Author: Meet Me Halfway PM
[Sometimes you get what your whole life dreamt of...but with snags you never asked for...] BB BoothDaughterCentricRated: Fiction T - English - Drama/Angst - Words: 3,683 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Published: 03-29-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3465364
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A cute slighty angsty oneshot. Don't worry...nothing bad happens. Honest.
Title: Daddy Sings
Summary: Sometimes you get what your whole life dreamt of...but with snags you never asked for.
Characters: Temperance "Bones" Brennan, Seeley Booth, Seleina Kateliyn Booth, and Dr. Wyatt
Pairings: Bones/Booth and Booth/Selei father-daughter relationship.
Notes: Seli is pronounced like Seeley
She's up again crying for what seems like the hundredth time that night. But in all acutality, it's been the fifth time. It's still too many times in one night, though.
Special Agent Seeley Booth wondered how his fiance, Doctor Temperance Brennan, could sleep through all those five times their baby daughter, Seleina Kateliyn, woke up. He couldn't. But maybe that was because everytime she cried, he jumped up instantly. Thinking that something could be wrong with his girl. Yes, that was it. He knew it.
Booth buried his head under his pillow, trying to force that feeling down. Fighting the urge to run right into her room, assuming the worst. Nothing was wrong. She was just overtired. She would eventually go back to sleep on her own.
Brennan opened her eyes slowly and looked over to her right. Booth was still lying there...which was weird because normally he would jump right out of bed to get Seleina. She gently probed his side.
Booth grunted and waved his hand at her. She then took the pillow off his head. "Aoh, Bones, come on!" He reached for her arm and the pillow.
"Usually you're up and all over Seleina. Now you're not all of a sudden, what's going on?"
Booth sighed and laid flat on his back, rubbing an eye. "She'll be fine. I learned. It's nothing but--"
"Go get her," Brennan said. "We both know you really want to."
Booth looked sideways at her. "Really. I'm fine with it now."
Brennan sighed and laid back down. "Okay. If you're really sure."
A moment went by. Booth closed his eyes and tried to ignore his daughter's crying that was blaring through the baby monitor by his ear on the nightstand. He tossed and turned a few time. Then, at the break of two-thirty, he grabbed his black muscle shirt from the floor beside his side of the bed and threw the covers off him.
Brennan smirked when he left the room.
Booth ran a hand through his hair when he walked into his daughter's room and turned on the lamp that was by her bed. He yawned widely, then went over to her.
"Alrighty, Seli. Shush," he picked Seli up and laid her in his arms. "Hush, hush, Daddy's right here."
Seli grasped Booth' shirt, but her crying didn't quiet or stop.
"Oh my," Booth grinned at her, "somebody's in a fuss this hour." He fished around in the top drawer of her changing table and grabbed what he called a "sucker" and what Brennan referred to as a "binkie". He shut the drawer shut with his hip and tried to get his baby's attention.
"Hey, Seliii, Sel, here," he tried to pop the sucker in her mouth, but Seli Booth was refusing on all accounts. "Just like your mother," Booth muttered, giving up on the sucker.
Seli cried harder and grabbed Booth's index finger. It's then that the agent decided to go into the living room and sit in his favorite chair with her. His mind was running and racing back to the most recent dream he'd had about her.
It was just so vivid. So clear. Only he knew about it. He hadn't even told Brennan.
"Shhh," Booth rocked Seli gently and tried to dispose his mind of the dream. "Seeeeeellii." He snapped his fingers with his free hand above her head and she stopped slowly, looking curiously up at her daddy.
Booth grinned his most adoring grin at her. "Hey. That's my girl, it's gonna be alright," he kissed her hand. "If you could talk, I'm sure you'd tell me all about it, huh?"
Seli sniffed and her bright brown eyes that so much resembled his were still water-logged.
"Aw," Booth dried her cheeks with his thumb. "Did you have a rough night, too? You and Daddy both, huh? We make a good pair." He smiled somewhat, the images of his dream flashing through his mind.
Seli gripped Booth's finger and looked as if she was about to cry again. Booth smiled. "Awh, no, Baby. No more crying, here me, Little Soldier?" He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes, allowing his dream images to run through his mind. He could see and hear every little detail. It was one of the many reasons why he woke up and jumped up everytime she cried or fussed.
One of the many reasons sleep was hardly in effect for the agent.
Seli started to whimper and squirm and Booth opened his eyes slowly, a single tear running down his face. "Hey, hey," he swallowed hard. "It's okay. It's okay."
Starting up with her crying again, Seli flung her hand with his finger still in his hand. Booth stood up and paced around the living room, gently bouncing her, his tears coming in small amounts, but still coming.
"Seli, what's wrong?" Booth rocked his daughter gently. "It can't be that bad, it can't." He swallowed hard and closed his eyes again, then opened them back up, humming.
Seli slowed her cries.
Booth found the will to smile and hummed a little louder, but gently. Seli instantly became intrigued and interested, calming down almost instantly. Humming louder still, Booth began to pace again and Seli started to lay in the comfort and strength of her daddy's arms with sheer content. Smiling, Booth stopped his humming and sang instead.
"Hello...I am your mind giving you someone to talk to. Hello," he swallowed hard, then sat numbly back in the chair and tried to shake off the shakiness in the tone of his voice as he continued, watching Seli's eyes close in content sleep. "Hello, I'm still here...all that's left of yesterday..."
Yet before he knew it, Special Agent Seeley Booth was broken in tears, sobbing as if nothing in the world at all could relieve him of what he knew wasn't real, but could very well be.
Temperance Brennan walked back into the bedroom and sat on Booth's side of the bed. She gently shook his shoulder and he groaned. "Booth."
"What? I'm sleeping."
"I just wanted to know when you would be getting up."
Booth threw his pillow over his head. "Not for a long time. Seli kept me up."
Brennan sighed. She knew he was lying. But should she let him know that? Sure she would. She was honest. Always. Well, sometimes. "Booth..."
"Don't lie to me, please."
Booth pulled the pillow off his head and looked up at her. "What are you talking about, Bones?"
"I know what you did last night. Don't think for a second I couldn't hear you sobbing. Seli was well into sleep mode by the time I heard you come in," Brennan cocked her head to one side. "All those dreams you've had. When you toss and turn and kick me..."
Booth sighed and laid his head back down. "Bones, it's nothing."
"I don't believe that."
"It's the truth."
"Are you mocking me?" Brennan got up and knealt in front of him. "Booth, what's going on? What are you not telling me?"
"Nothing, Bones, okay?"
Brennan made him look at her. "Maybe you should talk to Dr. Wyatt if you won't talk to me. That is what he's there for, you know."
Booth sighed and swallowed, keeping his tears down. "No. I don't need to talk to anybody, Bones. I'm fine."
"I don't believe that, Booth!" Brennan felt the frustration rise. "I don't. You're full of it. I know what you've been doing, but what I don't know is what's wrong. Because you won't tell me."
"Because there's nothing to tell," Booth stroked her cheek. "There's nothing to tell."
Brennan shook her head. "You need to talk to him. If it's serious enough--"
"But if it is--"
"Do you think I'm a good agent?"
Brennan blinked. "What--what are you talking about, Booth? Of course I do. Why are you asking me?"
Booth shrugged. "No reason."
"Oh, no, come on. There's a reason if you asked," Brennan shook her head. "Logically, you wouldn't have asked if there wasn't a reason, by which if there was a specific--"
"Bones," Booth put a finger on her lips. "Shush. No Squint talk right now, okay?" He got up and wandered over to his dresser, pulling out a navy blue T-shirt and grabbing a pair of jeans that were slung over a nearby chair.
Brennan watched, arms crossed. "Booth, did somebody say something about you not being a good agent?"
"No," Booth pulled on his shirt.
"Then why did you--"
"Maybe I just thought of it, Bones, okay? Myabe just for one second in my life, I evaluated where I was going in life and what I was doing with my life," Booth tossed his hands to his sides, facing Brennan now. "Maybe--maybe I want to leave and not--not be an agent anymore if it means putting people I love in danger."
Brennan gave him her look. "Booth, what's not important is how you live life, but why you live it. What means most to you and what you want out of your life. Where your standpoints are."
"Maybe so. But if it means putting Seli, Parker, and you in danger, then maybe I don't want to be an FBI agent anymore," Booth swallowed. "Maybe--maybe I don't want this."
Brennan stepped up to the agent. "I don't believe that. I really don't believe you want to quit your job when you're at the top. And I don't think Cullen would appreciate it."
"But what if--"
"Nothing bad will happen. Nothing bad can happen," Brennan put a hand on his chest. "Nothing, Booth. Nothing can or will. Seli is fine, I am fine. Whatever's causing these dreams, you need to tell."
Booth sighed deeply and heavily. Like a weight was planted on his lungs. "I--it's complicated, Bones."
"Then say something. Then talk. Then do something. But we both know what you stand for and what you live for. Your job," she stared at him with her bright blue eyes. Almost as if she was looking right through him. "Go talk to Wyatt, Seeley."
Booth closed his eyes and nodded. "Fine. But if I need you anytime during the discussion, expect a call."
His eyes wandered, but it wasn't long before he heard the familiar British accent.
"Agent Booth," Wyatt waved him over and Booth took a staggering breath, walking over to the booth where Dr. Wyatt sat.
Booth made a geniune smile. "Hey," he slid into the booth on the opposite side of the therapist and stripped his coat off. "Sorry, the roads were terrible." He shook his head and folded his hands on the table.
"Quite so. Can I get you anything?"
"Nah, I'm good," Booth shook his head and took a breath.
"I'm surprised actually, Agent Booth. Under normal circumstances, you try to avoid meeting with me rather than actually calling and begging literally for a meeting," Wyatt smiled, "you have my interest sparked, Agent Booth."
Booth sighed and looked out the window briefly. "Yeah...there's been..things...going on."
"What kinds of things?"
Wyatt nodded and took a sip of his coffee. "I understand now that you and Dr. Brennan are engaged."
Booth nodded and smiled. "Yes we are. Getting married in four months."
"That's good news," Wyatt shared the smile, "and I understand you have a daughter?"
"Yeah," Booth nodded. "Seleina. We call her Seli." He smiled and put his head down for a moment.
"And it is with Seleina that the problems are rising, Agent Booth?"
Booth sighed deeply again and looked down. "Kind of."
Wyatt didn't press on. He liked to make Booth think. Like him to look at himself and decide for himself what he wanted to do. So, silence passed before the agent looked up.
"I'm...I'm having nightmares."
"Is Dr. Brennan aware of these particular nightmares?"
Booth shook his head.
"Aha...I see. Go on."
"They..." he looked up and bit his thumb, "they're so real. So vivid. Like it actually happened. I can literally feel the pain physically and hear everything that goes on around me, whether it be near or far off." He paused. "I--they've made me question myself."
Wyatt nodded, taking in every bit of information. "Yes, and what are these questions exactly?"
"Whether or not I'm good at what I do."
"Being an agent."
Wyatt nodded. "And you've based the rest of your life around this fact based on the assumption that your dreams may become a reality." It was more of a statement than a question and it made Booth think. "Agent Booth, I want to take a deeper look into these dreams, if you will."
Booth let his eyes wander. He knew that this would happen. Knew that Wyatt would want to evaluate the dreams. But Booth didn't want to recollect them. "Do I have to?"
"I find that it's best when and if you talk about what fears grip you, you yourself will find that those fears in which you hang onto the most will disappear."
Booth sighed. "I was afraid of that." He leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. "Fine. I'm driving. In my SUV and it's night...raining. Raining hard. I don't even know why I'm out, but I am. And my daughter's in the backseat. She's in her carseat and it's just me and her. Bones isn't there. And I don't know why." He paused. "The rain's coming down harder," Booth talked with his hands now, "and I'm trying to pick my way around the road. Seli starts crying..." His mind's eye flashed back to the dream vividly now. "She's crying and I'm--I'm trying to quiet her down. Trying to console her. Telling her everything's going to be fine and that we're going to see Mommy. She doens't stop." He paused and made a motion like he was actually doing what he spoke of next. "So I reach behind me to hand her her blanket and the next thing I know, I lost all control. The car starts spinning out of control and the next thing I know, we've crashed."
Tears started forming in his eyes by now and Wyatt listened with severe intesity. "I--I feel the pain. Blood's ran down my face and I'm sore all over. I'm sure something's been broken, but the only thing in my mind is my daughter." He paused and put his hand over his mouth. "I--I look behind me and Seli's--immovable. She's not even breathing. She's dead. And I just can't help but to think it was my fault. Then the next thing I know, I'm passed out."
Silence fell thickly and Booth took a shuddery breath. "And that's just the first. Other times, somebody's kidnapped her. Other times, somebody's killed her. Some nights, I can't even sleep."
"I can tell the amount of provoked sleep from the circles under your eyes," Wyatt pointed out, then grew serious, "Agent Booth, have you ever had dreams like this before?"
"No, not since Bones had Seli," Booth shook his head.
"Yes...and how often do these dreams occur?"
Booth shrugged. "Well it depends. Recently the've been twice a night each week. Sometimes it's more. Other times, I can go a week or more without a dream."
Wyatt nodded. "From what I can gather based on your telling of the dreams is that you're afraid. You're holding onto your daughter like a security blanket. You're scared something will happen to her. Something so bad that you can't stop it." He paused. "And that's where the doubts of your career sink in. You're afriad that because of your job, your family is easily more supceptible to what most others aren't. Especially with Dr. Brennan's anthropology career and your job in helping her."
Booth sighed and bit his finger. It sounded so true...so right. So what he felt.
"You need to let go of those feelings, Agent Booth. You needn't be so afraid of what you've accomplished and where you can run in your life." Wyatt smiled. "You have great things in store for you. You have a daughter, you're getting married and all you can focus on is your fears."
"But if fears are a part of life, then why shouldn't I focus on them?"
"I'm not saying don't, Agent Booth, what I am saying is that shouldn't be the only thing you have your eyes set on. You have so much more to live for than your fears and these silly little dreams that if you do rely on them so will happen," he looked Booth straight in the eyes. "You need to let go of the things you fear in order to move forward in your relationships."
Booth put his head to the side. "So what you're saying is that I'm relying too much on stupid stuff?"
"Basically. But understand that dreams will always be dreams whether your want them or not. You just have to learn how to change them."
"How do I do that?"
Wyatt grinned. "That's something I cannot tell you how to do. But I can tell you that it is posisble.
You just need to find the right key."
Seli was contentedly sleeping in between Booth and Brennan in their bed, but nestled so very closely and comfortably in Booth's arms, yet holding tightly onto Brennan's thumb.
Booth opened his eyes slowly and let them wander down to his baby. The talk that he had with Dr. Wyatt had paid off for all it was worth to him. He talked to Brennan shortly after and since Seli had woke up around ten, not a single dream had passed by him without a change to it. Not a dream entered his mind without hesitation to which he would make some sort of transition to it.
And not a dream went by without it turning out to be something good.
Maybe Wyatt was right. Heck, he probably was right since he was ninety-nine percent of the time. Maybe he did rely too much on fears. Maybe his life had so much more to live for than the fears of his and Brennan's job and his daughter.
Maybe he was stupid.
Seli stirred and Booth gently stroked her cheek, humming. For as long as his baby girl needed him, he would be there for her. For as long as she fussed, he would sing to her.
And for as long and Booth needed to talk to someone, it would be the two most important people in his life. Who both just happened to be doctors.