|The Worst Thing
Author: moosey16 PM
After death, the Star Wars crew’s adventures still aren’t over as they discover that the worst thing that can happen to a Jedi is not the Dark Side, it’s Mary Sue.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 21,324 - Reviews: 142 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 12-02-07 - Published: 03-11-07 - id: 3435160
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I'm just writing this completely for fun. I read a few of them for other genres and decided to give it a try for myself, have fun and many laughs while I'm doing it.
Review with any comments. Suggestions are most welcome because I have no set in stone future plot for this. I would also like some fake reviews to add at the end of 'The Other Chosen 1'. Anything is welcome for that.
Warnings include OOC, possible slash, violence, and sexual themes. But I will try to keep this rated T.Chapter One: The Other Chosen One
Anakin smiled and gazed at his beautiful wife, Padmé, as they sat in their room in the Netherworld of the Force. It had been a hundred years of since they had moved into the Netherworld together. Padmé had gone ahead and they had been separated briefly when she had died in childbirth. Now, they all lived together in the Netherworld. Obi-Wan was down the hall with Masters Yoda, Windu and Qui-Gon. Anakin's children Luke and Leia and Leia's husband Han all lived nearby too.
Even their former enemies like Darth Maul, Count Dooku, General Grievous, Grand Moff Tarkin and Emperor Palpatine had come to coexist with them in the Netherworld. It was nice for Anakin to finally be at peace with himself and those around him.
But Anakin didn't know how disturbed that peace was about to get.
His former Jedi Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, walked into the room holding some sort of strange black rectangle. He handed it to Anakin. "Does this belong to you?" asked the Jedi Master giving him a curious look.
Anakin turned the thing over in his hands and Padmé watched with curiosity. "What is it?" he asked.
"Master Yoda seems to thing it is called a book," Obi-Wan said. "He says it used to be used to tell stories. I think it has your name on the cover." He pointed to some pink writing underneath the words 'The Other Chosen 1' that said 'anakinsrealluvur'.
Padmé cast Anakin a suspicious glance. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?" the former Queen and Senator asked him.
Anakin tried to explain. "I have no idea what this is!" he tried to tell her. "Get it our of here, Obi-Wan!"
Obi-Wan took the book back. "Fine," he said. "I'll just go give it back to Master Yoda. Maybe he has some other ideas for it."
The Jedi Master walked over to the door and pressed the button, but the door didn't open. "Uh oh," he said sadly.
"What?" Anakin asked.
"Your door," said Obi-Wan, "It won't open."
"Impossible," Anakin argued, getting up and pressing the button. "Try using the Force," he suggested.
Obi-Wan did. Still, nothing happened.
He sighed. "I guess I'm stuck here with this book."
Anakin groaned. All he wanted was to be alone with Padmé. He went back over to the couch sat down. Obi-Wan followed and sat down on Padmé's other side. He fingered the book in his hands.
"If we're going to be stuck here, perhaps we should read this book for entertainment," he suggested. Padmé and Anakin agreed. What else did they have to do?
"Let's each take turns reading a chapter at a time," Padmé suggested.
"Sounds fair," said Obi-Wan. "I'll start off."
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… (A/N: well actuallie it starts off real close, on earth!)
"Earth?" Anakin and Padmé asked Obi-Wan.
"I don't know," he said. "That's what it says here. It must be another planet."
"This doesn't look like a very promising story," Padmé said.
"Your probably right, look she spelled 'actually' wrong," Obi-Wan said. "That's a tell-tale sign of bad writing. I have a bad feeling about this."
Perfectua Bellenina was the most beautiful girl on the whole planet, actually the whole universe.
"Well that's wrong," Anakin told Padmé. "You're the most beautiful girl in the whole universe."
"At least my name is normal," she replied.
Obi-Wan glared at them and continued reading.
Every boy in the whole wide world was chasing after her. She had perfect, silky, raven black hair that shone with the light of all the suns in the galaxy.
"How can black hair shine like a sun?" Padmé asked. "Suns are bright and black is not."
Her eyes were perfectly shaped little orbs that changed color with her mood, and her body was as hot as a girl's body could get. Right now, her eyes were a bright blue because she was soooo happy. She had just seen the last Star Wars movie. Anakin was soooo hot when he was evil!
Padmé and Obi-Wan stared at Anakin.
"What?" he asked innocently, seemingly enjoying being described as 'soooo hot'. "I can't help it if I'm hot when I'm evil."Anyway, she walked into her gigantic mansion house (didi mention she's rich?). Perfectua gasped as what she saw. There was a bloody old man lying in her foyer! She recognized him as being Ben Kenobi from Star Wars Episode IV!
"Wait a minute!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. "What is this nonsense? How does she recognize me and why am I bloody in her foyer?"
"You're just mad because she thinks I'm hot," Anakin said. "Keep reading."
"Ohmigosh! Ben Kenobi!" Perfectua exclaimed. Her eyes turned to blue for shock.
"Wasn't blue happiness?" Padmé asked.
"You must be Perfectua," Ben breathed. Perfectua knew he was dying. She was very, very smart too.
Padmé snorted. "Get real," she said to the book.
"Yes, Ben, what is it? Why are you like dying in my foyer?"
"I came here to tell you something," he explained. "Earth is not your home planet. You were really born on Coruscant, the capital of the Galactic Republic. The galaxy needs your help."
"But what about Anakin?" Perfectua asked. She looked very cute and sexy when she was concerned for hot guys like Anakin. "Isn't he the chosen one?"
"If she ever comes here for real, I'll strangle here," Padmé growled.
Anakin put his arm around her comfortingly. "Don't worry. I can't help it that girls think I'm hot."
Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "Excuse me! I want to see if she kills me off or not. I do hope she does because then I can't come back and be abused even more."
"Anakin is too weak to fulfill his destiny," Ben said. "We need you to come and help him. You are the other chosen one."
"Too weak to fulfill my destiny?" Anakin screamed. "I did kill Palpatine, I did, I did!" he whined.
"Ohmigosh!" Perfectua exclaimed. "Do I get to go away in a starship and meet Anakin?" That was her dream come true. She always wanted to meet Anakin, that super hot badass Jedi.
Padmé groaned. "Yes, we all know how you think Anakin's hot. Can we talk about something else now?"
"Yes," Ben managed to say. His breathing was beginning to slow down and he started to die.
"I'm just staring to die?" Obi-Wan asked in disbelief. "I thought I was dying before she came into the house.
"Nothing seems to be logical in this story," Padmé stated.
"There's more you should know," Ben said. "You are a Jedi and you can use the Force. You have an even higher midi-chlorian count than Anakin. You father is…"
Then Ben died.
"Finally!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. "Now I can just sit back and listen to your characters get mercilessly mutilated and out of character!"
Anakin and Padmé stared at him. "If that's what happened after he was only in one chapter, imagine what will happened after two," Anakin whispered as Obi-Wan glared at the book angrily.
"Ohmigosh, Ben! You're dead!" Perfectua yelled in despair. Obi-Wan had been kind hot in Episode I but not as hot as Anakin in Episode III.
Obi-Wan smiled. "She doesn't have entirely bad taste," he said.
"I'm still hotter!" Anakin bragged.
Padmé glared at both of them. "Keep reading!" she ordered.
Suddenly, legions of battle droids appeared in her house her house. "Ohmigosh! They must have followed Ben here to kill me!" she decided. Perfectua stole Ben's lightsaber and killed all the droids with her kickass lightsaber moves that were way better than Anakin's even though he was totally hot.
"Better than mine?" Anakin gasped incredulously.
"I doubt it," Obi-Wan said. "That must have been the very first time she ever picked up a lightsaber. This Perfectua is too perfect. Oh my, it even says it in her name."
She took Ben's lightsaber and hooked it to the belt of her super hot jean skirt that showed off her skinny, muscular legs and ran through her clean house, cluttered with battle droids house till she found Ben's starship.
"Geez," said Padmé. "We can only take so many contradictions at once. Can we please try to get that door open again?"
"No," Anakin and Obi-Wan said simultaneously.
"I need to make sure she keeps saying that I'm hot."
"I want to watch you both suffer through the rest of this while I'm dead."
Like the expert she was, Perfectua started up the ship and flew off to the galaxy far, far away.
A/N… Well's there's the first chapter of my soon to be masterpiece, The Other Chosen 1! I really hope you like Perfectua! I know I do!
"Ok," Padmé said standing up. "That's the end now. Let's try to get that door open again."
"No," Anakin pulled her back down. "There's still loads more chapters to read."
Padmé groaned and looked over at Obi-Wan. "Please," she begged. "Talk some sense into him."
Obi-Wan shook his head as the door to the apartment opened. Jedi Master Yoda walked in.
"Belong to him the book does?"
"Master! Don't let the door-," the door closed behind Yoda, "-close."