Disclaimer: I don’t own anything you recognise; it belongs to Southern Star and Channel Seven. The song is “In Front Of Me” by Nickelback.

Summary: How did Amy feel as she said goodbye to PJ? Oneshot

Amy had spent most of the day staring up at the clock on the wall above PJ’s head, watching as the hands spun around the numbers faster than they should. The normally bounding and overly cheerful atmosphere had been replaced by an eerie, saddened silence. She had been counting down in her head the hours and minutes until he would walk out the door and leave them forever.

Chair legs scraped against the floor, and Amy’s head shot up as PJ rose from his seat, looking around with fondness, as if trying to commit each and every minute detail into memory. His blue eyes turned misty and a sad smile met his lips.

Amy’s heart sped up as green eyes met blue. Her breath caught in her throat, forming a lump she couldn’t swallow down. She began to bite her lip, knowing that she was going to say something stupid, something she didn’t really mean.

PJ smiled at her weakly as he walked out into the muster room, instantly catching the attention of the uniforms in a way that Amy had thought only Tom Croydon could. Amy rose to her feet, her legs threatening to give way as she followed PJ to the door.

“I guess this is it.” PJ declared as he headed for Tom’s office, and let himself be enveloped in a strong blokey hug. Amy felt an empty wind whistle through her heart. This was it.

It’s hard to breathe from underneath

Smothering in all your heat

It’s hard to take, it’s tough to break

So I don’t make the same mistakes

Amy could barely move, her feet felt stuck to the ground. PJ emerged from Tom’s office, and the uniforms gave him a final farewell. Yet, as PJ approached her, Amy couldn’t speak, and neither could he. They stood, just centimetres apart, so close that Amy could feel his breath running over her face. He reached out towards her, holding her shoulders in that gentle, supportive nature that he had always shown her.

He could never hurt her, yet Amy couldn’t say a word. She just smiled at him sadly and felt her heart give a sickening lurch as PJ withdrew his hands. It seemed to finally set in just what PJ leaving would mean for her. The only person who understood her would be gone. It would be like going back to the place where she used to be, the one she’d sworn she’d left behind when she let herself trust PJ.

It would just be Amy battling against it all on her own again.

Fingernails filled with dirt

If you don’t tell, you don’t get hurt

I cry for help, I pray to God

Another tear he tries to rob

To rob me of my dignity

Cause sanctuary’s far away from me

Amy watched as PJ turned and walked out of the station, his belongings piled into a cardboard box. This felt wrong, like it shouldn’t be happening. PJ had been such an integral part of her life for the last six months, and she was letting him walk out of the door and out of her life without so much as ‘goodbye’.

At Susie’s desk, the phone rang. It seemed to be the signal that the uniforms needed to tell them that it was just another day at the office in Mt. Thomas. Amy began to bite her lip absentmindedly, her mind conflicted. Two voices were arguing in her head, one was the logical side she had used to protect herself, the other was the emotional side she never listened to. She was so lost her own thoughts that she couldn’t hear Mark calling out to her.

Amy was brought back to reality when Susie grabbed her shoulder. Susie jumped away as Amy suddenly stalked off, grabbing the CI car keys from the hook as she went, ignoring Mark and Tom’s calls for her to return.

She entered the familiar Imperial Hotel, knowing that if PJ was still in Mt. Thomas, then he had to be here. Amy scanned the public bar desperately, but there was no PJ amongst the midday crowd. She flopped down into the nearest chair, massaging her temples. When she got back to the station, there would be hell to pay for her appalling disobedience.

Chris emerged from the foot of the stairs, stopping as she caught sight of Amy, sitting in a corner with her head in her hands. The redheaded publican approached, watching Amy with concern.

“Amy?” she queried, startling the detective back to earth. Amy looked up and met Chris with a sad face. “If you’re looking for PJ, he’s through there…”

Amy couldn’t remember a time she had been more pleased with Chris. She jumped up, called a rushed ‘thank you’ and walked briskly to the stairs, where PJ was walking towards the door. It was no or never.

“PJ!” she called. PJ spun at the mention of his name, the slightest trace of a smile playing on his face. He didn’t seem surprised that she had followed him; maybe he had known she would. He always seemed to know her better than she knew herself. Amy could feel her breathing becoming fast and uneven. “I just wanted to say…” She paused, quite unsure where she was going with this. It had all been a moment of insanity she couldn’t control. “…I don’t know what I’m going to say.” Amy gave a weak shrug.

Tears glistened in her eyes as she looked at PJ. Her resolve had weakened to the point where she could no longer keep a lid over her emotions. PJ seemed to watch her sadly, as he moved towards her. He moved his lips slowly towards her, not really taking Amy by surprise. After all, this was what she had followed him for. She let her eyes drift closed and let PJ draw closer than he had ever been.

The void that saying goodbye had created was vanishing, being replaced by a warm, fuzzy feeling that she wasn’t really used to. But then something else clouded her mind. Her uncle’s voice, telling her in an echo of years long past “this is what people who love each other do”.

A feeling of fear ran down her spine, causing her to freeze. PJ had read her body language; he knew that something wasn’t quite right. Amy could feel her breath becoming uneven again. She hated to do this, but she knew she had to. She turned her head, just slightly, to the side. PJ got the hint. He continued to move in, but kissed her on the cheek instead.

So broke inside, don’t run away

And find another place to stay

And make our inhibition go away

Because I’m so afraid

PJ pulled away, letting Amy try to regain what little composure she could. Her tears were too far gone to try to stop, and her heart was beating wildly in her chest.

“Good luck,” she managed in a hushed, barely audible voice that PJ barely heard. But he did. He smiled at her as he turned to leave again, and the cold wind yet again blew through Amy’s heart. The place where PJ once was seemed to now be a malevolent spirit of good times past, never again to bring that light into her world.

Amy stood there, letting the tingle on PJ’s lips play on her cheek. She rose a hand to it thoughtfully, just letting herself take it all in. It struck her. She had one last chance.

Amy shoved past Chris as she raced out into the car park of the Imperial Hotel.

“PJ!” she called as she scanned the car park desperately. “Peej!”

Her desperate cried were only met with the sound of traffic going by on the street nearby, one of the cars could very possibly be PJ’s. But it was too late now. Tears fell down her cheeks and hit the cement next to her feet.

“I want you to stay.”

Out in the yard is where I play

Don’t come in cause I’m afraid

You saw my face, I faced my friends

Do I tell or just pretend?

I found a friend, a friend who knows

Who says he’ll help but then he goes.

END