That couldn't end well.
"I wonder…" Naruto mumbled, taking the protective covering off of one strip. He pulled up his pant leg and pressed the strip against his skin.
"No don't!" Sasuke warned hastily. No man, not Naruto—hells, not even Itachi (er, well maybe)—deserved to go through what Naruto was about to. He jumped off from the ground to grab the wax strip away from Naruto before he could stick it to his leg, but he was too late. "Shit."
Grinning cheekily, Naruto patted the sticky material against his leg harder. "So what do think these do, teme?"
Sasuke shook his head and sighed. "Just don't scream."
Naruto looked at Sasuke expectantly but the other boy just turned away with a regretful sigh, mumbling about 'the idiot going where no man's gone before'. Shrugging, Naruto grabbed the part of the strip that wasn't glued to his leg and quickly ripped it off of his leg—
"ARGH!" Naruto's eyes widened immensely as pain ran through ran through his entire leg. He looked down and saw a bare spot where the strip had been. He glared at Sasuke, who was shaking his head in disappointment. "Damnit, Sasuke, why the hell didn't you warn me?!"
"I did!" Sasuke spat back in annoyance.
Naruto continued rubbing his leg painfully. "Ugh, now I am so not hungry. Tampons, underwear and wax?! I don't think I can take this anymore." He shuddered fearfully. "Next thing you know, I'm going to find some kind of torturing device in her pack!"
It went silent.
Sasuke and Naruto met eyes, and then carefully glanced at the pile of things that were in Sakura's bag.
Sasuke was first to speak. "Do you think…?"
"I don't know…" Naruto gulped. "Should we check?"
Not daring to touch anything else, they simply peered over Sakura's stuff. A small glimmer caught their eyes and both boys jumped back, terrified. Slowly, with a stick he picked up, Sasuke poked at the shiny, metal device and lifted it. It looked like a pair of scissors except the bottom part was all twisted up—
"From years of torturing people," Naruto whispered, examining the device. He loosened his collar and glanced at Sakura who was still asleep. "Do you think she kills people?"
Sasuke ignored him and put the metal thing back in the pile. "Put everything back in her bag and let's just pretend this never happened."
"Good idea," Naruto responded.
He was so not hungry anymore.
A/N: yep, it's an eyelash curler.