A New Form

A young Druid happens upon a secret shapeshift form

A Collaboration by Wisdom Windu and The Old Sock

Johnny Druid was a young, upstanding Night Elf teetotaler. His friends all admired his temperance and faith in Cenarius. Whenever Johnny and his friends went to a Druid celebration, Johnny Druid would gather his friends around him and warn them about the effects of Moonglade Juice, a powerful intoxicant. Many Druids had already been corrupted by drink, including those in the Wailing Caverns. His grandma, Doris Druid, was among them. Johnny would never forget how she had baked for him brownies laced with the same addictive Moonglade Juice that he hated. He had never forgiven her for that, and never opened her packages.

One day, Johnny did not tell his usual story to his friends. At the Druid Festival, Johnny indulged in drink and never warned his friends about Moonglade Juice. His friends, deeply worried, investigated Johnny's Druid shack and found empty packages from his grandmother inside. Concerned, Johnny Druid's friends rushed back to the celebration and found Johnny speaking to the Druid trainer there. To their horror, Johnny was drunk on Moonglade Juice.

Herbalist Harry approached his friend Johnny Druid, who was speaking to the Druid trainer, and overheard Johnny's embarrassing tirade.

"I want Aquatic Bear form!" Johnny screamed. "I wanna be a bear that swims!"

"Johnny!" Harry said. "You have to come back to your Druid shack and sober up."

Johnny pushed Harry away and screeched, "Wanna be a Swimjun!"

Everyone was taken aback. Harry searched Johnny's urgent expression for a sign of intelligence. "What the Furbolg scat is a Swimjun?"

Johnny's eyes bugged out in disbelief. "You ain't never heard of a Swimjun? Well, where to start, teachin' all y'all chowderheads! Do you know an Injun?"

"Wot? Like a Cherokee?" said Herbalist Harry.

"Shoot, yeah, like a Cherokee," said Johnny. "Or a Seminole or a Cree."

"Sure, Johnny," said Harry, humoring his friend.

"I wanna be one. A swimmin' injun. Swimjun! They're all bears, right?"

Herbalist Harry thought this line of conversation was pointless and an embarrassment for Johnny. "He's just had a little too much to drink, everybody," he said to no one in particular. Then he grabbed Johnny by the arm indelicately and said, "You need to go to your Druid shack and wind down. How about some coffee?"

"Can you see me?" said Johnny, locking arms with Harry forcefully. "Can you see my hunger?"

"Johnny, you're hurting me."

Johnny got an ursine look in his eye. "I'm hungry to be a bear. Wanna snap into a Swimjun."

Harry pulled back suddenly as something flicked near his stomach. Johnny Druid had whipped out a sinister switchblade and begun slashing wildly. "Need-uh Moonglade Juice! Must get back to the nebulizer!"

Herbalist Harry, Sammy Skinner, and Gracie Gunsmith, the closest of Johnny Druids friends surrounded the out of control drunk. He backed away from them, holding up his hands, his eyes darting from one to the other. The three friends forced him back until the only place left for him to go was the Druid port-o-potty. With the speed of a leaping lizard, Sammy Skinner shoved Johnny backwards into the steel compartment and slammed shut the door. Johnny's shouts were muted inside the box and grew increasingly violent and explicit. As they all had to use all their strength to hold the door shut, someone called for a lock and chain. Hearing this Johnny became apoplectic and screamed that he would turn into a bear and maul them.

From inside the box came a whoomp that sent the people closest to the port-o-potty tumbling backwards. Collecting themselves, they realized that there was now a horrible silence filling the air. They stared at the port-o-potty and saw blood dripping from its cracks. Herbalist Harry cautiously opened the door. What he saw caused him to jump back with a cry and to fling the door wide open so that no one was spared from the horrible sight within.

First they saw that the entire steel box was filled to maximum capacity with a mass of a brown-furred creature. Its face became apparent when they realized its snout had been forced back into its head. One of its eyes hung from the socket. The creature's bones had cracked when it had grown too large for the port-o-potty and they could now be seen jutting out of its skin.

Everyone wept in dismay. Harry Herbalist cried for his dead friend, then cursed the woman who had brought this disgusting disease upon Johnny Druid, Johnny's own grandmother.

Harry Herbalist stood over the freshly dug burial site with the entire village. At the bottom of the hole was Johnny Druid, still in bear form. No one had been able to remove him from the steel Druid port-o-potty, so they had used the port-o-potty as a coffin. Looking at all the faces of Johnny's friends, Harry felt the love that Johnny had cultivated in every one of them and he was glad to know Johnny had not died in vain. Then he noticed an outsider. The old woman had a familiar look about her. Harry was sure it was Johnny's grandmother, Doris Druid. He kept his anger in check until the funeral proceedings were finished. Once everyone started to disperse, Harry ran to the old woman and confronted her.

"This is all your fault!" Harry shouted. "You're the one who did this to him."

"My boy, what are you saying?"

"You sent Johnny food filled with that horrible Moonglade Juice and it destroyed him."

"What are you talking about? I sent him food, but it certainly didn't have any Juice in it."

"Then how could he have gotten so drunk and turned into a bear?"

"Wait a minute." She started to dig inside her satchel, then pulled out a polaroid and showed it to Harry. "This is a picture of Johnny as an Aquatic Bear. He sent it to me two months ago with a letter asking for some bear food. You see, he already knew how to be an Aquatic Bear. The food I sent didn't have any Moonglade Juice, but the Juice is actually very important for Johnny--was important for Johnny..."

"Oh my God..." Herbalist Harry looked back at the hole Johnny Druid was being buried in. It was huge, yet not half as large as the hole in his heart.

"Johnny discovered Aquatic Bear form on his own, but he couldn't master it. He was sure the Druid trainers could help him do so, but he alone in your sect knew the secret. He was also an Indian, by the way. Anyways, I knew the secret, and I knew that bear food could not dispel the madness that the powerful magic had wrought upon his enfeebled brain. I sent the bear food, as he asked, but I also begged him to drink the local Moonglade Juice. It is known in our sect that fresh Moonglade Juice cures Aquatic Bear madness."

Herbalist Harry wept openly. "THEN IT IS OUR FAULT! LET US ALL DRINK FOR JOHNNY!"

Doris Druid smiled knowingly, and in her infinite wisdom, she walked away with her cane. Later, Johnny appeared as a ghost, and she swears he winked at her.

The End.