|The real reason we all play Morrowind
Author: greenpie202 PM
You really should read this. Really. It is really good. Then when your done, you can tell me how bad it is. I don't really care just read it. Now. Like really. Click on the blue highlighted thing... Now! Do it Now! I give you no choice!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Humor - Words: 2,545 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 2 - Published: 03-17-07 - id: 3445717
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A Day in The Life of a Simple Human in the Far Lands of MorrowindBy: Chad Sitze
"Hello Nick. I do not know how you slept like you did. Oh, quiet, here comes the guards."
"Come with me."
Nick sprang right out in front of the guard quickly getting to the top of the ship where he would cross the gangplank and meet another guard. Suddenly Nick chose that he would like to be a human and chose a face that he found fitting. "Follow me."
Nick tried to get around the guard but it was impossible, then he tried to jump into the lake, but there seemed to be an invisible wall. He followed the guard to a house/hut and walked in.
Inside an old man looked at him and a guard stared blankly. "Why hello," said the old man. Then he asked if Nick would like to hear a series of nonsensical questions that made no sense or if he would choose who he was by himself. Nick pointed to himself.
"Fine, what is your sign?"
Nick made The Lady with his hands. "Very interesting. Are you sure that all the information is correct?"
Nick looked at the parchment and nodded. "Fine, you may leave now."
With that Nick ran to the door and opened it. He ran into the next room and stole everything on all the shelves and tables and then clutched the dagger. He felt it surge through him. He wanted to kill and kill he would. He ran outside the building and saw a barrel. Nick was a thief in the heart so he searched the barrel and found a cool looking ring and some useless crap. After putting the ring on he went inside the next house/hut.
There was a man who looked mean so Nick talked to him and gave him his papers. Nick asked a great many questions about pointless things and always got a speech in return. The man said he would need to go meet a man in Balmora. With that Nick slashed at the man with his stolen dagger. The man seemed unharmed and only said, "I will let you go this time but next time you will not be so lucky."
Nick thought the man was crazy so he did a little dance around him though the he paid him no attention what so ever. After doing the dance Nick decided to try and kill the man from the behind. No harm came to him. He seemed invincible, for now.
Nick walked outside and saw a man, who looked very uneasy, standing there that looking clueless as to what he was doing. Nick walked up to him and said hello. The man said hello and talked about some stupid stuff and then Nick had the urge to ask him about the ring. The man said it was his and that the guards picked on him because he was short, but Nick did not believe him so Nick said he didn't know where it was.
Nick then saw a sign for a shop. He walked over to it and unhinged it, and then he went inside. He traded all of his junk he had stolen and the dagger to buy a real sword and some cheap armor. The armor looked like crap but Nick was wearing nothing when he went inside so it was ok. Now that he was armored he would kill all the weak because the weak are dumb and defenseless.
Nick went to the lighthouse where is smelled of Ogre. He knew Ogre worked in places like lighthouses but he did not know that they stunk so horribly.
After getting over the stench he went into one of the houses nearby. Inside was a man/thing that Nick did not like. He circled the thing a few times as if to taunt it, then angrily he begun to slash at the thing until it died. He felt fatigued so he slept for 23 hours with the rotten beast by his side.
Upon waking up Nick took everything in the house including the cloths on the things back. He then dug a hole and put the thing in it. He went to the next house where a woman talked to him and said he was ugly.
This enraged Nick. He pulled back his sword as if to kill her but then something came across him. He could sense somehow that she was stronger; he would need something more than a sword he knew.
He went back to shop and sold all of the thing's things. The shop owner did not question why he was selling dinnerware and cloths and vegetables, just took them and in return paid for useless junk. With the money he had gotten from the sales he bought the fireball spell. He bought it and suddenly knew how to use it. He felt it and knew he could only use it so much before he ran out.
He ran back to the house with the lady and walked in without knocking because it seemed as if it might give him away. He put his hands in front of him and started shooting her with fire. He figured she would catch fire and burn but rather she obtained no burns. It took a great many fireballs to weaken her.
She struck back with a spell that only fatigued Nick, but since he had taken a 23-hour catnap he felt fine. She then pulled out a small dagger that would have killed any normal man but Nick was not normal.
Nick ran out of Magika, so he resorted to his trusty sword. Whacking her to death and then feeling fatigued fell asleep for 15 hours. When he awoke he stripped her and took all her belongings before burring her in her own home.
Nick needed more money and his need for more killing grew even more. The next hut was locked. So after selling all of his junk again he bought a shield, a lock pick and a potion/drug that gave him life back.
He walked to the last hut and tried to unlock it with the lock pick. He was unsuccessful 10 times and then it broke. He angrily slashed at a bystander who screamed like a sissy until a guard came. Nick had to pay 20 coins to get out of it. He felt like hitting the man again just to hear him scream.
Now that Nick had the drugs to stay alive he felt he was powerful enough to take on the women what was in her house across the river, but to insure that he was ready he decided to take a walk down a path towards Balmora. He was walking along when all of a sudden a rat appeared.
Nick just looked at it as if it was nothing at all but then it reared back and attacked. Nick was surprised but managed to bring his sword out and start attacking. He had figured that one blow would easily kill a rat but it took him a great many and a good portion of his life.
After casting the fireball attack a few times it died and Nick took the rat meat to eat later and buried the rat because he was slightly crazy. He then proceeded to continue his walk until all of a sudden…
THUMP! A man had fallen from the sky on to a tablet on the ground. Nick did not take much notice to the fact that was nearly impossible and took the man's things and scrolls. After Nick had buried the man he walked back to the village and sold all the useless things, though he kept the cloak because it was cool.
With the money he bought another potion and headed off towards the women's house. Once there he did as he always did, barge in, and started talking to the women. It was not long until he was enraged. He tried burning her things with fireball but it all but failed.
He decided that the only way to make her suffer for talking to him was to break into song. He began by singing that he was White N' Nerdy. He than began to sing that it was Peanut Butter Jelly Time.
The women became enraged and started attacking him. Nick fought back with a great many attacks. The woman was very strong but Nick knew that if he tried he could win.
After about 10 minutes of painful fire and sword slashing the woman seemed to be fine, though Nick was very much hurt so he simply froze time to dig out his "drugs" and drank them. When he magically unfroze time, he was fully healed.
He had ran out of the Magika and began running forward and slashing the sword and running back. This tactic worked and after awhile the woman died. He looked at her a let his head fall back as he laughed an evil laugh of hate, pure hate.
He once again stole everything, took everything on her, and then buried her. Once outside he went to one of the huts he had disposed of earlier and took a long 48-hour slumber. Then he decided he would sell all the junk and buy a healing spell and a mortal and pestle to make drugs with.
He decided that he was sick of this town and wanted to go to the man he was supposed to find in order to continue his quest. He had no idea where Balmora was so he walked up to a man with a giant bug and asked. The man said he could take him to Balmora for a price of 11 coins. Nick handed over the coins reluctantly but he knew how he would get them back, later.
It took 3 months to go around 100 miles, but the bug was really slow. Over the time Nick got to know the man. His name was Kajaqueligirma. Nick called him bug dude. Nick had asked bug dude how 11 coins was worth the time it took to go somewhere, but he just sat there looking forward as if he knew what he was doing.
More than once on the trip Nick had threatened to kill the man and the man had simply said it would not be right to kill him. But, when Balmora was in sight Nick killed the man and took all his coins and stuff. He buried him within the bug. The bug screamed with pain but continued onward.
Once in Balmora a guard asked why there were no passengers and Nick pointed at a man on the streets who looked like a cat and ran. The guard didn't seem to care and just started to pace around.
Nick went into the Mage's Guild and asked if they would make a spell for free. They told they would if he retrieved a box for them. He ripped a piece of paper out of a book and made a box. They didn't seem to see much difference.
He made them make a spell that used little Magika but was really powerful. It caused a fireball to explode that was 100 meters in diameter and within the fire dome it was a lighting storm that came from Hell itself the mages had said.
Nick went outside and went to the Fighter's Guild. They wanted him to go kill this Gnome up in a mountain, so he went to the stables and made a Gnome looking thing and severed it's head. They gave him a sword called, Death Sword.
He took the sword and killed the man he was to report to after talking with him. He said he must go to a really tall mountain and there would be a women with red eyes and yellow skin he must kill. He also said he would have to do a bunch of junk Nick did not fell like doing.
So Nick killed him and then took all his stuff and sold it. He now had enough money to buy some cheap armor but he wanted cool stuff. So, he killed the shop owner and sold everything to another shop owner and then he bought some really cool gold armor.
He felt ready to go kill this woman though he felt so angry towards the first town he came to; he wanted to destroy it with his newfound power. He decided that before he would kill the woman in the mountain he would destroy the town that he had left.
He hopped onto the bug and flew it back to the town. It took him only 2 weeks because he shot fireballs the size of 20 bugs behind the one he rode and it sped it up drastically.
Once back he landed on the lighthouse and began firing balls on fire filled with Hellish lightning. The town ran and was completely under chaos. Once everyone died he took everything and went back to Balmora.
Everything he held weighed a ton so he sat it on the ground in a really high stack. He then went down a path to a place where they held the prisoners. He shot small balls of fire at them until they died. He then took their rags so he could sell them and buried them.
He now felt ready to walk to the mountain where the lady awaited him. He felt sure of himself that he would be able to kill her. On his way, he decided, he would think about nothing but Black Magic, spoons, and the number 7.
He walked on a path that said 'really tall mountain, this way'. Along his way he collected anything that looked like he could pick it up. He made a whole bunch of drugs with them and then he finally came face to face with the mountain.
He walked up the cliff and at the top was a hole. He jumped in and fell for some time before hitting the ground softly. He felt as if he only weighed 20 lbs. He stood up and saw a 9ft female, yellow skin, and eyes of red. She looked at him and rambled off some weird stuff about how he was chosen and junk.
He pulled out his sword and suddenly saw that she was too strong for him alone. He called upon the ones he had killed to help him, the thing, the man in the hut, the rat, the woman, the man who told him what to do, and the slave dude who he had stolen rags from.
He took all their power and consumed it, channeling it into his sword. Then he drank all his drugs and channeled that into his sword as well, then finally the fireball of Hell was added and his sword glowed like the sun.
He took one strike at the woman and nothing happened. She was far too strong. She hit him across the head and he flew into a pillar of stone. There he laid until he died.