Chapter 31: Without a Good-bye

Even Netto had doubts now; Rockman could feel it through the link. Rockman could hardly blame him with the way the nurses now looked at him. It was a sort of sad pity, the same look Rockman suspected nurses gave when they wanted to let the patient think everything was alright even though they did not expect the person to live—a sort of false encouragement. Sometimes, Rockman just wanted to punch that look of their faces when he felt Netto's lack of surety because of that pity smile. Of course, he never could because of the human-cyber barrier, not to mention all the ethical complications that would result in him hitting a healthcare provider. But it did not reduce the urge.

Then came the mysterious conversations between Netto and their father. The conversation occurred daily now, and Rockman never knew if the two would talk a few minutes or hours; it always varied. The whole affair unsettled Rockman a great deal: never before could Rockman recall when he was purposely left out, especially by the two involved. More alarming was the fact that every time the two talked privately, Rockman could feel Netto's troubled feelings reach a new height. Even after the conversation ended, Netto was clearly struggling with something. It did not take the link to know that something was seriously bothering him—Netto had become seriously quiet and reflective since the talks had begun. Even Botan, Enzan, and the others noticed, but Netto always denied it and said it must be because he was tired. Rockman knew he was lying and he felt hurt that Netto could not share whatever he was struggling so much with with him. Netto apologized each time, but he always immediately went back into his troubled and reflective mood.

Despite Netto's secretiveness, however, it did not take much for Rockman to guess what the base nature of the conversations was about. However, Rockman hated to think about it. He hated the fact that Netto was now accepting the fact that he might die. Even despite the fact that Netto was a natural fighter. Even despite that Ueda's new surgery was at a completion. Even despite that his friends needed him. Even despite that he needed him.

As Netto had nightmares at night, Rockman cried.

And yet, he still did not accept what Netto had: that Netto might not make it through this, that Netto's time was finally up. It simply was not something Rockman could think about, much less accept. After all, what was there besides Netto-kun? Life simply was not without him.

It was only a matter of a few days that Netto struggled and Rockman felt hopelessly alone—both hearts crying out for some sort of hope—but it seemed like eternity. Then, almost without warning, as Netto was struggling the most with whatever decision he had to make, a sudden peace filled Rockman, a pure feeling of hope and energy. It took Rockman a moment to figure out where such a feeling came from, but then he knew:

Netto had finally made a decision.

"Netto-san?"

Netto opened up one eye and looked at his younger roommate.

"Yeah, Botan?" he asked groggily.

"Were you asleep?" Botan asked, slightly embarrassed that he may have awaken his friend.

"No, not really," Netto said, both eyes now open and fixed on Botan. "But I'm not really up for an UNO game."

"That's not what I wanted," Botan said, his eyes cast down.

The way Botan looked and sounded told Netto something was up, and Netto prepared himself for a serious conversation. "What's up, Botan? What's wrong?"

"I'm scared," Botan put simply after a pause. "About the surgery. I don't think I can do it."

"Oh sure you can," Netto encouraged. "Ueda-sensei's an able doctor and he's put a lot of work into this."

"I know," Botan said. "But I can't help feeling scared."

Netto smiled kindly at him. "I can understand that. Surgery is scary. But you won't be doing it alone."

Botan looked up. "How do you find courage when you do scary things, Netto-san?"

Netto frowned slightly. "That's…a good question." Netto paused as he reflected on it. "I guess…I think of all those people who are counting on me, who are rooting for me to win. Sometimes I literally hear people rooting for me—Meiru-chan most the time—but when I can't hear them, I pretend I can because I know somewhere, people are cheering for me. Knowing people want me to succeed, I feel stronger. Their strength is my strength," Netto said. He then looked at Rockman. "Then there's the fact I have Rockman."

Botan smiled but did not seem too appeased.

Netto sighed. "Okay, let's try this: name all the people who are cheering for you. Name all the people who love you and want you to live."

Botan looked up at Netto. "Well, I guess there is Tou-san, Kaa-san, Nii-san," Botan said.

"Who else?"

"Um, my friends at school…"

"And…?"

"Uh, maybe Ueda-isha and the nurses…" Botan added.

"Oh most certainly," Netto said, smiling. "Now name at least two more I know you're forgetting."

Botan thought for awhile. "My grandparents?"

"Well, that too, but I'm thinking of two specific people," Netto said. Botan just looked at him, confused. Netto smiled. "It's me and Rock, Botan," he said.

Botan smiled sheepishly. "Right."

"See, you have a lot of people rooting for you," Netto said. Botan nodded. The three then sat there in a quiet reflection for a moment, silently letting Botan take in his new found strength. But both Netto and Botan needed one more thing:

"Botan? Can you make a promise?"

It had happened before anyone could realize it had happened. Normally, things like this gave some sort of signal that they were about to happen, but this attack occurred without warning. Before he was even aware what he was doing, Rockman had awoken and called for the nurses and doctors to help Netto, who, by the time they had arrived, was oblivious to everything going on around him, including Rockman calling to him through their link. Rockman knew that Netto was too far removed to even begin to attempt full-syncro, much less accomplish it. All that the blue navi could do was stay out of the way as Netto was whisked away for emergency surgery.

Then all was quiet. Everything had happened so quickly that what was truly happening took a moment to sink in. As the nurses whispered to quiet the scared Botan, the gravity of the situation finally hit the blue warrior. You might as well as dropped a million quake viruses on him and it would not have hurt the blue battler as much.

"It'll be okay, Rockman-san." Rockman looked up to see a nurse looking down at him with a concerned smile. "They'll take good care of Netto-san." Rockman nodded weakly. "We also called his parents," the nurse said. "They'll be here any moment."

Again, Rockman nodded, but he was in such a daze that he was not quite sure to exactly what he had nodded too. The rest of the night was spent in a similar fashion. He did not notice when the nurse took him from Netto's room to outside the surgery room where the Hikari's were waiting, anxious for word on the fate of their son. Nor did his mind register when Enzan joined the small waiting party, even though it was the dead of night and way past visitor hours. He was not even aware that Blues had entered his PET and tried to comfort him by placing a firm, reassuring hand on his shoulder. The world around the blue navi was simply a dark void, and somewhere out there, Netto-kun was fighting for his life…alone.

Rockman focused with everything he had on Netto's unresponsive side of the link; as long as he could feel something—anything—then everything would be all right. Rockman could give his brother silent strength and Rockman could have the reassurance that Netto was still there.

But then it was all gone.

Rockman suddenly stiffened and his eyes went wide.

The movement alarmed Blues. "Rockman, what's wrong?"

"I…I can't feel him…" Rockman choked on a stunned whispered.

"What?" Blues asked.

"I can't feel him!" Rockman cried, this time loudly. He began to search desperately in his mind to somehow find the suddenly missing link from Netto.

The cry alerted Yuuichiro. "Rockman calm down! What's wrong!" the scientist and worried father asked.

"I can't feel Netto-kun! He's gone! I can't feel him!" Rockman cried frantically, still searching through his mind for the link—for his brother.

"I'm sure the worry is just getting to you. I'm sure Netto-san is fine," Blues tried to reassure, even though he was completely at a loss for what his comrade meant by not feeling his net-op.

Rockman shook his head, his hands clinging to his helmet as if he could somehow grab the lost link. "No, no," he repeated over. "I can always feel Netto-kun. Always! And he's…I can't feel him!"

"Rockman!" Blues cried out, totally unprepared to handle a situation like this. But despite his best efforts, Rockman just continued to shake his head frantically from side to side, crying, "I can't feel him! Where is he? Netto-kun…I can't feel him!"

With Rockman's fit, it took a moment for anyone to realize Ueda had come out from the surgery room. He looked tired, worn out, and discouraged.

"I'm so sorry," he said once he had the Hikari's attention, his voice sounding as if it might break any moment. "With all my heart, I wish I did not have to tell you this…again… but…your son is gone."

Blues barely caught Rockman as he collapsed, still whispering that awful phrase, "I can't feel him. He's gone. I can't feel him. He's gone."