Disclaimer: “I hate you.” “I don’t hate you.” “I don’t care.”

(An: Okay, so this chapter has a little smut, but probably nothing worse than you'd see in a PG-13 movie (except for the boobs, but come on, this is freaking fanfiction). This chapter comes after the last; you'll see why. I'm actually iffy about this one; I've never attempted to write from the POV of someone who's anorexic, but I've known several with the disease. This chapter might read oddly because it’s like Azula’s inner monologue.)

Name, age, last medical emergency... pfft. They don’t even ask for my legal guardian’s signature (not that I couldn’t fake Daddy Dearest’s)... although they do ask for my work phone number. Eh, I’ll lie. I don’t think Speedymart will mind a little publicity.

Why am I seeking treatment? …Why am I seeking treatment?

Who knew this would be the hardest part of this damn form? I'm certainly not seeking it because I want it. I've been forced into inpatient treatment before (Zuzu's still got the marks from it), and I hated it. All these people telling me there's something wrong with me and making me eat. I tried to remind them that I have a job that requires me to be skinny, and I believe one of them replied that I also had to be alive. Cheeky bastards.

I wonder if "Because I want to get laid" is an acceptable answer, since, now that I think about it, it's more or less the truth. My boyfriend Haru only thinks I'm gorgeous with my clothes on. Seriously. You know what happened the first time we nearly went all the way?

O-o-O-o-O

I thought things were going fine. He showed up on time, looking clean and dashing (if you can call a man who spends more time on his hair than I do dashing, anyway). He made dinner (which immediately put him higher on the list than most of my dates), and then, well… you know how those things go. We stumbled into his bedroom (again, higher than most dates because it wasn't just his couch or the backseat of his car). His shirt had disappeared somewhere along the way, but he seemed reluctant to unclothe me.

I slammed him down on the bed and pulled my mouth away from his long enough to say, "If you're that damn bad at undoing bras, I'll do it myself." I tugged off my shirt, and this time Haru broke the kiss.

"Azula…" He was gaping at me like a dead fish.

I undid the clasp on my bra. "What's the matter with you? Haven't you ever seen boobs before?"

That snapped him out of it. He pushed me so I was sitting on my knees and met my eyes (and that sent him to the top of the list; not one man I've ever met can do that while I'm topless). He said nothing for a moment, and I was going to tell him the list thing when he said, "Azula, I thought you got help."

I crossed my arms. "It's cold in here. Are we going to have sex or not?"

Haru just looked at me, and I fumbled around for my shirt. "Azula, I'm serious. I thought you got help."

"For what?" I replied, noting with annoyance that my voice was shriller than usual. "To get help, I would need a problem, and I don't have one."

Haru stopped me before I could shrug my shirt back on and gently traced my collarbones and my top two ribs, both of which stuck out in sharp relief. I slapped his hands away. "They could only keep me in the inpatient facility against my will as long as I was endangering myself. Once I got back to a 'healthy'-" here I made a disgusted noise; couldn't anyone else see that I was fat and in danger of losing my job?- "weight, they couldn't make me stay."

"So now you're trying to drop the two or three pounds you gained there?" said Haru, his face impassive.

I scrutinized him for a moment, but I honestly couldn't tell what he was thinking, a very rare ocurrence. "Yes."

Haru looked at me steadily for a moment. He sighed and cupped my face in his hands. "You need to go back, Azula."

I stepped back, out of his reach. "The hell do you care? This is our first date."

"And I'd do the same thing if I saw you on the street! You'll kill yourself- if you don't starve, you'll jump off a bridge or something!"

I crossed my arms again. He was cute, but he was quickly getting very boring. "I'm on antidepressants now."

Haru shrugged. "So'm I, and I still get the urge to stab myself every now and then. But unlike you, I can cope with it." He leaned over and kissed me, and I cursed myself for ever wanting to date a man who could surprise me… and for still liking kissing him. "Maybe it isn't my place, but I’m not like you. I have this bad habit of caring about people."

I forgave him the insult since I'd done nothing but to him. "It's not. I'm not hurting myself anymore, and you barely know me, so why do you care?"

Haru shrugged, still holding my gaze. "Maybe because I know that, given the chance, you'll hurt yourself again."

I glared at him sullenly. "All I want is to be beautiful. Why do so many people have a problem with that?"

"You are beautiful." He reached over and buttoned up my shirt. "Just… not when you're hurting yourself."

"Hmmph."

“Don’t give me that. You know I’m right.”

O-o-O-o-O

The main reason I’m filling out this damn form is because I couldn’t disagree with him. I made some excuse and left early, mostly so he wouldn’t have a chance to make me feel guiltier. He wouldn’t let me in the house without kissing me again, though, so at least there was hope he would come to his senses.

He did, eventually- and by eventually I mean our second date. Usually, I end up making out with the guy in an alley on the first date (or possibly even the first meeting), but late is better than never. I was surprised by how innocent he was- a guy like him, you’d think he’d have been eaten alive. I got him all hot and bothered before letting him play with me so he wouldn’t pay too much attention to, say, my bone structure or the scars on my wrists. Nice guys are, well, nice and all, but they’re very tiring.

Which really makes me wonder why I haven’t gotten bored with him yet... perhaps it’s because underneath the clean-boy smell and the clean-cut attitude, he’s actually rather cynical and sarcastic. It’s amusing. It's not like I actually care about him. I just want to get him to quit nagging me so I can get laid. I could probably just find another boyfriend without the nagging morals, but... eh. I don't feel like it. I just finally finished teaching Haru how to kiss me like I want.

Don’t give me that. Attachments are for wimps.

Puh! I’ve got no better answer. Those jerks at the facility can deal with it. Besides, it says “be honest” at the top of the form, and I am... more or less.

O-o-O-o-O

Just got off the phone with Haru. I didn’t tell him about the form- I’m not stupid. He’d get all mushy on me. Besides, maybe he’ll do that thing with the tongue if I spring it on him.

(Short and stupid. I don’t know why, but writing this half was like pulling teeth. And usually Azula is really easy for me. This is uber-late because I’ve been having laptop issues as of late (got a new one, and then it needed a new hardrive... oy vey) and because FFN was being a bitch. Sorry. Review?)