A/N

italics flashback, bold Joey observations

I park my car across the street from the Firecracker Lounge and tiredly get out, heading to the trunk. I had been at the Diner for the past three hours sobering up. Let's just say that I won't be drinking anything stronger than beer anytime soon. Jenny had to take me to the backroom after Sean and Kevin practically carried me inside.

I could have sworn I saw both of them take a picture with their cell phones after I fell on my ass in front of the lunch crowd.

So, here I was, still-not-so-sober, trying to haul a six pound box full of alcohol out of my trunk and across the street. I'd been trying to get Jimmy on the phone all day to ask him to come and pick it up himself, but everytime I called the bar, Sean would answer and tell me a different story everytime. He was almost as bad of a liar as I was-- almost. Not quite. But he lied bad enough that I knew something was going on in there, but at this point I didn't care what. They were just going to do it anyway.

If there's one thing I've learned about the Donnelly brothers over the years-- it's this. No one can talk them out of doing anything they set their minds too. I can't count how many times I tried to talk Jimmy out of doing something stupid, and even when I went to Tommy (which is still a normal occurence) about it and he tries to talk him down, he still goes ahead and does it, usually roping Sean and Kevin along too.

Kevin wasn't exactly a criminal mastermind, but it was all he knew. But Sean-- Seany was different. He's a good kid. Sometimes I think he'd follow Jimmy and Tommy into hell if they asked him to. Don't get me wrong, Kevin's a good guy too, but Sean has a certain sweetness. He could do so much with his life. Hopefully Tommy can get through to him one of these days. It sure as hell isn't going to be Jimmy who does it. That's for sure.

I start walking across the street and see Tommy drive up with some girl I'd never seen before. Probably his latest ploy to get over Jenny. Fat chance. Sean was standing on the corner. Why wasn't he inside and why did he have a pipe in his hand? Oh, yeah. Now I knew something was going on. Sean was always the lookout. Never on the front lines.

Tommy gets out of the car and walks up to Sean. "Where's Louie?"

Sean looks at him blankly. "Louie, who?"

I let out a deep breath, trying not to fall over from the heavy box. "Can someone open the door for me before I have a heart attack?"

Tommy and Sean both look at me and then at eachother. Sean runs a hand through his hair, nervously. "Not a good time, Mad."

"Oh, yeah? Why's that, Sean? Huh?" Tommy asks him.

I step over to the door past the boys, waiting for Tommy to open it. "Jimmy knew I was coming. He told me last week to bring the drinks by."

Sean shakes his head, "I um-- I think he forgot."

"Christ." Tommy sighs, swinging the door open angirly. "Keep an eye on Kim in the car, will you? I'll be back."

I walk inside before him and put the box on the counter. "Do you wanna tell me what the hell's going on or what? Where's Jimmy?"

Tommy is about to answer when Joey comes out from under the counter. "Where the hell did you come from?"

"I've been here. I didn't take anything-- in case you were wondering." Joey says.

"Where's Kevin?" asks Tommy.

"Really, I didn't take anything." Joey answers, avoiding the original question.

"Where the hell is Kevin, Joey?" I ask, more sternly.

Joey just looked back and forth from me to Tommy. "Get out of here." Tommy says just as Kevin comes up the stairs.

"Kevin, what the hell is going on?" I shout as he starts going back down almost immidiately.

Tommy starts for the stairs calling his name, but turns back to me first. "You shouldn't be here. Go back to the Diner."

I cross my arms over my chest and stare him down. He gives me a look, "You need to go. I'll take care of it, Mads. Promise."

You can never talk a Donnelly brother out of anything, and when they tell you that you shouldn't be there (especially Tommy), you really shouldn't.

The last time I didn't listen to that little voice inside of me and stuck around for what came next, I ended up in lockup for fours listening to Kevin talk about some girl from the neighborhood who asked him to do something really disgusting to her with his tongue. Yeah, that was a great night.

"Yeah, alright. I'm going." I said as he continued down the stairs.

When I left the bar, Sean was in the car with that girl Tommy showed up with. There's a big surprise. He must have been too worried about what Jimmy and Kevin were doing to remember the golden rule about Sean and girlfriends.

It was around nine and I'd been on shift at the Diner since four. I look up from stocking some stuff under the counter and see Tommy leave. I hadn't even noticed him.

I walk over to Jenny and grab a damp towel. "So, what'd Tommy have to say?"

Jenny shrugs, "Ah, nothing. We were just talking. He'd been here for awhile drawing." She glances over at me briefly before taking out the sugar packets. "Frankie was here talking to him before."

I stop for a second but keep wiping, not wanting to seem worried or interested. "Yeah? Everything's okay I hope?"

Jenny nods, "I guess. They just-- I don't know, seemed kind of serious is all. I didn't hear anything they were saying."

"No need to listen in on conversations with Frankie, Jen. I'm sure it's not anything."

Jenny stops stocking and shifts her weight, leaning on the counter. "Did something happen?"

"No, I mean-- I don't know. I went over to bring the booze to the bar today and Sean and Kevin were acting weird. Jimmy wasn't there and Tommy showed up. He was upset at something. I guess I'm preparing for the worst." I run my hands through my hair and lean on the counter.

"You don't even know that he did anything. He could have just been out somewhere doing something. You know Jimmy. He's always doing something."

I shake my head, "I don't know-- lately he's been different, you know? He's banged out of his head all the time. It makes him do really dumb shit. I'm just-- God, Jenny."

Jenny puts a hand on my shoulder, "Mad."

"It pisses me off more than anything. I can't help him. I've tried but he's so deep into it. I love him more than anything." I try to say without crying.

"I know you do. I know. He loves you. Even if he doesn't know how to show it some of the time."

I laugh, "That's got to be the understatement of the year. He used to know how to show it. It used to be real easy for him. Lately, he's just-- crazy. It's gonna get him killed. I know it. I can feel it."

Jenny is about to say something when the phone rings at the end of the bar. "I'll get that." she says, walking to the other end. I took a deep breath, finishing up the stocking.

I hear the phone drop and look over at Jenny who is as pale as a sheet. "What? Jenny-- what?"

She looks up at me from the floor, trying to hold it together. "It's Sean."

There was no explanation needed. But Sean wasn't the only thing on my mind. Jimmy. Oh God, please don't let them have been Italians.

But deep down, I knew they were.

Some people have a thing about hospitals. I know people from the neighborhood who'd lost so many people in this place that they'd hold their breath whenever they would pass the building. I was not one of those people.

I'd spent most of my life making trips to this same local hospital two or three times a month, since I was fourteen. I can't even count how many times I've gotten calls in the middle of the night thinking 'Pop's finally dead. The son of a bitch finally got himself drunk enough-- said something dumb enough to the wrong person-- and he's dead.' But he never was. He just needed a ride home. So I'd sit and wait for him to be stitched up, have his stomach pumped, or even be bandaged up.

I stare at my usual spot as I leave Jenny with Tommy by the elevators. I figure they need to be alone. She barely said anything in the car ride over. But it wasn't because of Sean. Someone had told her on the phone at first that it was Tommy, but then said it was Sean. For a split second, she thought it was him laying in the hospital.

I make my way into the waiting room with my arms full of food from the Diner. Everyone was sitting around the table. I put the food down in the center, and slide past Joey. Kevin moves his legs for me to get by and I leaned over into his ear, "You doing okay?" He shrugs. I give him a kiss on the cheek and continue on to the back of the room towards Helen. She was standing near the large window, looking into Sean's room.

I enlace my arm with her's and lean my head on her shoulder. Mrs. Donnelly, or Ma as Jenny and I both called her since we were kids, was so strong. No matter what tragedy or problem the Donnelly family was facing, she always put up a strong front. She never broke, never faltered. She was like a rock. I remember wanting to be just like her growing up and still hope to be one day. "What did the doctor's say?" I finally ask.

She shakes her head, and puts a hand on mine. "They're still running tests-- won't know for a few hours. I know my Sean's gonna be okay. His family and friends are here for him. He's strong. He'll pull through this."

I sigh deeply before opening my mouth. This was typically when I'd ask the famous question. The question she'd answered for me more times than I could count. And so, I didn't have to ask. Her hand clasped over mine tighter and she said softly, "I haven't seen him for half an hour. He's probably wandering around by himself somewhere. He wouldn't have left without making sure Sean was gonna make it. He will-- but he doesn't know that."

We both look at eachother. "I'll bring him back. I can find him."

She smiles at me softly, "I know you can, Madolyn. Go." I try to read whether or not she was alright to be left alone. "I'm okay here."

I nod, "Jenny'll be here in a minute. She's talking with Tommy."

"Where else would she be? You girls don't realize, I always knew you'd both end up with my boys." She turns to me, looking square into my tired, unsure eyes. It was like she knew what I was thinking. My doubts about Jimmy, his downward spiral-- and how he was ruining his life and there was nothing I could do about it. Not before he helped himself anyway. She continues steadily, "Sometimes people take the ones they love the most for granted. The ones they love the fiercest. He loves you like that. I've seen it in his eyes more times than I can count. And as many times as people try and convince you otherwise, no matter how many mistakes he's made or is making, that love-- that fierce love, doesn't die. Ever. Nothing will change his heart. You know how I know that, Madolyn?"

I shake my head trying to hold back tears. "No, I don't."

"Because you are his heart. He loves his brothers and he loves me, of course. But you're the glue. Do you understand what I'm saying?" she asks.

"I do. It's hard. It's so hard." I try to explain, not in detail of course. I assume she knew what he did, but I wasn't about to be the one to make the wrong assumption.

"I know it is. He'll come back. I know it. Just-- don't give up on him. I'm counting on you and Tommy. He's a good boy. He's just-- well--"

"Jimmy. He's just Jimmy."

And that was all that was said.

As I walk into the dark hallways, I feel a smile spread across my face. No one called me Madolyn but her. No one who expected a response at least.

Jimmy was nowhere. I hoped and prayed he hadn't left yet-- to do the inevidable. If he hadn't done it already. I had to talk him out of it for Helen. She couldn't sit by another one of her son's hospital beds or God forbid a death bed.

I swallow hard. The thought of that truly scared me. Nothing much scared me anymore. Except that. I walk back a few steps, and peer into an open doorway. Tommy was talking to Huey Farrell and very uncomfortably. I lean in to try and hear what they were saying, but Tommy's eyes meet mine. I back away slightly, and he gave me a look, while trying not to break eye contact with Huey.

I get the message loud and clear and continue down the hall.

I go down two more hallways before I find him. He is standing outside of an elevator waiting for it to open, with a cigarette waiting to be lit in his hand.

I walk over to him, "Hey. You're not leaving are you? The doctors haven't even said anything about Sean yet."

He shakes his head, "I'm coming back. I've got to get out of here for awhile. Fresh air. You know I hate this place."

I knew all too well. "Yeah, I know you do Jim. I'll go with you."

He put his hand on my shoulder, stopping me. "No, Mad. No."

I just look at him, trying to read his eyes. It had gotten harder to do.

Then, I saw it. He couldn't look me in the eye. I step closer to him and whisper, "Jimmy-- what did you do?"

His eyes flicker around the hall and then to me. His wild expression was full of guilt and rage. "What I had to. I'm the reason he's in that bed, Maddie. Everyone knows that."

The elevator doors open and he steps inside, pushing the down button. I block the sliding door with my arm. "Get off the elevator."

He is staring down at the floor, "No."

I block the door again and step inside. He was is coldly at me now. The doors are closing and before I know it-- another hand blocks the way. It was Tommy. "Maddie, Jimmy needs to be by himself. Come on, Jenny's looking for you. He'll be right back." Tommy glances at him, "Won't you Jimmy?"

Jimmy nods, "I said I would."

I don't move my body or my eyes, which are still on Jimmy. The door slides again and Tommy blocks it, holding out his hand to me. His eyes are pleading. "Trust me. Just this once. This is for the best."

I take a deep breath and step off the elevator. As the doors close, he didn't look back at me once.

I look to Tommy, "What's gonna happen?"

Tommy guides me by the shoulder to a corner. "Jimmy's going to rehab."